Twisted Tragedies
by inallfascination
Summary: Lily Evans in her last year transferring to Hogwarts from Drumstrang. She meets the Marauders and new friends. What happens when her haunting secrets are discovered? L
1. The Beginning

_**Twisted Tragedies**_

_By: Inallfascination_

**Chapter1- The Beginning**

So here I am again, on my way to a different school. I really should be used to it by now. This will be my sixth year of schooling, and my last. Normally, it takes a witch or wizard seven years of school to become fully trained. Fortunately for me, I'm going to go straight into my seventh year, skipping my sixth year completely. Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm a witch! A bit surprised? Well, I was too at first.

I've been at Drumstrang for the past three years. My first two years of schooling were at a French place called Beauxbatons. There is a big difference in these schools that I have formally mentioned. Beauxbatons was very influential with a type of magic known as Charms magic. In case you are wondering, yes, there are different types of magic. But no, it isn't like magic shows because we don't pull rabbit's out of hats or anything absurd like that; we transfigure them from anything we want. Rocks, feathers, chairs...etc. Anyways, Charms is a good subject in my opinion, most likely because it's my favorite. So Beauxbatons is really big in Charms magic, but Drumstrang was completely the opposite. I hated that place.

Why did I ever switch schools in the first place? Well it was family reasons. It wasn't easy switching schools either. Not only did I have to leave all of my friends behind, I had to learn a completely new language! Drumstrang was a German institute. Now, don't get me wrong, because I loved learning the language. The problem is that I would accidentally speak French and German in the same sentence without realizing it until someone would point out how annoying it was. Oops.

Drumstrang was such a terrible place though, it practically bred dark magic. Dark magic is originally a trait by pureblooded witches and wizards. Pureblooded meaning that families who were all magical for many or all generations. I was the only magical one in my family. So I can guess what you're thinking, that I would have had to have been crazy to go to a school that sets the standard of their students on their blood and not their ability.

Just so you know it wasn't my decision to go to Drumstrang. Luckily, when I went there I was old enough to recognize dark magic for what it was and know that I didn't want anything to do with it. The whole lot of them at Drumstrang will turn bad in my opinion. So I kept to my studies. That's why I'll finish a year early.

Currently, I'm sitting by myself in a compartment of a train that's destination is Hogwarts. This school is English, located in England or somewhere right outside of it. I was born in England. My father is the Duke of Edinburgh.

So why have I been to so many different schools that are located in extremely different places? Well my father says he likes to 'see the world' and I should be grateful for the opportunity. I'll tell you the real reason though. It's all about my parents politics. More about that issue later.

My father is a good person who genuinely cares about his kids. He only says that 'see the world' crap to cover for my mother. She is so politically and socially involved that it's sickening. It's all she cares about really.

Unfortunately, my father genuinely cares about mother too. Thankfully he wouldn't let her do anything that would ultimately destroy our happiness. She knows this, so she manipulates him. ...And I'm the witch in the family?

I have two brothers and one sister. My brother Harry is the oldest of the Evans children. My sister Petunia was next. She is only a year older than me. Sadly she is just like my mother in her 'society is always first' nature, and she looks just like dad. Unfortunately I think his good looks are reserved for males only. Ha, too bad for her.

Harry is also like dad. They both have blonde hair and blue eyes. Harry has many girls who vie for his attention. Harry is a very down to earth person, very caring and kind. He is the ideal big brother, you can always count on him to help you out of trouble or go to him for advice.

Charlie is my twin brother. Where I look like my mother with my red hair, Charlie looks like Grandfather Evans with black hair. Charlie is gorgeous. Really, he is. You see, we both have these amazing color green eyes from Grandmother Evans. Petunia is quite jealous of our inheritance.

Charlie and I have always been close. Closer than close, he's like a part of me. You hear people talk about how twins have these special bonds, and it's true. At least it's true for Charlie and me. We can read each others mind.

Harry is the only other person who knows about my little connection with Charlie. Mother would probably faint then go insane (If you can't call her insane already). We could tell my father and he would understand, but he would tell mother because he doesn't believe in secrets in a marriage, says it's unhealthy. (Like mother believes that, she has about a million secrets from dad.)

Anyways, I really couldn't tell him, and it is absolutely out of the question to tell Petunia. She really is like my mother, so she would think that it's freakish. She gets along with Charlie ok, but she hates me. Charlie thinks she is jealous. It makes sense, we were all really close until I found out I was a witch, she never got over it.

Petunia's not as close to Charlie now either because he favored me over her when she tried to turn him against me. So sorry Petunia, but we're twins! Of course we would be close. Petunia loves Harry though, probably because he plays along with mother's society crap. He secretly hates all of it.

Charlie was devastated that I was magical and he wasn't. He's ok with it now, he and Harry love hearing about the things I can do. They are fascinated with my abilities. I wish Charlie was magical though, it's hard being without him. We can still talk to each other through our telepathy, but it's just hard with long distances because it gives us headaches.

I'm a master at Occlumency and Legillimency. I owe it to my experience with Charlie and our unique connection. Being at Hogwarts will mean I'm closer to Charlie than I was at Drumstrang or Beauxbatons. So I guess that's one good thing about switching schools, AGAIN.

The Headmaster at Hogwarts is very eccentric in my opinion. I met him when he tested me to see if I could qualify as a seventh year student. He's rather friendly, but he seems to have some sort of fascination with muggle sweets and phrases. He also seems like a very just person, someone who'll hear you out. That's always reassuring. Besides that, his reputation precedes him. Almost every witch and wizard has heard of Albus Dumbledore, especially if they're partial to chocolate frogs. Dumbledore's on the frog cards.

This will be my last year in the wizarding world. The agreement with my mother was that I could study magic as long as I became a proper member of society by the time I'm sixteen. (She's not too pleased with magic mostly because she doesn't understand it; she just doesn't understand our world.) I'm sad to say I only have freedom until right after graduate. Then, I'm obligated to return to a non-magical world that I so desperately want to escape from.

I could feel the train begin to slow down, so I tried to mentally prepare myself for my final year. When the train finally rolled to a stop, I followed the students off of the train where they all loaded into carriages that were being pulled by the most hideous creatures I had ever seen. I shuttered just looking at them. The students didn't seem to show any emotion to them though. In fact, they didn't seem to acknowledge them at all. I was pulled away from my silent protests of going anywhere near them when I heard a voice shouting though the crowd of students:

"Firs' years! All firs' years this way!" It said.

I turned to see a large man waving people over. I wasn't sure if I was to be included with the first year students or not, but I made my way over to the man because he was the only adult around.

"You'll be Miss Evans, eh'?" He asked me.

"Yes, I'm Lily Evans." I said.

He nodded to me.

"Pleased to meet yeh'. I'm Rubeus Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts." He said.

Beyond his initial frightening appearance, he seemed rather friendly. He smiled and beckoned me to follow him with the other small kids. He led us to a lake where we got into small boats that floated themselves toward the castle of Hogwarts. When I first saw Hogwarts, I thought it had a foreboding look with its gothic architecture. But it also felt welcoming with the glow of warm light that it emitted. Is that confusing? I'm told I confuse people a lot.


	2. Meeting New People

**CHAPTER 2- Meeting New People**

When I walked through the Grand Entrance doors a woman approached me.

"I'm Professor Minerva McGonagall. I'll be your Transfiguration teacher. I'm Head of House for Gryffindor and Deputy Head mistress to the school. Welcome to Hogwarts Miss Evans." She said.

She was nice, but stern. Her stature demanded respect but her eyes showed kindness and sympathy.

"Thank you Professor McGonagall." I said with a polite smile.

She nodded.

"You will be sorted into your house with the other first year students." She said as she led me to them and addressed us all.

"In a few moments the start-of-term banquet will begin, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will need to be sorted into your houses."

"The sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room. The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rule breaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points will be awarded the house cup, a great honor. We will begin shortly, I suggest you prepare yourselves." She said.

Wow, this was definitely going to be an interesting year. But after her speech I was extremely nervous. The whole school would be watching the ceremony! How were you sorted anyways? The doors to the Great Hall opened before I was ready.

"Follow me, Miss Evans in front." McGonagall said.

Oh how lovely. Am I to go first? Just wonderful. I feel sick. I walked behind McGonagall in-between two long tables all the way to the back of the room where there was a raised platform. I could see the students all staring at me. They were probably staring because I'm a good two feet taller than the other actual first year students who are all only eleven years old.

McGonagall stopped us before she walked onto the platform and stood next to a stool with a hat on it. Behind them were the tables of the other professors that were overlooking the students. The Headmaster stood up.

"Before we begin our traditional ceremony I would like to announce that we have a new student transferring from Drumstrang Institute into the seventh year class. May you all help her to feel welcome at Hogwarts." Dumbledore said.

He sat back down as the hat in front of me began to sing! I looked around and found almost everyone ignoring it to stare at me. This was terrifying!

"When I call your name, you will step forward onto the platform and place the sorting hat on your head. Once you are sorted into your house, you will join your fellow housemates at their house table." McGonagall said when the hat finished its song.

"Evans, Lillian." She said.

Here goes! I walked forward and sat on the stool as McGonagall placed the hat on my head.

"Here we go, now, don't be frightened. I'll put you just where you belong. Let's take a look at you. Hmm… How very interesting. Very talented aren't you? A strong knowledge of the dark arts I see." The hat said to me.

"I want nothing to do with the dark arts!" I whispered.

"As you wish then my dear, definitely not Slytherin. There's kindness of Hufflepuff, but overpowered by your thirst for knowledge. A trait of Ravenclaw you know? That could suit you just fine- wait what's this I've found? Oh, that must have been a hard challenge for you my dear, but such bravery and loyalty! Then you are definitely-"

"GRYFFINDOR!" It shouted out loud.

I stood up and looked to the table that was cheering the loudest. Overhead was a banner with the Gryffindor name so I walked over to it. I chose a seat at the end away from everyone that was already seated. As the sorting continued, I looked up to the ceiling. It was bewitched to look like the sky outside. It was beautiful. I've never seen anything like it.

When the sorting was finished, Headmaster Dumbledore stood again.

"Welcome to Hogwarts old and new. Before we begin our feast I would like to say that the forest is forbidden to all students. Some older students would do well to remember that. Our caretaker, Mr. Filtch, would like me to remind you all that magic is prohibited in the corridors. Now let us all dig in!" He clapped his hands and food instantly appeared on the tables.

I jumped in shock before I finally started to fill my plate. I was sitting by myself and I ate very little. I was lonely and homesick as I thought of Charlie.

"_Lils you're depressing me." _I heard a voice in my head say.

I smiled to myself. He felt it. When ever one of us feels an emotion strongly, the other will too.

_"What's the matter?" _He asked me.

"I was thinking about you Charlie." I thought in my head.

_"Well of course." _Charlie's voice in my head said smugly. I rolled my eyes.

"I hate being the new student!" I thought to him.

_"Oh. Well cheer up. You'll make friends in no time once people get to know you. Just don't forget about your best friend in the whole world and loving brother!"_ His voice in my head said.

"How could I ever forget about Harry?" I teased him.

_"Lils! How could you? That really hurt. You know I'm your favorite."_ His voice said.

"Yeah, I know. Say 'hi' to Harry for me?" I asked him.

_"I'll make sure to. ... Goodbye Lils."_ His voice said.

"Goodbye Charlie." I thought to him.

Then I felt the connection close. I sighed. I was alone again.

Suddenly three boys sat down. One sat next to me and two sat in front of me. The one next to me spoke first.

"Hello, I'm Sirius Black." He said.

People around us were watching and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. These boys all looked about my age or so; this one next to me had shoulder length black hair. It was straight and silky looking. His eyes were gray and he had an overall pretty boy turned bad look to him.

"Lily Evans." I replied.

"No, you're gorgeous." He said.

He was unabashedly flirting while people looked on. He didn't seem bothered by the stares, but I felt a blush creeping to my cheeks.

"Forgive him. He can't control himself sometimes. I'm Remus Lupin." The boy in front of me spoke.

He had blondish brown short hair and yellowish brown eyes. He seemed polite and friendly, so I nodded to him. When I looked at the boy sitting next to him I almost opened my mouth in shock. He looked like Charlie. The only difference was the boy's hair was a dark brown and he wore glasses that covered blue eyes.

"This bloke across from me is my best mate, James Potter." Sirius introduced the Charlie look-a-like.

James smiled and I could only blink trying to recover from my initial shock.

"We are the Marauder's." Sirius said proudly.

"Erm, nice to meet you?" I said awkwardly.

"The pleasure is all ours." James said.

Remus nodded and smiled.

"So, because you are new to this magnificent school, we Marauder's and fellow seventh year Gryffindors decided to welcome you." Sirius said.

"For starters, you'll want to stay away from any and all Slytherins." James said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because they're all bad news. Not worth your time anyways. Now, Hufflepuffs like pretty much anybody. A bit shallow though." Sirius said.

"You know what that word means Sirius? (Sirius scoffed at him) Anyway Lily, Ravenclaws are the some of the smartest in the school. They'll tell you before you ask but they aren't so bad." Remus said.

I nodded.

"Pretty decent at Quidditch too, but Slytherin smashed them last year." James commented.

"What are the classes like?" I asked.

"Classes?" Sirius asked.

He gave me a weird look like I was crazy for even caring. James only stared.

"Ignore them; your basic classes are Potions, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, and Charms. There are electives of Astronomy, Divination, Arithmacy, Muggle Studies, Ancient Runes, and Flying. But you can switch them and drop them according to your liking." Remus said.

"_Defense_ Against the Dark Arts? That's interesting." I said.

'Can you believe the new girl is with the Marauder's?' I heard people whispering.

'She looks nice though.'

'Oh yeah, she looks real nice. She's hott!'

I rolled my eyes and Remus saw me and grinned.

Dumbledore stood and everyone got quiet.

"I hope you all have a wonderful sleep. Classes begin tomorrow morning so you all need your rest. Off to the dormitories. Will Miss Evans and Mr. Potter please come up?" He said.

Everyone was making their way out of the Great Hall noisily as I followed James up to the Head table.

"Ah, yes. I have chosen you both as Head Boy and Head Girl. I feel that you will both be very capable. I'll send word of our first meeting, by then the Head dormitory will be prepared. Mr. Potter, if you'll be so kind as to show Miss Evans to the Gryffindor tower and explain things. I'm sure you know you're way around the castle." Dumbledore said smiling.

"Right sir." James nodded and walked off, I followed.

He showed me the fastest way to Gryffindor tower. When we walked in a lot of students looked at us, but James ignored them. He showed me how to get to the girl's dormitory and then he left to join his friends by the fire. I walked up the stairs and at the very top was a door labeled **Seventh Year**. I slowly opened the door to hear everyone get quiet because of my entrance.

There were four girls just staring at me, one of them got up from the bed that she was sitting on and walked over to greet me.

"You're Evans, right?" She asked.

"Yes, I'm Lily Evans." I said.

She smiled kindly at me.

"That's a pretty name. I'm Leah Stamper by the way." She said.

Leah had shoulder length straight blonde hair and light blue eyes. She was very pretty, and as I looked around the room, I noticed all of the girls were pretty.

"This is Sarah Collins." Leah introduced.

The girl she pointed out as Sarah had wavy brown hair and brown eyes.

"That's Ashley Collins. She's Sarah's twin." Leah said.

Ashley looked exactly like Sarah, except she said that their difference was that she had one brown eye and one green. I had never seen that before.

"And this is Tiffany Harpor." Leah finished.

Tiffany had blondish brown straight hair and soft grey eyes. She looked at me for a second and then went back to reading her magazine. She didn't seem very friendly and I felt like I was imposing on the four of them. None the less, I gave a polite hello.

"So I saw that you met the Marauders." Leah said sitting back on her bed, but facing me.

"The who?" I questioned.

I didn't know what she was talking about.

All the girls laughed.

"Three boys who sat with you, all extremely dashing." Sarah clarified.

Oh, now I understood. I forgot that weird little name they called themselves. In fact, I don't really think I remembered any of their real names except for James'.

"Oh." I said.

"They are pretty much the biggest womanizers of the school. Actually, it's really Sirius Black you should watch out for." Ashley said.

"They are easily the most popular guys in the school." Sarah said.

"They seemed to think so." I recalled Black's arrogant attitude.

The girls laughed again.

We all talked for a little while longer about where we were from and just general information about ourselves, then they went to sleep while I wrote a letter to Harry and Charlie.

The next morning I was a little nervous about starting classes. Leah invited me to join them all for breakfast so I accepted and followed them down to the almost empty Great Hall. Apparently, the students of Hogwarts liked to sleep as much as they could. I helped myself to eggs and toast as Ashley started conversation.

"So Lily, do you like Quidditch?" She asked.

"Yes. I actually played chaser at Drumstrang." I told her.

As soon as I had mentioned playing chaser, Tiffany dropped her fork making a loud clatter. We all looked over to her and she had a surprised look on her face.

"Will you try out for the Gryffindor team? We need a new chaser this year!" She said excitedly.

It was my turn to look surprised.

"Tiff is on the Gryffindor team. She plays chaser." Leah explained while Ashley nodded.

Tiffany looked so excited and eager for me to join the team. It was odd because last night I got the impression that she didn't really want anything to do with me. Now, she was so hyped about the prospect of me playing Quidditch that I couldn't say no even if I wanted to.

"Sure." I said smiling.

Tiffany squealed in excitement and actually stood up and hugged me from across the table. The Marauders joined us when they came in for breakfast. Professor McGonagall passed out our class schedules and after we all compared, Sirius asked if he could escort me to Potions. I looked to Leah but she only winked. Sirius and I walked ahead of the others.

"So Lily, do you like Potions?" He asked.

"It's not too bad. I'm really good at it, but it's not my favorite." I said.

"Excellent, so do you want to ditch it and find a broom closet?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" I asked in disbelief.

"I asked you if you wanted to snog in a broom closet." He said casually.

What nerve! Who does he think he is? Within a second I had smacked him and walked back to find Leah, leaving a startled looking Sirius behind.

When the Marauders walked in to Potions together, Sirius supporting my hand print on the left side of his face, Remus walked over to the table I was sitting alone at.

"Can I sit with you?" He asked nicely.

"Depends on how you feel about broom closets." I replied.

Remus sat down chuckling. He turned to see James and Sirius taking a table close to us before he turned back to talk to me.

"Listen Lily, I want to apologize for Sirius' behavior. He, erm, well that's sort of his norm. Most girls would stand in line for just for five minutes with him. Not saying that you're one of those types or anything (He added quickly). But back to the point, he won't do it again." He said.

"It's fine. Unfortunately it's happened before. I can deal with it." I said.

"Yes, everyone can see that." Remus said smiling.

He was referring to the hand print on Sirius's face and I laughed. Our Potions Professor, Mr. Wilkes, walked in and introduced himself. After that he started talking about NEWTS.

Every single class that day opened with a long speech about NEWTS and their importance to our future.

After dinner that night, Dumbledore led James and me to the Head Dormitories. He gave us quick instructions for the Prefect's meeting we would have to lead tomorrow night and left us at the Head entrance to choose our own password.

"So what do you think we should make the password?" I asked James as I inspected the statue of Godric Gryffindor that guarded the entrance.

"How about- 'James Potter is the sexiest wizard to walk the planet?'." He said.

At that, the statue moved aside.

"What? That's not the password is it?" I asked.

"Looks like it." James said.

"I'm not saying that!" I said.

James laughed and went inside. I rolled my eyes and followed him in.

The common room looked a lot like the Gryffindor common room, though it was a bit smaller. The décor was all maroon and gold. There were plush couches and what looked like a small library in one corner. The fireplace was huge, and on the opposite wall were two desks. There was a staircase at the back of the room that led up to a balcony that overlooked the common room.

James and I walked up the stairs and on either side of the balcony was a door. I turned right while James went left. The room I entered was decorated much like the common room with the Gryffindor colors. It had Quidditch posters adorning the walls.

"Lily, I think this one's yours!" James yelled from the other room. I walked across the balcony into the other room where James was. The room was a sea mist green color with a big vase of Lilies on the dresser. There was a big bed with soft silk blankets that were a light purple color. There was also a huge window that overlooked the lake.

"This is nice." James commented watching me look around the room from his seat on the bed.

I opened a door that revealed a large bathroom. It had a tub set in the floor that was the size of a small pool. There were two showers on either side of it, and two sinks that were next to each other on the opposite wall. On either side of the sinks were two small rooms with toilets. Across from the door to the bathroom that led to my room, there was another door in the bathroom that led to James' room. He walked in to examine his room while I played with the taps to our miniature pool.

"Lily! Come here!" James shouted.

I walked into his room and found him sitting on the window sill. He jumped out of the window and stood on the roof top of a part of the castle. I followed him outside.

"Wow. Look at the view. This is so unfair." I said gazing at the stars all around us.

Why did he get the window that led out to the roof? James walked to the edge of the roof where there was a glow emitting from the wall below. James lay down on his stomach and peered over the edge to investigate the source of light.

"Come look at this Lily." He said.

I walked over and got on my stomach next to him to see what he was looking at. There was a window and inside I could see four boys playing a game of exploding snap.

"Is that-?" I started.

"The seventh year Gryffindor boy's dormitory." James finished.

He laughed slowly shaking his head before he knocked on the window. All three boys looked over and Remus and Sirius opened the window.

"Prongs? What the heck are you doing?" Sirius asked.

"Climb up here Padfoot." James said.

We stood back as Sirius and Remus climbed onto the roof. We had to be about seven stories up, if any of them fell it would kill them, but none of them seemed to be afraid.

"Where's Wormtail?" James asked.

"You know he's got a thing with heights." Remus said.

"So what exactly are we doing up here?" Sirius asked.

"You see that window there?" James asked pointing to his bedroom window.

"That is the Head boy's dormitory." James said.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other before they walked over and climbed in. They proceeded to inspect every room of the Head's dormitories.

"Either Dumbledore is a genius or a madman. He knew we would break that rule of 'only Head boy and girl in the Head dormitories'." Sirius said.

"Hey, you can see the owlery from this window." Remus said pointing out one of the windows in the common room.

"Really? Where is it? I need to send a letter!" I asked remembering the letters I wrote to Harry and Charlie the previous night.

"We can take you if you'd like?" James said.

"Thanks!" I said.

We all walked out of the Head commons to the owlery where I called down my barn owl, Euripides. I've had him since my first year at Beauxbatons. After I sent my letters we all left. Sirius and Remus departed us on the way to the Head's dormitories to go back to the Gryffindor tower. James and I continued to walk up one more story to our dormitories and discussed tomorrow's classes and what they would be like.

As I lay in my bed that night, I thought of how quick everything seemed to be happening here. It seemed that I was a part of a group now. I had friends and I was included. This was all new to me. Hogwarts was nothing like Drumstrang, and I couldn't help but smile at the fact as I went to sleep.


	3. Classes and Sinistra's Mistake

**Chapter 3- Classes and Sinistra's Mistake**

The next morning I went down to breakfast with James. When I entered the Great Hall I spotted Leah, Ashley, Sarah, and Tiffany sitting with Remus and Sirius. There was also another boy with them that I hadn't met yet, though I'd seen him talking to the Marauders on several different occasions.

"Good morning." Leah said happily as I sat down.

Everyone else either chorused it or nodded in my general direction.

"Oh, Lily, this is Peter Pettigrew. He's the fourth member of the Marauders. You didn't meet him last night because of some mysterious girl who's been preoccupying all of his time." James said as he nudged Peter playfully.

Peter blushed and looked down at his plate.

"It's nice to meet you." I said politely.

"Same." He said nervously, as he glanced up at me.

Peter seemed to clash with the other Marauders in my opinion. James, Sirius, and Remus were all rather tall and Peter looked to be about my height. He was a whole head shorter than the other boys. There wasn't anything particularly distinguishing or flattering about Peter's appearance. He wasn't extremely dashing, but he wasn't really a troll either. He looked like your average teenage wizard. I suppose the reason it seemed to be odd that he was apart of their group was because the other three Marauders stood out so much with their personalities (and they were all extremely attractive, what girl wouldn't notice that?) and just their general persona.

Our first class that morning was Defense Against the Dark Arts, or DADA as the others called it. We walked in and took seats in the front of the room. Our Professor, Mr. Stigma, was late. He arrived after about five minutes and took a look around the room. On one side were Gryffindor and on the other side were Slytherin.

Professor Stigma made us all stand up as he sat us boy-girl order trying to mix both houses together. Luckily I sat between Sirius and James. Leah sat beside a Slytherin boy named Severous Snape and a boy from Gryffindor named Matt Jeffries. Leah was placed right in front of me, Matt in front of Sirius and Severous in front of James. Sirius and James made a comment about it, but I was trying to pay attention to where the rest of our friends would sit. Remus was placed next to Ashley and a Slytherin girl named Mary Plummintine. They sat right behind us. So far the seating arrangements weren't too bad. Sarah's name was called and she was placed next to two very mean looking Slytherins whose names were Avery Macnair and Rudolphus Lestrange. Sarah didn't look happy at all, she was placed on the opposite side of the room directly in front of the professor's desk. Tiffany was called and she was placed next to Sirius. She didn't seem to be too pleased. I think it might have been because as soon as she sat down Sirius threw his arms around her in goofy excitement.

"Now, that's a bit better." Stigma said walking to stand just in front of his desk.

"We'll begin today's lesson taking notes on a small review of jinxes and counter-curses that you've accumulated in the past six years. Next lesson we'll have a duel to see where we all stand." He said.

Hushed conversations started all around the room with excitement or nervousness about the upcoming duel. The rest of that class was spent copying down notes.

After DADA, we had Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall picked her own seating arrangements as well. Luckily, I was placed next to Remus. Our class today was to transfigure our books into plants and back. Our assignment was six inches on how you can vary the plant type due next class, which would meet Friday. Surprisingly, James and Sirius were producing all different types of flowers. They even transfigured roses and handed them to McGonagall professing their lover for her. At her stern look they both shut up, but McGonagall awarded them 5 points to Gryffindor for their excellent quality. They had even smelled like roses. It was very difficult to accomplish.

Next class was Charms, which I was really looking forward to. Professor Flitwick was a small man, but he was very enthusiastic about his subject. We charmed our partners to change their appearance that lesson. We split into partners again and Sarah gave me black hair with a tan complexion. It was quite the change from my red hair and pale skin. I turned Sarah's appearance by giving her brown hair with red tints and I changed her eyes to a dark blue. Sarah actually loved her look and decided to make it a permanent change. Although my 'make-over' wasn't too bad, I don't think I would fit as any thing other than a redhead.

Charms had definitely been a fun class. Peter had partnered with Remus and accidentally mispronounced the incantation which gave Remus horns and green hair. Everyone got a good laugh as Remus accepted humility gracefully and even laughed himself. Flitwick even chuckled a bit before turning Remus back to normal against Sirius' and James' requests to leave him that way.

After dinner, James and I had to conduct the first Prefect meeting. We went over the patrolling schedules and Prefect duties. As Head boy and Head girl, James and I had to patrol together every night for an hour. Dumbledore thought it would be a good idea to pair everyone this year. I had no complaints seeing as I still didn't know my way around the castle.

Several weeks later, I got a letter from Harry in the morning post. He said that mum was trying to get him to court some countess against his will, again. I chuckled at that. He also said that Charlie had gotten an invitation to some prestigious boarding school and had already left for it. Enclosed in his letter was a picture of Petunia with her new boyfriend that he secretly took while they were having tea. It was hilarious. Her boyfriend is twice her size! Not only that but he looked absolutely ridiculous sipping tea from a bright pink floral patterned china set. I just started laughing so hard that I could barely breathe. Tiffany and Sirius gave me weird looks so I showed them the picture after about ten minutes of them begging. Their reactions were similar to my own and it was like a contagious disease as each person started to laugh uncontrollably when the picture was passed down to them.

Today, Wednesday, we all had our elective classes. Tiffany, Sirius, and James all had Flying because they were on the Quidditch team. Remus and Ashley had Muggle Studies, Leah and Peter had Astronomy, and Sarah and I had Divination. I really didn't want to go back to Divination. I hated that class the very first day, fifteen minutes into the Professor's speech. Our Professor was Miss Sinistra. She was probably in her forties and she was the biggest fake I'd ever seen. Unfortunately this class lasted all morning until lunch. It was a double period because we only meet once a week. After lunch I have my second elective of Care of Magical Creatures until dinner. The good thing about Wednesdays: Only two classes. The bad thing about Wednesdays: Divination.

"At least you'll be dropping this class for Flying if you make the Gryffindor team." Sarah said groggily as Sinistra talked about crystal balls.

"When are try-outs?" I asked.

"Uh, Saturday I think. Ask James though, he's the captain." She said.

"I can't. Remember, Tiffany wanted to 'surprise everyone with my skill'. So nobody besides us girls is supposed to know I'm trying out." I said.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Quick, act like you're doing something. Here comes Sinistra." Sarah said sitting up straighter and taking her elbows off the table.

"How are you doing dears? Have you been able to read each others thoughts yet?" She asked.

"No professor, I can't seem to hang on to the images." Sarah lied.

"Oh that's not too bad dear. Nobody has been able to read thoughts with their crystal ball since myself when I was attending Hogwarts." Sinistra gloated.

I rolled my eyes from behind her, but suddenly I got an idea.

"Professor Sinistra?" I asked.

She turned to face me.

"Do you think I could practice on you? It's only that I know Sarah is always thinking about boys because it's all she ever talks about and I want to see if I can actually read thoughts." I said making up an excuse to get Sinistra to participate.

From behind Sinistra, Sarah raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"Well, alright I suppose it wouldn't hurt." Sinistra said.

Sarah got up from her seat across from me and allowed Sinistra to take it. The rest of the class had begun to watch what was going on in interest. I secretly winked at Sarah and began to rub the crystal ball with a look of utmost concentration on my face.

"You're thinking about what would happen if anyone knew you fancy professor Stigma." I said.

Sinistra jumped while the class looked on.

"What, how did you, how can you, what, how?" She stuttered.

Everyone started laughing.

"Can Miss Collins and I be excused for the rest of the class? We've grasped the concept of the lesson." I said.

I didn't even wait for a reply as I grabbed my books and Sarah's arm leading her out of the room. We were only thirty minutes into the class before we had left.

"Wow, Lily. That was hilarious! How did you do that?" Sarah asked as we were walking down the hall way.

I had actually done it using my Legilmency, but I couldn't tell her that. People who are skilled at Legilmency are thought to be evil. It's most just superstition and the like.

"Uh, actually I was making it up you know? I can't believe it was true though." I said.

We laughed and decided to walk down to the Quidditch pitch.

"Lily! Sarah!" Someone shouted.

Sarah and I looked toward a section of the stands the voice came from and we saw Tiffany, James, and Sirius all sitting together and waving at us. We walked up and sat with them.

"Why aren't you two in class?" James asked.

"Lily got us out!" Sarah said as she told the story of what happened in Divination.

"No way! That is so funny!" Tiffany said laughing.

"Eww, that's disgusting! Stigma is only twenty-two years old. Sinistra is like twice his age!" Sirius said.

"So what exactly are you doing?" I asked them.

"Well Evans, everyone on the Quidditch teams gets this class. We can fly and use the pitch if we want. Mostly everyone just sits around and talks or does homework. Occasionally we discuss plays and defensive strategies." Sirius said in a business like tone.

I looked around the stands and there were players scattered all about them. There were more people a few rows above us talking together. I pointed them out to Sirius.

"Is that the rest of the Gryffindor team?" I asked.

"Yeah, you want to meet them? Oy! Guys come down here for a second!" Sirius said.

They all came down to where Tiffany, James, Sirius, Sarah, and I were sitting.

"This is Lily Evans. Lily, this is Lisa Knight. She's one of the chasers. Joe Plumpter is my fellow beater and Matt McKinnon is the best keeper in the school." Sirius introduced.

I shook hands with all of them. Lisa was short with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was really pretty, and a sixth year. Joe Plumpter was tall and muscular with short brown hair and brown eyes. I remembered seeing him in Herbology when he had been placed at our station last week. Matt McKinnon had blonde hair and hazel eyes. He was just a little taller than me, and he had a pretty average build. He had a gorgeous smile and he was a sixth year.

"So Lily, you're from Drumstrang right?" Lisa asked.

"Yes, but I hated it there." I said quickly.

"They have an amazing Quidditch team though. A lot of great players have come from Drumstrang." Joe said.

"You've got to hear what happened in Divination earlier." Tiffany said, she then continued to retell the morning's events.

All of them were laughing about it.

"That's brilliant Lily!" Matt congratulated.

I smiled nervously and I think I blushed! I hate this stupid fare skin. I blush easily and it's so obvious. Then Matt winked at me! I could feel my heart beat speeding up.

Tiffany and Sarah walked on either side of me on the way to lunch. When we were a good distance ahead of the others they turned on me like hungry dogs about to fight to the death over a scrap of meat.

"Lily you fancy Matt, don't you?" Sarah said.

"Come on, admit it! Just tells us!" Tiffany said.

"What are you talking about?" I tried to cover.

"Please Lily, you blushed when he smiled at you, and then he winked at you and you liked like you were going to have a heart attack." Tiffany said.

"He is absolutely gorgeous!" Sarah gushed.

I started to blush again and they laughed.

"Aww, Lily he was flirting with you." Sarah said.

"Shhh!" I said as we walked into the Great Hall and sat with Ashley and Leah.

Sarah and Tiffany began to fill them in on what happened at the Quidditch pitch when I picked up on the gossip that was circulating throughout the entire Great Hall. What was the main topic for this afternoon? That would be Divination class this morning. Apparently Leah and Ashley had already heard about Sinistra.

"News travels fast in Hogwarts." Leah explained.

Indeed it did.

"Well obviously it was true." Sirius said sitting next to me.

The rest of the Marauders took seats around us.

"Why's that?" Leah asked.

"Look who's skipping lunch at the Head table." He said.

We all looked up and realized that Professor Sinistra was not accounted for.

"Poor thing." Ashley said quietly.

"You mean poor Stigma. Look at his face!" Peter said.

We looked up to the Head table again and looked at Professor Stigma whose face was a little red. His head was hung low while he ate and he nervously glanced around him. Obviously he had heard the news of Sinistra's crush on him. Who hadn't? I just hoped that my name had been lost in the retelling and so only the information of the crush had been spread.

"_Hey Lils_…" Someone said.

"Yeah?" I said looking up.

Everyone looked at me and raised their eyebrows.

"What?" Remus asked.

"_Lils? Are you there?"_ I recognized the voice as Charlie's, in my head.

"Oh, never mind." I said to everyone.

"What is it?" I thought to Charlie as the others went back to filling their plates.

"_You would not believe what's going on. I can't wait to see you at Christmas break. I have so much to tell you!_" Charlie said.

"What is it?" I asked him

"_I can't say now. But we can only owl from now on. I'll be leaving soon so I'll be too far away_." He said.

"What? Harry said you'd already left for boarding school." I thought to him.

"_I can't say Lils. But it will be worth it, I promise. I've got to go, but we'll keep in touch ok?"_ He said.

"Charlie, wait!" I said.

It was too late. I felt the connection close. I tried to reach him again, but either he was blocking me or he had suddenly distanced himself out of range.

"Argh!" I said in frustration.

Tiffany gave me a weird look.

"Uh, this is not what I wanted for lunch today." I said quickly.

Tiffany rolled her eyes.


	4. Trials and Tribulations

**Chapter 4-Trials and Tribulations**

I was sitting in the Heads common room with James as we did our homework when James looked up and stared at me.

"So Lily, you've got a thing for McKinnon eh'?" He asked.

I was a little surprised that he asked me that.

"What? No." I denied.

"Yeah, sure." James said going back to his work.

"Why would you expect me to tell you anyways? I barely even know you." I said.

James looked up and smiled. He shoved his books aside and leaned towards me.

"Well, how about we get to know each other then? I know the perfect game for it." James said.

"I guess." I said, slowly closing my book.

James explained how to play. One person says a word, and you say whatever first comes to mind.

"Ok, I'll start. Class?" James said.

"Charms. Color?" I asked.

"Maroon. Scary?" He said.

"Spiders. Scary?" I asked.

"McGonagall angry. Love?" He asked.

"No. Funny?" I said.

"McGonagall angry. Boyfriend?" He asked chuckling.

"Never. Boyfriend?" I asked.

"Oh you're so funny. Now seriously?" He said sarcastically.

"I was telling the truth, never." I said.

James sat up from his laying position on the couch and looked at me.

"You've never had a boyfriend?" He asked in disbelief.

"No." I said.

"Have you ever been with a boy?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"You know, like snogging and stuff?" He asked.

"No." I said.

"Are you serious?" He shouted.

"I'm Sirius!" We turned to see that Sirius was standing by the stair case.

He must have come in through James' window.

"What's going on in here?" Sirius asked.

"Lily has never been kissed!" James said.

Sirius raised his eyebrows and I crossed my arms in annoyance. Sirius let out a whistle of amazement.

"James! You don't just go around telling people!" I screamed at him.

"Well, sorry, but I'm having a hard time believing you." James said.

"Apparently I'm interrupting something. I'll just get my book and leave." Sirius said.

He picked up a book off the floor and proceeded to back out of the common room. I rounded on James again.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe me?" I said.

"I just can't believe that someone like you would have never kissed anyone." James said.

"Excuse me? Someone like me? Someone like me! What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean? You have no right to say that, you don't know anything about me!" I shouted.

"I didn't mean it like that, you're twisting my words. Besides, maybe I would know you if you wouldn't be so disclosed all of the time. Bloody hell Lily, I was trying to get to know you. I've BEEN trying to get to know you, especially since you smacked Sirius in the face!" James shouted.

James rolled his eyes and started to leave in the direction towards his room.

"Well where are you going? You started this!" I yelled to him.

"Forget it." He said.

He slammed his door shut and I went to my own room. There was no way I could continue studying now. I was so worked up over James. I decided to write a very long letter to Charlie explaining what happened and how James could be so frustrating. I went straight to the owlery and sent it to him.

The next morning I sat at breakfast with my friends. Unfortunately the Marauders minus James were there. Wow, I'm unlucky; this means James will join us when he makes his great descent. I was still aggravated with him.

When James came in there was only one extra seat anywhere near us and it just so happened to be in front of Sirius and right next to me. So, like I said, I'm inauspicious. James stood next to me for a moment as if he were contemplating if he really wanted to sit there or not, but he slowly sat down and ignored me.

When the mail came in, I was surprised to see Euripides among the other birds. I had just sent that letter to Charlie last night. Euripides landed gracefully in front of me and I opened the letter.

_Lilykins,_

_I knew something must have happened to you, you had to have been pretty mad for me to feel it though. Anyways, don't let James Potter get to you so much. He's a guy, and us guys like to mess around you know. He was probably surprised that someone as beautiful as you could be so innocent and pure. But Lils, you were right; he doesn't know anything about you. You can't blame a guy for trying to get to know you. I think he must be pretty brave.-Just kidding. But you're not the easiest person to talk to sometimes. He just accidentally embarrassed you. Take it easy on him though, and don't be afraid to let people know the real you that I know and love. Keep writing me ok? Tell me more about these Marauders. Did they really do that prank with the dye?_

_Love Always,_

_Charlie_

I sat for a moment rereading it.

I'm not that difficult to get to know.

Today in DADA was the day of our long awaited duel. Stigma looked like a little boy in a candy store. He had this excited face and his eyes were all shiny. It was kind of weird. Sarah said she thought it was adorable.

Stigma had cleared the room of tables and chairs and had everyone in the class stand against the walls. The rules were that you could use anything you knew that wasn't an unforgivable. I thought that was a little broad. Maybe a little too broad. I was afraid that Stigma might be underestimating the seventh year students.

Professor Stigma decided that because there were so many to duel, we would go in rounds. He was going to choose random pairs of students to duel. The winner would go to one side of the room while the losers went to the other. After the class was divided into winners and losers, he would choose two winners to duel each other. When one of them lost, the winner would stand and duel another winner from the first round. Each winner would remain standing, until the last person was the ultimate winner.

Professor Stigma's random choice of duelers turned out to be Gryffindor against Slytherin and same gender. It annoyed me immensely; did he think that a girl was no match against a boy?

Leah did well on her first round of the duel; she won with a stunning spell. Ashley surprised all of us to be quite a vigorous dueler when she went against Bellatrix Black. However, Bellatrix confounded her and disarmed her. Tiffany had disarmed her opponent quickly with the disarming spell. Sarah got hit with a babbling charm and couldn't pronounce any spells, so she lost. Peter was the only Marauder that didn't win his duel. Though Peter did go against Lestrange, and though I hate to say it, Lestrange was one of the best Slytherin I had seen.

Lestrange went on to beat Remus and some of his fellow Slytherin in the second round. He was beaten by Leah. Leah was then faced against Severous Snape who beat her with a borderline dark curse that I was all too familiar with. It was quite popular at Drumstrang. I made a mental note to keep an eye on him. Sirius was picked to go against Snape and he looked excited about it. The only people left were James, and Bellatrix and I.

While Stigma was counting to begin, Severous shot a disarming spell at Sirius on the second count. Professor Stigma said that he would count that as a win because your opponents would never follow rules or wait until you were ready. Sirius was outraged at both Snape and Stigma. He stomped to the other side of the room to join Remus and Peter. If it wasn't for the murderous look on his face, it would have been quite comical to see Sirius, a seventh year, stomp across the room like a small kid throwing a temper tantrum.

James was called to duel with Snape next and as soon as he reached the center of the room Snape tried to disarm him, but James must have expected it because he blocked it with a look of ease. Professor Stigma jumped out of the way as they immediately started to duel. All duel formalities forgotten. It was a very interesting duel. Both boys were running around the classroom and rolling on the floor to dodge curses. James was one of the best duelers I had ever seen for his age. He never gave up. If he was hit, he always got back up and defended himself. Though in this case, I think he was more concerned about defending his pride. I knew from stories from the girls that the Marauders had never got on with Snape. James had gashes on him that looked pretty bad, but he gave as much as he was given. After twenty minutes, he finally defeated Snape. The remaining Marauders all cheered louder than anyone else in the room. Professor Stigma tried to send Severous to the infirmary and suggested James to go as well. Both refused, James wanted to continue and I suspect that Snape didn't want James to have the satisfaction of injuring him so much that he needed to go to the medical wing. It was all in the way he looked at him.

Professor Stigma called Bellatrix to duel James and she looked pleased. They started to duel and the curses were starting to get bad. I don't think they were dueling just for this class and the sake of a review. It seemed like it was over a personal reason or some past conflict. They were so engrossed that they ignored Stigma's shout's to stop, and he looked too fearful to stop them himself. James and Bellatrix' spells were flying all over the place so that people had to try and dodge them. Some were unsuccessful and had to be taken to the hospital wing. James was starting to get clumsy after a while though. He looked like he was perplexed and confused. He kept shaking his head and then I noticed Bellatrix never broke eye contact with him. I looked around the room and Remus caught my eye, it was like he too recognized what was going on.

Suddenly, James fell clutching his head. Bellatrix started laughing. She was actually laughing! James was still on the ground and Bellatrix started to say a spell that I immediately recognized. As soon as I heard her start to say it, I jumped in front of James and put up a shield charm. Her spell bounced off and I quickly aimed a shield charm at the rest of the class. It hit the shield and started to come back for me as I muttered my own spell. My spell hit hers and they both dissolved. She turned to look at me and crinkled her eyebrows.

"Mudblood." A voice echoed inside my head, followed by laughter.

She had invaded my mind, proving I was right in what I had thought I'd seen before. Bellatrix was a Legilimens. I shot a disarming spell at her.

"That was a nasty curse you almost hit James with." I said to her mind.

She paused in the middle of her spell to smile at me. Then she continued to fire spells at me with intensity. We were firing and dodging spells while we were talking in each others mind.

"So, the mudblood is a Legillimens. That's pretty dark magic for a precious Gryffindor. I'm a bit disappointed in you though, so much glorious knowledge from such a wonderful school and you refuse to use it." Bellatrix thought.

"Don't pretend to know me Bellatrix; your presumptions about my magic could get you in trouble." I said.

Bellatrix smiled. Something about her seemed familiar. Her smile seemed familiar. She tried to use another vicious curse. As soon as she sent it, I muttered my spell and this time it hit her curse making it disappear and it kept shooting toward Bellatrix hitting her in the chest. Bellatrix fell over on the ground muttering incoherent words. I flicked my wand and she stopped, paralyzed on the ground. I walked over, picked up her wand and threw it to Professor Stigma. He didn't even make to catch it as it hit the floor by his feet. Everyone looked shocked. I turned back to Bellatrix and flicked my wand, removing my spell. Nobody made to move. James was still in the same spot, only he was looking straight at me. Nobody was saying anything, and suddenly Severous Snape broke the silence.

"Well done." He said leaning against the wall.

That was all he said. People started clapping apprehensively as some Slytherins helped Bellatrix off of the ground. She shoved them away and shot me a glare. She stomped out of the room with the Slytherins following her, one stopping to pick up her wand. Snape was the last Slytherin in the room. He nodded at me before he too exited. The bell rang just after and everyone left the room talking about the duel.

I looked over to James who was standing next to me. Our friends were coming towards us.

"Are you ok?" I asked him.

He nodded. We all left the class room together.

"Where did you learn to duel like that?" Sirius asked me.

"Sirius, where do you think she learned? She's from Drumstrang!" Leah said hitting Sirius on the head.

Sarah chuckled.

"Ouch." Sirius said rubbing his head.

Ashley rolled her eyes. Remus hadn't said a word. Peter was talking about how James had beat Snape like he was some kind of a hero. James ignored him.

On Saturday I went down to the Quidditch pitch with Tiffany for the chaser trials. I sat in the stands with the rest of the team watching everyone tryout. Tiffany was the oldest chaser so she was helping with the try-outs by flying with them and playing against them. There wasn't anyone who was really any good and James was so frustrated that he had thrown his clipboard. After the last person had tried out, Tiffany called down to James.

"Hey! James! Why don't you let Lily have a go?" Tiffany said.

"Does she play Quidditch?" He asked.

"I dunno. We were just going to fly a bit after practice." Tiffany said.

"Guess it couldn't hurt, I don't think she could be worse even if she had never played a day in her life!" James said.

"Oy! Lily!" She shouted to me.

I walked down to the field where James was standing.

"I'm putting in Sirius as keeper so it'll be easier. You know how the game works?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think so." I said sarcastically.

I mounted my broom and kicked off to join Tiffany in the air.

"Ready?" She asked.

"Ready." I said.

James blew the whistle and we flew towards the hoops. Tiffany passed the Quaffle to me and I shot at Sirius so fast he didn't even see me coming. James blew his whistle in some pattern that must have had some meaning because the rest of the team flew to the field. He said something to them and they all flew back into the air. Matt and Joe flew to the hoops. Joe tossed Sirius his club and James and Lisa were going to play against me and Tiffany.

James passed to Lisa but I shot forward and stole it in the air. I passed to Tiffany, but she had to dodge a bludger from Joe so she passed it back. Sirius hit a bludger toward me but I was way too fast. I rolled and faked right while the Quaffle flew through the left ring.

James blew the whistle and the team all flew to the ground, I followed.

"Where the bloody hell did you learn to play like that?" James asked as soon as I had landed.

His eyes were big and his mouth was wide open.

"Beginner's luck?" I said.

"That was no beginner's luck. I couldn't hit her James, and she just scored on McKinnon! Nobody scored on him all last year!" Sirius said.

"Er, ok, I played chaser for Drumstrang." I said.

James still had his mouth wide open in shock. Sirius started laughing as he waved a hand in front of James face. James quickly closed his mouth and swatted at Sirius' hand.

"I told you they had the best Quidditch players!" Joe said happily.

"Looks like Gryffindor are going to have the best players. Nice job Evans." Matt said.

"All in favor of Evans as the new chaser?" James asked.

Everyone raised their hands except Tiffany.

"Well, I dunno- Just kidding! Relax James!" Tiffany joked.

James looked like he was going to hex her when she protested.

"It's unanimous then. Welcome to the Gryffindor Quidditch team Evans." James said smiling.

After try-outs everyone headed back to the castle. I went to the Head Dormitories and I was walking through the common room on my way to take a shower when I heard James call my name. I turned around to look at him.

"Ah, Evans, listen. About the other night, I'm sorry. I was just a bit surprised, and it's really none of my business I guess…so…friends?" He said.

James shifted his weight from foot to foot in nervousness.

"Friends." I said.

James sighed in relief.

"Excellent! Now, where in the bloody hell did you learn some of those moves?" He asked.

I chuckled and we began to talk about Quidditch plays as James actually took notes.


	5. A Different Side

**Chapter 5-A Different Side-**

I was in the library working on a Transfiguration assignment with Remus. We were partnered to do a project on Human Transfiguration. I was glad to be working with Remus; since I had been at Hogwarts we had made a good connection. Remus was practical and we both loved books.

"So Lily, how did your family handle finding out you were a witch?" He asked.

"Well, they were rather shocked. I was too, mind you." I said.

"Probably afraid people might find out?" Remus asked nicely.

"Well, my mum was. She's a bit of a socialite." I said.

She's more like social climber, and that's putting it lightly.

"I imagine she thought that it wasn't very 'lady' like." He said.

Remus' emphasis on lady caused me to shift in my chair.

"I suppose…" I said.

Remus was staring right at me, and I was having trouble looking into his eyes.

"So Remus, you're from a pure blood family?" I asked trying to look casual.

"Yes, so are James and Sirius." He said.

Remus continued to stare at me for a couple of minutes before he let out a long sigh.

"You're not going to tell me are you?" He asked dejectedly.

"Tell you what?" I asked.

"Tell me about _your_ family and _your_ blood." He said.

"You already know I'm a muggleborn." I said.

"More like a _royal_ muggleborn." He said.

My mouth dropped open in shock. I sat in silence for a few moments staring at Remus' expecting face until I regained my composure.

"When did you find out?" I asked calmly.

"I've always known. I recognized you as soon as you walked into the Great Hall for the sorting ceremony." He said.

"Why didn't you say anything before now?" I asked curiously.

"You never mentioned it, so I thought you didn't want anyone to know. And I don't think anyone else has realized it yet. But it seemed like you didn't want people to know for some reason or another. It doesn't change the way I think of you though. You're still my friend, royal muggleborn or not." Remus said before he sent me a wink.

"Remus, I feel so….so…" I began.

"Relieved?" Remus asked.

"Yes." I said.

"I know exactly how you feel. It would be hard to have a secret that nobody knows about. You have to keep it to yourself even though you just want to tell someone, anyone, just so you don't have to carry the burden alone. I thought that if I told you that I knew about you, maybe you could talk to me about it, if you wanted to." Remus said.

He looked at me a little unsurely.

I smiled softly at him.

"Thank you, Remus." I said.

He smiled before he picked his quill up and began working again.

I sat there for a moment watching him work. I hadn't been at Hogwarts very long, but from the very start Remus had been genuinely nice to me. And it got me thinking… How is it possible that there are people who can actually care? Remus didn't owe me anything. He didn't have to say what he said, while offering me his confidence in the process. It was just such a _good_ thing to do. And from my experience, that has become a rare quality in people.

It must have been hard on Remus before he met the Marauders. The first few days of being at Hogwarts I could tell that those boys had some type of unique bond. And it wasn't that I had to read their thoughts to find out about Remus' secret and all of their not-so-legal activities. It was in the little ways the boys seemed to glance at Remus, as if to make sure he was ok at all times. Subtle things that I doubt even they realized they were responsible for. I wonder if he ever experienced rejection for being a werewolf. How could anyone reject someone like Remus? Or maybe Remus is the way he is because he was rejected in life? I felt like I could open my heart to Remus. He, out of everyone, would be someone who would understand.

"Remus I want you to know, if you ever want to talk to me about, well, _your_ secret, I would be willing to listen anytime." I said.

Remus looked up quickly. He glanced around our table to make sure nobody was around before he dropped his quill and leaned back in his chair.

"I thought you might know about it." He said quietly, eyes still glancing around to make sure we weren't about to be overheard.

"I'm not surprised, especially with you being a Legillimens and all. That's pretty interesting, by the way." He said.

This time I was the one to lean back in my chair.

"Touché', you never cease to amaze me Remus." I said smiling.

"Well, you intrigue me Lily Evans." Remus joked.

I left the library about twenty minutes later for Quidditch practice. I had to change and get my broom from the Head dormitories so I had to hurry. On my way down to the Quidditch pitch, Sirius stopped me in one of the halls and pulled me into an empty classroom.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" I asked startled as he pulled my arm, leading me to a chair.

"Sit." He instructed pushing me down into the chair.

"What are you doing?" I asked again.

He walked back to the door, stuck his head out and looked left and right to make sure nobody was in the hallway, and then shut the door. He had a serious look on his face as he walked back toward me.

"Listen, I know you know." He said slowly.

"What?" I asked confused.

Sirius sighed.

"Moony told us you knew about his, well, little problem every month." Sirius said.

That was fast. Remus and I had only just discussed that about an hour ago.

"I know." I confirmed.

"I don't know how you found out, but you have to swear not to tell anyone. I mean anyone, not even your friends. Nobody else can know about it." Sirius said.

"Sirius, I would never tell anyone." I said.

"Swear?" He asked.

"On my mother's life." I said.

Heh, take that mummy dearest.

Sirius smiled.

"Lily, I want you to know that I think you're a pretty great person to accept Remus. He's always had a fear about what people would think of him if they knew about him. Thanks." Sirius said.

Sirius was always joking around and being stupid, it was strange to see him so serious. He was so concerned about Remus. All of the boys were. They were unfailingly loyal to each other.

"We better hurry to practice or James will kill us!" Sirius said smiling.

Practice went pretty smooth, all four hours of it. James was a Quidditch fanatic, Tiffany was joking when she told me that. The only reason we stopped practice was because it was getting dark and the team were all threatening James' life by that point. I think James would have played into the night if it hadn't been for Tiffany's murderous attitude. I didn't mind it so much though, practices at Drumstrang were grueling.

James dismissed practice, the team having to run a lap around the pitch as he watched. As soon as practice was over I headed to the castle. Tiffany stayed behind to talk to Matt, who had summoned her. Joe and Lisa were walking together. James and Sirius had disappeared before I finished my lap.

I was in a hurry to shower, but when I turned a corner on the second floor I bumped into something and fell to the ground. I looked up to see a boy from my Herbology class, though I had no idea what his name was.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Let me give you a hand." He said.

"I'm Amos Diggory. We haven't formally met, but I've wanted to run into you for some time now." He said.

Hopefully he didn't mean that literally, especially given the condition upon which we just met.

"I'm Lily Evans." I said getting to my feet.

"I know. I make it a point to know beautiful women." He said stepping closer and looking me up and down.

What a creep! I was getting a bit nervous as the alarm bells inside my head went off. I kept stepping back but he proceeded to advance. My back hit the wall and I glanced around the hall. Nobody was around. Amos put his hands on the wall on either side of me preventing my escape.

"What do you say to coming to Hogsmeade with me? Of course I know that it is completely dull, but I can think of something we could do. Something to keep us entertained." He said.

I inconspicuously went for my wand only to find it missing! I hadn't taken it to practice with me. Merde! Et je ne sais quoi etais raisonnement limpide?

"Err, no thanks?" I said.

"Come now love, don't you want to have a good time?" Amos said as he caressed my arm.

Just then, James walked passed the hall I was in. And I thought I was inauspicious?

"James!" I shouted.

A few seconds and James peered into the hallway.

"Lily?" He asked.

"Sorry Amos, I'm going with James." I said quickly, sending James a look.

"What?" James said.

Amos turned to face James.

"You're going out with Potter?" Amos asked disbelievingly.

"Err…" I said looking pleadingly at James.

"Yes?" I said.

"Is there a reason you have my girlfriend pinned to the wall Diggory?" James said as he caught on.

I heard something and looked down the hall to see that a group of Hufflepuff girls had also came to the hall we were in and stopped to watch what was going on once they heard what James had said.

"Err, no." Amos said dropping his arms and taking a step back.

"Come on Lily, I've been looking everywhere for you love." James said.

He grabbed my hand and then quite unexpectedly, he pulled me against him and kissed me. It wasn't just a quick kiss on the cheek either. It was a full, on the lips, arms around your waist pulling you closer, blow your mind kiss. As James pulled away, he looked at me strangely. I couldn't interpret his expression though, and as the Hufflepuffs and Amos were still watching, I said nothing as he grabbed my hand and walked me to our dormitory.

As soon as we were inside the Head Common Room, James spoke.

"What just happened?" He asked slowly.

He still had a hold of my hand.

"I'm so sorry. That guy was harassing me and I didn't take my wand to practice. You walked past and I just said that I was with you." I explained.

James had the same look on his face like the one after he had kissed me.

"You do realize that Amos probably doesn't believe us? I know Diggory, and he won't give up until he gets what he wants. He's kind of Slytherin that way." James said making a grimace.

I frowned.

"Besides that, the schools biggest gossips just witnessed me kissing you and saying you were my girlfriend. So the whole school will know by tomorrow morning, if not earlier." James said.

I groaned.

"I'm so sorry, James." I said.

"I'll make it up to you somehow." I said.

James was quiet at first.

"Actually, Lily, I have a proposition for you." James said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"There is this girl who is apparently in love with me, Sirius says she's crazy. Anyways, I need to get away from her. She's sort of going into stalker mode. So I was thinking that since the whole school will think we're together by tomorrow morning anyways, we could just keep on acting like we really are. It works for the both of us, I get away from her and you get away from Amos." James said.

"Well, I guess it could work." I said unsurely.

"Alright, come on we've got a long night ahead of us." James said pulling me to the couch.

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Lily, if we are going to do this it has to seem real. Especially when we're at the 'kissing and holding hands in public', stage." James said.

"The what?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes.

"Sit." He said.

Wonder why _that_ sounds familiar.

"Alright." I said.

"Well when is my birthday?" He asked.

"Err, May?" I guessed.

"Not even close." He said.

I sighed. He was right. I didn't really know much about him. This _was_ going to be a long night.

We sat on the couch trying to get basic information about each other. James was really surprised to find out that I was only fifteen. We had been asking each other a lot of questions and it was getting late when I suddenly realized something…

"Uh, James, do uh, we umm, have to kiss each other?" I asked.

"I thought we already talked about this?" James said frowning.

"Oh, well about kissing, uh, I don't." I said.

My face was probably as red as my hair. Damn this fair skin.

"Its fine, you get used to it. I'll show you." James said.

I kept expecting James to lean forward but he didn't. He started telling me this funny story about Sirius pretending to sleep walk one night in their third year and Remus sending him a trip jinx that caused Sirius to fall down the boys dormitory stairs and break his leg. I was laughing and James started to twirl a piece of my hair around his finger. I didn't mind because I was feeling comfortable with James despite how close our faces were. I was still smiling about Sirius when James leaned into me and kissed me gently. I felt myself lean into him and before I realized it, James had his arms around my waist, and my hands were in his hair.

We pulled apart and we were both out of breath.

"Wow." That was all James said.

I looked at James' hair all messed up and started to laugh. I scooted away as soon as I realized our positions.

"So, what do you think our friends will say when they hear our plan?" I asked to break the awkwardness I suddenly felt.

"We can't tell them!" James said immediately.

I jumped at his outburst.

"Why not? I don't think they'd tell anybody." I said.

"It's just better if they think it's real as well. It's more convincing if our friends actually believe it." James said.

"Well, alright." I said unsurely.

I knew that when everyone found out tomorrow there would be many different reactions. Ashley would think it was sweet. Leah and Sarah would probably cheer and congratulate me. Tiffany was whose reaction worried me. I was afraid she would get angry, not because she was jealous or anything. But because she would feel like I abused her trust by not telling her. Tiffany kind of has an 'I-hate-the-male-species' thing.

The next morning at breakfast, I found out that James was right. The entire Great Hall seemed to go quiet upon our entrance. James didn't seem to mind though; he held my hand the whole time and led us to our friends at the Gryffindor table. Sirius was the first to speak.

"James, bloody hell you wouldn't believe what people are saying! They…" He trailed off, his eyes lingering on our hands.

James and I sat down together as people were pointing and whispering.

"Padfoot?" Peter asked as he waved a hand in front of Sirius' face.

Sirius didn't even blink.

"Padfoot?" Remus asked.

Sirius finally blinked and shook his head.

"I guess what everyone is saying is true then? I just thought that you would have told me, your best friend." Sirius said with a hurt look on his face.

Sirius immediately got up and left the Great Hall.

"So, how long have you been dating?" Peter asked trying to break the awkwardness.

Tiffany got up too, so fast that her pumpkin juice spilt but she just grabbed her bag and left. All day classes were hard because of this new drama and people's fascination about it. I felt miserable because Tiffany wouldn't even look at me. Sarah, Leah, and Ashley, as I predicted, were excited about my relationship with James. Though they could also tell I was sad about the cold shoulder Tiffany had been giving me all day. They all just kept telling me that Tiffany would come around eventually. But as the day progressed, I wasn't too sure about it.

During Transfiguration, Remus didn't say much to me either. We were all working on our human transfiguration projects. After about an hour, Remus finally said something other than 'would you pass that book?'.

"I just don't understand. It doesn't make sense." He whispered.

At first I thought he was talking about our project. Then I followed his gaze to James.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Remus. It just kind of happened. We were afraid of what people would think so we didn't tell anyone." I said.

"Even your friends?" Remus asked.

"Yes, especially our friends! We care about what you guys think more than anyone else." I said.

"So you thought that I wouldn't understand?" Remus asked with a hurt look on his face.

"Remus, I trust you, but I promised James we'd keep it between the two of us at first." I said.

Actually, that's not a lie. I did promise James something... Oh, who am I kidding? It still feels like a lie.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked.

Remus' face softened.

"No. You had your reasons. I understand." Remus said.

We both looked over at James. He was sitting by himself looking out the window. Sirius was James' partner, but he hadn't shown up to class.

"Poor James." Remus said.

"Why is Sirius so angry with him? Is it because I…" I said.

"No! Lily it isn't because of you. I don't think Sirius is really angry anyways. I think he is just hurt that James didn't tell him. They always tell each other everything. James is, well, Sirius' only family really." Remus said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, the Blacks are notorious as Slytherins. They have been for many generations and they've always been rumored to be into really dark magic. Anyway, I guess it started when Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor back in first year. Sirius and James were friends from day one. Sirius had never really agreed with any of his family's beliefs about blood purity. They fought about it a lot, Sirius was sort of viewed as the failure for not following the family's ways. Last year I think things got so bad for him at home that he finally left and moved in with James. Nobody else knows about any of it. But those two are like brothers. Sirius just showed up on James' doorstep one night in the pouring rain with his trunk and James just took him in, no questions asked. It wasn't until later that Sirius told us that he had run away for good. He's been with James ever since." Remus said.

I couldn't help to get a proud feeling for James. The way he just took Sirius in like that. At the same time though, I felt even worse for James. He and Sirius had a very strong bond, and despite what Remus said, it feels like I'm the very reason they aren't talking. I made up my mind to talk to Sirius.

Sirius didn't show up for dinner that night. I asked Remus where he was and Remus said that he had gone to the kitchens. Because I didn't know where the kitchens were, Remus escorted me down to them before heading back to Gryffindor tower.

"Lily? What are you doing down here?" Sirius asked when he turned around and saw me coming in.

"I was looking for you." I said sitting down across from him.

Sirius didn't say anything so I kept talking.

"Listen Sirius, I know that you and James have a strong bond. You're more than friends, brothers really, and I understand how important that is. I don't want to be the one to cause a rift between the two of you. If you don't want me dating James I won't." I said.

Sirius shook his head before making a reply.

"You're really something, you know that Evans?" He said.

"I'm trying to be serious here." I said.

He laughed.

"I can't believe you'd be willing to break things off with James because of me. James better not do anything stupid to drive you away or I'll kick his ass." Sirius said.

"Thanks?" I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not.

Sirius laughed again.

"Cupcake?" He offered me a pink cupcake.

I accepted.

"So you're ok then?" I wanted to clarify.

"I am. Though I think you're a bit self-centered to think that everything is always about _you_, Evans." He joked.

I rolled my eyes and enjoyed my cupcake. Now if I could only get Tiffany to come around, all would be at equilibrium.


	6. When You Thought It Was Good

**Chapter 6- When You Thought It Was Good…**

It seemed like the next couple of weeks passed by quickly at Hogwarts. Sirius and James were talking again. They acted as if nothing ever happened, and all was well in Marauder world. Tiffany would now look at me at least, though the disappointed looks I received made me wish that she was still ignoring me completely. The whole of Hogwarts seemed to accept James and I being together. There were no more rumors circulating or whispers following us. Dating James was beginning to be easier and maybe a little fun? I never protested when he kissed me, which happened often. Wouldn't everything be perfect if Tiffany, like the rest of Hogwarts, accepted James and me? I decided I would talk to her and get some answers. I've tried before, but she would always leave. This time though, I would make her listen. This time I had a plan.

"Hey Tiffany, can I talk to you for a bit?" Sirius asked.

"Sirius, we just got finished with Quidditch practice, I'm tired and I need a shower." Tiffany said, hoisting her broom on her shoulder.

"Tiffany it's really important, I promise I'll be quick." Sirius said.

Sirius gave her a sad, pleading look. Tiffany rolled her eyes before leaning her broom on the wall and crossing her arms.

"Fine, now what's this all about?" She said.

This is where I enter. I walked around the corner of the hall to face Tiffany and Sirius.

"It's about me and you." I said.

Tiffany rolled her eyes again. She grabbed her broom and tried to walk off, but Sirius stopped her.

"I don't have time for this." She said.

She tried to walk away, but again Sirius stopped her.

"Just listen to her please? This has gone on long enough don't you think?" Sirius said to Tiffany.

Tiffany sighed before turning to look at me.

"Listen, I don't understand why you're angry with me. Why won't you talk to me?" I asked.

"I talked to you at practice just fifteen minutes ago." Tiffany said.

"That was only so you could signal to me. Then you threw the ball so hard I think I'm going to bruise." I said as I rubbed my upper arm.

"Ohh, am I sensing some pent up anger?" Sirius said as he turned toward Tiffany.

She punched him on the arm.

"Not anymore." She said.

"Was that necessary? I'm only trying to mediate." Sirius said rubbing his arm.

"Tiffany, just tell me why you are mad at me. Please?" I said.

"You don't like James, do you? Are you just jealous?" Sirius asked.

Tiffany started laughing.

"That won't happen anytime soon." Tiffany said.

"Well than what is it?" I asked.

Tiffany looked away, like she was thinking. After a couple of seconds she looked back at me.

"I thought you were different Lily. I thought you wouldn't be like all those other girls who throw themselves at the Marauders. Don't you know that James is only using you? That's what the Marauders do. They use girls and break their hearts when they're finished." Tiffany said.

"We do not!" Sirius said.

"You are the worst, Sirius! No girl in her right mind would date you. You couldn't even go two weeks without dating a girl or using one." Tiffany said.

"Is that so!" Sirius asked.

"James isn't using me." I said.

Tiffany and Sirius turned to look at me, dropping their argument.

"James really likes me and I really like him. I'm not one of those girls who are just throwing themselves at the Marauders for a chance at popularity. If I was, do you think that I would have hidden it at first? Now what's this really about Tiffany? You know me better than to do something like that." I said

"Well, if this is so real, why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to find out from a raging Diggory who was trying to get answers from me?" Tiffany said.

"Amos tried to get answers from you? Why?" Sirius said.

Tiffany shrugged.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Tiffany. I'm sorry you had to find out through Amos Diggory's harassment. I just, I wanted to see how things went at first. I was trying to think of a way to tell you about it. I was worried about you from the beginning." I said.

I hated this, more lies.

"Why? Thought I would be jealous?" Tiffany asked smugly.

"No. I thought you would be hurt." I said.

Tiffany stood still.

"Well, if you knew than why did you do it?" Tiffany said.

"At least we're getting somewhere." Sirius muttered.

"Because I promised James that I wouldn't tell anyone." I said.

Tiffany just stood there.

"Is everything ok now?" Sirius asked.

"I brought you a peace offering. I know it's your favorite." I said.

I pulled out a chocolate chip cookie from my pocket and handed it to Tiffany. She looked at it for a couple of seconds before she started to laugh. I also started to laugh, and when Tiffany smiled at me, I knew everything was good between us.

"I have got to be the best mediator ever." Sirius said.

Tiffany and I looked at Sirius and then back at each other and started laughing again. Sirius looked confused and we only laughed harder.

The next morning was the first Quidditch game of the season, Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw. James had the whole team sit together, separated from everyone else.

"Make sure you all eat something." James said.

He sat down next to me and started eating like he does every morning. He wasn't nervous at all. I, on the other hand. felt like I was going to be sick. Of course I had played Quidditch at Drumstrang, but I didn't know anything about the other team players at Hogwarts. Playing against the same people for so long, you learn their weaknesses. I didn't know theirs. I told James and he smiled.

"They don't know yours either." He said.

"I feel like I'm unprepared." I said.

James loaded my plate with pancakes. He then proceeded to put peanut butter and syrup on them.

"Eat, you'll feel better. I know they're your favorite." He said.

He poured me a glass of water and started to eat his own food again.

I kept staring at him.

"What?" He asked looking back at me.

"It's nothing. It's just, that was nice of you. Thanks." I said.

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek.

"You're welcome." He said handing me my fork.

I smiled and started eating. James was right, I did feel better.

"Lily, come here." James said.

We were waiting to be announced onto the field. I walked to James and he grabbed my hands.

"Don't worry out there ok? I know you'll do excellent." He said.

James pulled my hands up and kissed them. I smiled and I looked up to catch Tiffany smiling as well.

"…and now the Gryffindor Team!" We heard.

We mounted our brooms and flew into the pitch.

"Here are Chasers: Lisa Knight, Tiffany Harpor, and our Head Girl - Lily Evans! The Beaters for Gryffindor are: Joe Plumpter and Sirius Black! And Seeker for Gryffindor is Captain and Head Boy, James Potter!" Remus' voice echoed through the stands.

I looked up into the commentator's box and smiled, Remus saluted me. He never told me he was commentator. The crowd was cheering so loud it was amazing. As soon as I was in the air I felt adrenalin rushing through me. My nervous feelings were replaced with excitement. The team flew around a couple more times before landing to start the game.

"Captains Potter and Hendrickson shake hands. The Quaffle is up, and look at that! Lily Evans takes the Quaffle and flies to the Ravenclaw goals with tremendous speed. She takes a shot and Scores on Ravenclaw keeper McGinnis! The score is ten to nothing, Gryffindor. Now Storm of Ravenclaw is in possession of the Quaffle. Storm drops the Quaffle due to the Bludger sent by Gryffindor Sirius Black. Harpor grabs the Quaffle and changes direction to the Ravenclaw goals. Harpor passes to Evans who passes to Knight who Scores! Gryffindor twenty, Ravenclaw zero. Gordon in possession, he passes to Storm. Gryffindor Beater Joe Plumpter sends a Bludger at him, and he passes back to Gordon- It's intercepted! Gryffindor Lily Evans intercepts the Quaffle and flies to the Ravenclaw goals. Ravenclaw Beater Terrence Roth hits a Bludger to Evans and misses. Black retaliates and hits the Bludger to Roth hitting him in the arm. That's got to hurt. Evans shoots at McGinnis, and Scores! Gryffindor score is thirty to zero." Remus commentated.

The crowd cheered wildly. I could barely hear them; the only thing I was concentrated on was the Quaffle. We scored ninety more points before the Snitch was sighted.

"Look the snitch has been spotted! Potter and Berrings are diving! They're going to hit the ground! Pull up! Pull up, James!" Remus shouted.

The crowd was on its feet and silenced. It looked like both Seekers were going to plow head first into the ground. Berrings pulled up shakily and almost lost control of his broom.

"James Potter catches the Snitch! Gryffindor win two hundred and seventy to zero! It's a shutout victory!" Remus announced.

The fans were screaming so loud it was insane. I flew to the ground with the team. James came running at me.

"Lily, we won! We won! You were amazing!" He said. He picked me up in his arms and swung me around. We were both laughing but when he sat me down I had tears running down my face.

"I can't believe you James! That dive! I thought you were going to die!" I screamed over the crowd. James smiled and kissed me right in the middle of the field as the people rushed down cheering.

After dinner that night there was a party in the Gryffindor common room. The Marauders had Butter beer and music set up when we arrived. Who knew they were so resourceful? I cast a silencing charm over the door so that we wouldn't be heard and get into trouble. As Head Girl I'm supposed to stop these parties, but as a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, I wanted to celebrate. Gryffindor students kept coming up to me and congratulating me and I didn't even know most of them.

James and Sirius had a large group surrounding them as they retold the game from their perspectives for about the tenth time. I was on the opposite side of the room with Leah and Ashley. Sarah was gone; she said she needed to speak with Professor Stigma about an assignment due this week. Tiffany was talking to Matt McKinnon next to Lisa and Joe who were snagging on the couch. I kept watching James amongst all the girls who were fawning for him. I don't know how long I was watching James. I wasn't even listening to Leah and Ashley.

"Jealous much?" I turned to face a half drunken Matt McKinnon.

"What are you drinking?" I asked disapprovingly.

"Nothing, it's just Butter beer. Want some?" He said.

I shook my head no and realized Ashley and Leah were gone. I turned back to look at James. He and Sirius were still standing next to the fireplace drinking and talking to the girls.

"You know Lily; you're too good for Potter. What do you want to do with someone like him anyways? Look at him. Over there with all those girls when he could be keeping you company." Matt said.

Matt put his arm around my shoulder and I kept looking at James. James caught my eye and I looked away, to Matt.

"He's always the center of attention. He has to be. He loves being worshiped and wanted by girls. So where do you think you come in? What do you think you mean to him? Maybe you're just another song, perhaps?" Matt said.

I sighed. It was plainly obvious James had a fan club of girls. I hadn't even talked to him since the party started.

"Drink?" Matt said.

I took the bottle and when I put it in my mouth to take a small sip, Matt tipped the bottle and held it up. I think I drank it all. My throat felt like it was on fire. I started coughing. I don't know why I drank it; I just didn't want to think about what Matt was saying. My eyes were watering and then I was being pulled away from Matt.

"McKinnon, what are you doing?" James shouted.

I could feel a headache coming on, and James pulled me a little too fast so that I felt really dizzy.

"Whoa… Lily! Stand up. Are you okay?" James said.

I could barely see what was going on. Everything was blurry. But I could hear voices accurately. It was like people were all talking through megaphones.

"What did you do McKinnon?" James demanded.

"Hey man, I didn't do anything. I just gave her a drink. We were just talking. I didn't know she couldn't handle it. I was just trying to get her to drink more to cheer her up!" Matt said.

The floor was spinning, the ceiling was spinning... _everything_ was spinning. I slipped out of James arms and stumbled toward the floor until someone else had grabbed a hold of me.

"James, mate, she's drunk." Sirius said.

"Prongs, she needs to lye down." Remus said.

"I'd wager she's going to need a toilet soon as well. She doesn't look like she can hold liquor very well." Sirius said.

"McKinnon said she drank this." I groaned and blinked as I looked up to see Peter holding a bottle up.

I was transferred so that I was now leaning heavily into James and it felt like I was sinking toward the floor.

"How much did she drink?" Remus asked.

"All of it, I think." Peter said.

"Damn it, someone help me get her to the Head Common Room. Peter, you go get the cloak from Sirius' trunk." James said.

"Why use the cloak?" Sirius asked.

"Do you really think Lily wants people to see her like this? Especially that she's the Head Girl?" Remus answered.

I was being moved again. And it made me dizzy. I groaned. Dizziness made my stomach feel funny.

"What's the matter with her?" Ashley asked worriedly.

"McKinnon got her drunk." Sirius said.

"Will she be alright? Do you need any help?" Ashley asked.

"I'm taking her to her room. Don't worry, I can take care of her." James said.

My legs went out, but I was in James' arms. I think he picked me up to carry me because I could smell him the way you do when someone hugs you. And my head was pounding.

"How are you feeling Lily?" James asked.

I looked around and I noticed I was in the bathroom floor of the Head's dormitory. I felt so nasty. I was a little dizzy and my stomach hurt, my head felt like it was going to explode.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well, you drank an entire bottle of Firewhiskey. Matt got punched in the face. With some help, I got you in here and you've been vomiting for the past hour. I think you've got most of it out of your system though, so you'll start becoming aware of the pain." James said.

"I've been out of it for an hour?" I asked.

"Something like that I guess." James said.

"You punched Matt?" I asked.

"I didn't, I was occupied with making sure nobody seen you drunk. I think it was Remus actually. He was very fast in defending your honor." James said chuckling.

"Matt wasn't going to do anything." I said feeling bad for McKinnon.

"It was Remus, he didn't really punch him. But he did give him a strong talking to." James said laughing again.

I managed a small smile. James put a cold cloth on my forehead.

"So how are you feeling?" James asked.

"Very tired." I answered.

"I think you're done vomiting, so you need to drink this potion. It will help you, though I would advise you hold your nose when you drink it." James said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's a hangover potion Sirius brewed. We always keep some stored away." James said.

I drank it as fast as I could. It was horribly disgusting.

"Now let's get you in bed." James said.

He helped me stand up and carried me to my room.

"Is the party still going on?" I asked.

"Probably, they usually last well into the night until McGonagall breaks us up. Though with you're silencing charm they'll probably get to keep celebrating until they drop." James said.

"Are you going back?" I asked him.

"I was going to stay here and keep an eye on you." James said.

"Sorry you missed most of the party." I said.

James smiled slightly at me.

"You are the party, vomit and all." James said.

I smiled.

"Goodnight Lily. I'll be just across the hall if you need me. I'll check on you in an hour." He said walking out of the room and closing the door.

The next couple of weeks went by really fast. James and I were still dating, Quidditch was going well, and classes were good.

Halloween was excellent. That night during the Halloween feast, something very odd happened during the dessert course. As soon as everyone started eating, the enchanted jack-o-lanterns started to scream names at the Slytherins before they hurled themselves at them. Many screams erupted in the hall and when anyone tried to destroy the jack-o-lanterns they multiplied! If you tried to stun them, they flew at the person stunning them vigorously and smashed themselves on them. It became apparent when Professor Wilkes tried to stun one before it smashed on Severus Snape. The teachers didn't try to stop them in any other way in fear it wouldn't work and something more disastrous occurred. So nothing could be done until all of the jack-o-lanterns had smashed themselves into a Slytherin. Most of the Great Hall was laughing at the state of the Slytherins who were all covered in pumpkin. As everyone laughed, the bats flying around the ceiling started to fly at everyone except Slytherins. The Slytherins seemed delighted about this. But just before a bat hit someone it exploded into some type of Honeydukes candy. The Slytherins stopped smiling immediately. Everyone else relaxed and grabbed for more bats.

Professor McGonagall stood up, and as if she were a cue, the Marauders all stood on the Gryffindor tables and bowed. McGonagall rolled her eyes and assigned all of them detentions. When she said the word detention, a banner appeared above the Head table reading: Happy Halloween! Dumbledore started chuckling.

"Well I must say, now that punishments have been given out, that was quite a display of magic. Five points each to: Mr. Lupin, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, and Mr. Pettigrew." Dumbledore said.

The Marauders bowed and followed McGonagall out of the Great Hall while applauds from most of the students echoed after them.

None of the teachers even bothered to clean up the mess or take down the banner. Most of them seem to enjoy it, except for Professor Wilkes who was still covered in pumpkin.

November brought the next Quidditch game, Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff. I sat in the stands with our friends as we watched the game and listened to Remus commentate.

Hufflepuff beat Ravenclaw two hundred and twenty to forty. James was trying to watch all of the moves Hufflepuff made. He was thinking up tactics and strategies and telling us about them. We all told him to shut up at least twice.

December brought freezing weather. It was always cold; rarely did anyone go outside unless they had a class out there.

It was December fifteenth; I was sitting at breakfast when I got a letter. I hadn't been expecting Charlie to write me back so soon; I had just sent a letter last night. But when I took the letter, I recognized the handwriting not as Charlie's, but as my mother's. I knew that whatever was in this letter wasn't good news. She never sent anything to me by wizard post. I stuck the letter in my pocket while James gave me a strange look. Whatever horrible thing was in this letter, I didn't want anyone to know.


	7. It All Comes Crashing Down

**Chapter 7- …It All Comes Crashing Down**

I quickly walked outside into the cold weather and noticed for the first time that the lake had already frozen over. I sat down on a hill that overlooked the lake and pulled the letter from my mother out of my pocket and opened it letter very slowly. I knew this wasn't going to be good.

Once I had read the letter I screamed in anger, pain, frustration, and hopelessness. I was experiencing all of these feelings at once while also feeling nothingness. I was so angry at my mother, yet I was also crying and I felt so alone.

What did the letter say? Well, my mother has sold me! Like a slave. Slavery was horrible, but this was so much worse, more sickening in my opinion. People sold slaves for money. What did my mother sell me for? It was for a good impression on society. It was a little way to boost her popularity. I am now promised to someone! A betrothal! I'm supposed to marry someone that I don't even know! I don't know him, his name, and I know I don't love him.

I cried. How long? I don't know but it felt like hours. It must have been many hours, and each one seeming like it would last for eternity. There was no future beyond this moment. I only thought of my misery. I was sitting next to the lake just crying when I felt something wet hitting different spots of my face. It had started to rain, within moments it was a full-on down pour. It was like the sky was crying for me.

I just sat there on the ground, in the rain. It was so cold, but I was beginning to feel numb anyways. After awhile (I really couldn't tell you how long) it seemed like the rain was slowing down. Then I realized that it was turning into snow. The snow was falling beautifully. It was the first snowfall this winter. I had loved winter in the past, but sitting next to the frozen lake right now in this very moment had ruined it all. I couldn't see the snow as something I once loved to dance in, play with, and taste. It had lost its power to turn everything beautiful in its perfect whiteness. Now, it is only coldness. Like the coldness which yearns to overtake my soul. It freezes and destroys. It kills. The snow falls, no more bringing life with the joy of those it touches, but it brings death. I looked at the trees it was covering and I felt their pain. They were dieing. They seemed so strong and beautiful on the outside, but they were dieing on the inside. Or maybe, I thought, they were already dead.

It was getting dark outside. I had skipped lunch and dinner completely. The snow was still falling and the ground had been covered completely. I finally walked back inside the castle to the Head Commons. I opened the door to see James sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. I took a cautious step toward him and he looked up quickly when he heard the squeak of the floor board. When he recognized me, he jumped up and rushed to my side.

"Lily! Where have you been? Sirius was gone in Hogsmeade with the map and, I didn't know how to find you, I was looking all over the castle and-"James paused looking at me.

Map? What map? Why was Sirius in Hogsmeade?

"Are you okay?" He asked.

He put a hand to my forehead.

"Merlin, Lily! You're burning up!" He said.

I didn't really feel hot, just tired. Very tired. My head was tired of thinking. My body was just tired of everything.

"James, I-" I passed out.

I opened my eyes and looked around. Where was I? It was dark and I couldn't really make out my surroundings. I felt something move. I say I felt something move because that something was on my legs. I lay still until I realized that it was breathing. It was a person. That person sat up suddenly and looked at me. It was a very tired looking James Potter.

"Lily?" He asked.

James stood up suddenly and came to the head of my bed. The first thing he did was kiss me.

"I was so worried about you. Oh my god, I thought you were going to die." James said.

"What happened?" I asked sitting up with James' help.

"You passed out. You were burning up, so I brought you to the hospital wing as quick as I could. It was bad Lily, really bad. Madame Prynne couldn't get your fever to break. Dumbledore and McGonagall tried everything they could think of, but your fever wouldn't break. … I thought you were going to die. … I thought I was going to lose you." James said.

"How long have I been here?" I asked.

"Five days. Today is Thurs- well actually its Friday morning. About three I think." James said trying to read his watch in the moonlight that poured through the hospital wing windows.

"Five days?" I asked.

James nodded and I took notice to his appearance. His robes were badly wrinkled, his hair was mused, and he had bags under his eyes. I looked over to the chair James was sitting in when I awoke. It had a blanket and pillow in it.

"Have you been here the whole time?" I asked.

"Yes, I haven't left the hospital wing once." James said.

James looked dreadful. He yawned and rubbed his eyes behind crooked glasses. At that moment, I felt something strange. I couldn't understand it, but it was nice. It was this strange feeling inside me. It was happy, but it burned. I don't really know how to describe it any better.

"Come here." I said.

I pulled down my blanket and scooted over.

"Are you sure?" James asked.

"Yes." I said.

James took off his glasses and shoes and climbed into the bed beside me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him. I didn't protest, I wrapped my arms around him and held him just as close. That was the way we fell asleep, and the way we were found.

…

I was released a week later. Christmas break was close, so Dumbledore suggested that I stay out of class until holidays are over so that I can rest and make up the work I've already missed. It was a very nice gesture and I was more than thankful to accept it.

James was being protective of me since my hospital discharge. He wouldn't let me go outside of the castle at all. The only times I even left the Head commons were on days James would escort me to the Great Hall for a meal with my friends. Usually he would have a house elf bring us food in the Head commons. I was not someone to take orders from anyone, but I thought it was cute and I think he liked it.

I was sitting by the window watching the snow fall one day while James was gone to class when I heard a noise behind me. I turned around and seen Remus coming down the staircase with a light dusting of snow covering him. Obviously he had come in through James' window.

"Remus, what are you doing here?" I asked in pleasant way.

I was glad to have someone to talk to.

"McGonagall let me out of Transfiguration, seeing as I have no partner. So I decided to visit you without James' constant supervision." Remus said.

"Oh." I said smiling.

I started talking to Remus and told him about my mother's letter. He was shocked at the news.

"You have no idea of who he is? What if he's not magical?" Remus asked.

"Does it really matter? I wouldn't care if he were gorgeous or deformed; the muggle Prince or Amos Diggory. I could never have any feelings for him." I said.

Remus was quiet for a couple of minutes before he asked me another question.

"So you have feelings for James then?" He asked.

"Yes, of course I do. We _are_ dating you know." I said.

"I know more than you think. Like the fact that it's all just pretend." Remus said.

"What? How did you know that?" I asked.

"I didn't actually, that was a bluff. I had my suspicions from the beginning though. You see, I knew it didn't make sense because James would never cheat on anybody and he broke up with Emily Meyers the next day. Though I wouldn't really say that he was dating her, it was more of a fling thing. Anyways, I heard it from Lana Isaacs, one of the Hufflepuffs who seen the famous incident, she told me exactly what happened. I figured that it was an excuse to get away from Diggory. Who wouldn't want to get away from that womanizer, he's quite possibly worse than Sirius and that's saying something. Now, the part that confuses me is why you are still 'dating' James when Amos Diggory has a girlfriend." Remus said with a smirk.

"Well Remus, if you're so clever, then how about you tell me?" I said.

I crossed my arms and huffed loudly while Remus laughed. He was so bloody annoying. He always knew everything.

"I have a theory." Remus answered.

I rolled my eyes.

"Of course you do." I said.

"I think it has everything to do with the day you woke up when you were in the Hospital Wing." Remus said.

What? I was confused. The day I woke up, Madame Prynne made me drink all kinds of nasty potions.

"So what are you doing for Christmas?" Remus asked, changing the topic.

"You're so annoying some times." I said.

"I'd prefer observant. My question?" Remus said.

"Well, I'm definitely not going home! I already wrote to my horrible mother telling her that I'm staying here to study for NEWTS. My excuse was 'to prepare for the test that allows me to become a full witch.' Hopefully the prospect of me becoming a fully trained witch who can use magic whenever I like will scare her enough to just accept that I'm not coming home and she'll leave me in peace for the entire break." I said.

Remus laughed at the way I explained the NEWTS to my mother.

"You can't stay at the castle for Christmas!" Someone shouted from behind us.

Remus and I turned around to see James coming into the Heads common room from the main entrance.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because nobody stays for the holidays. You'll be bored out of your mind!" James said taking a seat next to me.

Remus sat back quietly watching us.

"You're coming home with me." James said.

"What! James, I can't do that." I said.

"Why can't you? Besides, Sirius is coming, and my mum says she'd be delighted to have you." James said.

"Yeah, sure she did." I said.

James pulled out a letter from his pocket and gave it to me. It was from his mother, she said she'd be delighted to have me.

"You already asked her?" I asked.

"I was planning on asking you tonight." James said.

"What if I said no?" I said.

"Are you going to say no?" James asked smiling and raising his eyebrows.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked.

James rolled his eyes and kissed me. It was a very lovely kiss if I do say so, but I caught Remus smirking when I opened my eyes.

"Besides, I don't think I could go a day without kissing you." James said.

Remus was grinning and his face betrayed that fact that he was trying very hard not to laugh. I glared at him playfully when he actually did start laughing.

"What?" James asked him.

"Oh nothing, I need to talk to Sirius." Remus said.

He got up and walked out of the common room.

"What's going on with Remus?" James asked.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Who knows? Now where were we at?" I asked.

James started to laugh.

"Right here." He said as he started to kiss me again.

I wrote to Charlie, telling him I was going to James' for Christmas. Charlie was furious when he found out what mum had done. It had been his suggestion for me to stay at Hogwarts. This would be my first Christmas without Charlie. I was really sad that I wouldn't get to see him. We had been writing a lot since I had been released from the Hospital wing. Apparently, I really was close to dieing because Charlie said that the day I passed out he got really sick all of a sudden. He said he could tell that there was something wrong with me and that he couldn't reach me telepathically.

The first day of break was on Saturday. All of the students who were leaving for Christmas had to ride the carriages down to the train.

James had to literally pull me in to one of them. Everyone gave me strange looks.

"How can you stand so close to them?" I asked Sirius.

Sirius gave Remus a look like he thought I was crazy before he glanced at the creatures.

"Stand close to what?" Sirius asked me.

"Those right there! Can't you see them?" I asked.

"See what, Lily?" Leah asked with a confused look.

"I understand. It's ok Lily, its safe." Remus said.

Remus gave me a sad look and I couldn't understand why everyone was looking at me strangely. Didn't they see them?

The train ride wasn't as lonely as it was the first time I rode it. I sat with James' arm around me the whole time. Sirius and Peter played exploding snap while everyone else talked. Everyone except Remus, that is. He didn't say a word the entire time. He read the same page of his book throughout the ride while glancing at me. I thought there must be something bothering him, but I didn't say anything with everyone around.

It took a while for the nine of us to get our luggage off of the train but we finally managed it and as soon as we were all off of the train, I heard a familiar voice shouting my name.

"Lils!" Everyone turned towards the person shouting my name.

"Charlie?" I screamed in excitement.

I dropped my trunk and ran to Charlie, jumping in his open arms.

"Oh I missed you so much Lils!" Charlie said.

He kissed me on the cheek.

"No offense, but who the bloody hell are you?" Sirius asked.

Charlie gave me a hurt look.

"Lils, I can't believe you didn't tell your friends about me." Charlie said.

"That would have contradicted the 'secret' part of secret lovers." I said.

Everyone gasped and opened their mouths in shock. Charlie and I busted out laughing.

"You should have seen your faces!" Charlie said.

"Guys, this is my brother Charlie! We're twins!" I said.

"Twins?" Leah asked looking at Charlie.

"Yeah." I said.

"Bit kinky isn't it?" Sirius asked.

"You must be Sirius." Charlie said sticking out his hand.

Sirius smiled broadly and shook his hand.

"The one and only." Sirius said.

Everyone introduced themselves to Charlie.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Surprising you!" Charlie said.

"Wait a second." James said.

"What?" Charlie asked.

"How did you get past the barrier onto the platform?"


	8. It Wasn't Real

**Chapter 8- It Wasn't Real**

Apparently Charlie did have a surprise for me. He was a wizard! He said he got a letter from Professor Dumbledore saying that he had traces of magic in his blood. He started training with two prestigious aurors to learn the first six years of schooling that he had missed. But how could this be possible? If Charlie was magical then why didn't he get a letter when I did at age eleven? It doesn't really make any sense. This was all overwhelming, but it was only part of the surprise. The aurors training Charlie were none other than Henry and Charlotte Potter. They were James' parents! I was so caught up in my excitement that Charlie was a wizard that it didn't even matter that it didn't make sense. I didn't take the time to think about it really.

We said quick goodbyes to our friends. The portkey that Charlie had brought was about to activate itself and leave us behind. James, Sirius, Charlie, and I all grabbed a hold of the parchment and seconds later we were landing in the floor of a nice, warm looking house.

"Home sweet home." James said.

"Couldn't have said it better myself Prongs." Sirius said.

We all got to our feet and dusted off.

"I'm off to find mum and dad." Sirius said.

Everyone started to follow Sirius as he walked out of the room, but I didn't move. James turned around and noticed that I was staying behind.

"Lily? What's wrong? Do you need help with your trunk?" James asked.

"Er, James, I've never met your parents before." I said.

"Oh, I see what this is about." James said sitting down on my trunk and watching me.

"Well, what if they don't like me? What if I do something stupid?" I said.

I was so scared. I had heard about James' parents from Leah. She said that they were very important, prominent people in the wizarding world. What if I made a complete fool of myself? What if they reject me because I am muggle born and they are all pure blooded?

"Lily, listen to me, my parents will love you. They probably know all about you anyways, and I know they were looking forward to meeting you. Don't worry about anything. I'll be right beside you ok?" James said.

James kissed my hand and held it as he led me out of the room and down a very long hall way into another room. When we walked in, I saw Charlie and Sirius sitting on a couch together and two people who must be James' parents on the opposite couch. James' parents got up as we approached them.

"Oh Lily, I've heard so much about you!" James' mother said as she hugged me.

His mother actually hugged me! I was shocked. I must have looked shocked as well because Sirius was laughing and James smirked at me.

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Potter." I said.

"Oh Lily, call me Charlotte, I insist." She said.

"Lily, this is my dad." James said.

"It's nice to meet you Lily. Call me Henry." James' father said as he shook my hand and smiled warmly at me.

"It's so great to finally meet you Lily. I've heard so much about you. It seems that you're all James ever talks about in his letters." Charlotte said.

"Mum!" James said.

Sirius and Henry started to laugh at James who was blushing like there was no tomorrow.

"Am I missing something?" Charlie asked with a confused look on his face.

"Guess James didn't want his girlfriend to know he just _gushes_ about her to mum and dad." Sirius said as he laughed.

Charlie instantly lost color in his face.

"Girlfriend?" He muttered as he shot an angry look my way.

"Would you excuse Lily and me? I'd really like the chance to catch up with my sister for a bit." Charlie said politely.

"Of course Charlie, there's no need to ask." Charlotte said.

"_Charlie, that's a bit rude you know."_ I thought to Charlie.

"_Lils, we're going to talk, now!"_ Charlie thought.

I followed him out quickly. We walked up several staircases and down many halls. The whole time Charlie was quiet. We reached his room and he shut the door quickly.

"Sit." He said.

"Charlie, would you calm down?" I said.

"Calm down? How could you not tell me Lillian! We tell each other everything! How could you keep this from me? To think that some guy has been doing who knows what to you and I couldn't protect you or anything… "I interrupted Charlie.

"Stop it." I said.

"What?" He asked startled that I had interrupted him.

Usually I let him just ramble on until he calms down and apologizes to me profusely for getting upset.

"Stop calling me Lillian, you sound like mother." I said.

Charlie's stern face fell immediately and was replaced with pity.

"I'm sorry Lils." Charlie said.

"Don't be." I said sitting down on his bed.

It was quiet for a few minutes as neither one of us spoke. Then Charlie sat down beside me and held my hand. I started to cry as I thought about mother and her stupid plan for me. Charlie pulled me into a hug and started to rub my back as he comforted me.

"Oh Lils, don't cry." Charlie said.

"Why can't I just grow up and live with you forever?" I asked.

Charlie chuckled and pulled back looking at my face and smiling.

"As much as it would make all my dreams come true, I don't think that James would like it very much. Now I understand why he was glaring at me when we pulled the whole 'secret lovers' thing back at the station." Charlie said.

I laughed suddenly remembering it.

"There's that beautiful smile." Charlie said.

"Sorry I didn't tell you about him." I said.

Charlie nodded.

"Want to tell me everything now?" Charlie asked.

So I told him everything that happened starting with Amos and the plan that evolved. I told him about my conversations with Remus and everything that has happened since.

"That's interesting Lils. Remus sounds pretty clever. I think he knows more about what's going on then you do." Charlie said.

"Remus is clever, and it is so annoying." I laughed.

"But what do you mean he knows more than me?" I asked.

The door opened and Sirius and James came in. Sirius ran and jumped on the bed as James stood in the doorway looking cautious.

"Nice room Charlie. I'm just across the hall and James is on the left." Sirius said.

James eyes got wide and he glared at Sirius for telling Charlie where his room was. Charlie sighed.

"Come in James. I'm not going to kill you yet." Charlie said.

James came in and stood in front of Charlie. They stared at each other before Charlie shook James' hand. I rolled my eyes, boys and their stupid ways.

"Everything is good?" James asked me.

Apparently he could tell that I had been crying.

"Great." I said.

James sighed.

"That's good because I really wasn't looking forward to death at such a young age." James said.

Everyone started laughing. This was definitely going to be an interesting Christmas.

Charlie got along well with Sirius and James. All of them were running around the house and constantly wrecking havoc. One time I was looking for a book in the library when a whole row of books fell off on top me. I could hear hushed laughter as I got aggravated. The three of them were either jinxing everything in sight or were locked up in a room for long periods of time. When it was quiet, I got really worried. Who knew what they were planning? Several nights after our arrival at the Potter Manor, I was with James in his room lying on his bed, just talking.

"Lily, can I ask you something?" James asked.

"Sure, what is it?" I asked.

"Are you disappointed that I was your first kiss?" James said.

I wasn't really expecting that question.

"Honestly, I hadn't realized it. I mean, I knew, but I just hadn't put it together I guess." I said.

"I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking about a lot of things actually." James said.

"I'm not disappointed, but can I ask you a question?" I said.

"What?" He asked.

"Who was the girl that liked you? The one you were trying to get away from?" I asked.

James didn't say anything immediately. He looked from the ceiling to my face before looking back up.

"Did you know that Remus knew our plan? He knew that we weren't really dating." James said.

"Nice try James, why are you trying to change the subject?" I asked.

James ignored my last question.

"I was talking to him before break. More like confiding in him really, and then after I had rambled on for almost an hour he told me that he knew about our secret plan. I was telling him all of these…feelings I had. I had realized something pretty big you know?" James said.

"Why won't you tell me who it is?" I asked.

Why was he not even acknowledging me? I was beginning to get aggravated when James finally looked at me with a scared look on his face. He sighed and squeezed my hand.

"There was no girl Lily." He said.

"What?" I asked.

"I made it up." James said.

I sat up quickly. James sat up slowly and sighed.

"What do you mean you made it up? Why?" I asked.

"I kissed you that night in the hallway and I liked it." James said.

"So you wanted to use me?" I asked angrily.

"Lily, I'm not really sure why I did it. I just, I don't know, but I'm glad I did it." He said.

I was standing and yelling by this point.

"Well of course you are!" I yelled.

I started pacing the room. All of this was happening so fast. I was confused and angry at the same time. I think I was cursing in French! I looked up when James held my face in his hands. He looked so sincere and I think the only reason I didn't push him away was because I was so shocked.

"Lily, I want to be with you for real. I love you." James said.

I just stood there in shock. He loved me? My brain was having trouble processing everything. James grabbed my hands and held them as he watched me. Then I remembered his lie and anger coursed through me. I ripped my hands away and James had a hurt look on his face.

"What? How? No!" It was all I could manage to say.

James grabbed my hands again.

"Lily, I'm sorry. Please, just believe me." He said.

I jerked my hands away again.

"No! How could you do this to me? How could you use me and lie to me?" I screamed.

"Lily I'm not using you! I'm in love with you!" James shouted.

I started shaking my head. I was about to have some type of break down. I needed to get out of here.

"I need to leave." I swallowed.

I walked to the door and James stood in front of me.

"Lily, please." He said.

He was begging me. He was begging me not to leave. I was so confused.

"This was all just pretend!" I screamed.

James looked like he had just been stabbed in the chest. He stumbled to the side and I rushed out of the room slamming the door shut. When I was in the hall I stopped at the presence of a shocked looking Sirius Black. I quickly assessed that he had probably heard everything and so I quickly walked past him and into my own room.

I sat at my desk and held my head in my hands. James said that he had real feelings for me. He said that he loved me! I've never had anyone say that to me before. When James told me I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say and I still don't. James must be heartbroken. He tells me that he loves me and I just walk out on him? What kind of person does that? I felt terrible. At that moment the door opened and I turned around to face Sirius. He closed the door behind him as he walked in and sat on my bed facing me.

"So…" He said.

"So…" I said nervously.

"You and James are over then?" He asked.

"Sirius, you heard us in there." I said.

"So what if I did? You didn't answer my question." He said.

"We were never really going out. It was all a plan from the beginning, just pretend." I said.

Sirius snorted.

"I knew the plan." He said.

"Oh." I said.

"Lily, let me tell you something. I've know James for most of my life, and I know him better than anybody. So believe me when I tell you that James was never pretending with you." Sirius said.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm telling you that James wasn't lying when he said that he had feelings for you. He has for quite some time now. At least, he's had a particularly strong feeling for you for some time now." Sirius said lying back on the bed and folding his arms behind his head.

"I don't think you were pretending either." He added.

"What? How could you-"He cut me off.

"Here you go." He said tossing a black leather book at me.

"What's this?" I asked.

Sirius sat up and smirked at me.

"It's the answers to all of your questions." He said.

Before I could further inquire about the book Sirius got up and left the room with a simple 'goodnight'.

I opened the book and I recognized the handwriting that filled it to belong to James. It was his journal. I read a random entry from it.

_Journal,_

_Last night the Marauders pranked the Slytherin's. It was bloody wicked! We snuck into the dorms and turned their hair maroon with a charm Mooney found in the library. Wormtail was supposed to be our lookout, but he tripped on a carpet and almost woke up everyone in the sixth year boy's dorm! We've already learned not to let him do any of the magic. 'He's almost useless' Padfoot says. Sometimes I agree with Padfoot. If we ever get caught, it's mostly because we cover for Wormtail. That's why Sirius and I have the record for the most detentions as third year students! We always cover up for Wormtail. A Marauder always looks out for their fellow Marauder. Padfoot reckons that we could beat the school record for most detentions because we've got a good head start. Wouldn't it be wicked if we got it by the time we're seventh years? The Marauder legacy will live on!_

_James_

I flipped through third, fourth, fifth, and sixth years. I really only wanted to look at his more recent entries. I was surprised to see that James talked about me a lot, even before we started our 'plan'. I read the entry from the night it started.

_Journal,_

_Quidditch practice was great today. I think we're going to win the cup again this year. I'll admit I was a little nervous when Riley Summers graduated. Thankfully we have Lily and she is the best chaser in the school. I'm only glad she's on my team. It wouldn't be too great to play against her. I don't think she realizes how competitive she is when she plays. And I thought Tiffany was bad. But there is more to Lily than Quidditch skills. She's beautiful and nice and funny and smart. I mean, she pranks us sometimes! Can you believe that? There is a girl that exists with a sense of humor. She is the perfect girl, except that I think she likes Matt McKinnon. I would have liked to take her to Hogsmeade when I heard Matt ask Tiffany about Lily after practice. I got mad and made the team run laps as I came back to the castle. I'll have to apologize tomorrow. I'm going to the kitchens to get something to eat._

………………

_Man I am glad I decided to go to the kitchens! Mind you, I never made it there. I ran into Diggory and he was harassing Lily! So I stepped in and saved the day. It was very heroic if I do say so myself. Ha. Anyways we told that git, Diggory that Lily and I were together so he would bugger off. Then I kissed Lily in front of him. It was perfect. But, I got this weird feeling that I could be kissing Matt's girl, and I didn't like it. It made me jealous as hell. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing her with him. When I was looking at her, it was like I could picture her with me. When we got back to the common room I made up something about a stalker girl and that Lily and I should pretend to date so other people would leave us alone. It was pretty clever considering I thought it up in mere seconds. Lily agreed to it, so now we are (unofficially) officially dating. I am a genius._

_James_

So Sirius was right? James did like me before we started our plan. But that still doesn't make it ok to use someone. Reading that last entry frustrated me, but I read on. I found one from right before we left for Christmas. I was shocked after reading this entry.

_Journal,_

_Christmas is in a week and everyone will be leaving in a few days. I'm ecstatic that Lily is coming with me. I don't think I would have survived a day without seeing her. I love kissing her and holding her hand and just being with her! But, you see, that's the problem. I'm falling in love with Lily. Everything is all just pretend to her, but I know that I'm not pretending. It hurts to know that what we have isn't real. That night in the hospital wing, when Lily woke up, I was so relieved. I was scared that she was going to die! What if I never got the chance to tell her how I feel about her? That was when I really knew that I loved Lily. That night with her was like, well, it was like we weren't pretending anymore. It's like I could tell by the way she looked at me. I was so scared to lose her, so, I've decided that I'm going to tell Lily that I love her over Christmas. I'm scared of what she will say. I would love to think that she would get excited and say that she feels the same, but I know Lily better than that. First she's going to get pissed at me. I know she'll feel betrayed and angry with me, I can't really blame her. I just hope that I can show her that I need her. I love her, and I don't think I can be without her._

_James_

I closed the book and looked out the window. It was still snowing and I realized it was almost midnight. It was almost Christmas Eve. I watched the snow fall for a little while, and then I remembered something that happened after I had got out of the hospital. James and I were sitting in the heads common room looking out the window and watching the snow fall, kind of like I was now. James told me that he loved winter because it made everything beautiful. When he said that, I started thinking about everything I felt when I was outside after reading my mother's letter.

"How can you think this is beauty when everything is dead?" I had asked him.

"No Lily, not dead. It's never dead. Look at the trees. They have no pretty blossoms or lush green leaves. They are bare. There's nothing to hide them or cover them up. They are showing everyone what they truly look like, what they really are. You can just feel their strength, you know? To be so…naked I guess, and to still stand so strong. I think that's beautiful. They are perfect and with the snow covering them with its whiteness, everything looks the same. Everything is united. It's not dead Lily, when the snow melts, everything grows back to what most people imagine as real beauty. But this, covered in the snow, is what I think beauty really is. They are in their true element." James had said.

It was so poetic like. It's like I understood James' heart. I had known this all along, but I had let pain and hatred blind me from what was real. I had smiled at James and he smiled back. I liked that about James, how he was so passionate about life. He treasured the simple things and he appreciated the beauty life possessed.

I'm not sure why, but I had this impulse to see James. I guessed everyone to be sleeping by now, but I quietly walked to James' room. As I entered the dark room and quietly closed the door, I walked over to James' bed. To my surprise, James was awake and staring at a spot above his bed. He glanced at me before he scooted over to make space for me. I sat on the edge of his bed and sat the book down.

"I thought I should return this to you." I whispered nervously.

He glanced at his journal before looking back to the ceiling.

"So that's where it got to." He said, still not looking at me.

I was getting aggravated that James wouldn't even look at me. I decided that I should just leave, as I stood up James reached out for my hand. I turned to find him looking into my eyes.

"Stay with me?" He whispered.

I obliged and lye down next to him. When I looked up I noticed what was keeping his attention earlier. He had charmed his canopy to reflect the night sky. There were so many stars, it was beautiful.

"Wow. This is amazing. Why didn't I see it before?" I whispered.

"It's only there at night." He whispered back.

"There's Sirius, Padfoot added that one a couple of years ago." James said.

I couldn't believe I was getting nervous talking to James. But, I guess I did have a few good reasons like: One- if someone found us it would look suspicious, two- James wasn't wearing anything but boxers, and three- James had told me he had loved me. I was thinking about this when James held my hand. We were silent for awhile and I started to get sleepy so I sat up to leave.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

"I'm tired." I said while yawning.

"Would you stay with me?" James asked.

I don't know if it was because I was so tired or because I trusted James immensely, but I lye back down next to him. James pulled me in towards him and I felt my heart speeding up as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me against him. I didn't say anything and closed my eyes while James just held me.

"Goodnight love." James whispered kissing my forehead.

I don't know if he wanted me to hear that or not but I did, and I couldn't help smiling a little.


	9. Fulfillment of Belief and Recognition

**Chapter 9-Fulfillment of Belief and Recognition**

I opened my eyes to see the sleeping figure of James. He was rather adorable when he was asleep. His glasses were off and his hair was even messier than normal. He had an innocent and peaceful look to him. His arms were still around me and they tightened when I tried to get out of bed. I He smiled as his eyes opened slowly.

"Good morning love." He said roguishly.

"Good morning James." I said.

"Good afternoon's more like it." I was startled to hear a voice from behind me, even more so when I turned to see Sirius in the doorway.

"We were wondering where you were this morning when you both skipped breakfast. You should probably come down to lunch, which is in fifteen minutes." Sirius said.

Sirius bowed before walking out of the room. As he was closing the door, I could hear him snickering with humor.

"This isn't very good." I said.

"Best morning I've ever had." James said grinning.

We got out of bed and James started stretching as I thought of how I was going to get out of his room without being noticed, especially because I was in yesterday's clothes. I watched James as he put his clothes on and almost fall over three times because he was still tired. I laughed silently as he sat on the bed. Then I got an idea.

"James, where's your wand?" I asked.

"Uh, oh it's right here." He said.

He picked it up off of the nightstand and twirled it in his hand.

Man I hate being underage and not being able to use magic outside of school.

"Would you care to transfigure me something to wear?" I asked.

His eyes lit up immediately.

"Really?" He said playfully.

I rolled my eyes.

"James, make it something comfortable and appropriate." I instructed.

James pouted playfully.

"Aww, come on, can I pick?" He asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Fine." He conceded.

He grudgingly transfigured my clothes into jeans and a black sweater.

"Thanks." I said.

I walked towards the door so that we could hurry and get down stairs. Before I opened it, James spun me around and passionately kissed me.

"James, we're going to be late." I whispered as I broke away and turned my head away from him.

I could feel James' muscled arms tighten around me and the way that he was looking at me when I glanced at him made me tingle all over. He relaxed finally relaxed his grip though and I turned around and walked out of the door quickly. I really didn't want to talk about last night. I knew it would come up eventually, but I don't know what to say or how I feel. I know I care about James… but love? I've never been in love with someone before. How do you know if you're in love? Besides, would it even be fair to be in love with him? I mean, I'm betrothed.

After lunch, I cornered Sirius in the library and tried to explain to him that nothing had happened last night. He had been wriggling his eye brows at me suggestively all through lunch when nobody else was looking. I told him that James and I didn't do anything and he rolled his eyes and left the room laughing.

"Boys are so frustrating." I huffed.

"Careful there Lils, you're outnumbered in this house." Charlie said.

I had recognized his voice, but I hadn't been aware that he was in the room. Maybe that's why Sirius left laughing. I'm going to kill him when I see him next!

I slowly turned around to see Charlie walk out from behind a tall bookshelf

"Charlie! I didn't know you were in here." I said.

"I kind of figured that was the case." He said sitting down on a couch.

I sat next to him as he started chuckled.

"Charlie, nothing happened with James and I last night." I said quickly.

"I know. But it's funny to see you getting all worked up about it." Charlie said.

I playfully punched his arm.

"So, you believe me?" I asked.

"Lils, I can tell when you're lying remember? Besides, if I honestly thought that anything had actually happened do you really think I would just be sitting here laughing?" Charlie said.

"Good point." I said.

"So, what _were_ you doing in his room all night?" Charlie asked seriously.

I told Charlie about what happened. James saying that he had real feelings for me, and Sirius giving me James' journal. I told him that I'm not sure what to do, that I don't even know how I really feel.

"Lils, who are you kidding? I mean, I could tell that James really did like you. He was pretty obvious. But, I could also tell that you liked him just as much. That's what I meant when I said that I thought Remus knew more about the situation than you did. He sees it too. There's no reason to avoid James and this whole 'feelings' situation unless you're still in denial about your feelings for him. You have something special with James and you're happier than I've ever seen you. Do you really want to just throw this away?" Charlie said.

"I just keep thinking about mum. I hate her so much! How can she be so unfair like his?" I said.

"You mean, how can she expect you to marry somebody when you're in love with someone else?" Charlie asked.

"Yes!" I shouted.

Charlie smiled.

Well, he tricked me into that one.

"Told you so. When are you going to tell James?" Charlie asked.

I was quiet for a couple of seconds before I answered.

"I'm not." I said.

"What? Why not?" Charlie asked.

"Charlie, it's not fair for me to get involved with someone. It's better to just end everything now. It will be easier in the end." I said.

"Easier for whom, Lils?" Charlie said crossing his arms.

"You're so frustrating sometimes, do you know that?" I said.

"Well, I don't think you're doing the right thing and I think you'll regret it. Besides, you both already love one another. You'll only hurt yourselves if you stay apart. You should embrace it." Charlie said.

"Would you?" I asked him seriously.

I really wanted to know.

"I would do anything if I thought I had the chance to experience love." Charlie said smiling.

"Charlie, I understand what you're saying. I really do, and a part of me agrees with you. But another part of me keeps saying 'What if I go through with this, will I be able to say goodbye?'." I said.

"Do you really think that you can now?" He questioned.

"Do I have a choice?" I asked.

"Well, then enjoy it while you can." He said.

"Argh! You're worse than Remus." I said.

"Someone say my name?"

We turned around to face the entry where Remus was standing.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"It's Christmas Eve and we have a Marauder tradition. Now, why is he worse than I am?" Remus asked.

I rolled my eyes and stomped out of the room. I've been around boys for way too long. I decided to find Charlotte, and it took me almost twenty minutes before I finally found her in the kitchen.

"Lily, how wonderful. Do you know anything about baking?" Charlotte asked when I walked in.

I smiled and walked to the counter she was at.

"I thought you had house elves to cook for you?" I asked.

"Oh yes dear, but it's a tradition that we always make desserts on Christmas Eve the muggle way. Would you like to join me?" She said kindly.

"Oh, I don't want to intrude. It is a family tradition." I said.

"Nonsense darling, you're just as good as a part of the family now. Who knows, one day you might be. Oh but I could only hope." She said as she winked at me.

I smiled. James' mum was wonderful. Why couldn't my mum be like her?

I put on an apron and poured flour into a bowl. James walked in and smirked when he saw me standing next to his mum. He put on an apron and stood next to me.

"James, where are the boys?" Charlotte asked.

"I dunno, they were right behind me." James said.

A few minutes later the rest of the Marauders walked in with Charlie.

"All right, let's get started!" Sirius said rubbing his hands together.

All the boys wore identical expressions that said 'I am the trickiest person in the world' and it gave them all away. I knew they had just been up to something. I looked to James to see if he was in on it, but he looked just as confused as to what was going on.

We were in the kitchen for several hours making cookies the muggle way. There were sugar cookies cut into the shapes of Christmas trees, peanut butter cookies shaped like candy canes, chocolate chip cookies shaped like stars and gingerbread cookies shaped like little men that we each got to decorate. Sirius went a little crazy with the sprinkles and Remus had to take them away from him as we all laughed. We were just taking them out of the oven that was magically expanded when there was a loud 'pop' sound. We turned to the door where James' dad had just apparated home. He rushed over and whispered into Charlotte's ear. Her eyes got wide and then she ran out of the kitchen. Henry turned to the rest of us.

"There was an attack from the Death Eaters. I need you all to stay put and take care of yourselves. We'll be back as soon as we can." He said.

"Dad, let us come. We can help." James said.

Charlotte ran back in with her cloak on and wand in hand.

"No James, I need you to stay here." Henry said.

"Right." James said frowning.

"Boys, take care. Lily, be safe." Henry said.

With that said, both of the Potters disapparated.

"Kind of ruins the mood for festive cheer." Sirius said looking at the freshly baked cookies and sighing.

We nodded and walked out of the kitchen to sit in the living room in front of the fire. We sat in silence. James sat next to me with his arm around me as he stared into the fire.

It must be hard for him. Attacks have become more frequent as Voldemort grows more powerful. His parents have to go out each time and fight and there's never any assurance that they'll return. Each goodbye could be the last. I squeezed his hand to silently let him know that I was there for him. He pulled me closer.

After about an hour everyone wondered out of the living room on their own. There was nobody left except for James and I. When we were alone he finally spoke to me.

"I hate waiting like this. I don't know if my parents will be alright or if the attack could have been on someone I know. I feel so left out." James said.

"I can't pretend to understand what it must feel like. But, your parents are the best aurors. They know how to take care of themselves." I said.

James smiled sadly.

"It also means that they are pretty big targets. I know that the Death Eaters would be greatly rewarded if they could tell their 'master' that they killed the Potters." James said angrily.

"Voldemort isn't at the attacks?" I asked.

"Rarely, the coward. He sends his little Death Eaters to do his dirty work. Unless it's someone very prestigious. They haven't really been attacking the more important people yet. I'm not saying that everyone isn't important, just that he either doesn't know who is more involved with his demise or he knows they're well protected." James said.

"You're parents are well protected aren't they?" I asked.

"Why do you think they wanted us to stay here? This house alone has protection charms from Dumbledore and my parents. Besides, it's been in my family for many generations so there are probably protection spells in place that we don't even know or use anymore. This house is probably the second safest place that exists, the first being Hogwarts." James said.

We both sighed and continued to stare at the fire. It was beginning to get late and I was getting tired. I leaned into James and decided to take a little rest until his parents returned. I closed my eyes and I could feel James put a blanket over me.

James' parents didn't return until shortly before midnight. Sirius had poked me until I woke up and then he proceeded to poke James who had also fallen asleep. He said he was bored and right after he said it, the Potters apparated behind him.

"Finally! I didn't think you were going to make it back in time." Sirius said.

"Sirius! You're being a bit disrespectful." Remus said walking into the room accompanied by Peter and Charlie.

"Was anyone murdered?" Peter asked nervously.

"Not to worry Peter. We had a tip-off so we were able to get there just in time. Nobody was murdered." Henry said.

"Alright, Henry and I have already picked the pairs for this year. It will be: James and Lily, Sirius and Charlie, and Peter and Remus. Good luck everyone! We've got five minutes until we start." Charlotte said as she looked down at her watch.

What was she talking about? Everyone looked excited except Charlie and me. We were both confused. We didn't know what anyone was talking about. I saw Sirius explaining something to Charlie as James pulled me to the side.

"Alright, this is like a scavenger hunt that we have every year. The team that wins gets a special gift. And trust me, it's always good. Now, there will be clues that we have to look for and the rules are: there aren't any. Understand?" James said quickly.

Uh ...no? I was still confused. At midnight the clock chimed and everyone ran out of the room. James was almost dragging me down the hall way where there were three pieces of parchment floating in midair. James grabbed a piece and read it before shoving it in his pocket. They must have all been random clues because everyone ran off in different directions. James led me to the library.

"Look for the other clue." He instructed as he ran toward a book case.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It's something that's out of place." He said.

Well that helps me. I don't know what it's supposed to look like or what is out of place. That's probably why they paired us the way they did. Charlie and I didn't really know this house all that well. At least not like Sirius and James do. They know plenty of shortcuts that lead to many different places in the house.

We were searching for almost twenty minutes and I was getting tired of searching when I didn't even know what I was searching for. I sat down on the piano bench and watched James tare out books from the shelves. I turned around to play the piano a little, out of boredom. I looked at the music that was sitting on the stand when I realized that it wasn't music at all. It was a cookbook.

"James, come look at his." I said.

James dropped the book that he was flipping through and ran over to the piano.

"What is it? Did you find the clue?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and pointed to the cookbook.

"Yes! You found it! Let's go." He said quickly.

"Go where?" I asked as he was running for the door.

"To the kitchens of course, where else would we go? Hurry up." He said.

I got up and ran out the door following him down to the kitchens.

When we entered the kitchens we started looking around and going through cabinets and drawers. We were only there for fifteen minutes until James noticed a painting of a ballerina on the wall that wasn't supposed to be there.

"So now we go to the ballroom?" I asked.

James nodded and I followed him to the ballroom.

The ballroom was empty. There was nothing but marble floors and chandeliers. We did check the paintings, but James assured that they were all supposed to be there. The piano was normal and magically playing by itself, but we were at a loss for what the clue was supposed to be.

"Maybe it's the piano?" I asked.

"Well, we've already been to the other piano. Where else would it lead us?" James asked.

I was thinking and humming along with the song. I knew this song, I could actually play it. It was Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. It was one of my favorite piano pieces. Then something came to mind.

"James, this song is called Moonlight Sonata. Maybe we're supposed to go outside?" I said excitedly.

James considered me for a moment before looking out the window. I too looked outside and noticed that there was no moon tonight.

"It's even better Lily, we're going to Remus' room." James said.

"Why do we go to Remus' room?" I asked.

"Moony." Was all he said.

I nodded and I followed him out.

We walked up three flights of stairs to where our bedrooms were and went into Remus'. We were looking through all of his stuff trying to find anything out of place. I felt like I was invading his privacy, but James didn't seem to care so I didn't say anything.

"Lily, look through his books would you? Just flip through them and see if there are any notes or anything that could be a clue." James said before diving under the bed and lighting his wand.

I turned to the bookshelf and studied all of his books for a moment before I pulled one out and fanned through it. I had gotten through two very big rows of books and made notes to myself to ask Remus if I could borrow some, when something fell out of the book I had just pulled out. I turned the book over and it was a collection of poetry. I bent down and picked up the small scrap of parchment. There were a lot of scratches and scribbles where someone had marked out things. This obviously wasn't the clue so I went to put it back in the book when the name Ashley caught my eye. Even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn't help but pull it back out and read it. I was only trying to make sure my friend was ok, right? I read the parchment and realized that it was a poem that Remus had copied and added to for Ashley. I was reading it when James came over all of a sudden and looked at it.

"What's this?" He asked taking it out of my hands.

He started to read it before I could get it back.

"It fell out of this book. I was putting it back when I noticed Ashley's name." I said.

James read on and then he looked at me smiling.

"I knew it." He said.

"Knew what?" I asked.

"That Remus likes Ashley." James said.

"Remus likes Ashley?" I asked excitedly.

James gave me the parchment back and I finished reading it.

"I wonder why he didn't give it to her." James said.

I thought about it for a second.

"Maybe he's planning on it." I said.

James grabbed the book and read the title.

"No, I gave him this book last year for his birthday. Besides, look at the parchment. It's old and crisp. That's been in there for awhile. He's probably even forgotten that this was in here." James said.

"But why take the time to do this and then not give it to her?" I asked.

James frowned and then looked out the window.

"I think I know why." James said.

So Remus was afraid of what Ashley would think of him? Or more specifically, what she would think of his monthly problem.

"I guess we should keep looking." James said.

I put the note back in the book, and replaced the book on the shelf.

After five more minutes of searching, James found the clue. It was a baseball trophy. Remus is a pureblood who has never played any muggle sports before. James was leading us to the gallery when Sirius and Charlie came out of a closet and started jinxing us! We had to run like mad before we ducked into the first open room that we came to. We ran in and locked the door so Sirius and Charlie couldn't follow us in. I was out of breath but glad that I didn't get hit by any of the jinxes. James looked fine as well and we stood against the door for a moment listening to see if Sirius and Charlie were still there.

"I think they're gone." James said.

"Let's go then." I said.

I tried to walk, but I couldn't move. It's like I was stuck in one spot. James realized this too because he was also struggling to move out of the spot he was in.

"What's going on?" I asked.

James was looking around before he told me to look up.

Magical Mistletoe. So that's what Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Charlie were all up to before they walked in the kitchen to help with the cookies. I just knew they had been up to something. But really, is mistletoe the best they could do? I mean, I'm not afraid to kiss James. It's not like I haven't done it before.

"Well aren't they clever?" I said sarcastically.

James didn't say anything. He was still looking up at the mistletoe.

"Let's get this over with so we can get out of here." I said.

James looked back down to me.

"Don't sound so excited Lily. I'm sorry if I'm an inconvenience for you." James said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean to say it like that." I said apologetically.

"Well, it makes since. You've been avoiding being alone with me all day." James said accusingly.

I didn't say anything. This conversation was sure to turn into the conversation I have been dreading.

"Why are you avoiding talking about what happened last night? Are you afraid to hurt my feelings or something? I would rather you just be honest with me." James said.

I sighed.

"James, I don't want to talk about this." I said.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because, I don't know! I don't know about you or how I feel or anything!" I said.

James looked a little hurt.

"What do you mean?" He asked softly.

"James, I do care about you. But, I'm scared." I whispered.

"Scared of what?" He asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"Lily, I love you." James said.

"What is love though?" I asked.

James arched his eyebrows.

"It's like, I need you to be with me. I have to be around you all of the time because you're amazing and everything you do fascinates me. You're all I think about and I feel lonely when you're not around." James said.

"I'm scared James." I said.

"What are you scared of Lily?" James asked me softly.

"Goodbyes." I whispered.

"Lils, I'm not saying goodbye. I'll never say goodbye. You're the first person that I've ever, well, fell in love with. I was scared at first too, but Lils, I'll always love you." James said taking my hands.

"What did you call me?" I asked.

"Lils?" He said.

"Charlie's the only person who calls me Lils." I said.

"Sorry, I-"James began.

"No, I like it." I said.

James smiled and we kissed under the mistletoe breaking its hold over us.

James smiled and we walked out of the room hand in hand. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to. We walked to the living room, where Sirius and Charlie were screaming in excitement that they had won. I'll admit I would have enjoyed having the gift though. It was two old golden rings that allow a person to apparate anywhere regardless of anti apparation charms or age. All you do is twist them and say where you want to go. Charlie and Sirius each got one. I didn't even know such a thing existed. We were told that they were one of a kind. Also, we were told not to tell anyone about them.

James and I said nothing the whole time. We just stood and watched everyone silently as we held hands. Charlotte and Henry passed around Butterbeers to everyone. I noticed Sirius and Charlie talking. They were looking at James and me. I picked up a little of their conversation.

"You know, it was all inconsequent really." Charlie said.

"Yes, but it did speed things up a bit." Sirius said raising his Butterbeer bottle to me from across the room.

I smiled and shook my head.

"It's after midnight. You know what that means?" James asked me.

"What?" I asked.

"Happy Christmas!" He said and kissed me while everyone whooped and happily.

It would be a happy Christmas indeed.


	10. Awkward Moments

**Chapter 10-Awkward Moments**

"Lily! Lily, WAKE UP! It's Christmas!"

I opened my eyes and Sirius started jumping on my bed! I do NOT like to be woken up in the mornings. Especially by Sirius Black jumping on me in my bed! As if jumping on me wasn't irritating enough, he stuck his finger in his mouth before quickly leaning down and sticking the same wet finger in my ear! That was the last straw for me.

"Sirius!" I screamed.

Sirius jumped off of my bed and ran out of the room laughing. I grabbed my pillow and ran out after him as fast as I could. I followed him down the stairs where he ran into a room and over to the couch. I finally caught him and started to hit him with my pillow.

"Never-do-that-again!" I screamed in between blows.

I stopped hitting him when I thought he was crying, and then I realized he was laughing at me!

"What is so funny?" I asked.

Sirius wouldn't stop laughing and I was really getting frustrated. He pointed at something and when I turned around James, Remus, Peter and Charlie were all staring at me with shocked faces.

"What?" I asked.

They were all gaping at me.

"Er, Lily, your, uh, knickers, um." Remus stuttered.

What? I looked down and then, to my horror, I realized that I was wearing nothing but my bra and panties. Or as Remus said, my knickers. I blushed profusely as Charlie rushed forward using his body to cover me. Then he pulled his shirt off and put it on me. I felt so embarrassed!

"I'm going to hex the life out of you Sirius!" I screamed as Charlie pushed me out of the room and led me back up stairs.

"That was awkward." He said once we had made it back into my bedroom.

"Why did you feel awkward; they were starring at _me_!" I said.

I pulled on some pants and looked back to Charlie.

"Calm down Lily, humiliation only makes you stronger." Charlie said.

"Oh shut up. Have you ever been humiliated before?" I asked.

Charlie walked over and sat on my messy bed.

"Well, one time I courted this girl that mum set me up with. Well, you know how they're like. Batting their eyelashes and giggling so much that it makes you want to jump in a lake. Anyways, I couldn't wait to get away from her. When I was telling her goodbye, she threw herself at me! I didn't know what to do. She had been coming on strong but then, she just pushed me against a wall and started kissing me! Next thing you know there are cameras flashing, they caught the scene and made it out that we were lovers or something. The boys never let me live that one down." Charlie said.

I laughed.

"Nice try, but you're lying." I said.

"Yeah, I'm perfect, but it got you to laugh." Charlie said.

"Uh, I wish it did happen to you though. Then you could tell me how I'm supposed to face everyone now." I said.

"Just walk back downstairs, except wearing clothes this time. It was a good thing the Potters weren't in there yet. _Then_ it would have been embarrassing." Charlie said standing up and looking out the window.

Just like Charlie to be positive about things. I almost wish James' parents _were_ there to witness it. That way they would understand why I'm not going back down. I need to think of an excuse so I don't have to face everyone.

There was a knock at the door.

"Lily? Are you in there?" James said.

I quickly looked to Charlie. He was about to say something when I jumped on his back and covered his mouth with my hands causing him to fall over onto the bed.

"Say I'm sick." I said telepathically.

Charlie gave me a look like he didn't think it was a good idea.

"Please Charlie? Please Charlie, will you tell them I'm sick?" I begged him telepathically.

He rolled his eyes and pushed me off of him as he stood up and walked to the door.

"_The things I do for you. You owe me now."_ Charlie said telepathically.

"Oh, and don't let the others say anything!" I said telepathically.

Charlie nodded before walking out the door. I could hear him telling James that I wasn't coming down. They walked back down stairs as I threw myself onto the bed.

Just wonderful. I'm stuck in my room on Christmas. I knew that I should just go downstairs and face everyone, but I couldn't. The Marauders all just saw me half naked. Nobody's seen me like that since; well I didn't want to think about that. Every time I think of Drumstrang I always get depressed.

I decided to go back to sleep so that I didn't have to think about it. Besides, it was still dark outside.

"Lily, wake up."

I opened my eyes and Leah was sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Leah? What are you doing here?" I asked hugging her.

"Well, earlier I got this owl from James. He told me what happened and he said you needed someone to talk to because you were embarrassed and he didn't think you wanted to talk to him right now." Leah said.

"Really? But why did you come, its Christmas." I said.

"Exactly! So you shouldn't be held up in your room feigning sick." Leah said.

"Leah, it was so embarrassing." I said.

"Yeah, but so what if they seen you half naked? It was probably the best Christmas they've ever had." Leah said.

I laughed a bit.

"Well, all except Charlie maybe." I said smiling.

"Yeah. When they told me what happened, Sirius said you looked hott and James and Charlie hit him. It was quite the spectacle. They all said that they wanted to show you something though. So hurry up and get dressed, it's time to enjoy Christmas. It's still very early you know." Leah said.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"7:30" Leah said.

7:30 in the morning! It must have been around five when Sirius woke me up. What the heck were they all doing up at five in the morning? I've heard of an early start, but they're just insane.

"Come on Lily, get dressed and come see the boys." Leah said pulling me out of bed.

"Leah, I don't think I can." I said.

"Oh you can, and you'll regret it if you don't. Come on, you have to see what they've done now." Leah said.

I changed and followed Leah downstairs. We walked into the library and when I walked in, I saw all of the boys standing around in their boxer shorts drinking Butterbeers. I burst out laughing.

"We thought it would only be fair." Sirius said.

Leah started laughing and made her goodbyes.

"I'm sorry to say I have to go, but my parents don't know I'm gone and they'll be getting up soon." Leah said.

I hugged her bye. Charlie made a point to shake her hand and James hugged her too.

"So…" James said as he stood next to me.

"Thanks." I said smiling.

The rest of Christmas day was spent wonderfully. We opened presents with all of the Marauders, but they went home afterwards to spend the rest of the day with their own family. James had given me a necklace with a diamond lily on it and the initials J.P. & L.E. engraved on the back. It was beautiful! Sirius got his payback from waking me up this morning. With James' help, I pranked him pretty good. We were all eating breakfast and when Sirius went to touch reach for the syrup for his pancakes, it flew straight to his head and poured out all over him! He had to take a shower to get the sticky substance out of his hair because we had taken his wand when he wasn't looking and nobody would clean the syrup off of him.

Charlie and a syrup-free Sirius were now playing a game of wizard chess in front of the fire in the library. James and I sat on the couch watching.

"Lils, what's wrong? You seem a little sad." James said.

Charlie looked over at me after taking Sirius' castle with his bishop.

"I guess I miss Harry, my brother." I said.

"It's our first Christmas without him." Charlie said.

"Every year we have this tradition when everyone is asleep on Christmas, we all stay awake and sit in front of the fire and talk about our futures. I guess we do it on Christmas because we don't get to see each other much during the year with school and everything. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but…" I said.

"Lily, you don't have to explain. There are just some things that are special to all of us. Sirius and I have a tradition on every July 4. It's this American holiday and they celebrate it with fireworks! So Sirius and I decided to pick up the tradition as well. You should see this place, it's crazy at night." James said.

I couldn't help but laugh. James and Sirius can always surprise you, like celebrating an American holiday. I wonder if they know anything about the holiday except that Americans celebrate it with fireworks. But they probably don't, fireworks is enough for them.

Charlie rode the train with us back to Hogwarts. He was going to finish with the rest of us now that he was at the magical level of most seventh year students. We met up with Tiffany, Ashley, Sarah, Leah, Remus, and Peter and squeezed into the Heads compartment on the train.

"So, Charlie, you're Lily's twin brother?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah, I am." Charlie said.

"So when are your birthdays?" Remus asked.

"January 7th." Charlie said.

James choked on a Bertie Botts every flavor bean while Sirius spat out Butterbeer on Tiffany.

"That's in four days!" Leah said.

"Is it?" I asked carelessly as I flipped a page in the poetry book I had borrowed from Remus.

"What do you mean 'is it'? Why didn't you tell us it was coming up?" James asked.

"Lily doesn't really like her birthday. It's a long story." Charlie said.

I sent a look at Charlie.

"One story they better not ever know about." I said telepathically.

Charlie rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, I don't have a reason to dread my birthday, so let's celebrate mine!" Charlie said happily.

Way to try and change the subject Charlie. Everyone was kind of quiet and glancing at me every once in a while.

"What?" I finally asked.

They were aggravating me with the not so subtle glances.

"Well, it's just… who dreads their birthday?" Sirius burst out that last part.

"I just don't like it, simple as that." I said.

"Why not?" Sirius pressed.

"Sirius just shut up will you?" Remus said.

I smiled at Remus. He knew why I didn't like my birthday. It was because I turned sixteen on my birthday, which meant that my mother's plan would be finalized. As soon as school is over, I'll get married.

It was nice to be back in Hogwarts, though I would always miss being at the Potters. Charlie got sorted into Gryffindor and was taking James' old spot in the seventh year boy's dorm. Sirius gave him the 'once 'round the castle'. I'm not sure if that was a good idea. Knowing Sirius, he probably showed him all the ways to leave the castle without getting caught or something.

Classes started again tomorrow and I spent the rest of the evening with James in the Heads common room going over notes and checking through my assignments that were due this week. Well, James was actually just watching me or occasionally catching a snitch that he'd gotten from somewhere. He would release it, and then catch it just before it got away. He had amazing reflexes, but I was supposed to be trying to concentrate on my school work and not on James' reflexes.

"James." I said nicely.

"Yes Lily?" He replied.

"Would you put the snitch away like a good boy?" I said.

James frowned as he held the snitch in his hand.

"No." He said before letting go of the snitch again.

"James you're being distracting." I said.

"That's the point." He said smiling.

"James!" I said.

"Lily!" He whined.

I gave him a weird look.

"It's the last night of holiday." James said.

"So that's why we're back here." I said sarcastically.

"Lily…I don't want to do homework." James said.

"You're not, you're whining. It's very annoying too." I said

"Lily! I am not whining." James said.

"Oh okay." I said sarcastically.

James glared at me so I shut my book.

"Fine. What do you want to do?" I asked.

"Kiss you." James said.

"That's romantic." I said sarcastically.

"Really Lily, you shouldn't be so sarcastic all of the time. It's not very becoming." James said.

I jumped out of my seat and chased him up to my room. Right when I ran in, James grabbed me from behind, spun me around and started kissing me. Of course I completely melted into him. He guided me to my bed and we started snogging. I don't even remember how long we had been at it when James whispered into my ear.

"You looked hott when you were beating Sirius with that pillow. I can't get that image out of my head." He said as he put his hand up the front of my shirt.

I froze as he rubbed my stomach and started to go up toward my chest as he kissed my neck.

"Stop." I whispered.

James immediately froze before he jerked away from me.

"What?" He said.

"I said stop." I said as I regained my voice.

"Lily, what's wrong?" He asked.

"I don't want you to do that." I said.

"Do what, touch you?" James asked.

"Not like you just did." My voice was a little shaky.

I was still lying down and James sat up and ran a hand through his hair. I could tell he was frustrated.

"Lily, we've been together for awhile now. I thought it would be okay." James said looking at the wall.

I could tell that his voice was controlled. I didn't say anything and when James looked at me I looked away. I felt the bed raise and I turned back to see James leaving. Five minutes after he left I could hear the shower going. Was he mad at me because I told him to stop?

The next morning I walked down to the Great Hall earlier than I usually do and without James. When I got down there, none of my friends were around so I sat at the table by myself. I started eating a little toast when someone sat down beside me. I looked up to see who it was.

"Hello Lily. No Potter this morning?" It was Michael Crawsden, a seventh year Ravenclaw.

He was a in my Transfiguration class.

"No." I said.

I was a little confused as to why he came all the way over to talk to me.

"It's a good look for you really." He said.

"Did you need something Crawsden?" I asked politely.

"No, just fancied a chat with the lovely Lily. Call me Michael, by the way." He said.

I'm the 'lovely Lily' am I? Wow, he was actually coming on to me.

"Er Michael, maybe I missed this, but don't people usually sit with their own house?" I asked.

"No. Look at your fellow Pettigrew, over with the Slytherins." He said.

I looked over and oddly enough, Peter was sitting with Severous Snape, Lucious Malfoy, and Bellatrix Black. They were huddled together like they were afraid of someone overhearing them. I looked on and it was like they knew I was watching them. All of a sudden Bellatrix looked up at me and smiled. Then she shoved Peter off of the bench saying 'Stupid Gryffindor'. Peter, who was in the floor, looked confused until Malfoy kicked him toward me. Peter looked over and seen me then looked back at the three Slytherins before walking over to me.

He sat down across from me while Michael was telling me asking me something about Transfiguration.

"Stupid Slytherins." Peter said.

"Why were you sitting with them?" I asked.

Michael stopped talking seeing as I was ignoring him. He gave me an indignant look.

"I came down early because Sirius' snores woke me up and then Malfoy waved me over." Peter said.

He looked a little twitchy.

"You'd think you'd be used to Black's snores by now, seeing as you've been sharing a dormitory with him for seven years." Crawsden said, aggravated that Peter was sitting with us.

I looked to Peter for his answer but he only shrugged.

"Crawsden." I heard a voice growling from behind.

Michael and I turned around at the same time to see James looking like he was going about to commit murder.

"Potter." Crawsden said.

Michael didn't act like he was going to get up any time soon and James looked like he was about two seconds away from making him.

"Bye Crawsden, thanks for the chat." I said forcefully.

Michael nodded at me before getting up. Peter jumped up as soon as Michael did and ran out of the Great Hall.

Michael walked back to the Ravenclaw table and James sat down in his seat.

"Why were you talking with Crawsden?" James asked angrily.

"What?" I asked disbelievingly.

Surely he wasn't going to try and tell me who I can and can't talk to.

"What did he want? Was he flirting with you?" James asked.

I shrugged.

"I didn't really pay much attention to what he was saying." I said.

"Well I don't like you talking to him." James said.

"Are you telling me I'm not allowed to talk to him?" I asked.

"No. I said I don't like you talking to him." James said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why do you think?" James said.

"He's scared you'll realize you're too good for him and run off." Tiffany said sitting down across from me.

"Thanks for that Tiffany, but this is a private conversation." James said.

"No it isn't, the entire hall is listening. Calm down Prongs my friend." Sirius said sitting next to Tiffany.

"Thanks." Tiffany said.

"Oy! Mind your own bloody business!" Sirius shouted.

"Thanks." I said.

James grunted before getting up.

"Prongs where are you going?" Sirius asked.

James rolled his eyes and walked out of the Great Hall passing Remus and Ashley without even acknowledging them.

"What's wrong with James?" Ashley said as she and Remus sat down.

I didn't say anything about it. I would talk to him later when he didn't look so, well, mad I guess.

"Where are Charlie, Sarah, and Leah?" I asked.

"Sarah went to DADA to ask professor Stigma something about our assignment or something." Ashley said.

"Charlie walked back to the tower with Leah so she could get the book she left behind." Remus said.

"Good Morning." Charlie said sitting down next to me.

"We were just talking about you." Tiffany said.

"I know." Charlie said sending me a wink.

"Does it seem louder in here all of a sudden?" Leah asked from the other side of Charlie.

"Yes actually." Remus said.

We all looked around the hall to see that everyone was staring at our table. Well, it was mainly all the girls that were staring at our table and batting their eyelashes. I became very protective when I realized they were eyeing my brother. I glared.

"_That's attractive_." Charlie thought to me.

"They're all staring at you! I don't like it." I thought to him.

Charlie smiled.

"_Welcome to my world_." He thought.

"What?" I thought to him.

"_Aren't you being a bit protective_?" Charlie asked.

"No, just don't want you to making a whore of yourself and slandering our name." I thought.

Charlie got a weird look before he started laughing. Our friends gave us confused looks and I started laughing as well.


	11. We All Have Secrets

**Chapter 11- We All Have Secrets**

I sat and watched our little goup of friends and noticed how it seemed everyone had paired up with someone and now had their own conversations going on. Remus was talking to Ashley, I couldn't help smirking at them. Sirius was in an animated conversation with Tiffany as he was waving his arms making wierd gestures causing her to laugh. Charlie was talking to Leah and I was sitting by myself watching all of them, my usual partner in these private conversation situations had always been James. I decided to go and look for him because we still had a good deal of time before classes began.

I got up from the table and I don't think anyone even noticed. I shook my head and walked out of the great hall in search for James. I wasn't sure where to begin looking, so I just started walking toward the DADA class room. I passed several Ravenclaws that were heading down to breakfast and it made me wonder if their common room was somewhere near by. I shrugged at the thought when I approached the DADA room and heard voices coming out of it. I looked around the hall to find it completely empty, other than myself of course. There was definatley a male voice and a load of giggles from some girl. My stomach tightened, could it be James in there? I couldn't make out any words and I was debating on edging closer to the closed door. Then, it got quiet. It was sickly quiet, I knew something was happening. I think the people inside were snogging and I had this strange feeling of regret and sadness. I had the urge to open the door, but what if James was on the other side all over some other girl? I don't know if I could handle that. I had the feeling that James was mad because I wouldn't let him go as far as he wanted last night, but would he really just move on from me because of that? I took a deep breath and threw the door open. Shock began to take over as I took in the scene before me.

"Lily! What are you doing here?" Sarah asked.

"Er..." I muttered.

I lost my balance from the shock and had to lean into the door.

"This isn't what it looks like I swear!" Sarah said taking a few steps toward me.

I didn't know what to do or say, so I quickly ran out and slammed the door shut. I stood looking at the closed door for a couple of seconds trying to comprehend what I had just witnessed.

"Lily?" I heard a familiar voice from behind me.

I turned around and looked at the end of the hall to see James walking toward me. I ran to him and hugged him with so much force that he stumbled backwards.

"James! You have no idea how happy I am to see you. I'm so sorry I doubted you." I said still gripping him tightly.

"Er, it's good to see you too Lils. But what are you talking about?" James asked.

I pulled away and looked at his confused face. I couldn't tell him what I had seen could I? I mean, wouldn't that be betrayal to Sarah? I'm pretty sure she doesn't want anyone to know what I saw.

"Uh, listen James, I wanted to check and see if you were ok." I said.

"Oh." James said slowly.

"Talk to me James. Are you mad about last night? Because I asked you to stop?" I whispered.

"What? Mad because... Merlin Lily!" James said.

"Well what's wrong then? I thought that because, well, you just left last night and then this morning you just walked out of the great hall. You need to tell me something James because I don't know what to think." I said.

James got a strange nervous-like look on his face and I really wanted to use occlumency on him to find out what he was thinking... but I told myself a long time ago I wouldn't do that to people.

"Lils..." James sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

A loud bell rang through the halls.

"I'll talk to you later. I've got to get my books, class is about to start." James said quickly before walking away.

Students started to fill the halls as I watched James until he turned a corner at the end of the hall and I could no longer see him. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see a very nervous Sarah looking down at her feet.

"Sarah?" I said.

She slowly looked up.

"Lily, please don't say anything to any of the others. I know it looks imprudent, but, I think I love him. And really, love is a rare thing you know? So we decided not to let age stand in the way of our love. I know it's not allowed, but you won't report it will you?" Sarah said quickly.

"If someone found out about this and realized I knew and didn't report it, my badge could be taken away." I said.

Sarah's head dropped toward the ground again.

"I suppose a little rebellion against authority isn't always that bad though. Besides what kind of girlfriend would I be to one of Hogwarts greatest rule breakers if I didn't even break a few rules myself. What kind of friend would I be if I wouldn't even take a fall?" I said.

Sarah's head snapped up and her tearstained face broke into a huge grin as she hugged me tightly.

"Thank you Lily. This means a lot to me, I know what's on the line by you doing this for me." Sarah said.

I smiled.

"Well, it's just not right to stand in the way of love 'eh?" I said.

Sarah blushed a little because of her earlier outburst.

"Shall we all be calling you Mrs. Stigma any time soon?" I asked.

Sarah's face turned a darker shade of red as I laughed. Sitting in DADA will never be the same again. Especially after seeing Stigma or 'John' snogging one of my best friends.

"Hey Remus." I said sitting down across from Remus.

"Hello Lily." Remus said.

"You haven't seen James anywhere around here have you?" I asked.

"In the library?" He asked incredulously.

"I suppose you have a point." I said.

I opened my bag and pulled out the poetry book I had borrowed from Remus.

"I finished reading this." I said setting the book on the table.

"Oh, did you like it?" Remus asked shutting his own book and looking at me.

"I found it intriguing. I read 'everything' in the book." I said smiling.

"Why are you smiling like that?" Remus asked.

"Like what?" I asked innocently.

"Like your up to something. It's a bit unnerving." Remus said.

"Oh really?" I asked.

"Yes, would you stop it now?" Remus asked.

"Nope." I said still smiling and shaking my head.

"What are you up to?" Remus asked me with a scrutinizing look.

"Page one hundred and twelve." I said pushing the poetry book toward him without removing my eyes from him.

Remus kept his eyes on me as he grabbed the book. He slowly looked down and turned to the page I had instructed. He pulled out the old parchment and unfolded it. He slowly read it and the color drained from his face. He put the parchment back in the book and slowly closed it.

"Well?" I said.

"Well what?" He asked.

"What have you to say?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said.

"What do you mean nothing? When did you write that? What does that imply? Why didn't you give it to her?" I said quickly.

Remus just stared at me.

"Oh you don't know?" He asked sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well of course I put some thought to it and I have my own conclusion, but I want you to tell me the story." I said.

"O.k. A long time ago, there was this far away castle called Hogwarts. But it wasn't just a normal castle, it was magical! Many witches and wizards lived there. The castle was ruled by a psychotic man named Dumbledore..."Remus said.

"Remus, you know what I mean." I said.

"Well, it's obvious isn't it? I used to like Ashley that's all. It was something I wrote for her but I never gave it to her because I decided it would never work between us." Remus said.

"Oh you used to like her? What's this about it would never work?" I asked him.

"Lily, it doesn't matter anymore." Remus said.

"Remus, don't sell your self short. Why wouldn't Ashley care about you? I know why your scared. Yes, you are scared don't even try to deny it. But Remus, Ashley will love you for who you are and she won't judge you for what you can't help." I said.

"It's too late though." He said.

"No, it's not. You have to make the gesture though. Tell her how you feel." I said.

"What? Are you insane? I can't just say something like that." Remus said.

"Why not? What's the big deal?" I asked.

"I dunno, ever heard of a thing called fear of rejection?" He said.

"Remus, you don't have anything to fear. Trust me. I don't even have to use myLegillimency to figure this out." I said.

Remus laughed.

"As Sirius would say, 'My work here is done'." I said standing up.

"How did you find out about..." Remus began.

"Oh you mean how Sirius says that after every prank you guys pull?" I asked.

I leaned in toward Remus.

"Now that was Legillimency." I said.

He smiled as I waved goodbye.

"Ta ta love!" I said.

I walked out of the library and made my way to the Head common room. I had quidditch practice tonight, so I didn't plan on talking to James unitl afterwards. When I walked in through the portrait hole, where the password is still 'James Potter is the sexiest wizard to walk the planet', I was surprised to see James sitting on the couch waiting for me.

"James? What are you doing in here? We have quidditch practice in twenty minutes and you usually go down early to fly." I said walking towards James.

"I wanted to talk to you- wait, how did you know I went down early to fly?" James said.

"I know how you feel about flying, and I might have seen you several times." I said.

"Oh, so you're stalking me now 'eh?" James asked.

"Oh yes. As the founder of the James Potter club, I love just following you around and always wondering how such magnificence could possibly exist. Oh please James, take me to Hogsmeade and snog me senseless!" I acted out dramatically throwing myself at him.

"There's a James Potter club?" James asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"So you wanted to talk to me about something?" I asked sitting on the couch and pulling him down next to me.

"Er, I wanted to say I'm sorry." James said.

"Sorry? For what?" I asked.

"The way I was acting. I didn't mean for you to think that you did anything wrong, or that I expected anything from you. I was just, I should have asked you if it was ok, and then it made you uncomfortable. I was embarassed and nervous. Then I seen you talking with Crawsden and I was so jealous." James said.

I was quiet, thinking about what James said.

"Thanks for telling me, and its ok. I forgive you." I said.

I leaned in and kissed him on the nose.

"So you were jealous of Crawsden? That's so cute." I said.

James made a funny strangled sort of noise before he tackled me on the couch and started tickling me until we both realized we were going to be late for practice.

James gave us a long speech before we evem began to practice. We went over the Quidditch standings thus far. We had only played one game against Ravenclaw and had two hundred and seventy points. Since then Hufflepuff and Slytherin had played, with the score twenty to two hundred Slytherin. So we played Hufflepuff on saturday, winner advances to the final match. If we won this saturday then we would play the winner of Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw for the Quidditch cup. James had been drilling us on the typical Hufflepuff moves he had picked up when we watched them play Slytherin, if we knew their moves, we could anticipate them and therefore have an advantage. Not that I'm too worried about the match, I saw Hufflepuff play and unless they've been granted a miracle, there was no way they would beat us. But I would never tell James this, he'd think I wasn't taking our opponent seriously. That I would drop my guard or something because of it. I will not attempt to assess the mind of a quidditch fanatic. It's dangerous for one's health, as Sirius warned. I'll trust his word for it. James is severly passionate about quidditch, its attractive sometimes, but today it was just downright scary.

"Ok people, what do you think you're doing? That's not the play I said to run! I'm not quidditch captain for nothing you know! That means when I say run a two pass flank roll and reverse, I want to see a two pass flank roll and reverse! Now everyone get down and run a lap around the pitch so we can try this again." James shouted at all of us chasers.

"James we've already ran five laps!" Tiffany said.

"That's captain Potter to you Harpor, and you can make that two laps, now get going. I don't care if it takes twenty laps, you follow my commands." James yelled.

Tiffany, as headstrong as she was, flew down to the field below without another word of protest. James was sitting on his broom when a bludger, hit by Sirius, flew just in front of his face and missed him by mere inches. I glanced at Lisa before following her down to the ground. We dropped our brooms in the grass and started running. From the ground we could hear James shouting at the beaters, namely Sirius. Matt was blocking quaffles that kept flying toward diffferent hoops from a spell that James had found.

"McKinnon you call that blocking? Stop being lazy and missing shots like that, fly down and join the girls!" James said.

"What? You want me to run laps? Are you crazy?" Matt shouted back as quaffles soared past him.

"Are you questioning me?" James asked.

"No, I'm telling you I won't do it. You're pushing us too hard Potter." Matt said.

"Is that so? Well, if that's the way you feel McKinnon then you can leave. If you can't handle it, I don't want you on my team." James yelled.

Sirius and Joe had stopped practicing and were watching what was going on. The girls and I had stopped running at this point to watch as well.

Matt stared at James for a couple of seonds before he flew to the ground. He landed and then began to slowly walk to the end of the pitch.

"Oh, this is just great." Tiffany said.

"Now how are we going to win without a keeper? We don't even have a trained reserve." Lisa said.

I knew that Gryffindor needed Matt on the team, but boys and their stupid pride.

"What are you doing standing around? Finish your laps!" James shouted at us.

Tiffany and Lisa started running again, but I stood where I was. I knew James was looking at me, but I turned around and started running in the opposite direction toward Matt.

"Matt! Wait! What are you doing?" I asked catching up to him.

He turned around and shouldered his broom.

"You're stupid boyfriend has lost his mind!" Matt yelled throwing his arms up.

From where I was positioned, I could see James sitting up on his broom watching us.

"Come on, you know how he gets before a match. I know he didn't mean it." I said.

"Yeah, well I don't have to put up with his bullshit and you shouldn't either." Matt said.

"Matt, you need to calm down. I understand how you feel, don't you think I'm frustrated too? But I'm not about to quit over it. I'm just going to suck it up and go on playing." I said.

"We've been practicing for almost four and a half hours!" Matt yelled.

"Yeah, and it's not so bad for the chance to play. But if you want to quit, nobody can stop you." I said.

"Why the hell wouldn't all of you quit?" Matt asked, like we were being stupid for sticking around.

"Why? Because I love to play, and more importantly I play for the Gryffindor team. I'm not going to let everyone down by just leaving because I don't think things are fair. That's why we're still here, because we owe it to each other to not let anyone down. Everyone is depending on everyone else. We need you Matt, but we can't stop you from leaving. I know James is harsh, but he knows what he's doing. Besides this is nothing like the daily practices at Drumstrang. You think they were all born with natural unbelievable talent?" I said.

Matt considered my words.

"Why don't you just run the lap with me and then just start practicing again. Just don't say anything to James. You know how he is, and he knows he crossed the line giving you that ultimatum." I said.

"Well, I can't very well leave you here with that derranged lunatic now can I?" Matt said.

Smiling, I ran my last lap before I flew back into the air where James was practicing with the chasers in my spot.

"Now, try that two pass flank roll and reverse and let's see if we can't nail it this time." James said a bit nicer.

I seen him glance over to the hoops where Matt was practicing again. Tiffany, Lisa, and I positioned ourselves and when James blew the whistle, we did a two pass flank roll and reverse flawlessly. James blew his whistle ten minutes later and ended practice. Everyone landed and started making their way to the changing rooms, or to the castle.

"Lily!" I heard James call.

I turned around and stopped in the middle of the pitch so that he could catch up. The rest of the team was already off the pitch by the time he reached me.

"You needed something captain Potter?" I asked.

James frowned.

"Uh, yeah, about that, you don't have to call me that. I can get a bit carried away, especially before games. I, er, thanks for talking to McKinnon." James said.

"Yeah, I know how you are. But really, I'm not the one you need to apologize to right now. You were pretty harsh yelling like that today. I mean, we're all your friends you know? And you really need to channel your nerves into something that won't hurt peoples feelings so much." I said.

James started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I was yelling at you too, and trying to apologize. But all you can say is that I hurt other people's feelings. Your so selfless sometimes." James said smiling.

"Selfless? Yeah right, you didn't really think I was going to let you get away with yelling at me like that did you? Oh no, I'm going to punish you severely." I said.

"Oh, really?" James asked.

"Yes I am." I said.

"Well then my dear, you can punish me until the end of the world as long as you promise not to ever kiss me again." James said.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you, but that's just what I was going to punish you with." I said smiling.

"Oh, how could you?" James cried dramatically.

"I've an iron fist James. Now get over here so I can start to punish you straight away." I said.

"There is no escape, I fear I must obey. Oh the horrors!" James sighed.

I started laughing as James pulled me into a kiss. We are completely stupid sometimes, but its fun. Not everything has to be serious hot steamy passion that makes you want to rip your clothes off. Not that its ever been hot steamy passion that made us rip our clothes off. Just saying.

A couple of days later Charlie was dragging me down the hallways. He said he wanted to show me something.

"So what's this all about Charlie?" I asked.

"Well, when Sirius gave me a tour of the castle he showed me the kitchens." Charlie said.

"What about them? I've seen them before." I said.

"Yes, but I have a surprise for you, so come on." Charlie said.

We finally reached the kitchens and Charlie tickled the pear on the portrait guarding the entrance. It opened and inside, Charlie had prepared lunch for two.

"I thought we could spend lunch together, to celebrate our birthday." Charlie said.

Lunch was rather enjoyable, but cut short because we had one class to go before we could fully enjoy the weekend. Have you ever noticed how the last class is always the longest?

After class, Leah told me and Charlie that she wanted to give us our presents, but that she had accidently left it in her dorm in Gryffindor tower. So, once again I was pulled along, all the way to the Gryffindor common room.

Charlie and I followed behind Leah into the common room and as soon as we entered,

"SURPRISE!"

I jumped and ended up tripping into Charlie. It was a set up. The common room was decorated with 'Happy Birthday Charlie and Lily' banners and there was about fifty or more people gathered around a big, very very big, birthday cake. All of our friends rushed forward and pulled us to the cake and into the crowd of people.

Everyone was in good spirits, the party was great. James had apologized to the rest of the team and they had decided not to dismember him after his apology and some hefty persuasion. So I was glad to be sitting with him on one of the many couches in the Gryffindor common room, listening as he talked about all of the parties he's ever thrown.

"Gryffindor team, don't have too much fun now! We have a game tomorrow! I want you in bed by eight!" James yelled over the music.

The team glared at him and James backed down a bit.

"Oh alright, I guess you can stay up until ten. But that's as late as I'm allowing!" James said.

The team rolled their eyes as people around laughed.

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter.**


	12. Sirius Trouble

**Chapter 12-'Serious' Trouble**

"Tiffany! Wakie wakie Tiffany! We've got Quidditch today." I said in hopes of waking up my friend.

"Grr Hay..." she mumbled while shoving her head under her pillow.

"What?" I asked.

"She said 'go away' I believe." Ashley said walking over to stand next to me.

We both stood at the side of Tiffany's bed watching her sleep like there was no tomorrow.

"If she doesn't hurry and shower she'll miss breakfast all together. James has that thing about the team all eating a good meal before a game. I came to see where she was." I said.

"Yes, well, it's the same every morning isn't it?" Ashley said.

"Has it ever taken this long though? I've been calling to her for thirty minutes now." I said.

"Well, I think we can blame that on large consumptions of alcohol." Leah said walking out of the bathroom and to the vanity to fix her wet hair.

"Can I have a go at her?" Sarah asked after finishing the laces on her shoe.

Ashley and I stepped back motioning for Sarah to take a turn to try and wake Tiffany up.

"Sirius Black! What in Merlin's name do you think you're doing with Tiffany's panties!" Sarah shouted at the top of her lungs.

We watched as Tiffany sprung up out of bed grabbing her wand off the nightstand. She whirrled to the door with her wand outstretched. We all started laughing as comprehension dawned on Tiffany's face that she had just been tricked. She started mumbling a great deal of curses she planned to use on all of us in the near future, as she walked slowly to the bathroom.

"Funny, all we had to do was mention Sirius Black and knickers to get her going." Ashley said.

"Yes, well, it works every time." Sarah said.

Tiffany was still in the bathroom when the rest of us decided to head down to breakfast. I left the vial of hangover potion,( I had gotten it from Sirius last night), on Tiffany's nightstand next to her wand. I wrote a quick note to Tiffany before I followed the three impatient girls standing in the door way.

"Any luck?" James asked as I sat down next to him.

He was reffering to the fact that Tiffany was still MIA(missing in action), as Sirius had called it.

"She'll be right down." I said.

"Good Morning!" I greeted apon seeing Tiffany ten minutes later.

"What's so bloody good about it?" Tiffany murmured.

"Quidditch, Harpor!" James said slapping her on the shoulder.

"Do you bloody well have to shout so loud!" Tiffany whispered.

Sirius snickered.

"What are you snickering about Black?" Tiffany said sitting next to him.

"Nothing love. Look at the sun though, good weather for Quidditch even if it is just a bit nippy, wouldn't you agree?" Sirius said.

"Bloody sunshine." Tiffany whispered holding her head in her hands.

"Tiffany didn't you take the potion I left for you?" I asked.

"What?" Tiffany asked.

"Why don't you just summon it?" Remus said from his seat next to Ashley.

Tiffany put her hand in her robes.

"Bloody hell, I forgot my wand!" Tiffany said standing up slowly.

"No I'll get it for you, I saw where you left it." I said.

"Accio wand! Accio potion!" I said visualizing what I was summoning.

Everyone continued eating as we waited. After about two minutes the objects came whizzing into the Great Hall and straight down the Gryffindor table. Some girls even shrieked as they flew by. I held out both of my hands as the objects landed gracefully into each one.

"Here you go." I said handing the wand and potion over to Tiffany.

Tiffany picked up her wand and pocketed it before grabbing the potion, uncorking it, and swallowing it all at once.

"Thanks Lily." Tiffany said brightly before grabbing a piece of toast.

"Stuff works miracles." Sirius said watching Tiffany as she happily buttered her toast.

"Doesn't it though?" She said nicely.

We all gave her weird looks as she started humming as well. Sirius started laughing and we all looked at him.

"I might have put a bit of pepper up potion in it as well." He said.

"Can you mix them like that?" Lisa Knight asked.

The team watched as Tiffany merrily ate her breakfast.

"Dunno, it was the first time I tried it." Sirius said.

"And to think that half of Gryffindor trusts you to make their hangover potions." Joe said.

"I do believe I remember you buying some from me just last night." Sirius said.

"Good thing it wasn't for me then." Joe said quickly before going back to his eggs.

"Sirius, I know you're absolutely brilliant at potions, but this could have a serious side affect!" I said.

"Why thankyou Lily dear. I never knew you thought so highly of me. Really though, right in front of James? Now I love a scandal as much as the next bloke, but Marauder oath my dear. I have to uphold the Marauder oath. I too think we would look smashing together, but alas I hold the battle scars of my previous assumptions." Sirius said.

James smacked him on the back of the head.

"There's another scar for your assumptions." James said.

Sirius rubbed the back of his head acting as though a large bump was likely to form in any moment. Peter chuckled at Sirius' tactics.

"What's the Marauder oath?" Leah asked.

"Never go after another Marauder's girl." Remus said.

"Too True." Charlie said nodding at the Marauders.

Sarah spit her orange juice into her lap in surprise.

"You took an oath over that!" Sarah asked.

"Well, not just that. There are others." Sirius said looking at his fellow Marauder's and grinning.

"Oh really? Care to explain them to..." Sarah trailed off.

Siruis, seeing Sarah stare past his shoulder, turned around to see a blonde Hufflepuff standing behind him biting her lip.

"Er, Sirius? Could I have a quick word?" She asked.

Sirius looked her up and down and then gave her one of his charming smiles.

"Of course, it's Leslie isn't it?" Sirius asked standing up.

The girl, Leslie, smiled at Sirius. In my oppinion, she looked like she was about to start crying in any second.

James snickered into his juice. I turned to him quickly.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

James immediatley stopped laughing and looked at me as though he was frightened.

"Er, it's just, well guy stuff really. You wouldn't want to be bothered with it." James dissmissed.

I knew he was trying to change the subject, but when I saw the dissapproving look Remus sent to James, my curiosity was at an all time high.

"Go on James, try me." I said.

James bit his lip and sent a pleading look to Remus.

"Hey Lily, isn't there a charm you can use to reverse the side effects of the pepper up potion?" Remus asked me.

I knew it was meant for a distraction.

"Yes actually, but Charlie knows it. You were saying James?" I said.

"Well, if you must know, 'Leslie' is actually Lauren Jameson. She's a sixth year Hufflepuff." James said.

"Oh. So what's so funny then?" I asked.

"Uh, lets just say good ol' Padfoot just so happened to, how do you say it Moony? Um, steal her innocence? Except he didn't steal it, she more than willingly gave it to him." James said.

"What? When did they start dating?" I asked.

"They weren't." Remus said.

"And he 'stole her innocence' without remembering her name? That's horrible!" I said.

"Yes, well, considering he only stole it last night...but that's Padfoot for you." Remus said.

There were no words to describe how angry or surprised or disgusted I was at Sirius Black.

"I knew you wouldn't like to hear it." James said.

"I never knew Sirius, well, did that." I said.

"Since sixth year actually. The first of us all." Peter said.

I so badly wanted to ask if James had once been like Sirius. Would I like the answer though? Either way, it wasn't something I could ask at breakfast in front of everyone. I think James had an idea of what I was thinking. He ate slower and kept glancing at me.

"Well, Sirius can do as he pleases. He's the one to face the reprecussions." I said.

Everyone was quiet as Sirius rejoined us. Tiffany, having the pepper up potion effects removed by Charlie, glared at Sirius. If it was for the extra in her hangover potion or the whole Leslie/Lauren thing, I couldn't tell you. Sirius didn't seem to notice our behavior and went back to his breakfast.

"Lils, goodluck today. I can't wait to see exactly what Quidditch is like." Charlie said.

Of course, he was trying to clear the air and get my mind off of sex and irresponsible teenagers. Did I mention that I love Charlie? He knows just what I need. I smiled at him and mouthed a silent thankyou.

"Oh you'll love it Charlie! There's nothing in this world like Quidditch." Sirius said.

"That was a very Jamesish comment from you Sirius." Ashley said.

"Is Jamesish even a word?" Sarah asked.

"Hey, anyone can love Quidditch. I just don't make it life or death, if anyone would care to remember James in our third year." Sirius said.

"What happened?" Charlie asked.

"The lunatic jumped off his broom to catch the snitch before that Ravenclaw seventh year did." Leah said.

"Well, if I recall, you didn't think he was that much of a lunatic back in third year." Sarah said.

"Shutting up now." Leah said quickly and going red in the face.

James stopped mid bite so that his mouth was open and his fork was still in the air.

"Oh yeah." He said before taking his bite.

"Woah, what happened exactly?" I asked confused.

"Well Lily, what exactly happened was that James fell fifty feet to the ground, was hospitalized for a week, dated Leah because she thought he was daring, and Padfoot will have to clarify this but I think when he came to in the hospital wing the first thing he said was asked if they had won the match." Remus said.

"Well, that's..." I didn't know what to say. It made sense really. I had already known that James had dated Leah before, so I wasn't as bothered by the retelling as she seemed to be.

"Daring?" I finished.

The group laughed as James stood and announced the team to follow. It was time to go down to the pitch.

There was another victory party after we defeated Hufflepuff 300-70. I cast another silencing charm and made sure that I stayed well away from any suspicious drinks. Two parties in a row, and I was getting bored of them. When it started to get late James, Sirius, and I all headed to the Head dorms. Though I don't know exactly why Sirius was coming. We were walking silently for the most part when all of a sudden the five butterbeers I drank started to catch up to me.

"I'm going to go to the lavantry." I said.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" James asked.

"No, I'll just meet you in the dorm." I said.

"Really?" James said raising his eyebows suggestively.

I blushed realizing what I might have implied.

"Merlin! You two haven't had sex yet have you?" Sirius said standing up from his slouch against the wall.

James started to glare at Sirius.

"This must be some type of record for you Prongs! James Potter hasn't been shagged in months!" Sirius shouted almost drunkenly.

I didn't know what to say, I was so shocked. I just stood there while James glanced at me. James just looked at Sirius for a couple of seconds before he started to walk away.

"Oy! Prongs I was just having a laugh!" Sirius said walking to catch up with James.

James turned around swiftly.

"Sometimes Sirius, you're not funny. I don't give a damn about what you say about me, but don't ever pressure Lily like that!" James muttered, but I still heard him.

Sirius turned around and looked at me and cringed like he'd seen my body after being hit by a train.

"Prongs I'm-" Sirius started to say.

"Tactless?" James finished.

Sirius slumped his shoulders and looked at his feet. James walked away without saying another word and left me in the empty hall with Sirius.

"Lily, I... Fuck, I didn't mean it like that. I was just, being stupid I guess. I never meant to make it look like you were some wench that won't put out when James does everything for you." Sirius said.

My eyes got wide with shock. I hadn't thought about it that way. Damn, it does seem that way doesn't it?

"I just made it worse didn't I? I can tell by your reaction that you hadn't even thought that." Sirius said rubbing the back of his neck.

Suddenly I felt angry. I don't owe anyone anything and damn Sirius for making me feel like I do.

"You're probably right though. I am just a wench who won't give out. What the hell was James thinking getting involved with a prude like me right?" I screamed at him.

Sirius backed up quickly into the wall and looked shocked.

"You know what Sirius, fuck off." I said calmly as I walked past him to the Heads dorms to find James.

I don't know what came over me, but I felt bad for yelling at Sirius afterwards. He had this really hurt look on his face... What am I thinking? He deserved it didn't he?...But, why do I feel so horrible? He was trying to apologize afterall.

I looked around from my thoughts and realized I had wondered into some deserted hall that I wasn't familiar with. I hadn't been paying attention, so I figured I'd have to back track until I recognized where I was. I was about to turn around when I felt something poke hard into my back.

"Do yourself a favor and get out of here now." A harsh voice whispered from behind me.

"I'm Head Girl and I'll be anywhere I want to be." I turned around and came face to face with Severous Snape who had his wand in my face.

"Were you following me?" I asked him.

"Evans." Snape growled. "Can't you recognized a warning? Now get out of here. You don't have much time." He said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Severous? Ah, what have we here? Our precious mudblood Head Girl I see." Said a voice coming from somewhere down the hall behind Severous.

"Great Evans. Too good for advice, now look what you've got yourself into." Snape muttered.

Bellatrix Black came forward and stood next to Snape.

"So Severous, I see you've met our little Gryffindor who thinks she can make me look like a fool." Bellatrix said.

"You never needed my help." I said bravely.

Snape shot me a warning look from behind Bellatrix. Was he, helping me? Going against Bellatrix Black, who seemed to be the leader of the Slytherins?

"Are you scared mudblood?" Black asked me.

"Scared of you? Now why would I have a reason to be scared of you?" I said.

"You're outnumbered." She said cruelly.

I said nothing.

"What do you think Severous? How should we teach this little mudblood a lesson?" Bellatrix asked him sweetly.

"Is that a threat?" I asked her.

Bellatrix smiled at me and it was sickening how she enjoyed trying to make me fear her.

"It's a promise." She said.

"Bellatrix, this is the head girl. We can't do anything, Dumbledore will have us out of here in seconds. And, we need to be here, if you recall." Snape said.

"Of course I recall Severous." Bellatrix said.

She looked back to me with a disappointed face.

"Don't think this is over yet mudblood. I'll see you soon, when you least expect it. I'm going to bring you down." She whispered to me.

I stood as straight as I could.

"Come Severous." Bellatrix said before she started walking up the hall.

"You'll want to go that way." Snape said pointing me down a hall and turning to follow Bellatrix, who was already out of sight.

"Severous." I said.

He turned around again and looked rather annoyed with me.

"Thankyou." I said.

Snape looked rather flustered for a second before he walked away without saying anything. I went down the hall he pointed at and found myself in a familiar hall that I knew you could take on your way to the Gryffindor dormitories. A little ways ahead of me I seen Sirius walking with his hands in his pockets, his back to me so he didn't know I was there. I had half the mind to go and apologize to him. I got only a few steps toward him before a broom closet I was passing opened and I was pulled inside, but not without screaming my bloody lungs off first. A body pressed against mine forecfully and I tried pushing it away.

"Don't fight it Lily. Let it happen." I recognized that egotistical voice, it was Amos Diggory.

Diggory put a silencing charm on me as I struggled and he ripped at my clothes. Memories came rushing to me and I blacked out.

"Lily! Lily are you ok?"

I opened my eyes and Sirius was hovering over me. I quickly looked around. I was in the hall floor, just outside the broom closet and I caught site of an unconscious Diggory bloodied up and laying a few feet away from me. Seeing him made me jump away and into Sirius. He pulled me into him and put his arms around me while wrapping his cloak around me. I realized then that when Diggory pulled my shirt he ripped the buttons off so that it was open. My skirt too didn't fit properly from being pulled.

"I'm taking you to the hospital wing." Sirius muttered.

"No!" I shouted quickly scooting back into the wall.

I didn't want to go back there.

"I mean, would you just take me to the Head dorms? Please?" I asked.

Sirius nodded. He helped me up and took off his robes, putting them on me. With all that has happened, I wasn't even nervous around Sirius or embarrassed.

"I think you've seen more of me than James." I said trying to make light of things.

"Merlin's blessed me." He said joking.

I know it might seem like 'how could we be joking after what just happened?' But, it was awkward, and our light play just helped the both of us to get over it. It doesn't do to dwell on those types of things. Of course I'm going to go straight to the headmaster and report him tomorrow, he could be doing that to other girls!

"Sorry I told you to fuck off." I muttered along our walk.

"Sorry for earlier." He said.

"Thanks for rescuing me." I said.

"What can I say? I have to look out for our little Lilykins." Sirius said, draping his arm around me.

I stopped abruptly. Sirius looked at me confused.

"We left Diggory in that hall!" I had remembered.

"So? He tried to, well...he'll unfortunately survive." Sirius said.

"We can't just leave him there!" I said.

"You're right! We should have stripped him and put on a sticking charm." Sirius said.

"Sirius!" I scolded.

"What? He would deserve it. Besides, what kind of auror is going to curse deatheaters and then make sure they are healed up nicely?" He said giving me the scolding look.

I thought about his words for a moment.

"Are you sure he won't die?" I asked.

Sirius grinned at me.

"Lily!"

I turned around and Charlie was running at me top speed.

"What happened?" He panted as he skidded to a halt and pulled me into his arms. I hugged him fiercly. All the emotion that I was trying to hold back by my playful banter with Sirius came rushing in full force as Charlie squeezed me tightly. His embrace made me feel safe. It's like getting a burn and it not even hurting until your father comes over cooing at you, understanding your pain. You can't help but cry and tell him just how much it hurts.

"It was Diggory." Sirius said.

My back was to Sirius as Charlie faced him. They must have been having a silent conversation because I could feel Charlie's jaw repeatedly coming softly down on the top of my head. I pulled away and wiped a few stray tears. Sirius was holding a mirror in his hand and nodding his head at Charlie. Charlie rubbed my back and asked where Diggory was. I was about to say something when we heard nosie from up the hall. I turned and seen James coming. Charlie stepped back as James pulled me into his arms as he first had. I could feel the hot tears coming again as James muttered how sorry he was. Charlie watched us for a moment before nodding at James.

"Take care of her? Don't worry about Diggory, we'll handle him." Charlie said walking off with Sirius.

"Sirius!" James said.

Sirius turned around and the two boys looked at each other before Sirius nodded and followed after Charlie.

"Let's get you to sleep." James said gently and walking with me to the Head dorms.

"I'm not letting you go anywhere by yourself anymore." James said opening the portrait.

I wasn't about to tell him about Severous and Bellatrix.

"James I don't always need you with me." I said.

"But I do." He said leading me up to my room.

I came out of the bathroom after changing into something to sleep in, and seen James fixing my bed so it would be comfortable for me. I smiled.

"Climb in." He said holding the blankets for me. I got in and when he started to pull the blankets up I stopped him.

"I changed my mind." I said.

"What?" He asked.

"Would you stay with me?" I asked quietly.

James nodded slowly, stripped to his boxers and slid in beside me. He took me in his arms and held me close to him.

"I love you Lily. I'll protect you." He whispered.

"I know." I said.

I kissed him softly.

"I love you." I said shifting even closer to cause him to tighten his arms.

I realized then that I had to tell James about everything. My family, the betrothal, and worstly...Drumstang. I knew I could trust him, though I hadn't even told Charlie about Drumstrang. At least, not fully.


	13. Causatum

**Chapter 12- Causatum**

It was breakfast and we were all gathered in our usual spots. There was talk around the Great Hall about one Amos Diggory and his absence for the past day. I was quiet as our friends even talked about it. Only James, Charlie, and Sirius knew what had happened. The four of us didn't really participate in the conversations this morning. After breakfast I went to Headmaster Dumbledore's office and missed all of my morning classes explaining what had happened with Diggory and myself the night before. I was nervous coming to Dumbledore in the first place. But I knew that Dumbledore was a fair man. And James trusts Dumbledore with his life. James walked me to his office, reassurring me the whole way. But all I could think about this morning as I sat in Dumbledore's office was when I was at Drumstrang. It was similiar, but different. As a skilled Occulumens, I know when my mind is being invaded. Dumbledore was in my mind. Probably verifying that I was telling the truth. But it was only for a second. I couldn't even block him before he was out. Dumbledore is definately a master. But with what I was thinking about, who knows how much Dumbledore knows. Tricky man. A couple of seconds of Dumbledore in my mind and he could have looked at all of my past. But I was thinking about it on my own, so it was right there for him to see up front. I shouldn't have let my emotions get my guard down.

Because it was my word that would expell Diggory, there was someone from the ministry to come in and talk to Dumbledore and I. Something about recording the 'event' for official records of some sort. Professor McGonagall was there as well, being that she was my head of house. Amos was found earlier this morning and taken to the hospital wing where he presently resided. Or so I was told by Dumbledore. I left out all mention of Sirius' handiwork. I don't even know what Diggory looked like after Charlie and Sirius went back. All Dumbledore said was that a Slytherin student found him down in the dungeons on their way to breakfast this morning. I'm pretty sure Dumbledore knew that Sirius and Charlie were the ones who were responsible for Diggory, but he didn't say anything. I left Dumbledore's office glad to be able to move on from the whole issue. I walked straight to lunch and when I arrived I recieved simultaneous hugs from James, Charlie, and Sirius.

"So how did it go?" James asked.

"Good." I said simply.

The rest of our friends were giving us questioning looks, but they didn't ask what we were talking about or why I had missed classes. Tiffany walked in the Great Hall and took a seat across from Sirius. She quietly started to fill her plate as James smirked. I looked at him but he only shrugged it off. Lunch today was quiet compared to any other day. I think it was becuase the two loudest ones of our 'group' weren't saying anything. That in itself was odd. I knew something was going on, but I was going to wait and see.

I was walking to Charms with James when I heard this loud obnoxious noise coming from behind us. We both turned around to see Sirius and Peter. Sirius was singing very out of tune and Peter was walking next to him with his hands over his ears.

"Has anyone ever told you that you sing horribly?" I asked Sirius when they approached us.

"Yes." Sirius said happily.

"He always sings when he's happy." Peter said.

"I thought he Was always happy?" I asked.

"No he sings when he is really really happy." James said.

Peter and James shared a smile while other students stared at Sirius who was singing again. I probably didn't want to know why Sirius would be 'really really happy' so I just walked on to class much like Peter had been. With my hands over my ears.

After Charms I made my way to the library with James so I could talk to Charlie before quidditch practice.

"Charlie." I greeted once I had found him sitting at one of the back tables.

"Lils." He said happily.

"A question for you..." I started to say.

"Yes." Charlie said quickly.

"Thanks." I said.

Charlie rolled his eyes before going back to his book. I walked out of the library with James next to me looking confused.

"What the bloody hell?" He asked.

"Charlie likes Leah." I explained.

"Oh. Does she..." He asked.

"Yes. I believe so." I said as we walked side by side down the corridor.

"So do you think that they will..." He started.

"If I can help it." I said.

"You know it's annoying when you do that." James said.

I laughed and stuck out my tongue. This inspired a game of catch where I ran like crazy screaming down the halls of Hogwarts and James trying to catch me. I say trying because I'm just way too fast. Heh.

Later that night I was sitting in the common room reading when Leah came down from the girls dormitory and sat on one of the couches.

"I didn't know you were here." Leah said.

"I'm supposed to meet James here before patrols. Sirius needed him for something. It's some big secret or another." I said.

"Hmm, I wonder if it has anything to do with the way he was acting this morning." Leah said.

"Possibly." I said.

I continued to read while Leah sat watching the fire. Students started to go up to their dormitories for the night and soon it was only me and Leah left in the common room. We sat their for about twenty minutes until Leah spoke.

"Lily?" She asked me.

"Yeah?" I said without looking up from my book.

"I need some advice and I have a confession of sorts." She said.

I closed my book and looked at her. She was holding a pillow from one of the couches in her lap and her legs were folded underneath her.

"It's your brother." Leah said.

"I know." I said.

"Wait, what do you mean you know?" Leah asked.

"What I said." I said.

"Am I that obvious?" She asked sliding deeper into the couch.

"Well, only when you're together, and when you stare at him in class with this glazed look in your eyes, oh and then when he's talking to anyone and you agree with everything he says..." I said.

"Ok, ok, I get the point." Leah said.

She sighed loudly.

"He confuses the hell out of me!" Leah said angirly.

I sat my book down and walked over to the couch sitting next to her.

"I like him. I really do, and it's not like any of my other boyfriends. I care about Charlie. Like I know that if we dated, and it didn't work out, that we would still be really good friends." Leah said.

"Well, are you dating?" I asked her.

"I don't know." Leah said.

"What do you mean you don't know?" I asked.

"Well, we spend almost all of our time together. And, he keeps trying to kiss me." Leah said.

"He tries to kiss you? Does he miss?" I asked unsurely.

Leah laughed.

"No. I always pull away, or just hug him or something." Leah said.

"Why do you pull away if you like him?" I asked.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just nervous. I don't want Charlie to be just another fling. And what if I mess up? Charlie means a lot to me and I don't want to mess anything up." Leah said.

"Well that's good because I think you mean a lot to Charlie too." I said.

Leah looked at me and smiled.

"Don't hold back just because you're afraid. Trust me on this one. If you do, you'll only regret and wish you would have been upfront from the beginning." I said.

Leah looked at me curiously but didn't say anything.

"I'm going to go find him." She said jumping up from her position on the couch.

"It's midnight." I commented while looking at the clock on the mantle.

"Oh, right." Leah said sadly.

"He's in the room of requirement. Be careful not to get caught." I said picking up my book and turning it back to the page I had marked.

There was no motion so I looked up.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" I asked.

Leah shook her head and smiled. She ran towards the portrait hole.

"Thanks Lily!" She shouted before exiting the common room.

I smirked. Now to work on Remus and Ashley.

"Ready for patrols?" James asked.

I turned around to see him coming down the boys staircase.

"Yes. Let's go." I said closing my book again and sticking it in my bag.

James and I walked hand in hand down the dark halls of Hogwarts as we patrolled.

"So, Charlie and Leah eh?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think so." I said.

"Well, good luck to them. I hope they work out." James said.

I smiled at him.

"What?" He asked.

"What?" I said.

"Why were you smiling?" He asked me.

"Nothing, but I hope Leah likes what Charlie has planned for her in the Room of Requirement." I said.

"What's he planned?" James asked.

"I think he's had it decorated romantically and he's going to officially ask her out." I said.

"Oh. Good thing they're both friends with the Heads." James smirked.

I rolled my eyes. We approached some broom closets that were usual hide outs for students out past curfew.

"Would my lady care for the honor?" James asked bowing and geturing towards the door of the first closet.

"If you insist good sir." I said mocking James' silly antics.

I opened the door and there was nobody inside.

"Too bad Lils, this is usually a big spot. I guess you don't get any points on this one." He said.

I closed the door as we walked a little ways to the next closet. James and I play this game every time we patrol. We take turns on opening the doors to the most likely hideouts and if we find people in them we get so many points based on who we find. If its a younger student we get 10 points. If its a couple we get 15. And their house depends if we get an additional 3 points for each Slytherin, 4 points for each Hufflepuff, 5 points for each Ravenclaw, and 6 points for each Gryffindor. If it's a student or students above fifth year we also add 15 points. So basically the biggest points are if we find a couple of Gryffindors. And James added a point system on how comprimising their situation is when we find them. If any clothing article is missing its 20 points for each one missing on each person. And we get 50 points if we can bust one of our friends. That's James for you though.

We came up to the next door and it was James' turn so I leaned against the opposite wall and watched as he quietly turned the handle and threw the door open.

What I seen was shocking to say the least.

"James! Lily!" Ashley screamed, she was closest to the door.

James lit his wand to see who she was with as Ashley covered the top half of her body.

"Remus?" James said surprised.

Remus smiled sheepishly as he picked up his shirt and Ashley's too.

"Well, this is a bit embarassing." Remus said.

I just stood there much like James, looking on dumbfounded.

"Well, er, we'll be going now." Ashley said grabbing Remus' arm and dragging him down the hall.

James and I just stood there as we watched them round the corner.

"Well, that was..." I started.

"Brilliant!" James said grinning.

"Yeah, I'm glad they got together on their own." I said smiling.

"Yeah but do you know how many points I get?" James said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Let's see that's a couple so its 15, plus they were both Gryffindors and thats 6 points each. That gives me 27 points. Then they were both above fifth year so thats 15 points each. That there gives me 57 points. And they were both missing shirts so thats 20 points each. That gives me 97 points. And the best part, they were both our friends! That's 100 points to add. So the grand total is 197 points! Beat that Miss Evans, with your measly 24 points. Ha!" James shouted.

He started jumping up and down and doing some type of victory dance. I had had enough. I pulled out my wand and hit him with a trip jinx. James did a faceplant on the floor. I started laughing as he looked up at me astonished.

"Oh, that's how you want to play is it?" He asked me mischieviously.

I stopped laughing when I seen the look on his face, like he was about to launch an attack. I took off sprinting down the hall as James got up from the floor and ran after me. I skidded around the corners of hallways as James chased me. I rounded one corner and hit smack dab into someone. The both of us sprawled across the floor.

I heard James coming around the corner and he tripped over us and it sent him to the ground as well. So the three of us were tangled in a mess of flying limbs as well all tried to get to our feet.

"What the bloody hell!" James mumbled as he rolled off of the unidentified person and got to his feet.

James pulled me up as the other person was bent over dusting off.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter. On a highspeed chase for late night wanderers are we?" Professor Stigma said.

"I am so sorry professor!" I said.

"No, its quite alright. I was just making sure miss Collins got to her common room without any troubles." He said.

I looked over to the other side of the hall to see Sarah standing there.

"It's pretty late for a tutoring session don't you think?" James said.

I elbowed him to be quiet.

"Well, we'll just be on our way. Goodnight professor." I said pulling James' hand and glancing at a smirking Sarah.

Once we were safely out of earshot I gave James a look. He returned it.

"What was going on back there? What do you know that I don't?" He asked.

So I had to explain everything.

"You walked in on them and thought it was me and Sarah?" He asked.

"Well, when I heard them I thought it was you and Sarah. But then it just all came out." I said.

"I dont know if I can think of Stigma the same." James said.

"Oh believe me, it's hard to listen to the lectures when you get flashbacks of him making out with one of your best friends." I said.

James cringed.

"Ew, Lils." He said.

"Exactly." I said.

"So first Remus and Ashley and now professor Stigma and Sarah?" James said.

"Shhh, you can't tell anyone about Sarah." I said.

James nodded.

"Those girls sure do have a strange taste in men." James said.

"James! Remus is your friend!" I said.

"Which is why I'd know." James said laughing.

I rolled my eyes.

"You keep doing that and they might just get stuck." James said.

"Oh I'm sure." I said.

I stuck out my tongue.

James laughed at me as we continued our patrol.

"Hey James, you and Sirius aren't planning something are you?" I asked.

"Yes." He said.

"Something big?" I asked.

"Yes." He said.

"And it's just the two of you?" I asked.

"Yes." He said.

"Are you going to tell me what it is?" I asked.

"No." He said.

"Why is that?" I asked him.

"Because you will just have to wait and see tomorrow morning along with everyone else. And, if I tell you, then you're techniqually an acomplice. And we can't have that on your record now can we?" He said.

"I just hope you don't get in too much trouble. I wouldn't want you to get expelled. It wouldn't be the same without you here." I said as we walked.

"Hey." James said stopping and facing me.

"I wouldn't do anything that would make me leave you." He said seriously.

I smiled.

"That's good, becuase I kind of like having you around." I said.

"I bet. Probably had them all following you around at Drumstrang too eh?" He joked.

I froze. The promise I had made to myself, I had to tell him. I looked around and nobody was in the halls that I could see.

"Lily? What's wrong?" He asked.

Well I suppose now was as good a time as ever.

"James, I need to tell you something about Drumstrang." I said.

"What?" He asked.

I closed my eyes as the images rushed to my head like they had that night with Diggory. I couldn't handle it.

"Lily!" James shouted.

All I remembered was James worried face as the darkness consumed.


	14. Easier To Breathe

**Chapter 13- Easier to Breathe**

"Lily! Lily, wake up." I opened my eyes to see the worried look of James Potter.

I've grown accustomed to that look.

"Alright now Lily, are you ok?" James asked.

"Yes, I'm fine I just-"

"I think I should take you to the hospital wing." James said.

"No! No, I'm fine; I don't want to go to the hospital wing." I said.

Well then lets get you back to your dorm. You should get some rest." James said.

He was picking me up and I knew that this would happen to me everytime I tried to tell him. I knew I had to do this now.

"James stop. Listen, I have to tell you now." I said.

James set me down and we both sat in the floor. He looked at me expectantly and I could feel my heart beat getting faster. I was nervous, but who wouldn't be? It's not like I've ever told anyone before. Telling James was giving him my ultimate trust. I hope he understood that. I think he knew it was hard for me to say anything because he held one of my hands and started rubbing it. I slowly pulled it away from him and looked in his eyes. Here goes...

"James, what I've been trying to tell you is that, I was raped." I said slowly as I looked at the ground.

James did nothing.

"It was this past year at Drumstrang. One of the seventh year students attacked me. I was only fifeteen. The worst part is that I was awake the whole time. He didn't stun me or bind me. He didn't even use magic. I screamed every chance that I could, when he wasn't covering my mouth. But I still remember everywhere his hands touched my body, and I remember how much it hurt. It was so painful, but I only wanted him to stop. I was praying that I'd just die because I knew that nobody would hear me. We were in a top tower that's not even used. He had followed me up there I guess. I used to go there all the time because it had this roof where you could get the greatest view of the land and sky. Anyways, after he was finished (James cringed) he just whispered all these evil things that he would do to me if I ever told anyone. When he was distracted doing, other things, I screamed and someone heard me. It was my best friend. The only friend I had. She found us, but..." I stopped.

James made to say something but I silenced him with my hand.

"She found us and he, he pulled out his wand. He said this curse and then she fell to the ground. She didn't move, and just by the look on her face when he said the spell, I knew that she was dead. After he killed her, I thought for sure I would be next. But instead, he just kept on like before. And I had no choice but to let him while I stared at the body of my once best friend. No matter how much I tried to fight him, I couldn't. And my best friend was dead! She was dead because of me. I tried to save her, but, I couldn't. And I was hit unconscience. It wasn't until exactly a month later that I had any memory of it taking place. And then it was only because, because certain comlpications arose." I said quietly.

"You were pregnant." James said quietly.

"I was only fifeteen. I went to the headmaster but he didn't believe me. He said there wasn't any proof. And even though my best friend was murdered, it was all covered up. The students were told it was an accident and it never really got out of the castle."I said, tears pouring down my face.

"Two months later, at the end of the year, I fell down three flights of stairs." I said.

"You fell?" James asked.

"No, I was pushed. I know itwas because I went to the headmaster. He must have found out.I was probably supposed to die. But it was not my death that was achieved." I said.

"You lost the baby." James said.

"And I felt bad because, I was relieved. Am I horrible because I didn't want it?"I asked as I cried into my hands.

James wrapped an arm around me, but I quickly pushed him away.

"No! Don't touch me! How could you touch someone like me?" I screamed at him.

James had tears slowly rolling down his gentle face.

"Lily, please don't push me away. Lily, please? I love you!" He whispered.

He put his arms around me again and I only cried.

James held me in his arms and I felt like everything was going to be ok.

"Thank you Lily. Thank you for telling me, and for trusting me." James whispered.

"Thank you for loving me." I whispered back to him.

James' grip tightened and I knew I did the right thing. It was almost like this big weight had been lifted off of me now. I knew I had yet to tell James about my mother, but already itwas so much easier to breathe.


	15. You Have To Face It Sooner Or Later

**Chapter 14- You Have To Face It Sooner Or Later**

"Everyone's quiet this morning." Sarah said.

Remus looked at Sirius who kept glancing back and forth between Tiffany and James. Then he watched James, who was keeping his eyes on the table. Next Remus looked at Charlie, who was sitting next to Leah, and looking at me with an intense glare.

"What is going on with the four of you?" Remus asked.

James, Sirius, Charlie and I all looked at him.

"Well why don't you ask James? Mr. 'I'm too good to follow through on my promises' " Sirius said.

"Sirius, I told you I'm sorry. But not today. Would you at least try to be a little less selfish?" James said, not even looking at Sirius.

Sirius got quiet and didn't say anything else.

"So Charlie, what's the matter with you?" Ashley asked.

"Well, its just a trust thing really." Charlie said looking at me.

"_I know what happened. How could you not trust me? Haven't I always been there every time you needed me? How am I supposed to protect you if I don't know what's happening?" _Charlie thought to me.

I looked at him as his eyes started to water. I felt so ashamed. He was trying to check on me when he felt me pass out and then he heard everything I had confessed to James. I was so emotional last night that I didn't even know he was in my mind.

"Ecscuse me." Charlie said getting up and leaving the Great Hall.

I looked at James. He squeezed my hand and I got up as well, following Charlie out of the Great Hall.

"Charlie, can we talk?" I asked as I caught up to him outside of the Great Hall.

He turned around and pulled me into a full embrace. He completely broke down crying into my shoulder.

"I'm okay now." I whispered, hugging him tightly.

Charlie just shook his head.

"I promise you Lily, from this day forward, I will always protect you. You are my life. Without you I am not whole. You and I are forever do you understand?" Charlie asked.

"Yes. I love you Charlie, I couldn't ask for better brothers than you and Harry. And you are more like another part of me than anything else." I said quietly.

"We need to tell Harry." Charlie said.

"I don't know if that's a good idea. He might do something stupid." I said.

"He'd want to know." Charlie said as he pulled away from me and stared into my eyes.

"I guess." I said.

"And do you know how close Easter is?" Charlie asked.

"It's not like I'm going to forget anytime soon." I said.

"Have you told James yet?" He asked me seriously.

"No. How do you tell someone that?" I asked.

Charlie didn't say anything.

"After Easter, it's never going to be the same is it?" He asked.

"No, it's not." I said sadly.

"What about father? Can't you tell him about James? Tell father you don't want to be betrothed." Charlie said.

"It's too late. Mum is announcing the engagement at the annual Easter ball." I said.

"There has to be something we can do. I can't let you lose the greatest thing that's ever happened to you since you became a witch." Charlie said.

"Come on, I don't want to talk about it anymore." I said.

Charlie frowned.

"Lily, you have to tell James. He's my friend, they all are. They deserve the truth. Maybe they could even help." Charlie said.

"Charlie, please, I don't want to talk about it." I said.

"I know Lils, but I'm doing this because I love you. If you don't tell James, I will. ...I just hope you do the right thing." Charlie said.

The bell sounded and students started coming out of the Great Hall. Charlie and I turned to look toward the direction of the Great Hall before we focused back on each other.

"You have to face this Lils. There's no running away. I love you too much to let you do that." Charlie said.

He studdied me one last minute before walking past me. I turned around to watch him leave toward the Great Hall and caught James' eye as he exited. James looked at me questioningly, but I turned and walked away quickly.

"You're avoiding me." James stated as he walked into the Head Common rooms later that day.

It startled me, seeing as I was reading, and I almost jumped a foot in the air from fright. I looked up at him but no words came to mind.

"Why? Do you regret telling me?" James asked softly.

I swallowed and it seemed as if my brain kicked into gear, finally getting over the shock and coming up with a response.

"I don't regret telling you." I said.

"But you ARE avoiding me. And I want to know why. Is it something that I've done?" James asked.

"No! It's not you. I guess I've just had a lot on my mind lately." I said.

James nodded and came and sat next to me.

"Right, I understand. I was just worried that I'd done something or that you regretted telling me." James said.

I smiled and James smiled back at me. He stared at me for a couple of seconds before leaning forward to kiss my forehead. I kept smiling as he wrapped an arm around me.

"I don't understand sometimes." James said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I just don't understand how people can be so cruel." He said.

"Me either." I said.

James looked at me and stared into my eyes.

"You don't know how much it means to me that you told me. That you trusted me with that secret." James said.

"I love you." I said simply.

"I know, and I love you. But that's what scares me sometimes. What if I lose you? What do I do without you?" He said.

"I know how that feels." I said thinking about the betrothal. I had been feeling exactly that this past week.

"I'll always love you Lily. Always." James said.

I looked into the fire as James watched me. Something inside me was screaming, 'me too!', but I said nothing.

There is definately something going on between Sirius and Tiffany. Tiffany has rarely spoken to Sirius since the whole Lauren Jameson accident. Even I've forgiven him a bit. And Sirius always gets really quiet when Tiffany is around. Almost depressed looking. He still jokes with the Marauders every now and then, but besides that he rarely says anything and he just sits around the Gryffindor common room looking out the windows. And there hasn't been a prank from the group for awhile. Because Charlie has become like the fifth Marauder, I don't mind bugging him about my suspicions with the group. I found him in a corner of the Gryffindor common room by himself.

"Hey Charlie." I said.

"Hey Lils." Charlie said.

"So you and Leah are together now?" I asked.

"Yes, but you already knew that. What do you really want?" Charlie asked.

I rolled my eyes. I really _have_ been doing that a lot recently. Personally I think I will blame Charlie. Charlie laughed, I guess he picked up on what I was thinking.

"So, has Sirius said anything to you?" I asked.

"No. But he's just depressed because Tiffany is ignoring him. He likes her." Charlie said.

"How do you know!" I asked him excitedly.

"You might be above reading peoples minds sometimes, but I'm not." Charlie said grinning.

"Charlie!" I said smacking his arm.

"What was that for? It's not like there's anything we can do about it now." He said smiling.

"What I'm wondering is if Tiffany likes him." He said giving me a look.

"Oh, no! I am not going to read her mind. I'm not invading her privacy." I said.

"But Lils, you know I'm not going to read a girl's mind! You've got to do it." He said.

"Well at least you have some decency." I said.

Charlie rolled his eyes.

"What if they like each other? You know they are both too stubborn to admit it. What if we could get them together?" Charlie said.

"Well, if they are meant to be together then it will work out for them." I said.

"Oh, please. I know you don't believe that. What about all that stuff you were doing trying to get Remus and Ashley together?" Charlie said.

"Well what about what you and Sirius were doing trying to get James and I together over Christmas?" I said.

"And aren't you happier for it?" Charlie asked.

I rolled my eyes yet again.

"Argh! Fine. But I will _ask_ her." I said.

"Whatever works for you. But I can't see Lily Evans' curiosity not getting the better of her." Charlie said.

"I said I would ask her, if she refuses to tell me and I get annoyed, you know I will settle my curiosity once and for all." I said joking.

"That's my girl!" Charlie said laughing.

"Do you know how hard it is to tell myself to calm down when I hear you say that?" James asked walking in through the portrait hole.

"Good man, James." Charlie said clapping James shoulder as he took a seat.

"So what have the two of you been conspiring about?" James asked.

"What makes you think that we were conspiring?" I asked.

"Because Charlie is always conspiring." James said simply.

"Too true. Really though, if anyone is to blame it is the famous Marauders. I've never been quite this bad." Charlie said.

Both boys grinned. I shook my head.

"Might as well tell James the evil things you are going to do. We can TRUST James." Charlie said.

He was telling me that I had his permission to tell James about our special connection.

"_I really want to see his reaction anyways." _Charlie thought to me.

"_Fine, but you have to help me." _I thought back to him.

Charlie nodded.

"So James, we've decided to trust you on our biggest secret." Charlie said.

"And you can't tell anyone. Only one other person knows and it is our brother Harry." Charlie said.

"And Remus to some extent. He figured it out." I said.

"Well that makes a little more sense to his behavior around me." Charlie said.

"Are we still talking about what you two were conspiring about?" James asked.

"Not really." I said.

James raised his eyebrows.

"Ok, Lils and I can read each others mind." Charlie said.

"Because you are twins?" James asked.

"Yes." I said.

"I've heard of that happening with twins before. That's pretty rare though isn't it?" James asked.

"Yeah, but you see, because of it we are highly skilled at Leglimency and Occlumency." Charlie said.

James stared at us.

"So we can read your mind anytime we feel like it." Charlie said.

"That's the part Remus knows." I said.

James looked at us startled.

Charlie started laughing.

I rolled my eyes.

"Lily won't read anyones mind that she is close to because she says it is 'out of respect'. It would be 'invading their privacy.'" Charlie said.

"I on the other hand, don't feel one bit bad about reading people's minds." Charlie said with a grin.

"So you can find out anything a person has went through? See their memories?" James asked worriedly.

Charlie sat up straight giving James a strange look and then looking at me for a second before explaining things.

"Well, it's easier to read thoughts. If we went looking through memories, the person would know something was wrong. They would get a strange feeling all of a sudden. But most people can't tell when their present thoughts are being overheard." Charlie said.

"Isn't it hard to learn though?" James asked.

"Yes, it usually takes someone years. Because of our expierence with each other, we can do it." I said.

"So, it's really just a trust thing?" James asked.

"For the two of you it would be." Charlie said.

"I think he means at breakfast." I said. "Charlie and I were talking to each other then. He overheard everything I told you last night." I said.

"Yes, that's another thing. If she is sick, I get sick. And vice versa. So if one of us were to pass out, the other would feel sick and know something was wrong with them." Charlie said.

"Same with our emotions. We can sometimes feel a little of what the other one is feeling. So if Charlie is really angry I will feel angry all of a sudden and know it is from Charlie." I said.

"Unless I block her out. We've learned how to do that since we were about ten or so." Charlie said.

I nodded.

"So, before last night, Charlie didn't know?" James asked.

"No." I said.

James jumped all of a sudden a looked around at Charlie. Charlie smiled at him and nodded.

"What did you say to him?" I asked.

"Not to worry Lils. Not to worry." Charlie said.

James was smiling broadly.

"So what were you originally planning earlier?" James asked.

We filled him in.

"Well, I knew about Sirius. I think I knew before even Sirius himself knew." James said.

"So this morning when he said you didn't keep your promises, were you supposed to help him get close to Tiffany or something?" I asked.

James looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Perceptive isn't she?" Charlie asked.

James nodded.

"Yes, we were planning a big thing to flatter Tiffany into liking Sirius again. But, I was keeping an eye on you last night so I couldn't help him prepare for it." James said.

"Don't go through with your plan yet. Let me talk to her first." I said.

James nodded.

"But though he acts like it, Sirius isn't stupid. He'll know we are up to something. He's just got this sense for when people are lying and are being edgy. He'll know. I think I'm going to let on that I asked Lily to talk to Tiffany about Sirius. And Charlie, you can't be involved yet. I think I might have a plan that could involve you later. So for now we can't let him know that you know anything ok?" James said.

Charlie nodded.

"So is this what you guys always sit around doing? Planning out things and how not to get caught?" I asked.

"Sure. But usually its who we don't like or who has it coming to them and how." James joked.

I laughed.

"Well kids, I have a date." Charlie said getting up and leaving.

"We have quidditch practice soon." James said.

James and I decided to walk back to the Head Dorms and change for practice.

"So, Hufflepuff is out of the running for the Cup." James said.

"They couldn't find a replacement?" I asked.

"It's a rule that if a member is expelled, the team gets a dq." James said.

"A dq?" I asked.

"A disqualification." James clarified.

"Yes I know what it is, but that doesn't seem fair." I said.

James shrugged his shoulders.

"With them out of the running, and based on the points, we play Slytherin for the Cup." James said.

"Didn't you think it would come down to that anyways?" I asked him.

James smiled.

"Yes. And as much as I hate to admit it, they aren't bad now. Mainly because they don't mind to cheat. They really will do anything to win." James said.

"Well, just don't go crazy on us ok? Have a little faith in your team." I said.

"I have faith in you." James said seriously.

"Thanks." I said as I looked to the ground.

Practice was really long but it went well. We still have some time before our match against Slytherin, but James thinks we are already ready. That's what he told us after practice. The good thing is he is cutting down our practices because one, the Slytherins are trying to learn our plays by watching our practices. And two, James doesn't want to risk any injuries on us by pushing us too much. Really though, I think that it's mainly because there is not much we can do now to improve. We really are good. And I know what good is, I did play at Drumstrang.

After practice was over I got a note from Remus to meet him in the library. He was already there when I arrived.

"Hello Lily." He greeted me cheerfully.

"Hello Remus. You wanted to see me?" I asked.

Remus looked around the library to find it empty of other students.

"Yes, well I wanted to talk to you." He said.

I sat down across from him.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"Well, I really hate to bring it up, but you're sixteen now." Remus said.

"Yes." I said.

"Well have you had any word from your mother recently?" He asked.

"She is announcing it at our annual Easter ball." I said.

Remus looked shocked.

"So soon?" He asked.

"Well, I suspect that she wants me married right after our graduation. Or at least within the month." I said sadly.

"Well, what about James?" He asked.

"What about him?" I asked.

"Don't you love him?" Remus asked.

I nodded.

"Does he know about this plan of your mothers?" Remus asked.

"No." I said.

"What are you going to do?" Remus asked.

"I don't think there is anything I can do." I said

"But, James, he loves you." Remus said.

I looked down at the table.

"What are you planning on doing Lily? Just breaking up with James and marrying this other guy?" Remus asked.

I stared at him.

Remus shook his head at me with disappointment.

"What would you have me do Remus?" I asked angirly.

Remus didn't say anything.

"James will be heart broken. I'm sorry Lily, but James has done too much for me. I can't let this happen to him. And I know this isn't what you want. We have to come up with a plan." Remus said.

I smiled sadly.

"Don't you think that I have been trying to come up with something ever since her letter? There is nothing that I can do." I said.

Remus looked at me.

"I never thought Lily Evans would give up." He said.

I looked at him sadly as he got up.

"I would suggest sooner rather than later when it comes to James. You're going to crush him." Remus said shaking his head and walking away.

I silently cried myself to sleep that night. I've been neglecting the inevitable. I have to do something about this, I love James don't I? He's worth it isn't he? I have to talk to father. He's my last chance. And besides, you have to face it sooner or later.


	16. Coming Together

**Chapter 15- Coming Together**

The morning post had just arrived when I seen a familiar barn owl headed my way. It was Euripides. He glided gracefully towards me and dropped the letter in front of me. He nipped my ear affectionately, took a bit of bacon from my plate, and flew away. I looked up and Charlie and Remus were staring at me, Charlie biting his lip. I picked up the letter and put it inside my robe pocket. James was too busy looking at a Quidditch magazine he had gotten to notice me do so, so I told him I forgot my Transfiguration book and started to leave the Great Hall. As I was walking away I could hear James' voice.

"Wait, don't we have potions first thing?" He said.

I sped up my pace to the giant doors.

I walked out onto the grounds and sat next to the lake. I slowly pulled out the envelope and broke the wax seal. I looked around me to make sure I was alone before pulling out the letter and opening it.

_My Darling Lily,_

_It was good to hear from you again. I'm glad you're so well suited at your new school. But enough with the politics, I know you hate them. I was really troubled to hear how you felt about the betrothal. You know I would never do something to make you unhappy. I've spoken to your mother, but she says that the arrangements have been finalized. And I have always been a man of my word. But I did promise you long ago when you were born that I would do everything I could to make you happy. I was going to write to you and tell you to at least give this fellow a chance. But, shortly after I recieved your letter, I recieved another by way of your magical post. It was from a fellow of whom you go to school with. I believe his name was Remus Lupin. Very polite in his letter. And come to think of it, I do know of his family, good people. But this Lupin explained to me of your situation with this boy named James. Apparently it is Mr. Lupin's best friend, and he says that this James and you have strong feelings for each other. Charlie wrote me a similiar letter. And I am so glad to know my daughter has found her happiness. I couldn't bare to make you suffer, so there will be no announcement of the engagement. Am I a lord or aren't I? So I've put my foot down on the matter. However, your mother and I made the agreement that your ex-betrothal will still be present. Your mother is insistant that you at least meet him. It was her wish that you would marry someone that she had picked for you. I can't promise that the engagement is off, but your mother has agreed to postpone everything to at least let you meet him first. (I convinced her that it would look bad on us if the two of you didn't at least act cival to each other.) Your friend Lupin has neglected to give a last name to this fellow James, but if he has a good family status then perhaps you can persuade your mother to his favor. I'm sorry I cannot not do more to help you at this time. I send you my best wishes. _

_All my love,_

_Your father._

I let out a deep breath and turned to look toward the castle. Charlie and Remus were standing there, and I ran to hug them both.

"So it's good news?" Charlie asked taking the letter to read it for himself.

"I can't believe you two!" I said.

Remus grinned.

"We had to do something!" He said.

"Wait, father said he knew of your family." I said to Remus.

"Uh, geese look at the time. We better be heading to class. It is potions you know, so you really don't want to be late." Remus said as he sprinted into the castle.

Charlie and I followed him and barely made it in time. James kept trying to catch my eye all through the lesson, probably to ask me what was going on at breakfast. But I kept to my notes. It was when we broke into partners to brew when James asked me.

"What in Merlin's name is going on?" He asked.

"We're making the Draught of the Living Death." I said.

James gave me a hard stare.

"Oh it's nothing really. I recieved a letter from home this morning. That's all. I was nervous about reading it. I don't really get along too well with my mother. I just wanted a quiet place to read it if it was from her." I said.

"Oh. Well was it from her?" James asked as he started to light a fire under our cauldron.

"Uh, no. It was from my father." I said.

"Is everything ok?" He asked.

"I think it will be." I said.

"Well what was going on with Remus and Charlie? They said something about forgetting the house elves had a plot to poison them and that they had to immediatley go to the hospital wing." James said.

"They look fine to me. Probably just up to something." I said casually as I waited for the water in the cauldron to boil.

"Obviously. I'm not an idiot, I know they were up to something. That was one of the most stupid ecscuses I've ever heard. IT would have been believable coming from Sirius, but not those two. Do you know what it is they are being secretive about, or are you in on it too?" James asked me.

"Well if I were, then I couldn't tell you could I?" I said smirking.

James grinned.

"That's ok. I'll get to the bottom of all this." James said smiling.

And he would. I knew it was only a matter of time before James found out everything. The question was, how would he find out? Could I gather the courage to tell him the truth? That I had been lying to him all along. Well, not really lying, but when you don't tell the whole truth isn't that lying? I really need a break from all of this thinking. I can't wait for the weekend.

Now that quidditch practice is pretty much over, I have my evenings free until patrol. I was making my way to the Gryffindor Common Room for an investigation with one, Tiffany Harpor, when all of a sudden Sirius Black jumped from the corner of the hall and shoved me in a classroom.

"Sirius? What are you doing?" I asked.

"Sit." He instructed as he pushed me down in a chair.

"I know that you know." Sirius said.

Well this sounds familiar. It's like daja vu.

"What?" I said.

"James told me your on our team." Sirius said.

"Huh?" I said. Has he finally lost his mind? Of course I'm on his team, I've been on the Gryffindor team all season!

"You know, you're helping with the mission." Sirius tried to explain.

"Mission? What mission?" I asked.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Operation Black Harp. Sound familiar?" He asked.

"No. Is it supposed to?" I asked.

Sirius sighed in frustration.

"You're helping me to get in Harpors good graces!" He said.

"Oh! You mean because you like Tiffany-" Sirius cut me off by putting his hand over my mouth.

"Shhh! What if we're overheard?" He said looking around the very dark and dusty room.

Not likely. This time I rolled my eyes as Sirius removed his hand from my mouth.

"Speak in code only." He instructed.

"Yes sir." I said saluting him.

Sirius got all serious like, puffing out his chest.

"Now, status report." He said.

"I was just about to commence operation Black Harp in the tactical division Srgt. Black, sir." I said soldier like.

"And your tactics are?" He asked.

"To speak with said target sir, of emotions, sir." I said.

"Good, commence operations private." He said.

"Yes sir, Srgt. Black, sir." I said saluting him again.

"At ease soldier, and you are dissmissed." Sirius said.

I chuckled as I got up but Black kept the straightest face. Sometimes these boys take their games way too seriously. Or maybe just too Siriusly? I continued on my original quest for the Gryffindor Common Rooms. Wait a second, did I just say my original quest? Merlin, I've been around the Marauders for too long. So, I headed to the Gryffindor Commons. There, that was better.

Once inside the Common Room I seen Tiffany sitting in an armchair next to the fireplace. James and Peter were in a game of Wizards chess, and by the flustered look on Peter's face I could tell he was already losing. Leah and Charlie were at a table together across the room with their books spread out. I waved as I walked over to the couch where Remus was reading and Ashley was braiding Sarah's hair.

"Hey Tiffany, do you have last week's copy of Quidditch Weekly? I wanted to check something but I can't seem to find my copy. Wouldn't be surprised if Charlie had it or something. But who wants to interupt that?" I said pointing in the direction of Charlie who sat holding Leah's hand and whispering stuff to make her giggle every couple of seconds.

Tiffany laughed.

"Yeah, sure. I think it's upstairs in my trunk. But don't laugh at them too much, you and James went through the same thing." She said standing up and setting down her book, Quidditch Throughout the Ages.

"Oy! I don't think we ever did that in front of everyone." James said pointing at the couple again.

We looked in their direction before quickly snapping our heads back around.

"Ok, maybe not quite that bad." Tiffany said.

"Aren't they just so cute though?" Ashley said referring to the make out session going on between Charlie and Leah.

We all looked at her curiously.

"What? They are!" She said going back to Sarah's braid.

Tiffany and I shrugged before heading to the stairs of the girls dormitories, making sure to steer our gazes away from the left side of the room.

She rummaged through her trunk and pulled out the magazine I had asked for.

"Ah, knew it was in here somewhere." She said handing me the magazine.

"Thanks." I said.

"So have you started on the potions assignment yet?" Tiffany asked.

"I just finished it." I said.

"How long was yours?" She asked.

"Thirty six inches." I said.

Tiffany just shook her head as I sat down on Sarah's bed. Tiffany, recognizing my gesture to talk, sat on her own bed opposite from me.

"So? How are you and James?" She asked.

"Oh, we're good. James is his usual crazy self. We're having fun." I said.

"That's good. Is he still beating you at your little patrol game?" She asked.

I smiled.

"He told you?" I asked.

"Nah, I overheard him telling Sirius." She said.

We both laughed.

"Just so you know it was his idea from the beginning." I said.

"Of course it was." She said not believing me and laughing.

I chucked a pillow at her which she caught and held in her lap.

"I'm glad you're both happy. I know you've done wonders for James. Not that you haven't heard this before, but he really did sort of grow up for you. I mean, yeah he's still crazy James, but he's more mature now. Guess that's what some people will do for love." She said.

I smiled.

"I think we both sort of helped each other grow up. But what about you? Any love in the air for you? Or at least some new prospects?" I asked.

"Ha, yeah right. I think I've dated almost everyone." Tiffany said joking.

"Oh that's not true. What about Sirius?" I slipped in.

"What about him? He's a womanizing jerk." She said.

"Well, he did sort of prove you wrong." I said.

"Huh?" She said.

"You said he couldn't go two weeks without dating someone, and I know he hasn't been with anyone since the Lauren Jameson incident." I said.

"Good, maybe he learned that us girls are actual human beings and have feelings." She said.

"I think you did a pretty good job making sure he learned." I said.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"That you've been ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulder ever since. And it's really gotten to him." I said.

"No it hasn't." Tiffany said.

"But you admit trying to punish him?" I asked smiling.

"Somebody needs to." She said.

"Well, Sirius wouldn't be Sirius if he didn't do his normal stupid stuff. I admit he crossed the line with Jameson, but I really think he knows that. And it really bothers him that you don't talk to him anymore." I said.

"It only bothers him because he always wants to be the center of attention. He wouldn't be able to stand it if anyone gave him the cold shoulder." Tiffany said.

"That's not true. You guys used to joke around all the time. Even when you were fighting, it was only in jest. Most of the time. (Tiffany chuckled) You were good friends or something like that." I said.

Tiffany looked up quickly.

"What's that mean?" She asked.

"Well, you might have been something more?" I asked.

Tiffany laughed.

"No." She said.

"Well you could have been. That wouldn't have been so bad would it?" I asked.

"He doesn't think of me like that." Tiffany said.

'If you only knew.' I thought to myself.

"Well, he's acting like he did when James and him were fighting. He was mad at James, but you could tell he was just miserable because of it." I said.

"Yeah, you know it's only because he's too stubborn to apologize for overreacting or admiting he's wrong." She said.

"Yeah, but he eventually comes around and apologizes. Maybe he's trying to apologize to you. And from what Remus says, he rarely apologizes to anyone. So you know he really cares about you." I said.

"Then why does he do stupid stuff like that thing with Jameson?" She said.

Bingo. I think we are on to something here. I think she's starting to admit that she has feelings for Sirius.

"I dunno, maybe he was trying to get your attention? Guys always go about that stuff the wrong way." I said shaking my head.

Tiffany laughed.

"Yeah, that's true." She said smiling.

"LILS!" James shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

"IT"S ALMOST TIME FOR PATROL!" He shouted again.

I looked down at my watch. He was right, I only had five minutes until patrol began.

"Well, I better get going before James forgets to breathe without me." I said joking.

Tiffany laughed.

"So you'll talk with Sirius?" I said as I stood up.

"Sure." She said.

"Great." I said as I headed for the door.

"Oh Lily, you forgot the magazine." She said grinning.

So, she knew I only wanted to get her alone. I smiled back.

"It's ok, I remembered what it was I wanted to look at. So there's no need anymore. Thanks anyway!" I said waving as I left the room.

When I got down the stairs James was waiting for me.

"I'm glad you've come Lily! I couldn't remember to breathe without you!" James said dramatically.

"I was only joking!" I said.

"Nah, it's true." He said smiling and putting his arm around my waist.

I started to roll my eyes but decided against it and walked ahead of him to the portrait hole. I've really been getting bad with the whole eye rolling thing.

James caught up to me and opened the portrait hole for me. He then proceeded to put his arm around my waist.

"So it sounded like it went well?" He asked.

"Affirmative." I said in acting tones like I had used with Sirius in the classroom.

James gave me a strange look, but it only caused me to laugh.

"Nevermind." I said.

We continued our patrol in our normal routine. After patrols we headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room to get James' homework back from Peter.

"Really James, can't you just collect it at breakfast?" I asked tiredly.

"I offered to take you back to our dorms first you know. You insisted on coming, so don't complain." He said.

"I don't mean to complain, I just don't see why you have to have it tonight." I said.

"I need to make sure Pete didn't sabbotage it or something." He said.

"Why would he do that?" I asked.

"Well, I don't think he doesn't it on purpose, but have you seen his assignments before? Hands them in wrinkled, ripped, food stains on them. Stuff that would drive you mad." He said.

"Are you suggesting that I'm a perfectionist?" I asked.

James chuckled as he said the password to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Sugar Quill." He said as the fat lady complained about students always disturbing her at ungodly hours.

I walked ahead of James into the portrait hole and stopped abruptly causing him to collide in to me.

"Lily why did you just stop in the-" I think he must have realized why I stopped.

Tiffany and Sirius were alone in the common room and snogging on the couches.

James coughed loudly and they quickly broke apart.

"Er, goodnight." Sirius said grinning like there was no tomorrow.

"Goodnight." Tiffany said.

Sirius walked up the boy's staircase and James followed him. Tiffany made to leave for the girls staircase, but I stopped her.

"Hold it right there Harpor." I said strictly.

Tiffany froze. She slowly turned around and stared at me. I pointed to the couch and we both silently sat down. I stared at her for a bit as she looked at her hands.

"So- I guess the talk went well?" I asked.

Tiffany's face turned a little red as she grinned.

"I guess you could say that." She said.

We both started laughing.

"So what happened?" I asked.

"Well, I came down stairs after you left and Sirius came down from the dormitories. Anyways, he played a game of chess with Peter before everyone started to head off to bed. Well, as everyone was leaving I asked him if I could have a word. We waited until everyone was out of the common room and I talked to him about Jameson. I told him that it really made me mad that he treated girls like that. Anyways, he said that he felt really bad about what had happened. That it was a drunken mistake. Somehow we started talking about the fact that I thought he always had to try and prove me wrong. That insued an argument and I told him that I couldn't stand him. Next thing I know we are kissing on the couch. Then of course, you guys came in." She said.

"Well, that's-interesting." I said.

"I don't even understand it." She said.

"So how was it?" I asked.

Tiffany smiled.

"I thought so." I said.

We heard footsteps on the boys staircase as James came into the room mumbling.

"Bloody wanker, fell asleep copying my homework. Drool all over it. Disgusting!" He mumbled.

Tiffany and I laughed.

"Well, I best be off to bed. Talk to you tomorrow Lily." Tiffany said.

James and I both said goodnight as she walked up the girls staircase.

"So? What did she say? I couldn't get a word out of Sirius. He just sat there grinning like a mad man and starring off into space." James said as we were walking out of the portrait hole.

I laughed and told him everything Tiffany had said. James started laughing too.

"Do you want to know what the best part of all this is?" I asked.

"What? That they finally got to together?" He asked.

"No, that I was the first one who seen them. Do you know how many points I have now?" I said.

James rolled his eyes.

"What's the matter James? Mad that I'm beating you at your own game?" I teased.

"Hardly. I wouldn't say you were beating me. Maybe a bit closer than you were before but you definately don't have as many points as I do." He said.

I shook my head and yawned. I couldn't wait to get to sleep. And now that Sirius and Tiffany are together and the engagement is at least postponed, it seems like everything is coming together.


	17. Coming Out In Me

**Chapter 16- Coming Out In Me**

Have you ever noticed how when things start coming together and everything starts looking good that something terrible will happen? Nothing is good forever. It's like these days especially, there's a price for happiness. A very big price for happiness. The letter in my hands proves it. My mother has threatened me! I know what you must be thinking, 'Lily, your mother would never do that. You're just upset.' Well if you think that she wouldn't do that then you can take a jump off the astronomy tower. ...No not really! Please don't do that, it would make me feel absolutely horrible!

Really though, I'm not exaggerating. My own mother has threatened me! She's furious about me going to my father. She is dead set on making me marry this guy, whoever he is. I have no idea who it is, but he must be pretty up there in the social polls for my mother to even consider him. All she cares about is what other people think. I think that she can just- never mind. I'm not even going to go there. So I decided to go to Remus.

"Well, that's certainly-" Remus began as he sat down the letter I had received from my mother.

"How about it's evil? Or it's sadistic? How about it's completely inhumane?" I interrupted.

"-to the point." He finished.

"That's all you have to say about that crazy psychotic overbearing woman? What about how unfair this is! Or the injustice of imposed society!" I asked indignantly.

"I think you're saying enough for the both of us. Now why don't you step off your soapbox there and sit down? People are starting to stare." Remus said figuratively.

I had jumped to my feet during my little speech about my mother and there were several different people around the library looking at me.

"Oops. Sorry, just got a little bit carried away." I said grinning sheepishly and sitting back down.

"Are you quite finished?" Remus asked.

I sighed loudly and nodded.

"Good." He said.

"Well, what do you suggest I do?" I asked.

"Get over it." Remus said.

"What?" I asked

"Well, there's no good in writing her back and telling her to take her opinions and shove them up unmentionables. And don't even act like you weren't thinking about doing just that." Remus said.

"I'm the Legilmens here." I said.

Remus winked.

"Well you're a lot of help." I said.

I looked up to see Ashley coming in.

"I'll see you later. I'm going to go sulk, only two days left until the start of holidays." I said.

Remus laughed.

"Hello Lily!" Ashley said walking up to the table I was sitting at with Remus.

"Hey Ash, here take my seat, I'm going. Have you seen James?" I said getting up and pushing back the wooden chair I had been sitting in.

"No I haven't seen him, sorry." She said shaking her head and taking the chair I offered.

"Alright then, see you two later." I said waving a goodbye.

I walked out of the library and wandered around the corridors. I didn't have anywhere in particular to go, so I just walked around thinking about what Easter holidays would be like. Really, I was thinking about all of the ways I could irritate my mother and get away with it. It's the redhead in me that's making me think like this. The redhead Lily is the crazy, dirty joke telling, breaking rules, pulling pranks, and just a little evil, Lily. You see the green eyed Lily is the sweet girl who is polite, courteous, picks up dropped books, holds open doors, and smiles nicely, Lily. Yes I am both of those in one, usually its mixes together quite nicely. Sometimes though, one Lily will take over the other Lily. Usually it's the redhead Lily. She can be a bit rude at times.

I think that everyone has at least two sides to them. Like there's a good side and a bad side. It's just that my sides have names. I'm not schizophrenic I don't think. Schizophrenia is very serious, and I would never joke about it. Actually I think there might have been someone in my family who was schizophrenic. Wait, isn't schizophrenia hereditary? Oh just great, I take a walk to clear my head, and I depress myself even more.

If it isn't bad enough that I soon have to deal with the upcoming Easter holidays, I now have loads of work from all of my classes. Is there some unwritten rule that says that all teachers must give their students tremendous amounts of work before they go on holiday? I'm about to scream with all of the injustice I've felt this week. But the icing on the cake would definitely have to be Transfiguration. She's assigned more work than most of the professors put together! Not to mention the fact that all she's been doing is lecturing. We haven't had a practical lesson all week!

"If I have to sit through one more of McGonnagal's lectures I'm gonna jump off the astronomy tower." Sirius said as we sat down for lunch after a double hour of Transfiguration.

"Don't be so dramatic Sirius." Remus said.

"Yeah, you and James are the best in our year! If you're miserable then just imagine what it's like for the rest of us." Leah said as she filled her cup with pumpkin juice.

"Yeah, and to top it off, I'm dreading holidays." Sarah said.

"Yeah, me and you both." I mumbled.

Charlie, who was sitting next to me, smirked.

"You're dreading holidays?" Tiffany asked.

"Yes, I have to meet John's parents!" Sarah said.

"How is old Johnny?" Sirius said laughing.

Tiffany punched his arm.

"Well how would you feel if you had to meet your professor's parents?" Sarah asked.

"I'd be absolutely terrified. Imagine if McGonnagal's parents are half as strict as she is." James said.

"McGonnagal, eh?" Peter asked.

Everyone laughed.

"Yeah, it's a redhead thing." James said giving me a cheesy grin.

I raised my eyebrows and shook my head.

"Come to think of it, Minnie does have a bit of a sex appeal. I guess if I had to choose I'd pick McGonnagal as well." Sirius said.

"How very flattering Mr. Black."

We all instantly looked up to see professor McGonnagal standing right behind Sirius.

"Minnie! Didn't see you there love." Sirius said turning around to face her.

She rolled her eyes.

"Well then it's a good thing you get the opportunity to see me in detention tonight." She said.

"I wouldn't miss it." Sirius said.

"Miss Evans and Mr. Potter, Professor Dumbledore would like me to inform you that your patrols for the next two days have been cancelled." She said.

"Thank you professor." James and I said.

She nodded and walked back to the Head table.

"Just goes to show." Sirius said.

"That you really are as ignorant as everyone thinks?" Remus said.

Sirius gave him an indignant look.

"No! It just goes to show that Minnie really does love me. She can't wait to get me alone tonight." Sirius said smiling.

Everyone made similar noises of disgust.

"Sirius mate, that's just wrong." Charlie said shaking his head.

The rest of us nodded in agreement.

"Lily! Lily, if you don't come downstairs we're going to miss the train!" James shouted from the Heads common room.

I closed the lid of my trunk.

"I don't think that would be so bad." I mumbled.

I grabbed my wand and put a levitation spell on my trunk. With one final look around my room making sure I wasn't leaving anything behind, I levitated my trunk downstairs to the commons.

"Are you ready to go?" James asked from the couch.

"Yes. Where's your trunk?" I asked.

"It's in my pocket." James said.

I rolled my eyes and James smirked.

It really isn't fair that I can't do the same. If I did, then I wouldn't be able to unshrink it when I got home because of the underage magic restrictions. James, on the other hand, was already seventeen. He didn't have to worry about underage magic restrictions, but that didn't mean he didn't give me a hard time about it.

"Let's go then." I said.

When we got to the train we loaded my trunk into the heads compartment and got back off the train to assist some of the younger students and make sure nobody got left behind.

The train started to pull out of the station when James and I finally got to head back to our compartment.

"So, am I going to see you over break?" James asked as we walked together hand in hand.

"I don't know." I said looking at the different compartment doors.

"I still don't see why you won't just come home with me again." He said letting go of my hand and crossing his arms.

"I told you, I went home with you for Christmas so I have to go home this time. My mother would hunt me down and kill me if I didn't." I said.

"Well, I think she's being rather selfish." James said.

"Yeah, how could she!" I said sarcastically.

"Will you come and see me though?" James asked sliding open our compartment door.

All of our friends were inside laughing.

"I promise I'll try." I said kissing him on the cheek before walking inside our compartment.

Sirius and Peter were having an eating contest to see who could eat the most chocolate frogs. Charlie, Tiffany, and Leah were all placing bets and James quickly went over to them throwing some of his own galleons down for Sirius to win.

Of course Sirius would win. Chocolate frogs are his favorite. I remember him telling me about it once.

'Sometimes the simplest things are the best Lilykins.' He'd said.

I think he was in one of his moods where he acts like he's wise or something.

And Sirius did win eating 27 chocolate frogs before Peter dashed out of the compartment looking green. I decided to take a nap until we arrived at Kings Cross.

"Lily, we're here." James said shaking me lightly.

I opened my eyes and rose up from James shoulder. I had been leaning on him.

James helped me get my trunk down and then he carried it outside for me. We left it with our friends while we searched the train to make sure nobody had been left on it.

When we got back to our friends, they were all saying their goodbyes.

"Bye Lily! Make sure you write us." Ashley and Sarah said.

"I will! Let me know how it goes meeting John's parents." I said.

"I will." She said.

The three of us hugged.

"Bye Lily, have a good holiday." Peter said.

"You too Peter!" I said waving to him.

"Good luck Lily." Remus said.

"Thanks, I'll write you." I said as I hugged Remus.

"Bye Lily." Tiffany said.

"Bye Tiff." I said hugging her.

"Make sure to write me!" She said before Sirius walked off with her.

"Lily, I'll miss you." Leah said hugging me.

"I'll miss you too." I said.

Charlie walked away with Leah to say his goodbye.

"Are you going to miss me?" James asked.

"Not really." I said.

James opened his mouth in surprise and I laughed.

"You know I'm only joking." I said.

He pulled me into a hug.

"You better be. I know you can't resist me." James said.

"I know." I said, still hugging him.

He pulled away and kissed me.

"I'm going to miss kissing you everyday." James said.

"I know. I'll miss it too." I said.

I smiled and James kissed me again.

"Lilykins!" Sirius shouted running at me and sweeping me up into a hug.

"I'll miss you too Sirius." I said.

"You're going to come and visit me, right?" Sirius asked.

"I'm going to try." I said.

"Excellent. Until we meet again, my lady." Sirius said before kissing my hand.

"Oy! That's my girlfriend you're kissing there! Hands off!" James shouted.

We all laughed as Sirius waved one last time and apparated.

James waited with me until Charlie returned.

The two said their goodbyes and James apparated off of the platform.

"Hey Lils?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah?" I said.

"I just want to go ahead and say that I'm sorry. I know this week is going to be stressful for you. I also just want to remind you that, if you feel overwhelmed or anything, you can come to me." Charlie said.

"Thanks Charlie." I said.

We walked through the barrier of the platform and onto the muggle side of the station. People were hustling about with their own business to even notice that two people had just emerged from a seemingly solid brick wall. Charlie and I kept our heads down as we pulled our trolleys to the parking lots. As soon as we stepped outside, we saw a small group of men all in identical black suits standing together. Charlie and I both knew that they were waiting for us. They were part of our father's security. We stopped walking as the men came toward us nodding, and taking our trolleys to the cars. They walked around us and lead us to the car where father's advisor, Mr. Brown, was waiting.

"Hello. How were both of your terms?" He asked.

The both of us chorused some form of 'fine'.

"I'm sorry that your father can't be here to pick you up today. He's in a rather important meeting. But he's asked that I see you both home safely." Mr. Brown said.

"Thanks." Charlie said as Mr. Brown opened the back door for us.

Mr. Peter Brown has been my father's advisor for many years now. They're best friends, and I know my father trusts Peter with his own life. I've known Peter for as long as I can remember, and he's always been very pleasant to me.

As soon as I got into the car, Mr. Brown closed the door and went to go sit up front with the driver. Charlie rolled up the partition so we could talk privately.

"This is a bit strange don't you think? Father always meets us at the station." Charlie said.

"I know. Must be a really important meeting." I said.

"If there is even a meeting at all." Charlie said.

I shrugged.

"Charlie, you know what I just realized?" I asked.

"What?" He asked.

"I was so caught up in the excitement of you becoming a wizard that I never asked how mother took it when you told her." I said.

Charlie smirked.

"So she broke down crying hysterically then? Disappointed, wondering what she did to deserve two of her children to be abnormal?" I asked.

"Of course, though it wasn't around father." Charlie said.

"No, she wouldn't dare. Father was overjoyed about it I presume?" I asked.

Charlie nodded smiling.

"Harry too." He said.

"How did the lovely Petunia take it?" I asked.

"I don't really know. She hasn't spoken to me since the day I found out." Charlie said.

"What a shame. And the worst part, she won't want to set you up with anymore of her friends." I said sarcastically.

"Oh come on Lils, just because you don't like them doesn't mean that they're all that bad. As long as they don't talk, they're not too bad to look at." He said grinning.

I rolled my eyes.

"Don't let Leah catch you saying that." I said.

Charlie's smile broadened at the mention of Leah.

"You really like her don't you?" I asked.

"Yeah, I really do." He said.

I smiled.

It was a bit of a drive to the manor, but when we finally arrived it couldn't have been any sooner. I was ready to get out of that car and stretch my legs. As we walked to the front door, our butler Jerry greeted us. Jerry is an older man, probably in his late sixties, but he is so nice. In the past, when Charlie and I were younger, we would always play pranks on everyone in the house. Mother would get so mad, but more times than one Jerry has covered for us. So we've always liked Jerry.

"Hello Jerry!" Charlie and I said happily, causing the older man to smile.

"Good morning master Charlie, Miss Lily. We've missed your presence in the house." He said.

"Ah, mum and Petunia are driving everyone crazy? Don't worry Jer; we'll take care of them." Charlie said smiling and patting Jerry's shoulder.

"I was wondering when you two would be arriving." A familiar voice said.

I looked up to the top of the stairs to see Harry.

"Harry!" Charlie and I shouted together.

The two of us ran to the stairs as Harry ran down them and we met at the bottom. I jumped in Harry's arms as he laughed and swung me around.

"Oh Lils, I've missed you!" Harry said kissing my cheek before sitting me down and walking to Charlie.

Both boys hugged.

"So how's the magical world Charlie?" Harry asked.

"Brilliant!" Charlie said.

Harry smiled.

"So, mother wants to see the both of you." Harry said.

The three of us all looked at each other before Charlie and I walked to mother's study.

"Lily, Charlie. How are you?" She asked from her seat behind the desk.

"Good." "Fine."

"How is school?" She asked.

"Fine." "Good."

"That's very good. I think Maye has prepared you a little something in the kitchen." She said.

Knowing a dismissal when we hear one, Charlie and I nodded and left.

We walked down to the kitchens where Maye had baked us cookies and cupcakes. Our favorite! Charlie went straight for the cookies as I sat down to the cupcakes. We were soon joined by Harry who was as delighted about our welcome home snacks as we were. Maye mentioned something about leaving extras incase we needed a midnight snack and left. She knows my brothers all too well. Sure enough, the boys shared a glance and smirk. I shook my head and poured a glass of milk.

"Now, there is a lot of explaining you two have to do. You wouldn't believe what I've been hearing around this place." Harry said.

"Like what?" Charlie asked.

"Well, first Lily is engaged. Then she's not engaged and father is furious. Mothers not too happy and father says something about Lily being in love. And mother is still determined on an arranged marriage." Harry said.

"Er." I said.

"Oh, well yes, Lily loves James but mother is still set on forcing her to marry some wanker." Charlie said.

"Lily's really in love? Who's James?" Harry asked.

I began blushing.

"Well-" Charlie began.

"Charlie loves Leah!" I burst out.

Harry looked at me surprised.

"Who's Leah?" He asked.

"My girlfriend." Charlie said proudly.

Harry grinned.

"Well, good for you two." Harry said.

"What about you? Any girls for you?" Charlie asked.

Harry smiled.

"Not telling." He said.

"Oh come on, that's not fair. I never got that option!" I said.

"Life's not fair Lily." Harry said.

"Don't I know it." I muttered, suddenly losing my appetite for sweets.

"Where are you going?" Charlie asked.

"To unpack I guess. I never let the maids do it. I'd rather not have to deal with suspicious looks from them." I said.

"Want to play a game of quidditch later with Harry and me?" Charlie asked.

"Sure, just come and get me." I said as I left the kitchen.

When I opened the door to my room and stepped inside, I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I just knew this was going to be a long week. I walked to my desk where a familiar owl was sitting, watching me. The owl hooted softly as I approached and stuck out its leg for me to take the letter it had been holding. I took the letter and sat down in the chair. The owl, whose name was Molly, flew to my shoulder. Molly nipped at my ear affectionately as I opened the letter.

_Dear Lily,_

_I hope your journey home was a safe one. Sirius is already bored and he's driving me mad. I miss you already, and I can't wait until I get to see you again. Sirius was just saying that-_

**_Hi Lily! It's Sirius here. I was just wondering when you were going to come and visit me? I know you must miss me terribly. By the way, did you know that you're 'boyfriend' is violent? Really, he's unstable. You never know when he'll just lash out on you. There he goes again! Anyways, I was hoping you and Charlie could come over for some quidditch. It will be wicked! Besides, James won't stop going on about you. It's Lily this and Lily that, and 'I miss Lily'. Bloody wanker. It hasn't even been a full day yet! I mean he really needs to-_**

_Sorry about that Lils. He grabbed my quill and then took off running with it and the letter. Anyways, write me as soon as you can. I want to know when I can see you again._

_With all my love-_

_James_

I smiled after reading the letter. I won't say that I didn't roll my eyes a few times while I was reading it, but it was cute. I gave Molly an owl treat and sent her off with a reply that said I'd write as soon as I knew when I could visit.

"Lils?" I heard.

I turned around to see Charlie poking his head in my room.

"Come in." I said.

"What are you doing?" He asked walking in the room.

"Just sent a letter to James." I said.

"Yeah, I just sent one to Leah." Charlie said.

"Are you going to try and visit her?" I asked.

"No, her parents decided to go to Paris for the holidays." Charlie said.

"Isn't she lucky?" I muttered.

"So, have you seen the daily prophet for today?" He asked.

"No. Why?" I asked.

"Several people were murdered yesterday." He said.

"Really?" I asked.

I hadn't heard anyone mention anything about it.

"Yeah, everyone in the great hall was talking about it at breakfast this morning. You'd have known if you had of came down. It was the family of some Hufflepuff fifth girl. Both of her parents and her little brother were killed." He said.

"That's horrible! Who would do such a thing?" I asked.

"Somebody who calls himself Lord Voldemort. He used Avada Kedavra on the little boy. Then he tortured the parents to death with the Cruciatus Curse." He said.

"That's so terrible! I can't believe someone could be so cruel. How are the murders traced back to this Lord Voldemort though?" I asked.

"Well, that's what has people talking so much about it. There was this big green symbol floating above their house. While aurors were investigating, some muggle just strolls in and tells them exactly what happened, how the family wasn't pure in 'the Great Lord Voldemort's' eyes. Anyways, the muggle was under the imperious curse and he shot himself with a hand gun before the aurors could stun him. That's why everyone's talking so much. And besides, nobody knows who this Voldemort is or what he even looks like." Charlie said.

I shook my head.

"He killed those people just because they were muggleborn?" I asked.

"Yeah, who knows if he'll do it again?" Charlie said.

"You think so?" I asked.

"Well, he wants to cleanse the magical world or some nonsense. They weren't the only muggleborn family out there. I mean, what do you think we are?" He said.

"Yeah. I just hope you're wrong." I said.

"Fat chance. When am I ever wrong?" Charlie asked cockily.

I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

"I thought we were going to play quidditch?" I asked.

"Harry's disappeared. Who knows where he is? So I'm here to annoy you." Charlie said.

I wasn't really surprised that Harry was gone. Harry was a bit secretive, and he would often just disappear for periods of time to do his own thing. Nobody really questioned him because he's our older brother and we respect his privacy.

"Why don't you go see if Petunia's home? I think it would be good if you told her how much you missed her. Give her a little surprise or something." I said.

"Oh, pull a prank on Petunia? I like the way you think. It's been way too long anyways." Charlie said.

I smiled thinking of some of our more creative pranks we pulled in the past.

"You're going to help aren't you?" Charlie asked.

"Of course. You think I'm going to let you have all the fun?" I said.

"Of course not, I know how much you love to torture Pet. What did you have in mind though?" Charlie said.

"Well, I have a few Zonkos products with me. We can set some up around the house and we can continually keep on setting them on her for the rest of the day." I said.

"Disillusionment charms?" He asked.

"Yeah probably the safest bet." I said.

"Excellent. James would die if he seen you playing the part of the marauder." Charlie said.

I laughed.

"This is one thing I will never get tired of doing. And I just know that I'll never grow out of it." I said.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Charlie said.

"Oh, wait a second, we can't use our wands!" I said.

Charlie grinned.

"Well, I never received a warning about the restriction from the ministry. Seeing as I was receiving my training in the Potter home. Dumbledore said that I could continue to use my magic at home so as not to lose the feel for it or something. Interesting man, Dumbledore. He's in my good graces though." Charlie said.

"This is just so unfair!" I screamed.

"Life's not fair Lily." Charlie said grinning.

"Yes, so I've heard." I said sarcastically.

Charlie and I gathered our supplies and set off to set up our pranks. This was going to be interesting. Petunia's going to be furious. I can practically hear the screams now. Definitely the redhead Lily coming out in me.


	18. Burning Brightly

**Chapter 17- Burning Brightly**

"I just don't understand where I went wrong with you. Why must you insist on terrorizing your sister?" My mother said, slowly shaking her head in a disappointed fashion.

"Oh, come now dear, they were just joking. It was just a harmless little joke." My father said gesturing to us with his hands.

"Harmless? Petunia's outfit is ruined! Some of the paintings were destroyed, and they blew up the piano as soon as Petunia sat down to play. Not to mention that Petunia doesn't even have any hair! She can't go to the ball now!" Mother said, practically scandalized that father was taking it all so lightly.

Petunia was sobbing on the couch with a towel wrapped around her head so nobody could tell that she was bald. Harry was rubbing Petunia's back while trying to hide a smirk every time Petunia would wail out during my mother's little speech. She probably thought she was making an emphasis on what mother was saying, but she was really just making her self look like an idiot. At least, that's how I saw it. Father jerked his head over to look at dear little Petunia every time she saw fit to cry out. He thought she was being a little too dramatic. I know he did, I checked his mind. Of course I only read his thoughts when I want to see exactly how much trouble I'm in. That way I know how much red head Lily I need to be in deceiving everyone with false apologies and fake sincerity.

"I'm sure they didn't know their explosion would have that affect." Father said calmly.

Charlie and I looked at each other. Oh, we knew exactly what would happen. We tried to look remorseful though. We're very good at this pitiful look that says 'I'm sorry, I'll never do it again.'

"The affect? What about the explosion in general?!" Mother shouted.

"Charlie said that they could repair the damages. They were just trying to give her a little scare." Father said.

I glanced at Charlie and he smirked at me.

"Well they managed to once again ruin everything!" Mother shouted.

It's nice to know my mother thinks so highly of me.

Father looked at her steadily.

"Come on Petunia dear, we'll see what we can do." Mother softly said to Petunia as she guided her out of the room, glancing back only to give my father evil looks.

Harry got up and left the room after them, making sure to keep his head low so that nobody would know he found the whole thing amusing.

Charlie and I looked up at our father.

"Now that wasn't very nice to do that to Petunia. You know she's afraid of your magic." Father said.

"We're sorry father. It was just a joke. Her hair will even grow back in a couple of days." Charlie said.

Father smiled.

"Well, alright then. But do apologize to your sister. It might be best to wait a day or two though. Give her time to cool down." Father said.

Charlie and I nodded.

"So how was school? Is your quidditch doing well Lily? Are you enjoying yourself Charlie?" Father asked.

We started to give him all of these details of school and quidditch. Father had always been fascinated with magic. Charlie showed him some magic (seeing as I wasn't allowed to use my wand). One of the maids popped in and announced that my father had a telephone call, so, Father got up and left.

Once the door had clicked shut, Charlie and I burst out laughing about the pranks we had pulled.

"Did you see the look on her face when the ink squirted out on her?" Charlie asked.

"And did you hear her shriek when that slime exploded onto her as soon as she opened the door?!" I said.

"Wait until she goes to her shower." Charlie said.

"Oh, yeah." I said remembering what we had done to it.

A distant scream could be heard.

"Found the one in the kitchen, do you think?" I asked.

"Sounds like it." Charlie said.

We both laughed and ran out of the room to hide from our mother. All the pranks we had set up in the house would affect Petunia and Petunia only. The rest of us were quite safe. Of the pranks that is, mother's fury was a whole different story.

-

"So are we going to hide out in here all day? I'm getting bored." I said as I changed my position in the arm chair of the east wing library.

Charlie looked up from his book.

"Well we could always apparate somewhere. Where do you want to go?" Charlie asked.

"You might be allowed to use your magic, Charlie, but you haven't passed your apparation test yet." I said.

"True, but I always have this." Charlie said extending his right hand to reveal a golden ring on his middle finger.

The ring was what Charlie had won from the Potter's scavenger hunt on Christmas.

"I forgot all about that. Have you used it yet?" I asked.

Charlie smirked.

"Does it work inside Hogwarts?" I asked.

"Apparation wards can't touch this." He said.

"Oh. Well, I probably don't even want to know where you've been going then." I said.

"No. Probably not. But give me your hand; I know where we can go." He said.

"Where?" I asked holding his hand.

"The one place we'll always be welcome to." Charlie said before turning the ring two times counter clockwise.

I closed my eyes. I never was a big fan of apparation. A second later when I opened my eyes, the scene had changed. Charlie and I were no longer sitting in our library at home; we were in a living room. It was a very familiar looking living room.

"Whoa, when did you get here?" A voice asked from behind us.

Charlie and I turned around to see Sirius Black standing in the doorway with a glass of water.

"We were bored." Charlie said shrugging as he shook hands with Sirius.

"Hey there, Lily of the fields." Sirius said hugging me.

I rolled my eyes. He was always coming up with weird little names for me.

"Quidditch then?" Sirius asked.

"Sure." Charlie said.

"Wicked." Sirius said. "I'll go tell James."

He walked a few feet before stopping and turning around with a huge grin on his face.

"Why don't _you_ tell him Lily? Go surprise him." Sirius said.

I grinned.

Sirius, Charlie, and I left the living room as Sirius led us to the kitchen.

"Wait right here and listen first." Sirius said to Charlie and me.

We nodded as Sirius walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Prongs." Sirius said.

"Padfoot." I heard James say.

"You look kind of down mate." Sirius said.

"Oh really?" James said sarcastically.

"I know what will cheer you up." Sirius said.

"I doubt it." James said.

"Well what if I gave you a flower?" Sirius asked.

"What?" James asked.

"Oh you know, just a _Little Flower!!_" Sirius said.

I pushed open the kitchen door and James' back was to me. Sirius grinned as he looked over James' head. James turned around and when he saw me his eyes widened.

"Lily!" He shouted as he ran to me and scooped me up in his arms.

He sat me down and kissed me. Enter Charlie.

"Whoa there, James. It's only been a day." Charlie said.

James pulled away smiling.

"Hey Charlie." James said.

Charlie and James clapped each other on the back.

"So do you want to play some two on two quidditch?" Sirius asked, his eyes shining with excitement.

"Excellent, but we're separating those two lovebirds." Charlie said pointing at James and me.

"What? Why?" James asked.

"What's the matter Potter? Afraid of a little competition?" I asked stepping away from him with a teasing smile.

"Oh, I see how it is. Alright Evans, you're on." James said grinning.

I winked at him before racing through the kitchen and out of the back door. I could hear them all running behind me.

"I win!" I screamed upon reaching the pitch in James' extensive backyard.

"You had a head start water Lily!" Sirius said.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Nice Lils. That's very mature of you." Charlie said.

I resisted the temptation of rolling my eyes at him.

James summoned four brooms and we split into teams. It was Sirius and I against James and Charlie. We played for several hours until we finally called the game. Sirius and I won hands down.

"That was awesome! I love quidditch!" Charlie said. "Too bad I was too late to try out for the house team."

"You're both staying for dinner aren't you?" James asked.

"Uh." I said looking at Charlie.

"You have to; mum and dad would love seeing you again." James said.

"Well having to see you every day, I'm sure they can't wait to see me." Charlie said.

We laughed as James shook his head at us.

"I don't know about you three, but I really need a shower." I said.

"I think it would be a good idea if all of us showered." Sirius said.

We all nodded in agreement.

-

"Lily! Charlie! I haven't seen you in ages." Charlotte said hugging Charlie and I.

"It's good to see you both again." Henry said hugging us as well.

After our greetings the house elves announced dinner and we all left the sitting room for the dining hall.

Dinner was fun. James and Sirius started a mini food fight back and forth between each other so that Mrs. Potter couldn't see. James' father was subtly passing them both bread for ammunition to use against one another.

After dinner we all sat in front of the fire in the sitting room discussing the events of the evil wizard Voldemort. Apparently he's killed another muggleborn family. The Potters warned us that he could be a real threat because none of the aurors had been close to catching him or even having a clue on how to find him. Also, there is no way to know how he is choosing his victims except that they are muggleborn. But there are many muggleborn families, there's no way to predict who will be next. It's sad that the ministry aurors think there's going to be a next.

"I want you all to be really careful. It's not that I don't think you can't handle yourselves, I just don't want you in the position that you would have to. This Voldemort fellow has followers that are doing his biding now. They're calling themselves deatheaters." Mr. Potter said.

"Deatheaters? That sounds morbid. How serious is all of this really?" I asked.

"He's powerful, Lily. Very powerful, determined, and he is quickly obtaining all of the resources he needs to accomplish what he wants." Mr. Potter said.

I nodded.

Upon our return home, it didn't seem like Charlie and I were even missed. We heard the library door open and Jerry walked in with a tray of our favorite cookies and cupcakes along with two glasses of milk.

"Welcome home master Charles, miss Lily. I thought you might like a little snack." Jerry said.

"I'll just leave this for you shall I?" He said setting the tray down on one of the side tables.

He bowed to us before backing out of the room with a small grin on his face. No doubt it was because of the shocked looks that Charlie and I wore. How does that man know everything that goes on in this house? I shook my head slowly as I sat down in an arm chair and reached for a cookie from the side table.

"We really should give him a raise. No doubt he covered for us all day today." Charlie said as he followed my example by indulging himself in the warm cookies.

I nodded silently as I starred ahead into the orange flames that were burning brightly.


	19. What To Do

**Chapter 18- What To Do**

"Tell me what you're thinking about." Charlie said.

I glanced at him as he watched me.

"It's nothing." I said.

"I can find out you know." Charlie said referring to our unique ability.

I rolled my eyes.

"It's just; do you remember what mother said earlier?" I asked.

"Which part precisely?" He asked.

"When she said we always ruin everything." I said slowly.

"Oh." Charlie said.

We sat silently for a few moments.

"She hates me so much because I'm not like her. I mean, we just found out about your magic. I'm sure she's just repressed it already, acting like it never happened and that you're still like you used to be. Like you're still 'normal'. But she's hated me ever since I found out. I'm not anything like Petunia and I have no desire to be a part of her society. I must be her biggest disappointment." I said, not once breaking my eyes away from the burning flames.

"Lils-" Charlie began slowly.

"No, I think I'm just going to go to bed." I said.

"No Lils, I think you should talk to me. You always try to keep everything inside. It's not good for you. You shouldn't hide everything." He said.

"I don't hide everything." I said.

"What about when you were raped?" Charlie asked quietly.

"WHAT!" Someone shouted from behind us.

Charlie and I turned to see Harry standing in the doorway.

"Jerry said I could find you two up here, but, what the _hell_ is going on? What is he talking about Lily?" Harry said coming to stand across from us.

"Sit down Harry. I should have told you about this a long time ago." I said.

I waited for Harry to sit down and told him everything that I had told Charlie.

"Do you still, you know, remember it?" Harry asked sadly.

I looked at the flames of the fire.

"It's not something that you can just forget. It's not even a memory really. It's just, there. It's always in the back of my mind. I can feel this darkness inside me, and I try to push it away. But if I'm angry or sad or panicked, then it all comes rushing back at me full force. It's overwhelming sometimes. I can clearly remember every detail. It's like I relive it over and over again. No matter how much I cry or scream, it won't go away. It never has. I can't control it, I can't stop it. At first it only attacked me at night, in my dreams. But then I started reliving it during the day. Random flashbacks kept occurring with no warning at all. I had to keep myself away from people so that they would be safe, and so I would be safe. For a time though, I couldn't handle it. I was so close to doing whatever it took to find some release. Any type of release that would make the images leave, the sounds muted, and the smells evaporate. Do you know what it feels like to live in constant fear? Do you know what it's like to be haunted? I was so close to making a permanent end until I met James. With James, the dreams have stopped. The images are so close to nonexistent that I have reason to hope. He makes it disappear. He makes me want to live again. That's why I love him. Because of him, I can still smile." I said.

"James sounds really special." Harry said.

I smiled at him.

"Lils, I never knew. Why didn't you tell me that it had always bothered you? Why didn't you let me in?" Charlie said.

I couldn't look at him.

"Did you ever report it?" Harry asked.

"Yes. Well, I tried." I said.

"What do you mean you tried?" Charlie asked.

"The headmaster said there wasn't enough proof." I said.

"What?!" Charlie asked.

"Listen, I'm really tired. I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow's going to be a long day." I said.

I could hear Charlie sigh before he said "Goodnight Lils."

Harry rushed over and gave me a hug.

"I love you Lily. And I'm so proud of you, for being so strong." Harry said.

I nodded. I couldn't say anything to him. I certainly didn't feel very strong. I felt like I was going to cry in any second. And I knew that without James, I probably wouldn't even be here right now. I really wish I could see him right now. I miss him.

-

"Miss Lily, Miss Lily, wake up!" I heard someone say.

I felt so tired though. Maybe if I ignore them, they'll go away.

The room was suddenly filled with brightness as the widow curtains were all opened.

I groaned loudly.

"Now Miss Lily, you must wake up." I heard that sweet little voice again.

I opened an eye to look at Mary, one of the maids. She has that sweet little voice, but it's all a deception. She is actually a demon. A demon that comes in and opens the curtains so that sunshine blinds you into waking up. She's a demon in the form of a blonde girl in her twenties. She isn't sweet at all really, she's just...

"Miss Lily, are you awake?" She asked.

Well I'm looking at you aren't I? Ok, so she's a rather stupid demon I must say.

"Miss Lily?" She asked.

"Yes Mary, I'm awake!" I said.

This girl/demon is frustrating.

"Miss Lily we need to get you dressed! Your mother says you have an hour before you have to leave." She said.

"Where am I going?" I asked.

"You have to go get your hair and makeup done. The ball is this evening you know." She said.

"Yes, this evening. So why are you waking me up now?" I asked.

She laughed. The evil demon who possessed the sweet Mary is actually laughing at me.

"Oh Miss Lily, you are funny." She said.

Well I try.

"Now come on miss, you need to get into the shower." She said.

I grudgingly pulled off my blankets and stumbled to the bathroom while Mary picked out my clothes for me. Mary knows I hate when the maids lay out my clothes for me. Mother probably told her to do it though. She probably told her exactly what to lie out too.

Once out of the shower I put on the pale yellow skirt and white blouse with the matching pale yellow jacket. Ewe. Mary stayed in the room with me. Probably making sure I actually put it on.

-

"It's about time Lily." My mother said once I reached the foyer.

The maid Laura assisted my mother in putting on her coat as Mary helped me into mine. I mumbled thanks as Jerry held the door open for us. He winked at me and gave me thumbs up that my mother couldn't see. The driver opened the door for us and we both got in. The drive was a long and silent one. Well, silent on my part. My mother was on the car phone most of the time. Who knows who she as talking to. I for one don't ask. Then I would be bored while she either told me about what goes on in her life or told me to mind my own business. So I settled for staring out of the window. When we arrived we were in London. I followed my mother to the front doors not even bothering to ask her where she brought us. My mother walked in and I turned around to get one last look at the car as it drove away. I wish I were inside it. I took a deep breath preparing myself. I was going to have to be fake Lily all day. And just so you know, green eyed lily and redhead Lily don't like fake Lily. We don't like her at all. She is the stuck up, prissy, proper, everyone is below me, Lily. I don't think anyone likes her but mother. Mother is rooting for her to take over. Green eyed Lily and redhead Lily will fight until death before fake Lily takes over. And let me tell you, redhead Lily can really kick ass. I walked into the building and had to blink several times for my eyes to adjust to the bright lights.

"You must be Lillian." Some woman said.

I stared at her as she smiled and muttered something to my mother while nodding. Whatever.

"Lily, follow me and we'll take you to your chair." The woman said.

I followed her and she had some guy named Edward do my nails, my toes, my eyebrows, give me a facial, throw in a massage for good measure, wash my hair, trim my hair, dry my hair, do my make up, and style my hair. So, you can say that me and Edward become pretty good friends. He wasn't too much older than me, and thankfully he had a sense of humor. I made a comment that got him laughing and then he was cracking jokes the rest of the day. And here I thought I would have a bad day. Normally there would be no way that I would go through all of this, but it wasn't too bad with Eddie. Eddie is what I've taken to calling him.

"So Eddie, why do you work here with stiffs like Miss Rose?" I asked as he was styling my hair.

Miss Rose was the woman who I had met when I first walked in. I started disliking her more and more when she would boss Eddie around and shoot glares at him for his jokes.

"Well I suppose it pays well. And besides I get to work on the most high of society." He said.

"Exactly. So why would you put yourself through the misery?" I asked.

Eddie laughed. Miss Rose walked by and gave him another glare.

"You might want to be careful. She doesn't look too nice. Don't want to lose your job." I said.

"She would never fire me." Eddie said.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because I'm the best." He said.

I laughed.

"What I really want to do is own my own business. This job is just a means to an end." He said.

"I understand that." I said.

"So what do you think?" Eddie asked spinning me around to face the mirrors so that I could see my finished hair.

It was amazing. Not too overdone, yet elegant, stylish, and gorgeous!

"You weren't lying when you said you were the best." I said.

Eddie grinned.

"Another satisfied client." He said nodding.

"Thanks so much Eddie! I love it!" I said.

Eddie smiled and walked me to the front of the building where my mother had just finished.

I waved goodbye to Eddie as my mother and I walked out to the car.

-

The ball was under way. Charlie and I were sticking together as Harry went from dance partner to dance partner. I respectfully declined several dances myself. I think mother is catching on to my plan though. I'm sticking close to Charlie so that people think we're together or something. That way we don't have to put up with anyone. I saw my mother giving me a suggestive look from where she was standing with father talking to people that I don't know. They looked important enough though. Father was certainly engaged with them. Mother's looks were urging me to mingle with people. Yeah right. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around. My mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Remus! What are you doing here?" I asked.

He smiled and bowed before me.

"May I have this dance?" He asked.

He took my hand and led me to the dance floor.

"You look surprised to see me." He said smirking.

"Um, yes?" I said.

He laughed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked again.

"I'm here with my parents." He said as he pointed to the people that were talking to my parents.

"Your parents come to these things?" I asked.

"Yes. My father is actually the head of the department of muggle relations and is good friends with your father. I believe they play polo quite frequently."

"Really? Why didn't you ever tell me?" I said.

"You never asked. Besides, I did tell you that I knew who you were. Did you ever think why I knew you? I mean, lots of people, even people that go to Hogwarts know about your dad. But you're not really in the public eye much are you? So how would I have known you if I hadn't of came to these parties before and knew of you from my father?" Remus said.

Well it makes sense. Though I'm feeling quite stupid now.

"Well, I'm glad that I now have a friend to be with me so I don't have to go through these things alone. Remus smirked at me. Again with the smirk. Surely he isn't still up to something? The song ended and Remus bowed, kissing my hand.

"My lady." He said.

I rolled my eyes and we stepped off of the dance floor.

"Have you seen Charlie?" I asked.

"No. But I do see someone else familiar." Remus said grinning.

I started to ask what he was talking about when my mother walked up.

"Excuse me." Remus said walking away.

I watched him leave before I turned to my mother. She had someone with her that I hadn't noticed before. I almost passed out on the spot.

Never would I have expected this. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it might explode. There was a loud ringing in my ears and I closed my eyes. I could feel it coming. The familiar darkness that consumes my mind, it was coming. But I fought it. I could not, I would not, let my mind be its victim anymore. I opened my eyes to see a face I hoped I would never have to see again. His smirk was set as he reached out his hand for mine. I didn't even budge. I wouldn't touch him. His handsome features did not falter once. I remember girls used to swoon at just one of his dark, yet attracting glances. But I knew who he really was. I had seen behind his charm.

I looked at my mother, and she was smiling. Her smile wasn't her political/social smile either. It was her real smile. The rare one that only father could make her use. The real smile that she used to use all the time when I was little. It was the fact that she was using that smile now that hurt so much.

"Lily, I want you to meet-" Mother began.

"Excuse me mother, but could I steal Lily for a moment?" Charlie appeared all of a sudden.

"Charlie?" I asked.

My mother was surprised by Charlie just showing up so suddenly.

"Lily, you're not going to believe who's here." Charlie said to me.

"Who is here Charles?" Mother asked overhearing what Charlie said.

"Oh, um..." Charlie began.

"Here they are!" Harry said walking toward us.

I looked past him to see who Harry was leading to us and my mouth dropped open in shock. Mother, too, seemed to notice the person behind Harry.

"Who is your friend Harold?" Mother asked.

He stepped from behind Harry and walked toward my mother giving her a slight bow of respect.

"Hello, I'm James Potter." He said.

"Are you any relation to Henry and Charlotte Potter?" My mother asked.

What! How does she know the Potters?!

"They're my parents actually. I believe they are here somewhere." James said.

"Really?" Mother asked intrigued.

"Hello Lily." James said smirking.

I was just standing there speechless.

"You know my daughter?" Mother asked him.

"Well, they're dating." Charlie said.

Mother spun around to face him.

"What?" She asked.

"We all go to school together." Charlie said.

Before anyone could say anything, Remus reappeared whispering to Charlie and suddenly the two of them dragged James and Harry away with an 'excuse us'. Remus didn't seem a bit surprised to see James either. Must be the answer to the smirk.

I turned back to mother and _him_. How could this be happening? There's no way this could be possible.

"Hello Lily. It's been quite a long time." He said politely, but the look in his eyes was purely evil.

I glanced across the hall where Charlie, Harry, and Remus had been trying to distract James. James wasn't even supposed to be here. Why didn't I know that he was coming? By the way mother was acting I suppose his parents are pretty important. But they're magical, how does mother know them? Then again, Remus' parents are magical too. I could see James trying to look at me as Remus and Charlie tried to keep his attention.

"_Charlie, help! It's him. It's HIM!" _I thought frantically to my brother.

"_Who Lils?"_ Charlie asked.

"_HIM! From Drumstrang! This is HIM! He's the one that raped me!" _I said looking over at Charlie as my mother talked.

"WHAT!!" Charlie screamed in my thoughts and out loud.

I could see Harry, Remus and James looking at him strangely and asking him what was wrong. He must have told them. James looked ready to kill, Remus looked confused and Harry- realization dawned on his face. I could read his lips as he spoke to them.

"But that's- that's her betrothed!" Harry said.

All four boys spun around to stare at me. And suddenly there were screams as wizards with hoods and masks swept into the ballroom. Panic ensued, as people discovered that all of the exits were blocked by these hooded beings. Deatheaters, as they called themselves, pulled out their wands and started shooting hexes at wizard and muggles alike. I stood there as _he_ pulled out his wand and pointed it at me laughing. I didn't know what to do.

A/N: So here are Two chapters for making you wait so long. Were you surprised to find out who the betrothed was? Let me know what you think. Peaceinallfascination


	20. The Aftermath

There were screams coming from all around. People were running, screaming, and dying. Spells flew everywhere. Stray spells had hit the walls and ceiling, the chandelier had fallen and smashed to the ground causing glass and crystal to fly across the floor. Columns were exploded by stray spells, their marble pieces were now scattering the floor. Curtains were on fire and smoke started filling the air. All of this chaos was going on around me, but I could only stare down the length of a wand.

"Miss me Lily?"

"Go to hell Jaromen." I said.

"Such formalities. Call me Chris. Afterall, we a have history together now don't we?" He said.

"Fuck you." I said.

"Oh, someone eager for another round?" He asked.

I paled. Suddenly a jet of red light shot in between us. We both jumped back and I quickly pulled out my wand and directed it at Chris.

"Someone's been practicing I see." He said straightening out his robes.

"Drop your wand." I said.

"And why would I want to do that?" He asked.

He shot a stunner at me and I deflected it easily.

"What are you even doing here?" I said.

"Why, to marry you of course. Who wouldn't want to have you anytime they wanted?" He said laughing at his perverse humor.

"Really, though, I'm afraid I'm here on business rather than pleasure." He said.

"Business? And who's bidding are you doing?" I asked, knowing full well he was here on Voldemorts orders to kill people.

I had long suspected Headmaster Jaromen to be a deatheater. It's only natural his evil and sadisitic son would be too.

"Actually, I'm here on direct orders. It seems someone wants you dead. This has been a long time in the planning you know. The whole betrothal was to give me information on you and your family. Your annual Easter ball always has the best of the best in attendance. It's bad enough you're muggles, but you go around thinking you're royalty. It's disgusting. The dark lord saw this little gathering as the perfect opportunity to kill you. You see Lily, The dark lord simply won't tolerate people trying to foil his plans. And, as rumor has it, you're right in with the Potters now aren't you? How foolish really, especially when the dark lord wants them all dead. It means nothing to me of course, but I do have the honor to kill you. The dark lord rewarded my efforts of the past months by giving me the permission to personally kill you. Afterall, you don't really mean anything to him. You were just a little pawn in his game. He was more than willing to sacrafice you. But enough talk, this is the part where I kill you." Chris said.

"Like hell you will!" I screamed.

Before I could blink he shot a curse at me that slammed me backwards and into one of the marble columns. I slid to the ground next to a women who was covered in blood. I barely had the time to look at her empty eyes before I was pulled up by a hand around my throat. Chris had pulled me up and pushed me against the column, pressing his body into mine as he leaned in to my face.

"I've had about enough of this Evans. You forget, I'm stronger than you. And I always get what I want." He said as he rubbed his hands up and down my body.

"What's this, no screaming? You know I like it when you scream." He said as he kissed my neck.

My eyes were closed as I had flashbacks from Drumstrang. I had been screaming when my best friend Lauren had found me. I'll never forget the look on her face when she threw open the door. Her eyes had widened as she gasped out my name. Before she could even move Chris had aimed his wand at her and killed her. He killed her like she was nothing, not even worth a second look to him. But she was so much to me. She was my best friend, the only person I had in that whole place. If only I wasn't so weak. If only I had of tried to fight harder. If I wasn't screaming, Lauren would have never found me. She'd still be alive. No, this was _his_ fault not mine. It's like I could hear James' voice in my head, telling me that it wasn't my fault. And I know he's right. It's _his_ fault, Chris'. I opened my eyes and shouted a curse that sent Chris flying into the air before he crashed to the ground. I bent down and picked up my wand. Chris rolled onto his back and looked up at me. His eyes held a darkness that I was all too familiar with.

I stepped up to him with my wand pointed down on him.

"You fucking bastard." I said.

He actually had the audacity to grin.

Suddenly I felt a wand in my back.

The voice sounded oddly familiar as the person with a wand to my back spoke. It was a female voice for sure. I was almost positive I had heard it before. "Drop your wand mudblood." She said.

I dropped my wand and Chris stood up.

"Jaromen, stop messing around. I don't have time to save your ass." The voice behind me said.

"I've got it under control." Chris said twirling his wand in his hand.

"Looked like you were letting this mudblood get the better of you." The girl said.

It was almost like she was making fun of him.

Chris narrowed his eyes and pointed his wand at me.

"Crucio!" He shouted.

Pain. Pain so intense it feels like you're being ripped apart from the inside out. Like thousands of knives stabbing you over and over on every part of your body. It was like falling through the ice into a freezing lake below. It's like being struck by lightning. It's like your blood slows down, but your heart is beating ten times faster. It's like having all of your bones broken over and over again. You can't move. You can't see anything. You can't hear anything. Your senses are dulled except for your sense of touch which seems like it's magnified by a thousand so that the pain is that much more intense. Then it just stops, and your body feels like it will go into shock at any second.

I opened my eyes and looked up at Chris. The other deatheater had gone. My eyes started watering as I looked at the bodies that scattered the floor. Was I going to end up like them? My wand was next to my left hand, but I didn't feel like I had the strength to move.

"Been a while for you, has it?" Chris asked.

I had to fight back.

"No comment, then?" Chris asked.

I grabbed my wand and shot a spell that made a large gash in his right arm. His wand arm. Chris stumbled backwards, dropping his wand and grabbing his arm with his left hand.

"That was nasty, Evans." He said.

I sat up slowly. I was out of breath and I could barely focus.

"Stupefy!" Another familiar voice shouted.

A jet of red light flew straight toward Chris. He ducked at the last second and the curse hit a deatheater behind him, knocking him to the ground.

I turned and watched James Potter step toward Chris, his wand aimed at Chris' heart.

"So this is the boyfriend?" Chris asked.

James had a look of pure hatred on his face.

"Don't you dare talk to Lily." James said.

"Or what, you'll try to stun me again? It's Potter isn't it?" Chris asked.

"Yes. Who the hell are you?" James asked.

"Oh, Lily didn't tell you? Well, my name is Christopher Jaromen. I'm her betrothed. And, I must say Potter, I've heard a lot about you." Chris said.

James turned around and looked at me before quickly turning back to Chris.

"Jaromen? Like the headmaster of Drumstrang, Jaromen?" James asked.

"Yes, he's my father." Chris said.

Realisation dawned on James face.

"That's why the headmaster never did anything about the rape or the murder. Because you were his son?!" James said.

"That's right." Chris said smiling. "Besides, she's a mudblood. He could care less about what happened to her. But when he found out she was pregnant, well now we couldn't have my blood mixed with that now could we?"

"You fucking bastard!" James yelled.

"Don't tell me you care about _her_ Potter? I mean, I've heard the Potters are some of the purest wizards there are." Chris said.

"I love her." James said.

"Well it's too bad that I'm going to kill her." Chris said.

"Not if I kill you first." James said.

"That's a pretty big threat Potter. Tell me why it is that I just don't think you have it in you?" Chris said.

"Try me." James said.

The two of them started dueling. At this point I was barely able to sit up and support myself. It felt like all of my energy had been drained. I looked around the hall for any sight of my brothers. Charlie was dueling next to Remus, the two of them seemed to be holding their own against the deatheaters they were fighting. Finally I spotted Harry. He was trying to sneak out guests through the servant entrances without being seen by the deatheaters. I shouted for him but a body hitting the ground close to me stole my attention.

I turned and James was lying on the ground clutching his stomach. He looked up as Chris shot another spell at him. James rolled to his left at the last second and jumped to his feet. They started dueling again as I looked at the floor where the green colored spell had hit. The floor was scorched. It came so close to hitting James.

"Lily! Lily are you all right?" Harry asked falling to his knees by my side.

"I think so." I said.

"Lily what is going on in here? Who are these people?" Harry asked.

"They're evil wizards who call themselves deatheaters. Harry, you need to get out of here." I said.

"What?! I can't just run away and leave people here to die! And I'm definitely not going anywhere without you!" Harry said.

"But you're not magical Harry. You're practically defenseless. There's nothing you can do to stop them!" I said.

"Lily, I'm not leaving you here. Come on." Harry said as he tried to help me up.

"No! Harry, I can't leave without James!" I said.

"Lily, look around you! People are dying! This place is falling apart. Now come on, you're injured, you need to get out of here." Harry said.

"Harry, it doesn't matter! Don't you understand? I _can't_ leave James. I can't!" I said.

Harry looked at me for a moment before nodding.

"Where is he?" Harry asked.

"There." I said pointing him out.

James shot a spell at Chris, causing him to dive to the floor to miss it. Chris was right in front of me. He looked up at me before smirking and firing a spell my way. I was shocked, I couldn't move at all. Suddenly James knocked into me and he rolled the two of us away.

Chris turned his wand on us again and fired another spell. James and I had just stopped rolling, we had no time to react to the second spell. The green spell seemed to shoot toward us in slow motion. Right before it got to us, it hit another body that had jumped in front of us. It hit Harry's body.

I screamed. James pointed his wand at Chris.

"Avada Kedavra!" He shouted.

Chris' body fell to the floor.

Aurors started appearing and gradually, the masked deatheaters started to disappear. The ministry of magic was everywhere. Some of the ministry employees were questioning the guests that weren't too badly injured, trying to figure out exactly what had happened. All the muggles were being retained for questioning, healing, and memory modification. St. Mungos healers were running around taking body counts and trying to heal peolpe as best as they could. All of this seemed to be happening in high speed as I sat, stuck in slow motion. The people around me were just blurs. My brother was dead.

He was the person I looked up to, the person I went to for advice. He was my big brother. I thought he was invinceable. Now he's dead. Lying on the ground as people rushed around him to help everyone else who still had a pulse. He was murdered right in front of me. I couldn't move, It felt like I was cemented to this spot. I think I was in some form of shock or something. I didn't know where the rest of my family were, or if they were ok. Arms suddenly wrapped around me tightly.

"Lily are you alright?" I heard James' voice, but I couldn't move.

"Lily! Lily talk to me." James pleaded.

He shook me a bit and I looked at him. He was sweaty with cuts on his face, a gash across his chest and stomach, and a pretty bad burn on his right arm. He looked horrible overall.

I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around him. But I could not cry.

"I'm here." He said softly, rubbing small circles on my back.

I looked into his eyes as realization hit me, James had killed Chris!

"I'm so sorry." I whispered.

"It's not your fault Lily." James said.

"James! Lily! Thank merlin you're safe!" Charlotte Potter said running towards us with Mr. Potter in tote.

Charlotte pulled both of us into a hug.

"Are you both alright? James what happened to you?" Mr. Potter said.

Before anyone could say anything else, a woman started screaming. I recognized it immediately having heard it so many times before. Though this time it was different. Her scream was full of pain. I turned around see my mother crumbling to the ground in tears beside my brother's body. My father just stood next to her looking down at Harry's body as if he couldn't believe Harry was actually dead.

"Oh no!" Mrs. Potter whisper.

James put his arm around me, but I just stood there. I just stood there, bodies scattered all around me. There were people crying out in pain, but I just stood there watching.

My mother suddenly looked up and her eyes landed on me. She got up suddenly and made her way toward me. My father, surprised at her sudden action, looked toward the direction she was walking to and I could see that he'd recognized me. Father had just started to walk toward me when my mother reached me. She walked straight up to me, tears still streaming down her face, and she slapped me. The force of her smack was enough to turn my head sideways and to cause me to stumble into James. James was so shocked that when I stumbled into him, he almost fell over himself.

"This is all your fault! My baby is dead now because of you! You and all the other magic freaks just like you!" She screamed.

Charlotte and Henry's eyes were wide in shock. My eyes were filling with tears because they were watering from the stinging pain on my face. But I would not allow them to fall. I wouldn't give my mother that satisfaction. My mother stepped toward me again and I backed away. Her arm was yanked back by my father.

"What are you doing!?" Father yelled angerily.

"It's her fault and all of those people who are like her." Mother sobbed.

Father looked at me and then back at my mother and I could tell from his eyes that in some amount, he agreed.

"You can't blame this on Lily." He said as mother held on to him crying.

My father glanced at me again before dragging my mother away.

"Lily are you alright?" Charlotte asked rushing toward me.

I quickly turned away, ashamed to let Mrs. Potter see my face. Mr. Potter walked away and James turned me toward him and his mother.

I looked up at them and Charlotte gasped. She quickly pulled out her wand.

As Charlotte conjured me a cold press, James gently touched my face where my mother's hand print resided. I gasped at the pain I felt even from his gentle touch. James jerked his hand away quickly and pulled me into a hug.

"Don't you dare listen to her Lily, it's not your fault." James said.

The only way I could reply was to nod my head. My throat felt constricted as I felt the urge to cry.

"Here, James, let me put this on her cheek." Charlotte said.

James pulled back and Charlotte gently put the cold compress up to my face. I held on to it as Charlotte looked at me and sighed. Mr. Potter returned with a medi-witch who quickly started to heal the injuries that James and I had collected. She spent most of her time healing James, but as soon as she was finished, she left to find other victims.

"James, why don't you take Lily home and watch out for her ok? Sirius, Charlie, and Remus are already there." Mr. Potter said.

James nodded.

"Ready Lily?" He asked.

I nodded and held his arm, preparing for the side-along apparation. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them I was standing in James' bedroom. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to this new scene. There was no more of the destroyed ball room that was, only an hour earlier, filled with chaos. I sat on James' bed as he changed his clothes and handed me some. I went into James' bathroom and took off my dress. As I looked in the mirror, I stared at my reflection. My eyes were blood shot, and my skin was all blotchy from being smacked. The cold compress seemed to have worked because there was no traceable handprint, just a red spot that it had faded into. I felt empty. I looked a mess, so I splashed cold water onto my face. I took my hair down and let it hang loosely. I put on the clothes James had handed me and walked out of the bathroom quietly. James was sitting by the window looking outside. I don't think he heard me come out of the bathroom so I stood in the door frame and looked at him.

James was wearing dark blue boxers and a dark blue t-shirt. He sighed and put his head to the glass. I walked over to him and put my hands on his shoulders. He didn't seem surprised to my touch. I started massaging his shoulders and James leaned his head back against my chest and looked up at me.

"I'm a murderer." He whispered.

I looked down at him and sighed.

"What if someone seen me? What if I go to Azkaban?" He asked.

"It was self-defense. Everyone was under attack." I said.

James turned around and put his arms around my waist, leaning his head against my stomach. I stood still at first, then I ran my fingers through his hair. He was still sitting by the window and I was still standing in front of him.

"Are _you_ alright Lily?" James asked.

"I don't know." I said slowly.

"We're going to be alright, aren't we?" James asked.

"I hope so." I said quietly.

James reached out for my hand and squeezed it.

"I love this look for you by the way." James said smiling.

I was wearing a pair of James' boxers and one of his quidditch t-shirts. I smiled at him.

"Do you know how hot it is that you're wearing my boxers? Merlin." James said as he ran a hand through his hair.

I snorted and rolled my eyes. James smiled weakly.

"James, I love you." I said.

"I love you too Lily. So much." He said.

"I know." I said.

I looked at James. He was in pieces inside. You could see it in his eyes. James would never want to kill someone. And it was bothering him so much that he did. He was keeping it to himself though, he knew that I was upset and he didn't want to make it worse by telling me how much of a mess he was. But I knew him. He was trying to be strong for me. But, I know that he needs me now. Just like I need him.


	21. Dark Skies

**Chapter 20- Dark Skies**

I stood quietly and watched as my brother's coffin was lowered into the ground. I was only vaguely aware of James, standing next to me and holding my hand. Charlie was on my other side, silently crying. We stood in the front row as a hundred people had gathered around to pay their respects to my family. Petunia stood next to my mother and whom I could only assume was her boyfriend. Petunia had taken the same route as my mother when it came to blaming Charlie and I for Harry's death. No doubt Petunia still held grudges against us for all of the pranks we had pulled on her. Her hair had grown back within hours after the latest prank but she still refused to attend the ball because she hadn't had the time to prepare for it in her distress. She should be glad she missed it. I'm sure she can sleep easier without reliving that night over and over in her dreams. Petunia let out a loud sob and her boyfriend, Vernon I think was his name, tried to soothe her by whispering what I assumed were words of comfort while rubbing circles on her back. My mother had decided not to acknowledge Charlie and I. It was as if our presence made no significance to her. Indeed it is true that indifference hurts more than downright hate.

Mother watched the proceedings silently like she was afraid to show any emotion lest she would have another outburst, this time in front of so many dignified people. How could she just stand there like it was duty? How could she look so composed when I felt like all of my insides were screaming? The priest said his last words and people started to walk away from the burial site back to the tents that were set up for the beginning ceremony. It started to drizzle and the remaining people who hadn't initially left for the tents started making there way to them now for shelter. Black umbrellas were going up all around as people scurried along to keep dry. Charlie stepped forward and dropped a rose into Harry's grave. He paused in front of it for a moment before he strode away to a distant cluster of trees, away from all of the people. I glanced his way and saw Leah trailing slowly behind him. The rain began to pick up and I looked up into the bleak sky. The raindrops splattered my face and plastered down my hair. Cars were being driven out of the cemetery in a hurry to beat the oncoming storm. The dark clouds of the horizon seemed to be moving swiftly towards me and I thought of death. How my brother's life had been taken away so swiftly before my very eyes.

I walked around to the gravestone and stared at my brother's name that had been carved in with embellishing flourishes. It was the tradition of the rose to be present at funerals. More specifically, the white rose. I leaned in and placed a kiss on the wet gravestone, whispering my love and eternal memory and placed my flower at the bottom of the stone. I stepped back and looked at my clashing flower, the Lilly I had placed with promises. I felt someone put their hand in mine and looked up to see James was the only other person in sight. I squeezed his hand and he pulled me into his tight embrace.

Just as I had expected, Dumbledore made a speech about the attack at our welcome back feast. At least, that's what Remus explained to me seeing as I had decided to skip it and stay in my room. The day before our return, James' parents, both aurors, had to take statements from James and I concerning the attack. They now knew what was haunting James, they know what he'd done. James' parents were very proud of James, but he was still miserable about it. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all beside themselves with worry. They didn't know what to do around James. His silence seemed to keep them all in reserve as they would shoot each other looks of worry while in his presence. It had been Sirius who had broken the barrier with James. Because Sirius himself was from a dark family, he told James that when it came to deatheaters, it was either kill or be killed. He also told James that he wasn't just defending himself. He was defending me. When Remus had told me what was said, I was touched by Sirius' words. Especially because it was those words that had eased James. He was put at ease because his actions were for me.

There were many from the student body that had been affected from the attack. Somehow though, it felt like I was the only one. I suppose it's because it felt more personal. I knew the truth from Chris Jaromen. When I think about it, Jaromen seemed like the least likely person Voldemort would put so much trust in. It was clever really, using a pretty unexpected person for your biggest plans. But Voldemort had ended up losing both Jaromen. With my testament of everything that had happened, including the events at Drumstrang, and James' witness to Chris' confession, Headmaster Jaromen was removed from Drumstrang Institute. After his condemning trial he was sent to Azkaban for life. His charges were numeral. Jaromen had admitted to all of the accusations against him and, according to The Daily Prophet, seemed quite pleased to do so. There had been no more arrests of deatheaters. The stunned deatheaters had vanished when the deatheaters retreated. The Ministry of Magic is quite stumped to how it was possible. The only people known to be deatheaters were the ones who were killed. I doubt Voldemort expected that many of his number to fall, though the deatheater casualties toll was significantly smaller than the number of wizard and muggle casualties alike.

The wizarding community of Britain is now being heavily cautioned. Many people fear Voldemort and that they will be his next targets. Some even fear him so much that they will not even say his name. More aurors were put on the search for Voldemort, as the people deemed it appropriate. The fact that none of the aurors had a clue as to where he was or what he planned to do did not settle anyone in the least. As if Voldemort alone wasn't enough of an issue, Harry's death would not leave my mind. Most of the time I sat in silence and people would stare at me sadly and with pity. This seemed to become the routine for the last week. Nobody would talk to Charlie or me for that matter. Maybe just a brief condolence, but other than that there was nothing. I felt dead inside. And I felt the guilt. It was my fault. It all fell back on me. I tried to catch myself every time I thought like that because I knew it would only drive me insane. Or drive me to something else, something that felt as though it could take all of my pain away. I felt horrible for even having such thoughts.

There was so much damage that had been done. There was so much destruction that had occurred. There was so much pain that was being felt. What was it all for? Was it for fear? Was it for power? Was it for respect? There is no way that what Voldemort is doing could ever be the right thing to do. So how does Voldemort have so many followers that are willing to do all of this? It is because of fear. It is because of power. It is because of respect. Right now I hated them all. I hated every one of the evil beings under those dark hoods. There was a massive amount of victims that fell to the hands of evil. But some how, it all felt like it was my fault. Charlie sensed it. James sensed it. Remus sensed it. Even Sirius sensed it. I'm pretty sure that most of them did. They looked at me sadly and just as they would begin to say something, perhaps offer advice, they would close their mouth. But they would sit next to me in silence. They would support me. As grateful as I was for their loyalty, I so badly wanted to be alone. But I was afraid. I didn't trust myself to be alone. I felt unstable. The journey back to Hogwarts feels like it didn't happen at all. It too had been nothing but silence. I couldn't even bring myself to go to the welcome back feast. I knew Dumbledore would mention the attack. Many families had been involved, but it felt like I was the only one.

Everyone just keeps staring at me, watching me intently, and waiting for some type of reaction. They treat me like glass, like at any moment I'm going to break. And I hate it so much. It makes me want to scream because I feel so guarded, but so alone. Charlie has been just as silent. Saying nothing, maybe a significant look once and awhile. We just sit together, consoling without words. We don't need them, we never have. I actually walked to the astronomy tower one night. I was so emotionally distraught. I walked to the edge and looked straight up into the night sky. I wondered how many people were looking at it right now, just as I am. I looked out across the grounds. The moon was bright, almost complete in its cycle. Remus would soon become victim to it. I placed both of my hands on the wall and leaned forward looking at the distance from where I stood to the ground. I looked back at the moon and couldn't help but feeling like a victim myself. Not to the moon's wrath of course, but I knew I could relate to what Remus must feel every time the full moon looms closer. How does he stay sane? And there's nothing we can do about it. We have to face it; we're forced to accept it. Remus has to face his lycanthropy. But for Charlie and I, it was our brother's death. I had not cried since it happened. Fooling myself that I'm strong enough to handle it. But it's all a facade. And they were right to watch me with cautious eyes. I _am_ breaking. The love I feel for my brother is overwhelming. There's so much that I never got to say. I want him back. I miss him so much.

"I hope to God you feel this now." I whispered looking up into the night sky.

I climbed on to the ledge and sat with my legs beneath me. There was so much risk that I could fall at any second. But I would not let myself. They say it's the easy way out. I know why. I can feel why. But with every thought I could ever have about taking my own life, in the end, I know I could never do it. At first I thought it was because of my own cowardice. But it's not. I know it's not. It's because of love. Because I know that my brother loved me and that he would never want me to do this. Because I love Charlie and I couldn't leave him alone, we're a sworn team. It's because I love my friends. I couldn't put them through more grief. I couldn't make them face the evil in this world alone. It's because I love James.

"I hope to God you come down." I faintly heard.

At first I thought I had imagined hearing it. But I felt something, someone. I turned around slowly and saw James. The way he was standing, he looked so defeated. It wasn't James at all. I never wanted to see him like that again, the look in his eyes as he stared at me. They held such sorrow. He didn't move, the fear apparent on his face. I climbed down off of the ledge and walked toward him. I stared at him and he looked into my eyes. He was there for me; he had been there for me. Just waiting. Tears began to form in my eyes and immediately James wrapped his arms around me. That's when I lost it. I screamed. He hugged me tighter. I cried and he kept me in his embrace. James gently took my hand and placed it on his heart.

"I hope to God you can feel _this_ now." He whispered.


	22. Tragedy Is A Lurking Shadow

**Chapter 21-Tragedy is a Lurking Shadow**

"Anyone notice the bulletin posted in the common room?" Leah asked.

"Hogsmeade weekend is tomorrow." She said slowly.

Nobody really said or did anything to show that they had acknowledged the note.

"Well I think we should all go. It's been several weeks since the last attack and everyone's still moping about. It's time we all moved on with life." Leah said.

Everyone looked at her in surprise. Our looks were even more surprised when Charlie nodded slowly in agreement.

"What do you think Lils? It would be nice to have a butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks. Don't you think?" James said.

I looked at everyone sitting around me. They seemed to be waiting on my response with baited breath.

"I think it's a good idea." I said.

There was a loud collective exhale.

"It's settled then. We'll all meet up in the Three Broomsticks at two." Sarah said nodding.

"Two? Do you have an early date with Johnny then?" Sirius teased.

"I wouldn't really call it a date. There will only be enough time for quick shag before he has to grade assignments." Sarah said.

Sirius made a disgusted face. Sarah smirked and turned back to her breakfast plate.

"You asked for that, you know? She's probably tired of you always giving her such a hard time about dating him." Tiffany said.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Sirius cried indignantly.

Tiffany only shook her head muttering something along the lines of 'drama' and 'baby'.

I snorted into my orange juice and James grinned as we glanced at each other.

* * *

I was sitting in the library later that day when James came in.

"There you are. I was looking for you." James said sitting across the table from me. I put down one of the many books I had collected and stacked on the table to read.

"What are you"-

"Shhhh!" The librarian gave James a hard look before walking away.

"What are you working on?" James said, this time quieter than before.

"I've just been thinking a lot about something and I needed to get some answers." I said.

"Vague." He said.

"Well, it has to do with the attack on Easter." I said.

James looked worried.

"But, it's not about Harry's death." I said quickly.

James looked a little relieved, but he still had a concerned look on his face.

"What then?" He asked.

"It's just, I had a nightmare and it made me remember something." I said.

"What?" He asked.

"Well, what do you know about wandless magic?" I asked.

He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Not too much to tell you the truth. I know that it's a pureblood trait. But not all purebloods can control it enough to wield it." He said.

"On the night of the attack, Chris had me up against a pillar and my wand was on the floor. I shouted 'impedimenta' and he flew backwards. James, the spell worked and I didn't have my wand." I said.

"But Lily, you're not"-

"I'm not a pure blood? Yes, I know. That's why I'm researching this." I said.

James looked like he was going to say something but instead he stood up.

"If it puts your mind at ease…" He finally said.

"It will, at least I hope it will." I said.

He nodded.

"I need to go meet Sirius." He said.

"Alright." I said picking my book back up.

I stayed in the library until it finally closed. I had a lot of information on wandless magic, but not how it was possible that I accomplished it. Sure, you can perform accidental magic if you are angry or scared, but to actually say a spell and have it work without a wand? It is something only very powerful pureblooded wizards and witches can accomplish and even then they must be well practiced at it. I've never done anything like that before. I ended up going to my room even more confused than I was when I began researching.

The next morning was the day of the Hogsmeade trip. I got up early and walked into James' room to see if he was up yet. When I opened the door I found James sprawled across the bed on his stomach, blankets in a massive tangle around his body. I laughed and walked toward the window to open the curtains. What I didn't plan on or see was the body lying just on the other side of James' bed, effectively blocking my path to the window. I ended up tripping and falling right on top of it while emitting a screech of surprise.

"Was sat?!" James mumbled as he sat up sleepily from the bed.

The body I just so happened to fall on was actually Sirius. He only groaned a bit before he started snuggling into me.

"Oy!" James yelled after he poked his head over the edge of the bed and saw my predicament.

James tried to jump up out of the bed but was restrained by his own blankets. Because he was so entangled, he ended up falling off of the bed right on top of Sirius and I. Sirius finally opened his eyes and looked around.

James started to thrash about, trying to free himself of blankets. Sirius didn't seem to mind all of the commotion and leaned his face into the crook of my neck mumbling incoherent words.

"Sirius!" I tried to push him off of me but he refused to even budge.

James had finally managed to disentangle himself and stood up throwing the blankets across the room.

"Padfoot!" James yelled.

Sirius slowly pulled away from me and turned into his pillow instead, freeing me from his hold. James walked over and held out a hand to pull me up.

"I tripped over him, didn't even know he was here." I said.

"He came last night bearing gifts, climbed in through the window." James said.

I looked around the room and saw Honeydukes candy wrappers littering the floor around Sirius.

"Have a little party?" I asked as I also noticed the empty Firewhiskey bottles.

James must have seen what I was looking at.

"Those are mainly Sirius'. You don't see me with a hangover now do you?" James said.

"So why did he drink so much? It's no wonder he didn't wake up when I fell on him." I asked.

James gave me a look that clearly said 'I'll tell you later'.

"I guess I'll get ready. Meet you downstairs in thirty minutes?" He said.

"Sure." I said and walked out of the room.

"So… What's going on with Sirius?" I asked James as we held hands and walked down the road leading to Hogsmeade.

"He talked to his brother last night." James said.

"He has a brother?" I asked surprised.

"Yes, he has a little brother in Slytherin. He's a third year." James said.

"You know that Sirius left home. This past summer, he bought his own flat with some money he inherited and he tried to get Regulus to leave home and move in with him." James said.

"I think Sirius has always had it in his mind that his brother would follow in his footsteps. As it turns out, his brother is following their father's orders instead. He's too afraid to be disowned. Sirius thinks that he's a deatheater too. Or at least, he is becoming one soon." James said.

"But he's only thirteen!" I said.

"I know. It really upsets Sirius. He feels responsible for him." James said.

"So last night he tried to talk his brother into renouncing the dark arts?" I asked.

"Yes, only his brother was being a right git and told Sirius to sod off. Regulus also told Sirius that he would be fulfilling their father' greatest wish soon and that if Sirius did too, he would be redeemed in the eyes of the Black's."

"That's terrible." I said.

James squeezed my hand.

"It's a very sensitive subject for Sirius." James said.

I nodded.

* * *

We spent the morning in Honeydukes and Zonkos. The owner of Zonkos took James and I into one of the back rooms to show us some new items that hadn't been put on the shelves yet. Apparently the Marauder's are very frequent customers. James and Mr. Zonko himself were on a first name basis, greeting each other like two old friends.

At two o'clock we were in the Three Broom Sticks. Everyone was there except for Peter, Sirius and Tiffany. Peter was at the castle, sick, and Sirius and Tiffany had both developed a habit of always being late.

"They probably lost track of time." Remus said.

"And I don't want to know what they are doing to make them forget." James said.

Everyone laughed. I was seated next to the window across from Sarah. She was busy looking through one of her bags of purchases for something to show Ashley and everyone else was talking so I stared out the window for a bit. Remus and James were discussing Quidditch and Leah and Charlie were having their own quiet conversation. Personally I think those two have been acting rather odd lately. They keep to each other a lot, even when we're all together.

I watched many students traverse past the window outside and then one particular student caught my eye.

"There's Sirius. But, I think there's something wrong." I said.

Everyone stopped what they were doing to look out of the window in the direction I was pointing. Sirius was walking after some other boy with the most furious expression on his face. A ways behind him was Tiffany, looking extremely worried.

"That's Regulus." Remus said suddenly.

"Do you think we should go out there James?"

James didn't respond. Regulus turned around with his wand pointed at Sirius and Sirius punched him. He then grabbed Regulus by the front of his robes and slammed him up against the side of Honeydukes store.

James was on his feet in an instant. Remus stood up too and they shared a look between themselves.

"We've got to stop him." James said.

Before James could take two steps toward the door it was banged open furiously, gathering the attention of most of the people inside. Tiffany stood in the doorway and searched the room with her eyes. When she saw us she hurried over.

"There's going to be an attack! We have to send word to Dumbledore! Everyone is in danger!" She said between breaths.

"What? Tiffany calm down, what's going on?" Ashley asked.

We were all on our feet at this point and surrounding Tiffany. The other people in the pub were looking around anxiously after hearing what Tiffany had said.

"There's going to be a deatheater attack!" Tiffany said.

The volume inside the pub increased considerably as people started to talk in panic.

Seconds later the streets were filled with deatheaters that had apparated into the main streets of the town. People started screaming and running around in a panic. It was chaos as tables and chairs were overturned by people trying to run away. The window I had been sitting next to was suddenly shattered and glass went everywhere. James grabbed me as soon as we heard it explode and he pulled me to the ground covering both of our heads from the broken pieces of glass that flew everywhere. I looked up to see that the rest of our friends were also ducked on the ground.

"One of us needs to go to the castle and warn Dumbledore!" Tiffany said.

"I'll go." Sarah said as she pulled out her wand.

"Apparate to the main gates and then run as fast as you can to the headmasters office. The password is fizzing whizbees." Remus said.

"I can't! Anti-apparation barriers are up! Nobody can apparate out!" Sarah said.

"Charlie! What about your ring? You have to go to Dumbledore!" I said.

"I'm not leaving you here!" He said.

"You're the only one who can get there in time! You have to go!" I said.

Charlie looked at me for a second before rounding on James.

"Look after her!" He said.

James nodded.

Charlie kissed Leah's hand he had been holding before letting go and using his ring to apparate straight into Dumbledore's office.

James turned to me.

"Lily, stay in here and take cover under some tables." He said.

"But I have to go out there! I'm head girl! It's my responsibility to protect the younger students!" I said.

"And it's my responsibility to protect you! Now stay in here, I have to go find Sirius! He's out in the middle of this!" James said.

"I'm coming too!" Tiffany said.

"No, James is right. You girls stay in here and don't let any deatheaters in. We'll tell the kids we find to come in here." Remus said.

James kissed me and ran out of the Three Broom Sticks, his wand out in front of him. Remus followed him out.

I looked at the girls.

"Ashley, you stay here." I said.

She nodded.

I held my wand up and looked at the other girls. They all nodded to me and I led them out of the pub. We were all immediately emerged in duels. Spells were being fired left and right. There was a loud booming sound and when I turned around to see what it was I saw a huge hole in the side of Honeydukes and parts of the brick wall now littered the street.

"Lily! Lily, watch out!" Someone screamed.

I turned back around just in time to dodge a spell that was aimed for me. I looked up from the ground and shot a spell, grinning in satisfaction as the deatheater fell to the ground stunned. I quickly got back up to my feet and ran to help Leah who had shouted the warning at me. We battled deatheaters back to back for what felt like hours but was really only minutes.

Leah suddenly shoved me aside and I hit the ground hard as a green spell flew overhead. I got up quickly as Leah took off on a chase after the deatheater she had been fighting. I couldn't let her go alone so I ran after her. I shot as many stunners as I could as I ran past deatheaters. I was briefly detained by another deatheater, but as soon as I managed to stun him I continued to head to the alley Leah had gone into. As soon as I got there, I realized immediately that I had walked in on something bad.

"Lily! Run!" Leah shouted.

She was on her knees being held by a deatheater. There was about a total of seven death eaters in the alley. Blood was coming from her mouth and tears from her eyes. One of the deatheaters kicked her in the stomach for calling out to me.

"Don't touch her!" I screamed.

One of the cloaked people turned around toward me. I gasped in surprise.

"Ah, Miss Evans I presume?" He asked with an aristocratic air.

I stared at his red eyes.

"We finally have the pleasure of meeting. You've managed to get in my way once again it seems." He said.

"Voldemort." I said.

"How dare you speak the dark lord's name!" One of the deatheaters shouted.

Voldemort glanced toward the deatheater who had kicked Leah.

"Miss Evans, are you afraid of me?" Voldemort asked.

"You're a bastard." I said, not answering his question.

Voldemort smirked.

"Such classic Gryffindor attitude, Dumbledore would be proud. Do you know what you have interrupted here today?" He asked.

"You see, today all of my new followers are privileged to prove their loyalty to me. Miss Black, step forward." Voldemort said.

"Yes my lord." A familiar voice said.

"Show Miss Evans what your Cruciatus curse feels like." Voldemort said.

"With pleasure." She said.

And that's when it clicked. That was the voice from the Easter ball. The girl who helped Jaromen, it was Bellatrix Black.

She started to raise her wand to fire a hex at me.

But I'll be damned if I die without a fight.

"Expelliarmus!" I shouted.

Bellatrix' wand flew into my hand as she was slammed into the deatheater standing behind her.

"Well done." Voldemort said give me an intrigued look.

I snapped Bellatrix' wand in half and threw it on the ground.

"And I had such hope for you Miss Black." Voldemort said looking back to Bellatrix.

"Miss Evans, it is foolish to fight against me. The power of Lord Voldemort…"

"Is nothing compared to Dumbledore!" I interrupted.

Voldemort glared.

"You shall pay for your insolence." Voldemort said.

Once again I experienced the pain of the Cruciatus curse.

I opened my eyes trying to blink away the tears that flowed from the pain. I slowly looked up to Voldemort.

"That's it?" I asked cheekily.

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort shouted.

"No!" Leah screamed.

I rolled to the side just in time.

Voldemort turned to Leah.

"Release her." He said.

The deatheaters let her go and pushed her to the ground before Voldemort's feet.

"You shall pay for Miss Evans' defiance." He said.

He hit her with the Cruciatus curse as I tried to stun him. The deatheaters managed to disarm me, after I took out two of them and disarmed another. They held me at Voldemort's orders and made me watch as he tortured Leah. She didn't scream once. But I did.

"Let her go!" I screamed.

Voldemort turned to me.

"You're a powerful witch Miss Evans. It would be such a waste of talent to kill you now, especially when you could be most valuable to me." Voldemort said.

"You could be one of my most esteemed deatheaters one day. All you have to do is join me." Voldemort said.

"I will never join you!" I said.

"Very well then." Voldemort said.

Leah had long since been on the ground. She wasn't moving.

Voldemort turned his wand toward me.

"Dumbledore!" One of the deatheaters screamed.

Voldemort turned to Dumbledore.

"Always out to ruin my fun aren't you Albus."

"Leave Tom, or I will be forced to make you." Dumbledore said.

Voldemort glared before disapparating. His deatheaters followed.

Dumbledore walked toward Leah.

"Miss Evans, are you alright?" He asked.

I nodded, but I knew I didn't have the strength to stand up.

Dumbledore conjured two stretchers and levitated Leah and I onto each of them. The last thing I remember was hearing James' voice screaming.


	23. Take Me Away

**Chapter 22-Take Me Away**

When I woke up in the hospital wing I had discovered James by my side. He was sitting in a chair holding my hand and he looked relieved when I woke up. Madame Pryne was quick in making me drink all types of potions as soon as I sat up. She kept muttering things like how 'lucky' I was to survive after 'facing you-know-who'. She made James drink several potions as well. Apparently he had been hit with several curses, among those the Cruciatus. Admittingly a Cruciatus from a deatheater wouldn't compare to one from Voldemort, but they are still very painful and James shouldn't have been out of bed. I had only been unconscious for a day, but when I awoke the hospital wing was still very full of students who were injured in the attack on Hogsmeade.

"I knew you'd pull through." James said.

I smiled.

"I'm just lucky I guess." I said.

"No, you're a fighter. But what were you thinking trying to face Voldemort?" James said.

"I didn't mean to, I just so happened to run headfirst into the alley he was testing his new recruitees in. Purely coincidence." I said.

James rolled his eyes.

"So what happened?" He asked.

I thought back to the attack and the memory came full force, almost like I was reliving it.

"I was dueling next to Leah and she shouted for me to duck a curse. I fell to the ground as the curse flew right over my head. When I got back up she went chasing after the Death Eater who had cast it and I ran after her. I saw her go into an alley but by the time I made it she was already being held by several Death Eaters. At first I didn't even know that Voldemort was there." I said.

James sat and listened.

"Voldemort introduced himself and was saying something about testing his new recruits. He was acting all up on the Lord part and then he instructed one of the Death Eaters to hit me with a Cruciatus curse. I disarmed the Death Eater and Voldemort looked rather impressed about it. He... he asked me to join him." I said.

"What!?" James said.

"Yeah. I told him I would never join him." I said.

James waited for me to finish telling him what had happened.

"He looked rather insulted that I was so quick to refuse him and cursed me. It felt a lot like what I imagine Hell would be. It was unlike any Cruciatus I've ever felt before. Leah was screaming the entire time for him to stop. Then she started to fight against the Death Eaters that were holding her and Voldemort just, he tortured her. Because of my 'insolence' to him he tortured her. She had to be under his Cruciatus longer than me, but she didn't even scream or cry out. I was screaming for her the whole time though. She hit her knees and then I remember her falling on the ground right before Dumbledore appeared. I think I blacked out after that..." I said.

James nodded and squeezed my hand.

"After I told you to stay in the Three Broom Sticks, Remus and I ran outside and started dueling our way toward Sirius. I just tried to stupefy as many Death Eaters as I could. When we finally got to him he was already bloodied up pretty bad. But there was also about ten Death Eaters that he'd stupefied." James said.

I nodded for him to continue.

"We were dueling and trying to take out as many as we could when I heard Leah scream your name. I looked around for you until I finally saw you running. I tried following you, but there were so many Death Eaters, it took me awhile to find you again while trying not to get killed in the process. As I was running, Charlie and Dumbledore just apparated right in front of me. Dumbledore seemed to sense exactly where Voldemort was though because he just blasted though Death Eaters like it was nothing and headed straight for the alley I'd seen you run in. Remus saw Dumbledore apparate in and came over to us. He was injured pretty badily so Charlie apparated him to Hogwarts. The anti-apparation wards were still in place making it impossible for anyone other than Dumbledore to apparate in and out without a ring. Sirius literally stumbled over Tiffany and used his ring to apparate her to Hogwarts because her injuries were so severe. I ran into the alley where Dumbledore had just gone into and you were on your knees on the ground. By the time I reached you, you had already passed out. Dumbledore conjured stretchers and told me to hold on to yours. Next thing I know I was in the hospital wing at Hogwarts." He said.

"Students just started appearing directly into the hospital wing much like we had and it was complete chaos. There was blood and screaming and crying, Madame Pryne was running everywhere trying to heal everyone." James said.

I didn't say anything at first.

"And how is everyone?" I asked.

James looked away and didn't answer.

"Where's Charlie?" I asked.

James looked at me before standing up and pulling back the curtain around my bed. He gestured to the curtain that was drawn around the next bed over. James helped me out of bed and I walked to the next bed shakily before slowly pulling back the curtain.

Charlie was sitting in a chair next to the bad with his head in his hands. I looked down to the bed and I felt like my stomach just dropped to my feet.

In the bed was Leah. Her face was white and her hands were folded over her stomach. I turned to look at James only to find that he was looking away. I looked more closely at Charlie and noticed his shoulders shaking. He was crying.

"No." I whispered.

Charlie looked up and the look on his face was the one I remember seeing just after we burried Harry. A look of hopelessness. He looked as though his eyes were asking me 'What am I going to do now?'.

I walked toward Charlie and he stood up from his chair slowly. As soon as I got to his side of the bed he pulled me into a hug and cried on my shoulder. I started crying as well and James walked back to his bed, leaving me alone with my brother.

Madame Pryne walked over but when she saw us she said nothing before turning away. I walked to my bed and Charlie followed me. We both sat on my bed and Madame Pryne pulled the curtain around us giving us privacy. Charlie pulled out his wand and cast a silencing spell around us so we wouldn't disturb anyone else. I could tell it was the middle of the night by the way the moonlight poured into the hospital wing through the windows. Most of it's occupants would be sleeping.

"I heard what you told James." Charlie said.

I looked at him sadly.

"Thats just like her, you know. Defending her friends to the...death." He said shakily.

"It's all my fault Charlie. I'm so sorry!" I said as I started to cry again.

"It's not your fault Lils. It's nobody's fault but Voldemort's." He said.

"But if I hadn't of- and then she wouldn't have said-"

"And he would have killed you." Charlie said.

I didn't say anything.

"Would you do something for me Lils?" Charlie asked.

I gave him a confused look.

"What do you need me to do?" I asked.

"Can you hold on to this for me?" He said as he handed me a small black velvet box.

My eyes widened in surprise.

"I asked her to marry me." He whispered.

I looked up to meet his eyes.

"She said yes. I bought this for her the morning of the Hogsmeade visit. I never got a chance to show it to her." He said.

I opened the box and looked at the ring.

"Charlie, it's beautiful. She would have loved it." I said.

Tears came down his face as he smiled.

"She would have wouldn't she?" He said smiling.

"When did you ask her?" I said.

"A couple of days ago." He said.

I nodded. That explained their odd behavior over the last few days. Always, secluding themselves to each other only.

"But Charlie, you should keep this." I said.

"I will. I just, I can't have it right now. Will you just hold it for a few days?" He asked.

"Sure." I said.

He nodded.

"Get some sleep Lils. You need to rest." He said.

He hugged me and kissed the top of my head.

"Are you going to be alright?" I said.

I didn't believe it myself, but I had to say something hopeful.

"Would you be alright if you lost James?" He asked.

"Goodnight." He said before I could answer and he slipped past the curtain.

I sat there for about five minutes looking at the diamond my brother had bought for Leah and thinking about the last question he asked me. I finally closed the box and slid it under my pillow. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and walked past the curtain surrounding my bed and quietly pulled open the curtain around James' bed. He was lying in bed looking up at the ceiling but he turned to look at me as he heard the curtain.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey." He said.

"Can I join you?" I asked quietly.

James slid to the far side of his bed and held up the blankets for me to climb in. I got in and he wrapped his arms around me and held me. We were quiet for a long time until I broke the silence.

"I don't know what I would do if I lost you." I whispered answering the question Charlie asked.

James' breathing had slowed since I had been laying with him and I assumed that he had fallen asleep.

"You never will." He whispered back just as quietly and it surprised me that he had heard afterall.

I felt him kiss the back of my head and I sighed.

There were twelve students that lost their lives the day of the attack on Hogsmeade. Hogsmeade visits were cancelled for the rest of the year as a safety precaution and everyone was forbidden to go into Hogsmeade or the Forbidden Forest.

Sirius and Remus both had to stay in the hospital wing over night but they were released the next day. James and I were released the day after only owing to the fact that we were both hit with the Cruciatus curse and needed to be monitored for that long to make sure we didn't have any lasting side effects. Sarah and Ashley managed to remain unharmed as they sheltered the younger students and other pub occupants. Peter had not been present in Hogsmeade that day. He stayed at Hogwarts tending to an illness that prevented his presence and required him to be 'held up in the hospital wing all day'. We told him how lucky he was not to have witnessed it. Tiffany was still in the hospital wing because she was hit with a very dark curse that drains you of your energy, called Erasco Enegio. Apparently its an old curse that runs through a certain pure blooded family that invented it hundreds of years ago and is only used among dark wizards. It drains you of your energy in a very painful and slow process, though it is not a widely known curse. Luckily there was a member of the families blood line that had created it present, he recognised what it was and performed the counter curse for Tiffany. It was Sirius Black. The curse and Sirius' involvement was to be kept a secret, according to strict instructions from Dumbledore. Our group, Madame Pryne, Professor McGonagall, and Dumbledore are the only ones who know of it.

Charlie had refused to leave the hospital and only left Leah's side when her parents had came to Hogwarts after recieving the terrible news of their daughter's death. They briefly disscussed plans for Leah's funeral and told Charlie they would contact him. Leah's body was taken with them to be prepared and it nearly broke Charlie as he watched her body being taken away. After Leah was gone, Charlie started to stay in the astronomy tower more and more and withdrawing himself from everyone.

Classes had been cancelled for the week and pending so that students could make arrangements to attend the funerals of their families. Most of the Professor's seemed very saddened by the loss of their pupils and wore only black in respect to their death's. The Ministry of Magic released several statements concerning the 'Hogsmeade Tragedy' as the Daily Prophet calls it. Several prestigious aurors were also killed or missing due to the attack and the ministry seemed more concerned about the loss of its staff than the lives taken from its future generation.

Though the mood was sombre indeed, more and more people began to realise that this really was a war. The sad part about this revelation was that attacks like the one on Hogsmeade, are to be expected. And as the saying goes, 'It will only get worse before it gets better'. This was the world us seventh years would soon be rejoining once and for all. It was a scary thought. It shouldn't be like this though. We should all be fretting over our N.E.W.T. exams that are in a few weeks and not about things like, if our families will still be alive tomorrow. We should be worrying about if we'll get the jobs we've dreamt of and not if we'll live past a year after graduation.

* * *

"Lily?" A voice from down in the Heads Common Room shouted. 

I turned around to see James poking his head through his bedroom door. When his eyes landed on me the door opened fully.

"Lily! What are you doing in here? I've been looking everywhere for you, is everything ok?" He asked as he shut the door and walked over to sit next to me on the bed.

I had been sitting in his room for awhile waiting on him to come in. I was just sitting on his bed and thinking, but what he said just seemed to snap something I'd been reluctant to talk to him about.

James put an arm around me but I pushed him away. He looked at me with confused eyes and I sighed.

"Everything is _not_ okay, James. Leah is dead! Our best friend is dead!" I shouted.

How could he ask me such a question? Almost the entire school is in mourning for the fallen students and he asks me if everything is ok? It's _not_ okay! My first friend at Hogwarts is dead.

"I know Lily! Don't you think it hurts me just as much as it hurts you? She was one of my friends too!" James said.

"Than how can you act like that? How can you act so calm and composed when I feel like falling apart all over again." I said as tears began to fall from my eyes.

"I miss her too, Lily." He said quietly.

We sat in silence for a while.

"But, I know she wouldn't want us to fall apart like this. She would want us to be strong. We shouldn't cry for her loss Lily, but defend her and honor her memory by doing everything we can to stop those with her blood on their hands. It is Voldemort who is causing this destruction. It is Voldemort whose hands are stained with the blood of innocents. Her death, Lily, was not your fault. But honor her for the hero that she was. I know that she would have wanted us all to go on living." James said.

I threw my arms around James and he held me close to him.

"Take me away from this James. I don't want to think about this anymore." I whispered.

James slowly leaned down and placed his lips on mine with a gentle kiss. I put my arms around his neck and my hands went up to his shoulders and hair. James' arms were around my waist and we kissed passionately. I pulled James down on the bed and layed underneath him. We kept kissing and I couldn't help but love the feel of James' body weight on top of me. I pulled the bottom of James' shirt and lifted it off over his head. James gave me a surprised look and I smirked at him. He smiled as I put my hands on his skin, moving them up and down his chest and stomach muscles. James moaned in my mouth while we kissed. I liked it. No, I loved it.

"James." I whispered.

I took his head in my hands and pulled it toward my mouth so I could whisper in his ear.

"Touch me."

I was surprised that I'd just said that. Not that I didn't mean it, I'm just surprised I actually said it. James slowly pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the floor. He looked at me and I couldn't help but blush. James leaned toward me, kissed my cheek, and whispered in my ear.

"I love it when I make you blush." He said.

Somehow, I knew he was smirking and if anything it only made me blush more. James' hand was on my stomach slightly rubbing it as he kissed my neck. His hand went up slowly and he reached around to undo my bra. He took it off and dropped it on the floor. His hand gently slid to my front and his hands softly touched my breast. His touch was so different than anything I'd ever felt. It was so gentle, yet full of passion and love. His mouth went down my neck to my chest, replacing his hand. James was exploring my body, and I his. I'd never done this before. To be sexually _intimate_ with someone. Was I doing this right?

"Say something." He whispered.

I looked down at him.

"I love you." I said.

My body felt like it was on fire. I was feeling so many new sensations that I didn't know you could ever feel. James' hands went to my lower stomach until his fingers slowly brushed underneath the waistband of my skirt.

"What do you want?" James asked slowly.

What did I want? I was so confused. My body was loving every second of James' touch. But I didn't know what to say to James' question. If I thought about it more, I'd probably just get more confused. I looked at James and nodded. He didn't even ask me a yes or no question, and I nodded my head. Could you be any more of an idiot Lily?

James raised his eyebrows but quickly changed his surprised expression to a more passive one. He came up to eye level with me and I could feel my heart beat increasing.

"Yes? All the way?" He asked.

I nodded again. There was no way I could trust myself to speak at this point, I was too nervous. I couldn't trust my voice to work properly.

"Are you sure?" He asked seriously.

I nodded again.

James smiled for a second before kissing me.

So, here goes?

James pulled my skirt down my legs slowly until I was left in only my panties. James smirked.

"These are nice." He said playfully.

I knew my face probably matched the color of my hair. James grinned even more.

He kissed the top of my underwear before his fingers hooked around the string on each side and he pulled them down, agonizingly slow, until they were completely off of my body. He held them up and looked at them, smiled, and tossed them behind him to the floor. I laughed and reached forward grabbing James' pants and boxers and pulling them off as well.

Any fear of regret I had was gone. We made love, and it was the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced.

When it was over, both of us were sweaty and James layed down next to me. We were both quiet and James put his arm under me pulling me to him. I was more than happy to have James hold me. At this moment, there was no place I'd rather be than in his arms. My body was tired and I could feel my eyes closing on their own accord. James kissed my forehead.

"I love you, so much." James said.

It was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep.

I could feel the sunlight on my eyes. I opened them slowly. Blinking several times. Memories of the previous night came to me. ...I had sex with James. I looked over and James was still sleeping. This wasn't the first time I had woken up next to James, but this time was different. We had experienced a whole new way to show our love for each other.

I looked at James' stomach. There was a scar from the gash he got from dueling with Chris. I traced it with my finger and James woke up. I hadn't even realized he was awake until he said something.

"That kind of tickles you know." He said.

I jumped and looked up at him.

He smiled and reached for his glasses from the bedside table.

"Good morning." He said.

"Good morning." I said.

He grinned and leaned forward and kissed me.

"I love you." He said.

"I love you too." I said.

"No Lily. You don't understand, I love you. You're the only one for me. There'll never be anyone but you." James said.

I was surprised that he said that. Before I could think of something to say, voices were coming from the hall outside the door.

"So what exactly are we doing to the Slytherins this time?" Peter asked.

"Prongs and I were talking about this last night, but I woke up this morning and I had this brilliant idea!" Sirius said.

"So this is why you dragged us here?" Charlie asked.

Remus laughed.

The door handle started to open and James looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

The door opened and I barely had time to pull up the sheet to cover myself.

Charlie stood in the doorway with a shocked look on his face. Sirius appeared a second later with the rest of the marauders behind him with a surprised looks as well.

"What the _HELL _is going on?!!" Charlie said.

"Nothing!" I said.

"Nothing?" Charlie said.

He picked up my underwear from the floor that lay by his feet.

"This doesn't look like 'nothing' to me!" Charlie shouted.

Sirius grabbed them and held them up whistling.

"I don't know about that." Sirius said holding them out.

"Shut up!"

"Sirius!!"

"Put those down!"

Charlie, James, and I yelled.

Sirius dropped them.

"Lily, get up and put your clothes on." Charlie demanded.

"What?! This isn't your concern! Mind your own business!" I said.

"You're my sister! Of course it's my business!" Charlie said.

"Charlie, she can do what she wants." James said calmly.

Charlie looked at him as if he had really just seen him.

"You! How dare you touch my sister!?!" Charlie yelled before he lunged toward James.

James took one of the blankets and pulled it around him as he jumped out of bed. Sirius lunged after Charlie and tackled him to the ground.

"Charlie get out!" I screamed.

Charlie and Sirius were rolling around on the floor. James had put on his boxers and he was now standing in the room with his wand in hand. Sirius let go of Charlie when he noticed James had his wand.

Charlie gave a final shove to Sirius before getting to his feet facing James with his hands fisted.

"Charlie, listen to me. I would never use Lily. I love Lily, and I would never do anything to hurt her or make her unhappy. Lily is important to me Charlie." James said.

"James, don't bother. He's being unreasonable." I said.

"No, Lily. I want him to know." James said.

I got out of bed, sheet wrapped around me, and walked toward James and Charlie.

"I love her Charlie. Merlin, I want to marry her!" James said.

"What?!" Sirius and I said.

James just stood there, not saying anything. Charlie punched the wall before walknig out of the room and slamming the door. Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, and I all looked at each other.

"So, that was awkward huh?" Sirius asked.

"Get out!" James and I both said.

"Geese, don't get your knickers in a twist." He said walking toward the door.

He bent over and picked something up.

"Oh, wait, you're not wearing any!" He said dangling my underwear.

"Put those down!" James said as I blushed.

Sirius laughed and shot them at James' head before running out.

James caught the underwear midair.

"Don't worry about him, I'll shut him up." Remus said.

James nodded.

Remus pushed Peter out of the room and just before he left he turned around and smirked. I can't believe Remus just smirked at us!

"Er, here." James said handing me my underwear that was still in his hand.

"Thanks." I said taking them and walking into the bathroom.

James followed me. I put on my underwear and bra as James talked to me.

"So, interesting morning." James said.

"Yea." I said.

"Are you alright?" James asked.

Of course not. You said something about marrying me! Thats pretty big. I'm a little shocked you know? I mean, did you really mean that or were you just saying it?

"Me? You're the one who was close to death just a minute ago." I said.

James smiled.

"Very true. But I was talking about last night." James said.

"Oh. I'm fine. It's just, Charlie is angry with me now. And I hate when we fight. It makes me feel so alone without him." I said.

"You've got me." James said.

I looked up at him.

"For how long though?" I asked, thinking about how all the people I care about are being effected by this war.

"Lily, I told you, I'm not going anywhere." James said.

"James, I don't know what to do." I said.

I looked into his eyes before hugging him fiercely. James wrapped his arms around me tightly and I cried.

I don't know how long I cried for, but eventually I stopped. James had held me the entire time, saying comforting words and rubbing my back.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

"You don't have to thank me, Lily. I love you. I want to be there for you." James said as he pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.

"I know." I said.

But that's what scares me sometimes. No matter what anyone says, the people I love are in danger. My family, my friends, and James.

**Author's Note:** Thanks to all of the reviews on chapter 21. For updates between postings, check my profile page. There is a section for my notes on Twisted Tragedies.


	24. Sometimes, It Just Needs To Rain

**Chapter 24- Sometimes, It Just Needs To Rain **

"She thought she knew everything. What she didn't know, she believed in with all of her heart. She said life was nothing but faith. Faith that you'll make a difference. Faith that your life will count for something. Faith that thing's will get better when you've hit the bottom. 'There's nowhere to go now but up.' She would say, and then she would smile. The way she looked at you, you couldn't help but believe her. She made you feel like everything was just something that we had to go through, but that we _would_ get past it. I never thought that something would ever be the end of her. She was so strong willed. Nothing could hold her back. And it never did. Her spirit was free. She could not have been retained, or imprisoned. She was a fighter. She was a survivor. She had so much passion for life. There were so many dreams that she wanted to fulfill. And she would have. She was the perfect friend. The best example of loyalty and trustworthiness. She was the perfect partner, honest and pure. To have known her was to know beauty. The light that she seemed to shine on us will be missed, as this world seems to have become darker already. She will be remembered." He said.

He slowly stepped away from the podium and walked down the middle aisle of the guests. I turned around and watched him as he walked to the freshly dug grave that was just at the edge of the tents. He stood before it for a few moments before he collapsed to his knees with his head in his hands. I looked to my left at James who was looking straight ahead, watching someone else say their words of respect. Right now, Charlie needed me. I squeezed James' hand and he looked at me.

"He needs me." I whispered.

James nodded and stood so that I could get out of the row we were seated in. I walked down the aisle slowly, aware that there were probably people watching me. My friends were, for sure. I glanced behind me to see James, back in his seat and watching me. What would I do without James? On this thought, I walked faster toward Charlie. I knew that he had felt the same way about Leah.

I approached him slowly and knealt next to him.

"I dont understand. Why?" He asked softly.

"We don't always ask for things to happen. Sometimes they just do." I heard myself saying.

"Do you ever get past it Lily?" Charlie asked.

I thought about my rape.

"No, Charlie, you don't get past it." I said.

Charlie looked up at me with watery eyes.

"Charlie, mate, we're here for you." James said.

I turned around to see James put a a supportive hand on Charlie's shoulder.

"You just find something to replace it." I said to Charlie as I glanced at James.

Charlie nodded and bent his head down again, grabbing a handful of green grass. I felt a hand pull on my arm and let James help me back to me feet.

"We need to go." He whispered in my ear.

"What?" I asked.

James pointed to a middle aged couple walking toward us.

"I think Charlie would like to talk to her parents alone. We should leave." James said.

I nodded. Leah's parents arrived just as James lead me away. I could hear them speaking to Charlie, but I don't know what they were saying. I was too concerned about what I had said to Charlie. 'You just find something to replace it'. I had been reffering to James. But what if I lose James like Charlie lost Leah? In my heart, I know that nothing could ever replace James. I cast a sidelong glance at him. He was wearing a nice black suit, a long black overcoat, his hair was mostly flat, his cologne smelled wonderful, but what I couldn't get past was the look in his eyes. I knew that he was trying to be strong, for me. He always was.

"James." I said.

"Yeah Lils?" He said looking forward.

I squeezed his hand and stopped walking.

He stopped and turned toward me.

"It's ok to be upset. You don't have to be strong for me." I said.

James bit his lip.

"Lils, it's just that, I don't know how-" James started saying.

"What?" I asked.

"It's different when I comfort you, but, I just dont know how to handle it." James said. "How did you get through this when it was your brother?"

"I had you." I said.

James stared at me for about a whole minute.

Have you ever realized how slow a minute passes when you take the time to appreciate every second?

James closed the distance between us and hugged me. He held my head with one of his hands and he rubbed my back with his other.

"I need you Lil." James said.

I hugged him tighter.

"Good, because I need you too." I said.

James kissed the top of my head.

"How are we getting back to Hogwarts?" I asked.

"The Knight Bus." James said, his arms still around me.

"When do we have to leave?" I asked.

"Soon I suppose." James said.

I pulled back.

"We'll get through this Lil. Together." James said.

I nodded.

"Yeah, we will." I said.

As we were leaving, it started raining. I looked up at the sky and sighed, the somber weather was reflecting exactly how everyone here was feeling. I guess sometimes, it just needs to rain.


	25. Rain, Rain, Go Away

**Chapter 25-Rain, Rain, Go Away**

"N.E.W.T.S will be held in exactly one week from today. I know you've all been studying diligently, so there will be no assignment tonight. I trust that you will use your extra time in preparation for the exams. Good day."

We all trudged out of McGonagall's class slowly. James walked next to me quietly, a very odd occurrence indeed. The rest of our group of friends was in front of us and making their way to the Great Hall.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked James.

He sighed.

"That's a loaded question." He said.

"Try me." I said as I nudged him with my shoulder.

He sighed again.

"I'm just not sure about things anymore." He said.

I could feel my heart tighten.

"What?" I whispered.

Is he having second thoughts about us? Is he having second thoughts about me?

"I dunno. With NEWTS coming up... Do I really want to be an auror anymore? I mean, I look at my parent's right, and they're great, but they're in constant danger. I want to have a family some day and I don't want them to worry about if they're going to see me tomorrow like I do with my parents. I'm not a coward. But If I don't become an auror it will seem that way. And on top of everything else... will it ever stop raining? We have the Quidditch final tomorrow and it's rained for the past three days!" He said.

I let out a sigh of relief.

Then I rolled my eyes. He _would_ have Quidditch as his biggest concern.

"You don't have to have everything figured out right now, or even when you're taking your NEWTS. You have all summer to think about what you want to do. And James, anyone who knows you knows you're anything but a coward. Also, we've played in worse conditions than rain. It's going to be ok… everything." I said.

James looked at me and smiled.

"You're right." He said.

"I usually am." I said jokingly.

He laughed.

"Are you going to the Great Hall?" James asked.

"Actually, I was going to go talk to Dumbledore." I said.

"Oh. Well at least you won't be in the library again researching wandless magic." He said.

He must have caught the guilty look that came upon my face.

"Lily!" He said as he stopped walking and turned to face me completely.

"I really _am_ going to talk to Dumbledore! About what I've been researching." I admitted.

"You're becoming obsessed with this. It isn't healthy. Especially when you are skipping meals and using your entire extra time researching it instead of hanging out with your friends." He said.

"I know how you feel about this James, and that you think the whole thing is ridiculous. But I _know_ that I'm dreaming about this for a reason!" I said.

James frowned.

"I don't think it's ridiculous, Lily. I would never think that about something that's obviously important to you. I'm just worried about you. But if you think this is what will really help you then go ahead. I just want the dreams to stop so that we can both get some decent sleep without you waking up in the middle of the night, every night. It's not that I am at all bothered or angry about it, but, I just want it to stop." He said.

I nodded and James sighed.

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked.

"No. I can go alone. It's alright." I said.

"Well, I'll walk you to Dumbledore's office just the same." He said as he took hold of my hand and walked us in the direction of Dumbledore's office.

I nodded knowing that there was really no point in telling him he doesn't have to escort me everywhere.

"I'll see you later." I said once the stone gargoyle slid open for me.

I watched James as the staircase ascended to the point that I could no longer see him, and then I turned and reached to knock on the door.

"Come in!" I heard before I had even touched the door.

I smiled and shook my head as I opened the door.

"Ah. Miss Evans! To what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked.

"Professor Dumbledore, sir, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions?" I said.

He nodded.

"Please, have a seat." He said gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk.

I sat down nervously.

"Sir, I was wondering about wandless magic." I said.

"Indeed?" He said.

I told him about my reoccurring dream, the one where I relive what happened the night of my parents' annual Easter ball, specifically my ability to perform wandless magic.

"I know that accidental magic can happen when a person is frightened or angry, but I don't think it was accidental magic. I really believe that, somehow, I performed wandless magic." I said.

"As do I." Dumbledore nodded in agreement.

"But how is that possible? All of my research says that wandless magic is a trait of purebloods." I said.

"That's a common misconception." He said.

"Sir?" I asked.

"Accidental magic, in itself, _is_ wandless magic. The ability to _control_ wandless magic, that is to say, perform it at will; that is what people have misconstrued to be a trait of pureblood lineage. It has been believed as such because it is rare and the documented cases of witches or wizards with the ability have all, in fact, descended from all magical families. No doubt that the books you have gathered your research from are all rather old, written from a time when blood lineage was of the utmost importance and the writers themselves were most likely of the same nature with the prejudice that purebloods are more magically able than those who have muggle heritage mixed with magical. Clearly, this is not the case. I believe you to be a very gifted witch, Miss Evans, and I have every confidence that you performed wandless magic at your will." He said.

I was stunned. Not only did Dumbledore clear any misconceptions I had about wandless magic, he also complimented my magical abilities. This kind of praise from such an esteemed wizard brought a blush to my face.

"Thank you, sir." I said looking intensely at the grain of his wooden desk, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"There is no need to thank me Miss Evans, but you're welcome just the same." He said, smiling kindly when I finally looked up.

"Sir, do you think I could do it again? Or was that a one time thing?" I asked.

"Have you tried to do it again?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"No sir." I said.

He nodded.

"I believe that it all depends entirely upon you. You were the one who willed it to happen the first time; it is up to you if you should do it again." He said.

"How?" I asked.

"It comes from not only your concentration on what you want to happen, but the level of want that you have. You must really want it to happen, will it to happen, to allow it to." He said.

He held up his hand and made a beckoning gesture.

Suddenly, a book from one of his bookshelves across the room slid out of its dusty spot and lazily floated toward Dumbledore's outstretched hand. My eyes widened as his hand clasped it and he gently handed it to me.

"This may help you in your pursuit to control your wandless ability. This book is a collection of my thoughts on the subject when I too was learning to control it." He said.

"Thank you, sir." I said as I gently placed the worn leathered book in my lap.

Dumbledore smiled.

"You are very welcome, Miss Evans. Please do keep me informed of your progress." He said.

I nodded and stood up.

"I will, sir. Thank you, again." I said.

"It was my pleasure." He said.

I nodded once more before turning and leaving his office.

* * *

"So how did it go?" James asked from his seat on the couch.

I walked over and sat next to him.

"It went well." I said.

James put his book down on the side table and turned to face me.

"Do you feel better?" He asked.

"Yes. I'm glad I went and talked to him." I said.

"So, you won't be having anymore nightmares right?" He asked.

"Well, I hope not. It's looking optimistic though." I said.

He looked like he wanted to ask me something but just as he opened his mouth I interrupted.

"Speaking of nightmares, we should probably get some sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow." I said.

I was hoping this would distract him from asking me for details about my talk with Dumbledore. It's not that I didn't want to tell him, I just wanted to wait for a better time. We both have too much to deal with this right now, especially when James isn't to enthusiastic about the topic. And besides, I'm still not too sure about this whole issue, I'd like to just keep this to myself for a little while just so I can think about it.

"Yeah, you're right. It's the last Quidditch game of the season. It's our last game at Hogwarts." He said.

"And it's going to be amazing. But let's get some sleep." I said.

He nodded and we started walking toward the dormitory stairs when the portrait hole opened and Charlie came in.

"Charlie? What are you doing here?" I asked.

Charlie glanced at James.

"Oh, um, I'll just go on up." James said uneasily.

Charlie was still glaring at James every chance he got.

"No James, stay. If he has something to say to me he can say it in front of you too." I said.

James nodded quietly and looked at the ground.

Charlie crossed his arms and before he could say anything, I did.

"Charlie, you've got to stop treating James this way. You're supposed to be friends." I said.

"We're supposed to be friends? I don't think 'friends' sleep with their friends' sister." He said.

I rolled my eyes.

James stepped forward.

"Charlie mate, look, I love Lily and I'm sorry but whatever we do is our business." James said.

"Would you please let this go already and stop acting like a second year?" I asked Charlie.

Charlie was quiet for a moment before he muttered a "fine".

"Good. Now we can all be friends again." I said.

"But if you hurt her, I swear to Merlin-"

"I won't Charlie! I won't." James said quickly.

Then they shook hands as I rolled my eyes. Boys!

"So did you want to ask her how it went with Dumbledore?" James asked.

"What? You went and talked to Dumbledore? Why?" Charlie asked.

Before I could answer, James beat me to it.

"She's been having these reoccurring dreams and she thinks it means something important." He said.

"What are the dreams about?" Charlie asked.

"Well-"I began.

"They're about the Death Eater attack on Easter." James said, once again answering for me.

"Well what about it?" Charlie asked James.

Obviously, this conversation doesn't include me anymore. And as it's starting to get late, I think I'll just head to bed. Besides, it's been a very stressful day.

I walked right between both boys as I made my way to the stair case and they didn't even notice! So I just went ahead and walked up to James' room and climbed in bed. Even though I was basically ignored just then, I'm just glad that James and Charlie are on good terms again.

* * *

"And the Gryffindor team is flying an honorary lap around the pitch today in honor of their house mates that were casualties in the attacks this year. Though they aren't here with us in body, they will always be with us in spirit." Remus' voice echoed through the pitch.

The crowd stayed silent until we landed back on the ground and James walked forward to shake hands with the Slytherin captain, as is customary.

Everything seemed like a blur after the whistle was blown. It was a vigorous game and the Slytherin's played dirty, as we knew they would. Gryffindor, however, played with an intensity that I had never seen from our team. Even though it was raining, we had never been more in sync. Throughout the whole game I kept having flashbacks of James' pre game speech.

'…This is just a game to them! It's just another opportunity to not play fair. But Slytherin house is the only house this year that hasn't had a single loss in their number because of the Death Eater attacks. And today we're going to go out there and make a stand. That we are GRYFFINDOR and that we will fight! We're going out there and I want you to play for every single one of the people who aren't here today and should be. So let's go out there and show those Slytherin who the Gryffindor's are, let's show everyone who WE are!'

We led the score by seventy-three points, took out one of their beaters, and just as James' hand closed around the golden snitch, it flashed through my head again.

'..Let's go out there and show those Slytherin who the Gryffindor's are, let's show everyone who WE are!'

And as three fourths of the stands erupted into unbelievably loud cheers at our victory, I couldn't help but think that we did just that.

As the Quidditch House Cup was being levitated onto the field the rain suddenly stopped and the sun came out.

I was lifted onto a fellow Gryffindor' shoulders and I looked at James' and the rest of the Gryffindor teams' smiling faces. I leaned my face up toward the sky and closed my eyes as the warm sun shone down. And it was in that moment that I had the strong feeling that Leah really was here in spirit. I looked back down and my eyes connected with Charlie's smiling face coming down the stands. If there was one thing Leah loved, it was a 'bloody good game of Quidditch'. I smiled as I heard her voice saying those words in my head.

James was suddenly next to me and pushed the Cup into my hands.

"For Leah." I smiled.

"For Leah."

"There's a party in the Gryffindor common room!" Sirius shouted.

I started laughing as we were making our way from the locker rooms back to the castle.

"Excuse me!"

The whole Gryffindor team turned around at the unfamiliar voice to see a man smartly dressed standing next to professor Dumbledore.

"May I have a quick word with Mr. Black, Potter, Strummer, and Misses Evans and Harpor?" He said.

I glanced at Tiffany as the seventh year team members made their way back inside the locker rooms followed by the newcomer and Dumbledore. We all took seats on the benches and looked at the man expectantly.

"Now, you may or may not know but my name is Mr. Hildridge. I work for the Ministry of Magic in the department of Magical Games and Sports. And it is my job to recruit players for the Quidditch International Draw." He said.

"Oh Merlin!" Tiffany gasped.

Joe, James, and Sirius looked just as surprised.

"Um, am I missing something here?" I whispered to Tiffany who was sitting next to me.

Joe overheard and turned to look at me.

"The Quidditch International Draw is pretty much where you get the opportunity to be drafted into one of the International Professional Quidditch teams and its invitation only." He said.

"That's right." Mr. Hildridge said.

"And today, I'd like to officially extend the invitation to each of you." He said.

Nobody said a word.

"Now these are your official invitations. Keep in mind that this honor is bestowed upon very few people your age, but after your game today I really had no choice." He said smiling as he handed each of us a scroll with our names written in a deep purple ink.

"Err, are you on the mickey?" Sirius finally said.

"Mr. Black!" Dumbledore reprimanded, although he was smiling.

Mr. Hildridge started laughing.

"I assure you, I'm not drunk. This is real. Those invitations are real. They are all stamped with the official department seal." He said.

The boys glanced at each other before they erupted into cheers.

Dumbledore smiled and escorted Mr. Hildridge back outside into the bright sun.


	26. Never Be Enough

**Chapter 26- It Will Never Be Enough**

"Here you are."

I turned around.

"Hey Tiffany." I said.

"Wow, I'm really going to miss this view." She said sitting down on the ground next to me.

We sat in silence for awhile and watched the setting sun reflect into the Great Lake.

"It's hard to believe that we're leaving." She said.

"I know. It still doesn't feel real." I said.

"I'm sure it will tomorrow, on the train." She said.

I nodded.

"So, Lily, what's up with you lately? I feel like we haven't really talked in a long time. We've both been so busy with NEWTS. I'm glad those are finally over.." She said.

"Not too much really, and I couldn't agree with you more. It seems like everyone can finally breathe now that NEWTS are finished." I said.

"Yeah. And now that Dumbledore's called off the graduation ceremony, it's one last thing to worry about I guess." She said sadly.

"He didn't really have a choice though. Most of the younger students have already been pulled out by their parents, it just wasnt a really good idea to get a lot of witches and wizards gathered together right now. Might as well hold up a target, even if it is at Hogwarts." I said.

She gave me a funny look.

"Lily, Hogwarts is the safest place in the world." She said.

I shrugged.

"But I guess you're right. Probably wouldn't have had many people come in any case." she said.

I nodded and we sat staring at the lake in silence for a few minutes.

"Are you and Charlie going back home tomorrow or...?" She said.

"I honestly don't know." I said slowly.

She nodded.

"I'm getting an apartment." She said.

I looked over at her.

"That's great! Have you decided on where you're applying?" I asked.

"I'm not applying anywhere. I'm going to accept the invitation to Q.I.D." She said.

"Don't you think you should apply to some places just in case? You never know, you might hate professional Quidditch." I said.

I never doubted her ability to actually be drafted to a professional league. Anyone who had seen her play would understand that. She was simply a natural at the game.

She laughed.

"It's only been my dream for as long as I can remember." She said.

I nodded, smiling.

"Is Sirius going to play too?" I asked.

She made a sour face.

"No. He went and applied to the auror training academy." She said.

"What? Why?" I asked.

The aurors are on the front lines of this war!

"He didn't even tell me he had applied, I overheard him talking to the boys about it. And honestly, I don't know what to think. I understand why he thinks he has to do it, but it doesn't make me happy about him putting himself in danger like that.. I love Sirius, but you and I both know he can be a bit reckless. " She said.

A _bit_ reckless? That's an understatement. Sirius thrived on living by impulses. He just wasn't the type to think things through.

"Why is he doing it?" I asked.

"Because of Regulus I think, but he won't actually say it." She said.

"Are you guys going to be ok?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"Ashley and Remus are applying to Healer Academy, Sarah and Peter are going to the Ministry, I wonder how we'll all get on with our lives and keep our friendship up." She said.

"Remus is going to Healer academy? Really? I always saw him as more of the political type." I said.

She laughed.

"Oh well, those two are just inseparable I guess." She said.

I smiled.

"Is James going to the tryout?" She asked.

"I don't know. I'm not sure either of us have decided either way. And Charlie..." I didn't know how to finish that sentence.

Charlie was still Charlie, only it was like he just wouldn't allow himself to be happy again. We all understood a little bit of what he must be going through, but we didn't really know how to handle it. It's like we all asked ourselves the same question, 'What would we do if it were us?' ...probably feel a lot like dying too. So we just let him deal with it however he needs to. Some days he goes down to the kitchens with the Marauders past curfew laughing and scheming with them and some days he just disappears to the astronomy tower all day and hides out by himself all depressed.

"Yeah." She said sadly.

"I wonder where we'll all be in a year. You know, there's a good chance that after tomorrow, we may never see some of these people from Hogwarts ever again. Not to be negative or anything, but it _is_ a war. And..people die in wars." She said.

I looked back over to her.

"Sirius will be just fine. He's smart. He's a good dueler. And he comes from a dark family, so I'd say he actually has an advantage over some aurors just because he knows how the Death Eaters' minds work. And all of us, we're all going to be fine. You'll see." I said.

It was a lie. We both knew it. Not all of us were going to make it out of this war alive. It was just this deep feeling I had. But either way, it still felt better to pretend that we were.

* * *

"Lils?" He whispered.

I didn't look up when he sat down next to me on his bed.

"We've only got about an hour until we have to leave." He stated.

I sighed as I let go of his sheets that I had been clutching. For some reason, I've been coming into James' room when he's not around and I need to think. Maybe it's because I think his bed is more comfortable than mine, or maybe it's because I know he'll find me in here eventually, or maybe it's because this room is so utterly James that it relaxes me when I get worked up and upset about something. It's like even though he isn't in the room, it's just so _him_ that I can start to feel comfortable in the way that only he can make happen.

I looked up at his face.

"Are you ok?" He asked softly.

I shrugged.

"Do you want to talk about what happened with Dumbledore earlier today? Why he asked to see you?" He asked.

I shrugged again and he sighed.

"Lils.." He said.

"I don't really want to talk about it." I said.

He nodded and put an arm around me, slightly pulling me into him.

"How was your day with the Marauders?" I asked.

I couldn't see his face, but I just knew that he was smiling.

"It was great. One last time and all that. We had to leave our mark." He said.

I laughed.

"I don't even want to know." I said.

James chuckled.

"I was hoping that you and I could take a walk before we head to the train. If you're up for it." He said.

I pulled away and looked at him as he smiled back at me.

"That sounds nice." I said.

We got up and made our way out of the room, and I glanced back one last time to memorize everything about this room, his room.

Once we were outside in the sun he gave my hand a squeeze and we walked toward the lake. I was glad that neither of us said anything. He didn't press me about telling him why Dumbledore requested to see me alone in his office today. He didn't ask for details, or try and make me feel guilty about not telling him. It was just what I needed really. And I felt really glad that James was with me. James understands me. And sometimes I think he understands me better than I understand myself. Just thinking about it made me smile.

James looked over at me, but he didn't ask me what I was suddenly smiling about. He just smiled too.

After about 20 minutes of walking around the grounds in silence I pulled James to sit down next to me on the ground.

"Everything is changing James." I said.

"Yes, it is." He said smiling.

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't want it to change." I said.

"Lils, everything will be ok you know. It's going to be different, but a good different. This is exciting." He said.

I shrugged.

"Have you decided on what you're going to do?" I asked him.

He took a deep breath and nodded his head.

"I'm going to apply to the auror academy...just not directly. I want to play for at least a year." He said.

I nodded. Maybe in a year this war would be over and it wouldn't be as dangerous to be an auror as it is now.

"Did you tell your parents?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"I was hoping you'd go with me when I tell them." He said.

I nodded.

"Lily, there's something I want to ask you.. I've been thinking about it for some time now." He said.

For some reason, I immediately started to panic.

"James, I don't think that-"

"I want you to move in with me." He said quickly.

"..."

"Well? What do you think?" He asked.

"James- I- I can't." I said.

He frowned.

"Why not? Lily, we've practically lived together all year. And I do not want you going back to your parents' house." He said.

"I know. And it isn't because I don't want to James, I just can't." I said.

He looked at me expectantly, waiting for an explanation.

"I can't leave Charlie alone. I think I'm going to get an apartment with him. Tiffany told me yesterday that she's got an apartment and it sounds pretty good to me." I said.

He frowned.

"Lily, I know you're concerned about your brother, but Charlie can take care of himself." He said.

"Have you seen him lately? I can't leave him. He needs me!" I said.

"No he doesn't. He's just grieving, its natural. Charlie will be fine. You don't need to baby sit him, I don't think he'd appreciate that." James said.

"Excuse me? I do not baby sit him! He's my brother James, I'm just trying to look out for him. Is it such a bad thing to care about someone?" I shouted angrily.

"Lils, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." James said.

I stood up.

"Forget it." I said and I turned around to walk away but James had stood up as well and grabbed my hand.

"Lily. Don't. I'm sorry, that came out the wrong way. Don't be angry with me." He said.

I shook my head as I kept my back to him. I refused to look at him as he wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Lils, I really didn't mean that. If you think you need to be with Charlie then I understand." He said.

I sighed.

"I just, I love him you know. It hurts me to see him this way." I said as I slowly turned around to face James.

He pulled me into him as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. I pulled my arms up to hug him as well.

"I know you didn't mean that, I just overreacted. I'm really stressed about...everything I guess." I said.

The morning's meeting with Dumbledore flashing in my head.

"I love you Lils." He whispered.

"I love you too. That's why I can't leave Charlie. I just keep thinking, 'What if that was me and I had lost you?' I don't know if I could-"

"Its ok Lils. Everything will be ok." James said.

"I hope you're right." I said.

* * *

"Well mates, let's take our last ride on the good ol' Hogwarts Express." Sirius said.

"I hope you're not about to start crying Padfoot." Peter said.

We all laughed as Sirius playfully punched Peter in the arm.

We all seated ourselves in the Heads compartment taking full advantage of its luxuries.

"So, Pete, want a rematch?" Sirius asked as he tossed a chocolate frog box up and down.

Peter's face lost color for a moment.

"Urgh, no thanks. I still can't eat chocolate frogs yet." He said.

Remus laughed.

"How about you, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"No thanks, Padfoot." Remus said smiling.

And then Sirius mumbled something that sounded an awfully lot like 'fun-sucker' and Remus whacked him on the back of the head.

I remembered him once telling me that one of the perks to being a werewolf is his heightened sense of hearing.

Everyone chuckled as Sirius looked at Remus like he'd been seriously wronged, all the while rubbing the back of his head.

"So Lils...Charlie tell you the good news?" Sirius asked turning to me.

I glanced at Charlie.

"What good news?" I asked.

"We're going to be partners of course." He said.

James' arm around my shoulder tightened.

"Sirius.." James seemed to be warning him.

But Sirius seemed oblivious to James' warning tone and instead focused on my bewildered face.

"You mean he didn't tell you?" Sirius asked.

I looked at Charlie who looked rather indifferent as he sat there next to Remus and Peter.

"Tell me what exactly?" I asked.

Sirius at least had the decency to look a little embarrassed.

"Er, that we both, um, got accepted into the auror academy?" He said.

What?

I snapped my head to look over at Charlie.

"What?" I asked.

Sirius looked just as uncomfortable as everyone else in the room. Charlie however seemed very passe' about the whole thing. James, who had been slouched into the seat next to me now sat up straight with his hand gripping my shoulder as if he were afraid I was about to physically attack Charlie or something.

Deciding I'd rather not start shouting or crying in front of every one of my friends, I calmly got up and excused myself from the compartment. I closed the door and took off running for the bathroom. I'd just shut the bathroom door when it was wrenched open again by my brother.

"I'm sorry you had to find out that way Lils." He said.

I couldn't help the tears, but I really, really tried not to cry.

Charlie came inside and shut and locked the door.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Because I knew you'd try to talk me out of it." He said.

"Of course I'd try to talk you out of it! Are you insane? Or do you just have a death wish?" I yelled.

Charlie frowned.

"I have to do this Lils. I want to do this." He said.

"Why?" I asked.

This didn't make any sense to me at all.

"For her, Lily. They killed her." He said.

"Oh Charlie, no! This isn't right. She wouldn't want you to do this. She wouldn't want you to be putting yourself in danger like this." I said.

He shook his head.

"Its too late. I'm going to do this." He said.

I couldn't take it anymore.

"Charlie. You have to let it go! You can't keep doing this! You have to let _her_ go." I said.

Charlie looked at me like I had just held up a gun to him.

"What? How can you say that? You were her friend!" He said.

I shook my head.

"Yes, and all of us loved her Charlie, but you have to let her go. She's gone, Charlie." I said.

"You don't think I know that?" He said.

"Sometimes I'm not so sure." I said.

He sat down in the floor with his head on his knee.

"I know you think I've lost my mind Lils, and for awhile there you'd have been right, but this is the first time since it happened that I feel like I'm getting back on track, you know? And it's because I know this is what I'm meant to do. And honestly, its not just about her. I mean, look what happened to our family because of this war. And other families who are all being killed outright. I mean, I know the papers arent showing much of it now, but its only a matter of time. And Im sick of it. Im not going to stand aside and do nothing. There's enough people doing that already. Its just the right thing to do. Please understand." He said.

I sat down next to him, thinking of my discussion with Dumbledore.

"I wish there wasn't a war." I said.

He looked up.

"You're not the first person to say that." He said.

"Well, fine. But I'm still not happy about this." I said.

He threw an arm around me and pulled me into him.

We sat there on the bathroom floor in silence for a few minutes, and it was more than a little cramped.

"So..what do we do when we get back to London?" I asked.

Charlie made a sour face.

"You know what we have to do." He said.

I made a sour face.

"Lils, we have to go back there. It's not going to be easy. But it's the right thing to do. And when we get there we'll tell them what's going on and that we are moving out." He said.

"To no objections, I'm sure." I said.

"Where are we going?"

"Well, auror training starts in a few weeks, and I'll have to go live at the academy for the summer." He said.

"You have to live there? But what am I going to do?" I asked.

"I don't want you staying in an apartment by yourself. Muggle London or magical London, its still too dangerous." He said.

"James asked me to move in with him." I muttered.

"What? Absolutely not!" He said.

"Oh, so it's ok for you to ask Leah to marry you but James can't ask me to move in with him?" I said.

"Damn straight!" He said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well that's logical." I said sarcastically.

"Listen, until there is a ring on your finger and a priest declaring you husband and wife, then you're not living with him." He said.

"Don't you think I'm old enough to decide for myself what I want to do?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. It's not happening, over my dead body." He said.

"Charlie! Don't say things like that. And would you please quit acting like James is some evil Death Eater that just wants to ravish me every night. It's not like that." I said.

"Well, the Death Eater part at least." Charlie muttered.

"Charlie! I thought we talked about you _not_ acting like a twelve year old when it comes to my relationship with James?" I said.

"But I'm still not happy about it." He mimicked me from earlier.

"Then what do you want me to do since you're going to be abandoning me in a few weeks?" I asked.

He got serious.

"Lily, I'm not abandoning you. What about Tiffany? She's going to be on her own as well. Why don't the two of you get an apartment together? I'd feel better if it were at least the two of you together instead of both of you on your own. And I'm sure Sirius would agree." He said.

"I'll think about it. But where are we staying until we find a place?" I asked.

"Sirius is staying at the Potter's place and James isn't moving out until we're gone. We're going to stay there for awhile and we'll figure everything out." He said.

I nodded and he picked us both up off of the floor.

"Come on, we've been hogging the bathroom for the past hour and this tiny closet is getting cramped. Not to mention that I'm none to thrilled for spending most of the time on my last Hogwarts train ride in here." He said as he opened the door and lead us back to our friends.

When we got back to the compartment we sat down and conversation carried on like we hadn't just been gone for a good hour.

James put his arm around me and kissed my forehead.

"Everything ok now?" He asked quietly so no one else could hear.

I nodded.

"So you knew about Charlie then?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I just found out right after NEWTS. It wasn't my place to tell you Lils, I'm sorry." He whispered.

"I'm not mad." I said as I leaned into him.

Everyone stopped talking about the Tornado's and the Arrows' last match to look at us as Sirius shouted out,

"Lils, all good in Evans land?"

I grinned.

"Well, I suppose. Im still going to beat you for dropping it on me like that." I joked.

It wasn't very long at all before we were getting off of the train, my trunk still shrunken in my pocket. Now that I had graduated school, I could do magic outside of Hogwarts regardless of age.

After everyone hugged goodbye, it was Sirius who announced the final parting words.

"So, see everyone in a week at James' place for dinner?" he asked.

Everyone nodded or chorused their agreement and started going their own ways. James was still holding my hand as Charlie looked around and surprisingly spotted our father's entourage waiting for us.

"Lily, please don't go back there. No offense, but I think your mother may be the devil and rivaled only by Sirius' mum, respectfully." He said.

I laughed.

"It's fine. I've taken to tuning out her rants on my being a failure. But in any case, I'll owl you the second I'm officially disowned." I said.

"That's it, I'm coming with you." He said seriously.

"James, I was only joking! It'll be alright." I said.

"I don't want her blaming you for things that aren't your fault." He said.

"I've had worse." I said.

He frowned and pulled me into his arms.

"But that's my point Lily, and as long as I'm here I want to make sure you don't have to feel like that. Let me come with you?" He said.

"I don't think it's such a bad idea. It wouldn't hurt, he's a Potter for crying out loud. You think she'd do anything in front of him? Knowing who his parents are? ..Not a chance." Charlie said.

James pulled away.

"It's settled then. Let's go." He said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I'm so glad Lily gets to make her own decisions." I said sarcastically as James waved off the chauffeur and opened my door for me himself.

"It's only because we have your best interest at heart Lils, and we just know whats best for you." Charlie said as he and James laughed.

The ride was as long and boring as usual, and I ended up falling asleep on James' shoulder at some point and it wasn't until we had stopped and James had started trying to shake me that I woke up.

James laughed at my disoriented state. Well, I hope I drooled on him since he laughed at me. And I started laughing at the thought of a drool covered James. He gave me a funny look before he opened the door and once I saw the house, I stopped laughing abruptly.

"Lils, you're not headed to the gallows you know." Charlie said laughing.

"Yeah, but still, time to face the music." I said.

James squeezed my hand and we got out of the car and made our way to the open front door where Jerry stood waiting to greet us.

"Master Charles, Miss Lily, it's good to have you home. And welcome back Mr. Potter." He said.

James looked really surprised.

"Oh, um, yes, thank you." He stuttered.

Charlie and I laughed. We weren't surprised at all. James just didn't know, Jerry was like Dumbledore's other half or something. He never missed anything.

I took the first few steps into the entrance hall and my breath caught in my throat. I had to stop walking as I stared ahead at the staircase, remembering Harry walking down them and greeting us the last time Charlie and I came home.

Someone coughed and I had to blink a few times to snap out of it. I took a deep breath and looked around, trying to notice any differences. Of course, the house had been completely restored; you couldn't even tell that almost a whole wing had been destroyed just a few months ago.

"Jerry, could you have a room prepared for our guest? He'll be staying with us for a few days. Also, would you happen to know where our parents are?" Charlie said.

Jerry raised an eyebrow.

"Of course master Evans, I'll have a room prepared immediately. Also, I do believe your father is in his office. Shall I call upon him?" Jerry asked.

"That won't be nessecarry. Thanks, Jerry." Charlie said throwing the old butler a wink.

"Of course. I'll just go see to that now then." Jerry said before he bowed and excused himself.

Charlie sighed and looked around.

"Home sweet home, eh?" He said.

"Right. Well, I guess we might as well get this over with?" I asked.

"Probably be the best thing to do." Charlie said before he turned to James.

"Um, I guess we're going to go on up then, make yourself at home." He said.

I pointed James to the kitchens where he could get something to eat since it had been hours since we had all eaten breakfast at Hogwarts.

Charlie and I walked up several flights of stairs and down several hallways until we reached our fathers door.

"Well, hopefully he's not busy, especially since he once again failed to meet us at the station." I said.

Charlie shrugged and knocked on the door loudly.

We opened the door to see our father seated behind his desk, and I think it was the first time that I had ever seen my father start to look old. He looked up and smiled at us though, gesturing us to come in.

"Charlie, Lily, its good to see you both." He said as he stood up and hugged us both.

I was relieved to say the least. I half expected him to be upset.

Everyone sat down on a couch and some chairs next to his fireplace.

"So how was the rest of your term? How did your exams go?" He asked.

"Good. Lily's team won the inter-house Quidditch cup, it was a pretty fantastic victory for Gryffindor." Charlie said.

Our father looked at me and smiled proudly.

"Exams were good too. I think we both did very well." I said.

"That is good news. I'm very proud of you both." He said.

And when it came to father, I didn't doubt it. Mother on the other hand... And speaking of, I wondered where she was..

"Your mother is out with Petunia, planning things for the wedding I'm sure." Father said, it was like he had read my mind.

"Petunia's getting married?" Charlie said surprised.

Father pursed his lips.

"Yes." He said tightly.

"To who? Surely not the whale of a man, Vincent?" Charlie said.

I smirked.

Charlie knew perfectly well his name was Vernon, Petunia only talked about him every minute of the day.

Father seemed to know that as well and he chuckled before reprimanding him.

"Now Charlie, be nice. Your sister is very set about marrying him." He said.

I rolled my eyes discreetly.

Father seemed to catch it, though he didn't comment on it. He only gave me a look like he agreed.

"Did she set a date?" I asked.

"In a few weeks." Father said.

I was shocked. So soon? She hadn't been dating him that long!

Charlie shook his head.

"She always was odd." He murmured.

Father pretended not to hear.

"Father, I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you.." Charlie said.

Our father looked up from his hands to study Charlie.

"Tell me what Charles?" Oh, he only called him that when he meant business.

"That I've been accepted into a very prestigious academy and I leave for the summer in a few weeks." He said.

"What kind of academy? Like a university?" Father asked.

"Not quite. It's the Auror Academy. Aurors are like the police of our world." Charlie said.

Father didn't say anything. He only looked at Charlie.

"Father, there's a war starting in our world. You've seen only the beginning of it at Easter, and that is nothing compared to what's been happening. There was an attack like the one at Easter at the village outside of our school and someone very dear to Lily and I was killed. I can't just sit by and let innocent people die, I have to go out and stop this." Charlie said passionately.

And the way he referred to Leah, well a fool could tell by the sound of his voice that she was more special to Charlie than anything or anyone else. Father stood up and walked toward Charlie. Charlie stood up as well and surprisingly, father put his hand on Charlie's shoulder.

"Son, there are a lot of things that I don't understand about your magical world, and I'm sure there are things that I will never come to understand about it; but I can understand this. I think this is a very honorable thing and I want you to know that I support you in your decision and that I'm very proud to call you my son." He said.

I thought I was going to fall out of my chair in shock as father pulled Charlie in for another hug.

* * *

"I think that went rather well." Charlie said.

I rolled my eyes.

"Only because _she_ isn't here. Just wait until dinner." I said thinking about our mother.

"Very true." He said.

We walked into the kitchen where James was sitting at the counter sipping some tea.

"Hey!" He said smiling.

I glanced at Charlie.

"What are you so happy about?" Charlie asked.

James smirked.

"Just getting to know the staff around here.. learnt some pretty interesting stories about my girlfriend and the historic banisters." He said.

Charlie started laughing loudly.

I blushed. The only stories there were about me sliding down the banisters as a child were the ones when I got caught. The only times I ever got caught were when I slammed into someone. And it always ended up being someone really important.

"Ugh, don't even remind me." I said taking a seat next to James.

James laughed a leaned toward me kissing me on the head.

"And here I always pictured Lily Evans as being a sweet little girl in puffy silk dresses." He said.

Charlie was still laughing.

I rolled my eyes.

"I can be sweet thank you very much! As for the dresses, well, those didn't last long." I said.

James smirked.

"Yeah, Lils, you were such a little terror." Charlie said.

"Well, look who's talking Mr. Partner-in-crime." I said.

He just laughed.

"So.. game of Quidditch anyone?" James said.

I shrugged and Charlie nodded enthusiastically.

"Yeah floo over and get Sirius, we'll have a game." Charlie said.

James nodded and took some floo powder off the mantle vase on the kitchen fireplace.

After a few minutes the fireplace turned green emitting Sirius Black, quickly followed by James.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite Evans'! Its been far too long chaps." Sirius said slinging an arm around both of us.

"I call Lily this game!" Charlie said.

"What! Isn't it my turn? Padfoot had her last time!" James protested.

"No way James, you don't get to play with her. You're too lovey-dovey, it'll ruin the game." Charlie said.

"Hey! Not when it comes to Quidditch. You're just afraid because you know that we'll obliterate you." I said.

Sirius laughed but put on a fake pout.

"Hey Lily-flower! Are you saying that I didn't do anything to help with our last victory?" He pouted.

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh come on then, lets just play." I said.

I pulled out my wand from my pocket and summoned our brooms before we all made our way out the back of the kitchen and over to our pitch. It was there unbeknown to all of the muggle employees that worked in our house. The only muggles that could see it were my family members, by special permission from the Ministry of Magic.

Halfway through our game, James intercepted the quaffle and stopped the game. We were wondering what was going on until we noticed several people in the stands, two of which were still standing, clearly having just arrived.

Charlie and I glanced at each other before all of us flew over to my parents and my sister.

"Charles, Lilian, I see you have guests?" She said.

Petunia looked on curiously, but stared a little too much at James for my comfort. No doubt she was trying to spot something off about him, other than the fact that he was a wizard.

"This is Sirius Black and of course you remember James Potter, Lily's boyfriend." Charlie introduced.

Mother beamed at James. I had to refrain from the whole eye rolling thing. Petunia was still starring.

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans, it's a pleasure to see you both again." James said politely, extending his hand to my father.

Sirius extended his hand as well.

"Sirius Black, sir, it's nice to meet you." He said.

Father shook his hand too.

"And you boys went to school with Charlie and Lily right?" Father asked.

"Yes, sir." Sirius said.

"Well it's so lovely to have you here again. You both must stay for dinner, of course." Mother said.

"Mrs. Evans, that's extremely kind of you. We would love to." James said.

Mother nodded but I noticed she had that gleam in her eye. She was definitely up to something.

"Well, I'm afraid my daughter Petunia and I will have to excuse ourselves." Mother said before she and Petunia left.

"Splendid game boys, I've always rather enjoyed watching Lily play." Father said.

"They both play on the same House team with Lily." Charlie said.

"Really?" Father asked.

And just like that, the boys all launched into Quidditch talk, reminding my father of the finer points of how the game works and doing a few demonstrations as well. I noticed that father had kept a particularly close eye on James. But it's probably because this is the first time he's really talked to him as my boyfriend. I smiled at all of them. Today didn't seem to be going as bad as I thought it would.

* * *

"So James, you were the Head Boy as well?" My mother asked.

James had long ago abandoned any ideas he had of eating. My mother was drilling him with questions.

"That's correct. I was also the Quidditch captain." He said politely.

You could tell that he had grown up knowing exactly how to act and talk to members of high society. It was strange though, I'd never really paid much attention to it before now. James definitely had a political way with people, yet very firmly set on not swaying who he was or what he believed in. It was so admirable, I felt proud just watching him and it was this side of him that reminded me of Harry. Harry had that same way with people. You could really tell that the two of them were natural born leaders.

"That little game Lilian's always playing?" She asked.

"Yes." I answered for James.

She didn't even look at me.

"So, when do you plan on marrying my daughter?" She finally asked.

I knew she was up to something! As soon as she said it several different things happened simultaneously:

Sirius choked on his food, Charlie spewed out his drink from his mouth in surprise, my mouth dropped open rather rudely but justly so, and father starting turning purple. I think James was the only one besides mother that looked rather calm about the whole thing. Luckily Petunia was otherwise previously engaged to be in attendance. I could just imagine her smirk at mother's embarrassing question.

"What?" I shouted.

"Lilian, do not raise your voice. It's highly disrespectful and very unladylike." She had the nerve to say.

"Excuse my outburst, but I kind of feel justified in it! Mother, you can't say something like that to James!" I said.

"Of course I can. I have every right. I want to know that if you're going to refuse my guidance then you're at least going to be marrying _somebody_." She said.

"Why are you so set on marrying me off?" I said.

"Lilian, every young girl your age dreams of getting married. Why do you have to be so difficult? I never had this much trouble out of Petunia." She said.

"That's because Petunia wants to be a socialite. You _know_ that I've never wanted to be apart of any of it. I'm _NOT_ getting married!" I said.

"Don't talk to me like that young lady! You're getting married if it's the last thing I do, if I have to drag you down the aisle in ropes!" She said.

"I'd like to see you try!" I said.

I was vaguely aware of the fact that everyone was starring at us. Sirius looked quite shocked still, Charlie had returned to eating like nothing was going on at all, and James was still watching quietly.

"Lilian! So help me, I will arrange your marriage in a binding contract if you keep up this disgraceful behavior!" She screeched, at the breaking point of her frustration.

"I'll disown myself." I said simply.

Father cleared his throat and everyone went silent.

"That's enough. Nobody is going to disown anybody." Father said firmly while looking at me and my mother.

"Well then will you please do something about your daughter?" My mother roared.

"I said that's enough Elizabeth, I think we'll retire now." He said very calmly.

Too calmly. Everyone could tell how angry he was.

Mother said nothing. She just looked back over at me pursing her lips before getting up and walking out with father.

"Congratulations, you've just witnessed the famous Evans mother-daughter blood bath." Charlie said with a smirk.

"Oh shut-up, Charlie!" I said.

Charlie dropped his fork and looked up at me.

"I'm sorry. Really, I am. I'm just, I'm still fuming I guess. And you know how I am after our arguments." I said aloud.

"Argument? I think Charlie had it right the first time around. Blood bath is much more fitting." Sirius said.

Charlie at least had the decency to look ashamed this time. I stood up, still not looking at James because I was too embarrassed after mother's outburst.

"Please excuse me." I said quietly.

And I left before anyone said another word. It was only after I'd gotten about fifty feet out of the room that I'd realized I wasn't alone. I stopped and turned around, James was right behind me. He didn't say anything, just kept walking toward me until he could reach my hand. It was a comforting gesture and it felt really good. I pulled him along to my bedroom where we went inside and just lay on the bed together. He held me quietly rubbing my back and stroking my hair. The best part was that he wasn't saying anything. He just seemed to know that at the moment, all I needed was him to just be there with me. And it felt really good that he was. As much as I hate admitting it, I hate when I fight with my mother. I know that I don't have very many nice things to say about her at the best of times, but she's still my mother. It's always bothered her that I'm so different than her. And it's always bothered me that she seems so disappointed with who I am. So naturally, we're going to clash. We're two very different people. But despite that fact that I don't know anyone who can aggravate me as much as she does, it also means that there aren't many people who could hurt me as much as she does. I feel really stupid for thinking this, but I really just want her to love me. I mean, I know she loves me on some level because I'm her daughter. But I want her to like me, and accept me for what I am.

I hadn't realized when I had started crying until James wiped at my tears.

But it seems like no matter how many tears you cry, it will never be enough.


	27. The Right Thing To Do

**Chapter 27- The Right Thing to Do Isn't Always the Easiest**

It was well known by the Evans family and all of the staff at the manor that the screaming matches my mother and I got into was heard throughout the whole house. It was, however, an entirely new to be one of the people to be woken up by an Evans screaming match and not be the cause or active participant of it.

I jerked up suddenly and rubbed my pounding head.

"What's going on?" James muttered sleepily as he also sat up.

"No idea. It's Charlie, he's really angry. I can feel it... It woke me up." I said curiously as I got up and pulled on my robe.

"Do you want me to come with you? It sounds intense." James asked as I headed toward the door.

I glanced at the clock on the wall.

_7:00 am_.

"No, it's still early. Go back to sleep." I said.

He looked unsure at first but a large yawn escaped him before he decided to flop back onto the bed.

I shook my head and smiled as I decided to make my way downstairs. The logical place to begin any search, in my seven am opinion, is the kitchen. The fact that I know there will be coffee in the kitchen has nothing to do with it. Tea is well and all, but I've always preferred coffee. I know, I know. England should kick me out.

"Well, I'll simply refuse." I recognized Charlie's voice as I neared the kitchen.

Found him. But, who is he fighting with at this hour? Well actually, that should be pretty obvious too. My brain must be slow this morning, definitely need that coffee.

I pushed the kitchen door open and walked in.

"I won't allow it! It's your duty to this family!" My mother shouted.

Of course, just knew dear mum would be involved.

"Why don't you just disown me like you always threaten Lily, we'll be a packaged deal!" He said.

"What is going on?" I shouted.

They both paused in their argument and turned their eyes to me.

"She wants me to take Harry's place." Charlie said furiously.

"It's his responsibility! He's the only male heir left. Not that you'd care much about responsibilities." Mother said to me.

"Don't take it out on her. It's got nothing to do with her. I said I refuse and that's just how it is." Charlie said.

"You wait until your father hears about this!" She threatened.

"Where is father?" I asked curiously as I poured a cup of coffee.

My mother looked at me and rolled her eyes. She was probably aggravated that I wasn't taking her seriously.

"He's out of town." She said with exasperation.

I nodded and sat down at the table Charlie was standing next to. I picked up the morning paper as they carried on.

"He already knows I'm going to fight in the war." Charlie said.

"What war?" Mother asked.

"It's in the Wizarding World, not that you want to hear anything about that." Charlie said with contempt.

"So, you're going to ruin this family for some magic thing?" She said with disgust.

Charlie glared.

"I'd hardly call this a family." He said venomously.

She rolled her eyes as I sat down the paper and watched them with my full attention.

"You're the only male Evans left. You don't have a choice in the matter. You're to become the next Lord. For heavens sake, the media is already wondering where it is you've been these past months. The (social) season is underway! And your father won't be able to sit on parliament forever." She said.

"Pass it on to someone who cares." He said indifferently.

"Why can't you be more like Harry?" She yelled furiously.

"Harry is DEAD." Charlie said in an eerily calm voice.

My eyes widened and I looked up at Charlie. I'd never heard him like that before.

Mother walked forward and slapped him.

I jumped up and put a hand on Charlie's shoulder. He was shaking with fury.

Mother cast one hateful look at me before she turned for the door.

I looked after her to see James standing in the doorway with wide eyes as mother walked right past him, not as much as an ashamed look at him having heard the argument. She just kept going like it was nothing, going to sit at breakfast that had been prepared in the dining room. Like everything was perfectly fine.

And that is why I never wanted to be a socialite. To have to mask your emotions all of the time... She didn't used to be such a monster. When we were growing up my father wasn't Lord Evans until I was 11, when my grandfather passed away. She used to be a really loving mother who didn't care what people thought. She was even excited when I first found out I was a witch. That is, until Petunia mentioned it to someone and mother had to cover it up and witness exactly what her new world was going to be like… non accepting of the unordinary. And then she just got so carried away with it that I doubt she even remembers the woman she used to be.

"Charlie... Don't listen to her." I whispered as I tightened my grip on his shoulder.

He shrugged off my hand and walked for the back door slamming it shut at his exit.

I sighed and turned toward James. He came over and offered me a hug.

"I'm ready to leave." I said quietly.

"What about Charlie?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"It's not very likely that he's still here." I said.

James nodded.

"We'll go home then." He said as he pulled out of the hug.

He grasped my hand, pulled out his wand, and apparated us to his house.

"Do you want any breakfast? My parents have already gone to the ministry and Sirius is probably still asleep, but the house elves always have something in the kitchen." James said.

I glanced out the window. It was still very early. I looked back to James and shook my head.

"Sleep sounds good." I said.

We walked up the stairs to James' room.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked as we lay on the bed.

"No." I said as I turned into his arms.

"Ok." He said.

I closed my eyes, just enjoying the peace.

* * *

"Lils...Lils wake up." James said.

"Lils…It's two o' clock." James tried again.

I rolled away and groaned. Funny how too much sleep can make you tired.

"Lils." James whispered before kissing my ear.

I opened one eye and looked over at him.

He smiled.

"Good, now time to get up." James said as he handed me a towel.

I opened both eyes and stared at the towel for a moment, still groggy from sleep.

"Go shower. You'll feel better." He said.

He ushered me into his bathroom and shut the door behind me, laughing at me as I muttered obscenities about him waking me up.

After I showered and changed my clothes, I checked the time and saw that I needed to be heading to Hogwarts. I sent an owl to Dumbledore last night when James was asleep with my agreement to the secret proposition he made on the last day of school and then he sent me one back immediatley with directions to come back today and discuss a few more things that we didnt discuss the last time we talked.

"Hey James, have you seen or heard from Charlie?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen to grab a quick snack.

I wasn't even surprised to see him in the kitchen. The boys always seemed to be close by to it, which is probably due to the fact that they're constantly eating.

"No, I haven't." He said.

I nodded.

"I think I'm going to go out for a bit. I know a few places that he could be." I said.

James stood up.

"Ok, let me just run upstairs quickly for my wand and I'll come with you." He said.

"It's ok. You stay here. I'll be fine. And looking for him will give me a chance to sort things out from this morning and stuff." I said lamely.

James gave me a strange look.

"Are you sure you should be going alone?" He asked.

"I'll be fine." I said as I pulled out my wand for him to see.

"I still think I should come with you." James said as he crossed his arms.

"Really, I'll be fine. Go try to keep Sirius entertained." I said.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" He asked.

"Yes, but in a nice way." I said.

He narrowed his eyes and made a sour face. I laughed.

"I'll see you soon." I said as I grabbed an apple from a bowl of fruit on the counter and started walking back out of the door.

I was reaching for the handle when James grabbed my arm and spun me back around. His lips met mine as he pulled me into him. A few minutes later we broke apart and I looked up at James as I tried to catch my breath.

"What was that for?" I asked breathlessly.

He smirked.

"I just wanted to give you a proper goodbye."

He kissed my cheek swiftly and told me he loved me before walking out of the kitchen and leaving me still standing in the same spot, slightly dazed but otherwise splendidly surprised.

Charlie, Sirius, James, and I had all passed the apparation test a couple days ago. But, seeing as how nobody is supposed to be able to apparate in and out of Hogwarts, I had to floo. So making sure nobody was around, I walked into one of the many rooms in James' house that had a fireplace and floo'd into Dumbledore's office.

"Ah, here she is now." Dumbledore said as I stood up and dusted myself off.

I walked further into his office and Dumbledore gestured for me to take a seat across from him at his desk.

And then I noticed there was someone else in the room. He turned to look at me from his seat across from Dumbledore and I stopped walking.

He was beautiful. The man couldn't have been that much older than me. He was definitely still in his early twenties. He had dark black hair that just barely fell over his eyes. His light blue eyes were looking back at me, as if they were sizing me up. His face had a little stubble from lack of shaving; but his body, from what I could tell, looked fit. And he seemed relaxed, but tense at the same time. It's like he was lazily sitting in the chair, stretching his body out, but his eyes were sharp making it seem like he was ready to spring into action at a moments notice. He had the whole dark and handsome, mysterious stranger thing going on.

I took a deep breath and continued to my seat, next to the handsome stranger.

"Lily, how are you?" Dumbledore asked.

"I'm very good." I said nervously.

He smiled.

"I would like you to meet Donovan Mihailov. Mr. Mihailov, this is Miss Lily Evans." Dumbledore said.

He smiled at me and I almost fainted. Wait- Mihailov? That name was all over the trophies at Drumstrang! I've heard of him! He was the only person to ever be in Drumstrang's dueling club that went undefeated his entire time in the organization. And it was a very prestigious organization. I'd never been allowed to even watch the matches, but I'd heard plenty of rumors about them.

"I've heard a lot about you." He said as he stuck his hand out for me to shake.

You could barely trace any of his German accents, which I knew to be where he was originally from. He was kind of a legend at Drumstrang.

I reached out my hand and shook his.

"Nice to meet you." I managed to mumble.

His smile got even bigger and he let go of my hand.

"Lily, Donovan has been working with us for awhile now. He's been doing a lot of undercover work for us, and he's one of the best in the field. He's agreed to train you for the next month, before we send you out." Dumbledore said.

"A month?" I spluttered.

"Yes. We're not sending you out in the field without any type of training, regardless of any other special qualifications you have for the task. I'll need a minimum of one month to train you and in that time you'll be in a secret and protected training camp the entire time, with no connection to the outside world." Mihailov said.

I swallowed. It felt like the impact of my decision to accept Dumbledore's offer to join the secret Order of the Phoenix on the last day of school was finally hitting me. I mean, I knew it was going to be serious. And I knew I'd have to make sacrifices. But I also knew that this was what I wanted to do. I just, I didn't think it would all be happening so soon.

"When?" I asked.

Dumbledore looked at me over his glasses.

"Immediately. We'll give you a few days to fully prepare. And my dear, I trust you know what this means? After your training you'll be going straight into the field on top secret missions, for unknown amounts of time." He said.

"I understand, sir." I said.

He nodded.

"Very good. I'll leave the two of you to finish out the details. I'm afraid I have an appointment in London." He said.

And with a nod of his head he disapparated from within Hogwarts. Just like that.

Donovan turned to me and his polite demeanor changed.

"Listen Evans, I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. What you're doing is very dangerous and life threatening. Do you understand? This isn't some secret spy game. I've devoted my life to this. What we're doing is of the utmost secrecy. What we do cannot, and I mean absolutely cannot, get out. That means from here on out, Lily Evans is dead. You have no more family. You have no more friends. And you have no more lovers. Do you understand? Do you understand what you're really getting yourself into? You're young, but Dumbledore seems to think you have some assets that would greatly benefit our side. And that's the only reason I've agreed to do this. But I have to know now that you're ready to fully commit to this, that I'm not wasting my time on some teenager who thinks she wants to be a hero. We're out there doing the work and we'll never be recognized for it. We're not Aurors, we're much more important in this war." He said.

I swallowed but slowly nodded my head.

"I know what I'm doing. I'm not here for any glory." I said.

He stared at me for a moment before he also nodded.

"We'll give you a few days to cut everyone you know off from you. Leave no connections. It's your story. Just make it acceptable. We don't need posters going up with your face on them to blow your cover, understand?" He said.

"Yes." I said again.

"In a few days, you'll receive an owl from me with co ordinations for you to meet me. Only with me can you enter the training grounds. Bring your trunk and keep your belongings to strictly clothing and essentials. Any photos you might think you want to bring will only put you and those people in danger should they be found. Bring nothing that would identify you as Lily Evans." He said.

I nodded again.

"I understand." I said.

"Pack for cold weather and things that you can do physical activity in comfortably." He said.

"Yes sir." I said.

He stared at me for a moment longer.

"Right. I'll be in contact with you soon. "He said as he stood up and made his way to the fireplace.

He floo'd out without a look back and I was left alone in the room.

I sat there for a moment longer and then I started crying.

Everything was about to change.

* * *

"Lily! There you are. Any luck finding Charlie?" Sirius asked as I walked into the Potter's kitchen.

"No, didn't find him." I said slowly.

James was leaning against the counter holding a water bottle and he looked at me and tilted his head, scrutinizing me.

"You're sweaty." I commented as I sat next to Sirius at the kitchen bar.

"We just had a quick one on one game of Quidditch." He said.

"Ah, who won?" I asked.

Sirius grumbled something and rolled his eyes. James started laughing from his place across the room. I looked over toward him and he pushed off the counter and walked over to me. He leaned forward and lightly kissed my cheek.

"Don't listen to him love, he's always been a sore loser." James said.

I nodded half heartedly.

The boys shared a quick glance with each other, thinking I didn't notice. They were both probably concerned by my lack of enthusiasm.

"Well, I don't know about you, Lilykins, but I'm right famished." Sirius said.

A house elf rushed over.

"What can I get sir?" It squeaked out.

I stared at the tiny creature as Sirius made his request. I know a lot of wizarding families have house elves, and even Hogwarts, but I knew there was no way I ever wanted any. I just felt so bad for them. I know that they say they loved to do work, and loved having things to do, but it's only because they don't know any better. I started picturing a house elf liberation, or a house elf uprising where we gathered them all together to stand against oppression. It would certainly be a lot safer fight than the one that was currently going on in the wizarding world.

"Lily!"

I snapped my head toward the voice.

"What?" I asked.

"I've been calling your name for a few minutes now. What were you day dreaming about?" James asked.

"Hm? Oh, it was nothing. I just dazed off for a second." I said.

He nodded.

"I asked if you wanted me and Sirius to go out with you and look for Charlie. It will be getting dark soon." James offered.

"Oh, um, I think he'll be alright. I'm going to go lye down for a bit. I've a bit of a headache." I said.

I got up and walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs, past my usual room and into James'. Not even bothering to turn on the lights, I kicked off my shoes and lay on the bed. I closed my eyes and sighed as I put my face in his pillow, breathing in his wonderful, peace-bringing scent.

The bed dipped down and hands started rubbing my back. I moaned as my muscles were rubbed tenderly, slowly and relaxingly.

"Are you ok?" James' voice said softly.

"Mmm." was the only sound I made.

"I noticed you'd been crying. I hope it's not from this morning. You know your brother will be fine, right? He's pretty tough. He'll be able to deal with it."

James hesitated before he finished with,

"And your mum only wants what's best for the family."

I sighed again. I didn't really want to talk about anything right now.

James seemed to pick up on my mood because he didn't say anything else. He just kept rubbing my back, my shoulders, and my arms. It felt so good. And yet, I had to figure out a way to leave all of this, to leave him. And I only had a few days. This was what I was most afraid for. Not the danger I was about to put myself in, but for losing James. This was going to be the hard part.

I was afraid, but I knew that with my Occulmency and Legilimency I would be perfect for spying on the Death Eaters and maybe even getting into some of their inner circles. The kind of information that I could obtain could be enough to stop this war. Or if not stop the war, then it could definitely save people's lives. I'd be able to learn the Death Eater's plans, know who their members were, where they were meeting, what they were up to, all by using my Legilimency.

How could I not have joined when Dumbledore presented me with the proposition? How can I not fight and make sacrifices, when lives are at stake? But, how could I give up my friends? They are amazing people who care about me and took me in when I had nobody at Hogwarts. They are more like my family then my parents are. And then there's Charlie. I knew that I was going to tell him. Dumbledore knew I was going to tell him. But what if he becomes an Auror and I'm not there to congratulate him? Or worse, he dies and this would be the last time I saw him. And James. He is my world. I know people talk about soul mates, and honestly I've never really believed in it. But James, he's like a part of my heart and soul. Life without him and his love, it's terrifying. It's not something I would ever choose.

Donovan said he'd dedicated his life to this. I completely respected him for it. But it also terrified me. Not just that I would be risking my life every day, but what I would be sacrificing. And I felt completely selfish for that. I guess sometimes, the right thing to do isn't always the easiest.


	28. The Part That Keeps Me Going

**Chapter 28- The Part That Keeps Me Going**

I woke up in the middle of the night and walked downstairs into the kitchen for a drink of water. The room was dark except for the soft glow of a small lamp on the far side of the room. I'd just walked past the kitchen sink when a slight movement from the window above it caught my eye. I glanced over, half asleep, and jumped a foot in the air at the big eyes staring back at me.

It took a second to realize they belonged to an owl, an owl as black as the darkest night. I shook my sleepy head trying to wake up more. I don't know why I hadn't noticed immediately. The two owls that took residence in the kitchen stared straight at it, not even making a sound. That was odd in itself, because they were always chirping or purring at each other.

My owl, Euripides, has a bit of a thing for James' owl, Molly. You could even hear their soft purr like noises as they slept. But the odd thing was that the black owl at the window wasn't pecking incessantly to get in or causing a raucous at all. It was dead still, just watching and waiting quietly. And then it slowly extended its leg in my direction.

It was waiting for me?

I crossed over and opened the window slowly. The bird made no move to come in, though. It just held still with its leg holding out a scroll. I reached for it and took it off. The bird gazed at me for a second longer before it took flight. That had to be the oddest owl I'd ever seen. It was beautiful, but it wasn't normal. I'd never seen an owl look at me with such... calculation.

I closed the window and turned back around. Before I even had a chance to open the scroll, someone coughed. I looked up and squinted across the dark room.

"Sirius?" I whispered.

I walked forward and saw him sitting at the small kitchen table.

"What are you doing down here?" I asked.

"I could ask you the same." He said.

"I wanted some water..." I said.

"What about the bird?" He asked.

"Oh, um, I don't know." I said.

"It almost clawed my eyes out. I think it was waiting for you. Why are you getting confidential owls?" He asked suspiciously.

"No telling." I said as I tried to subtly shove the letter out of sight.

"So, why are you awake?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Remember, we're not telling." He said.

I shrugged.

"You have your secrets, obviously. And I have mine." Sirius said quietly.

He was looking at me with suspicion but he didn't ask any more questions about the owl.

"Back to bed then?" He asked.

"Um, yea. Night." I said and hurried from the room.

Sirius just sat there watching.

What a creepy night.

The next morning I woke up alone. As I went downstairs to the kitchen Charlie was sitting at the table quietly reading the Daily Prophet.

"Hey." I said sitting across from him.

He hummed in acknowledgement.

"Where is everybody?" I asked.

He put the paper down and gave me a frustrated look.

"I don't know. I heard snores coming from Sirius' room when I went past this morning. The Potters are, as usual, at the Ministry." He said, picking up his paper again.

"Haven't seen James?" I asked.

"Nope." He said.

I sighed.

"So, when do you leave for Auror training?" I asked as I grabbed a muffin and picked at it.

Charlie looked up from his paper.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine, you know. And not for a couple of weeks still." he said.

"Charlie, I, well, there's something I need to tell-"

"Good morning." James stumbled into the kitchen.

Charlie gave me a concerned look but when I slightly shook my head, he got my message to keep quiet about what I was just trying to say.

James slumped into the chair next to me gingerly. Slightly wincing as he did so.

"James, mate, you look like hell." Charlie commented.

I noticed bruises already forming around his left cheek bone and some small scratches around his jaw line.

"Thanks." James said sarcastically.

"Where were you?" I asked.

"I must have dozed off in Sirius' room." He muttered as he poured some juice.

There was a house elf scuffling around cooking more food but I tried to ignore it. They seemed to prefer it that way.

"Late night scuffle?" Charlie asked.

"Um, yea. It was something of the sort." He said.

"Full moons have a way of making everyone a little crazy." Charlie said before he ducked behind his paper.

"You were sleeping when I went down for water in the middle of the night." I said.

James shrugged.

"I woke up and couldn't sleep and Sirius was still awake. It must have been after you got up." He said.

I glanced at Charlie behind his paper.

"Yea. Guess so." I said.

The boys still didn't know that I knew about Remus and what they get up to on the full moons. Remus, of course, knew that I had figured out about his lycanthropy. But he didn't know that I knew they were all illegal animagus'. Though, knowing Remus, he probably figured that I did. I guess Charlie had figured it out too, that or he eaves dropped on their thoughts about it.

After breakfast James said he had to go to Diagon Alley for his parents and asked me to come. I declined though, thinking it would be a good opportunity to read my letter and get packing. Sirius and Charlie went in my place and I had the house to myself.

I went upstairs and found the letter I had hidden away last night and pulled it out.

It wasn't your basic 'meet me at the pub at 8' directions. They were longitude and latitude coordinates, a date, and a time. That was it. So basically a piece of cake, I mean, I definitely know where that is off the top of my head. Not. And I only had hours to figure it out. Was this just the beginning of what I'm getting into?

I memorized the paper before pulling out my wand and incinerating it so no one else would read it. I watched the ashes float towards the ground before a quick cleaning spell vanished any trace of them.

Now off to the library to look for some maps or a directional spell. It seems like I read about one once...

* * *

"Lily!" I sighed and put down the wizard children's book that I had came across in the library.

"I'm in the library!" I called.

A few seconds later, James walked in smiling. I looked at him curiously as he walked up to me and pecked me on the lips. He pulled out a white Lily flower from behind his back and handed it to me.

"Would you like to go out tonight? It will be just the two of us." James said.

"Well, actually James, there's something I need to tell you." I said.

He seemed to notice how serious I'd gotten because his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

"Lily, what's wrong? Did something happen?" He asked with loving concern.

It made this that much harder.

"I'm leaving." I finally said.

"Ok, do you want me to come with you?" He asked.

Like I'd just said I wanted to pop over to Diagon Alley or something.

"No, James. I'm leaving, leaving." I said.

"What do you mean?" He looked confused.

"I, well, I was offered a Ministry position. And it's a British representative of sorts... I'll be out of the country. But it's working toward uniting the nations of magic and working towards the war effort as well. It's a really great opportunity..." I fed him my lie I'd tried to rehearse.

"You're leaving the country for Ministry work?" He asked skeptically.

I nodded.

"Okay... Um, how long have you known about this? I didn't even know you were interested in working at the Ministry." He said.

"Since two days ago. It was very last minute that a spot opened up for me. I applied ages ago." I said.

"So the mysterious owl..." He trailed off and stared out of the window.

I should have known Sirius would have opened his big mouth. Those two have no secrets from each other.

But again, I only nodded. It was too hard to lie to him even when it was so vitally important to protect him.

"So when are you leaving?" He asked.

"Today." I said.

He spun around so fast I took a step back in surprise.

"What do you mean, 'today'?" He said.

I nodded.

"Really Lily, this is how you tell me? Right before you walk out of the door?" He was angry.

I sighed.

"I didn't want you to try to talk me out of it." I said.

He looked like I'd smacked him.

"Lily, I wouldn't have if it's something you really want. I would have been supportive. I am supportive. I love you. I'm just shocked. I had no idea you were even interested in Ministry work! It's just a lot to take in, you know?" He said.

I nodded.

"So where exactly are you going?" He asked.

"I'm not too sure. I only know that it's a lot of traveling from country to country and you're never in one place too long. I have to go to France today." I said.

"How long are you going to be doing this?" He asked.

"As long as it takes. It could be months, maybe years." I said.

He gave me a serious look.

"So what does this mean for us? Because I've noticed you haven't mentioned anything about me being involved in this." He said.

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

And then I felt him move forward and grab me gently, pulling me into his arms.

"Lily? Please, don't do what I think you're about to do." He said.

"I have to." I said quietly.

He shook his head and I could feel his chin moving across the top of my head.

"We'll make this work, Lily. It will be ok." He said.

"James, I can't do that to you. It's not fair." I said.

"Then don't. Don't go." He said.

"I've already made up my mind." I said.

He stepped away.

"So that's it? You just get to decide you want to break up with me and leave so that I never see you again? That's not fair, Lily. It doesn't work like that." He said.

"James, I'm so sorry." I said.

He punched the wall.

"No. You can't do this!" he said.

"I am, though." I responded.

He kept shaking his head.

"But, I love you. I just don't understand. None of this makes any sense. This isn't like you at all, Lily." He said.

"I know. I just didn't know how to do this. And long distance relationships never work. Why put us through that?" I lied.

"Then I'll come with you. Problem solved." He said.

"James, you can't. And besides, all of your friends and family are here. They need you." I said.

"And what about what I need? I need you, Lily. And you know they are your friends and family too. You're just going to leave all of us?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Sometimes, doing the right thing isn't always the easiest." I said.

"How is it right if we're not together?" He asked.

I just shook my head. This was so much harder than I imagined it would be. I'm about to break down and cry and just throw myself in James' arms and say I'm sorry. But I knew I couldn't do that.

"I'm so sorry. Goodbye, James." I said.

"Lily, please. Please, don't do this. I love you. That will never change. Never." He said, eyes watering.

"Just promise me one thing?" I asked.

He kept shaking his head.

"Promise me you'll stay safe." I said.

"Lily..."

And even though I knew I should just apparate then, I couldn't. So quickly, I rushed forward and kissed him one last time. And the second his arms slid off of me during our kiss, I turned Charlie's special ring that I had 'borrowed', and apparated away.

When I opened my eyes, I was back in my childhood bedroom. I started to quickly empty my trunk of my belongings so that I could repack it with my essentials. It's not so much that I was in a hurry, but keeping busy helped me fight the tears that kept threatening to spill over. I glanced out of the window at the setting sun. I still had a few hours before I had to meet Donovan.

And then my bedroom door was slammed open.

I slowly looked up from my spot on the ground by my trunk, knowing exactly who I'd see.

"What are you doing?" Charlie yelled.

"Hello, Charlie." I said.

He walked in and stood before me, arms crossed.

"You broke up with James so you could be a Ministry ambassador? What the hell, Lily?" He said.

"Well, that's what I told him." I said.

He sighed and sat on my bed.

"What's really going on? Is this what you were going to tell me earlier today, at breakfast?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I'm training to do undercover work in the war for a top secret resistance group that Dumbledore founded. And I have to break all my ties with everyone. It's for the best." I said.

He shook his head.

"Why is it that I'm not surprised?" He asked.

I looked at him sharply.

"You're not going to try to stop me?" I asked.

"Could I stop you?" He shot back.

"Good point." I conceded.

"So, Dumbledore said you could tell me?" He ventured a guess.

"Of course. Especially on the off chance I let you slip in my mind and you see me and freak out and tell everybody that something's wrong. That and I need you to back my story. And tell people that it's too hard for me to respond or owl because I'm too upset or something but that you are in correspondence with me and I'm fine." I said.

"Will I be in correspondence with you?" He asked.

"It's not likely. But I'm sure you could probably arrange something with Dumbledore. At the very least he could tell you that I'm still alive... That is, if he knows." I said.

He shook his head.

"Merlin, Lily. So this is really the last time I may ever see you?" He asked.

I sighed.

"I know. This is so hard." I said.

He slid off the bed and sat next to me, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm so proud of you. For being so brave and doing the right thing." He said.

I finally cried.

"Thank you for understanding." I said.

I hadn't realized how much I needed him to understand... To approve.

"Promise me you'll stay safe too, with the Aurors. And that you'll keep an eye on James. I love him so much... Don't let him look for me, ok? It will only put us both in danger. Help him to get over me?" I asked.

He sighed but nodded.

"Of course. You know I will. And you better be careful too. This war keeps getting worse every day. I want to know that I will see you again when this is all over. But do try to contact me every so often." He said as he tapped his temple.

"I guess I should give this back..." I said as I tugged off the magical ring that only Charlie and Sirius owned.

"Oh. I was wondering where that went. You know what? You keep it. It might come in handy and get you out of a tight spot when you need to." He said.

I nodded.

"I love you, Charlie." I said.

"I love you too, Lils. Be safe." He said.

I closed the lid on my trunk, and shrunk it into my pocket. With one last hug to Charlie, I pulled out my wand, and concentrated on the coordinates I'd received. And then I apparated away from everyone I loved.

* * *

Is this a joke? It was dark, but I could still make out exactly where I was.

Wiltshire, England. I was standing at the exact center of Stonehenge.

"It's about time." Donovan walked out from behind one of the stones and into the waning moonlight.

"Stonehenge?" I questioned.

He raised an eyebrow.

"And what do you know of it?" He asked.

"About the same as everybody else, I guess. It's been here forever, nobody knows why or who built it except maybe it was a burial ground? Or some type of early calendar?"

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"I'm pretty sure you're muggleborn." He said.

I stiffened.

"So?" I said.

"So try to make it less obvious before you ruin our soon to be cover and get us both killed." He said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think-"

"Exactly." He said.

He started to walk away but paused and said over his shoulder.

"And everyone knows it was created by Merlin. Even the earliest muggle depiction was of Merlin using a giant to help him build it." He said, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. And my heart kind of sank at the same time... For that was such a James Potter thing for him to do, that smirk.

"So we are training at Stonehenge?" I asked, following him to one of the stones.

"No. This is merely a port key." He said.

I just nodded. Sure. Why not? I use a famous magical structure as an illegal port key all time. And I'm assuming this will be illegal. I highly doubt he got the Ministry of Magic to authorize a port key to his 'highly secret training grounds'.

We walked up to a huge stone archway.

"Now, you're sure about this? Once we leave there's no turning back."

"I know. I'm sure." I said.

He nodded.

"Then if you'll place your hand here on the count of 3. 1-, 2-, 3!"

And I felt the whirring sensation of spinning madly through the air.

And just like that, I was dropped on my backside in the sand.

We were on some tropical island? But no, as my vision focused in the darkness, I could make out an arena around me. It was not unlike the Roman type used with the Gladiators. Great.

"I'm going to show you your cabin where you'll sleep. I expect you ready to train at 5." He said.

I nodded as we arrived at my cabin (which was more like a shack). Donovan stood there like he wanted to say something else. But instead he simply turned and walked off.

I sighed at the loneliness of the place. It was a long walk from the arena we landed in. The cabin was set off by itself hidden in the trees with a thick forest behind it. And it was hot out! Why did he tell me to pack for the cold? Luckily, I came prepared. Maybe that was some weird test? I barely knew Donovan at all.

I could hear howls in the distance too. As I glanced up at the sky I knew it wasn't a full moon, but all the same I'd be cautious.

The cabin looked exactly like something you'd expect to find from a summer camp. But thankfully, there were no bunk beds. There was a room for my bed and a dresser, then another room with the bathroom. The rest of the cabin was like a miniature common room. There was an old dusty couch, a couple of stuffed chairs that had seen better days, and a miniature kitchen in the front. I pulled my wand out and decided to do a little re-decorating.

An hour later, I was showered and laying in bed trying to sleep. The cabin was at least livable now. But as I lay there I tried, unsuccessfully, to not think about James.

Yet, I wonder what he's doing, where he's at, and if he's thinking about me?

And though I knew I shouldn't, I concentrated on Charlie. I was focusing on our connection. When I could mentally feel the rippling of Charlie's mind, I pushed in slowly, hoping he wouldn't feel me. And then I was inside and I could see his thoughts mixed with what he was actually seeing. This was new! Somewhere within the ripples I must have gone straight to his vision. Yet he didn't seem to know I was there. His thoughts, when I probed, held nothing indicating he was aware of my mental presence.

I watched through his eyes as he looked at Sirius.

"We can't just leave him here." I said.

But it wasn't really me saying it. It was Charlie.

"I don't know what to do. I've never seen him like this." Sirius said.

He looked scared.

"Well, we'll just try to get him home first. Then we can figure out what to do." I said as I looked at James' passed out figure.

He looked awful.

"I hope she's happy with herself." Sirius said with anger.

"Sirius, you don't even know what happened between them." I said.

"Look at him, Charlie! I've never seen him like this! I don't care what happened between them. All I know is my best friend is like this because of her!" He yelled.

"Hey, knock it off Sirius. He's my friend too. But that's my sister you're talking about. And you have no idea what she's going through." He said.

He defended me.

Sirius sighed.

"Ok, let's get him out of this damn bar. Is- is Lily ok?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know, Sirius. She's gone." Charlie said as they carried James' passed out body out to the streets.

"Gone? Gone where?" He asked.

"She wouldn't say." I said.

"Well I'm sure she'll turn up tomorrow. Then they can kiss and make the hell up so I don't have to drag his sorry drunk ass around London in the middle of the night." Sirius huffed.

"Don't you get it Sirius? She's left! As in, gone for good!" I said.

"Bloody hell, what the fuck happened?" Sirius said, suddenly realizing how serious James' situation really was.

I sighed.

"She told him she accepted a job offer. A Ministry position as an ambassador of Britain during the war." I said.

Sirius shot me a calculated look.

"She's off playing hero, isn't she?" Sirius said.

"Oh don't look so surprised. I know a lie when I hear it. And it's such a Lily thing to do. Besides, the past couple of days she's been sneaking off and receiving strange owls at ungodly hours. What the hell is she thinking?" Sirius said.

I sighed.

"I don't know... But she can't let anyone find out. And we can't look for her. She said it would put us all in danger. It's something undercover. And honestly, we are about to join Auror Academy's advanced program. Can we really blame her? It's not like we're much different." Charlie said.

Sirius shook his head. He looked extremely angry.

"This is going to devastate him. He'll eventually function again... But it won't be James... Dammit! Does she really think he won't look for her or try to contact her? Is she daft?" Sirius said.

"We can't let him. Sirius, if she really is undercover it could kill her if he starts poking around for her. We just have to accept this." I said.

"How are you so calm about this? Do you know what some of those people are like? I grew up a Black, you know? They're Dark Arts supporters for as far back as my family history can be traced! And in case you didn't know, we're one of the oldest families around. I grew up in this. I've heard stories. She won't last a minute!" Sirius looked grave and shook his head.

And I lost focus.

I blinked a few times to realize I was back in my own head, staring at the dusty ceiling of my cabin.

My heart raced and my head pounded. My eyes were throbbing and my ears were ringing. I swiftly rolled to the side of the bed and vomited. At least that seemed to help, because the dizzy sensation faded a bit as I closed my eyes and concentrated on taking slow, deep, and steadying breaths.

It must have worked because after a few minutes I felt normal, barring only a slight headache. Then there was also a slight burning sensation in my nose as the smell of vomit permeated the air. I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed my wand to clear the mess in the floor. With a quick 'Evanesco' it was gone. Another flick and the air resumed to its original pine tree and musk scent.

I tried to not think about what I'd witnessed and instead focused on what I'd done. I never even knew a connection was able to be manipulated like that. Or was it our connection only that allowed it? Could I manipulate my way mentally through other people's minds? Occlumency was the doorway to the mind for a reason...

And then I shook my head. What was I thinking? That sounded way too much into the dark arts.

But wasn't that why I was here? To pose as a Death Eater? And what could be more powerful than being able to enter someone's mind? But something told me I should keep this to myself. I'm sure Donovan had enough dark magic he planned to teach me. And though it went against everything I believed in, ultimately I believed in doing what was right. I didn't have some profound feeling that urged me to do this. I was scared and lost and I missed James and Charlie. But that's really why I was here. I knew that no matter how much I wanted to make a difference in the world and do the right thing, I was really just here to protect the people I loved. And I don't know if it made me selfish, but I thought not being able to be with them in order to protect them and maybe others too, were a pretty fair trade.

The miserable look of pain on James' face appeared in my mind.

I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me. I know I'm hurting him. It kills me.

But as many times as I'm sure to have this battle with myself, I know I'd choose this every time. He may feel abandoned, rejected, and even hate me. But I loved him. And even if he never knows it, this is all for him. And that's the part that keeps me going.


	29. Staring Back At Me

**Chapter 29- Staring Back At Me**

I think I'm going to die, and Donovan is going to be the one to put me in my grave.

"Evans, stop slacking!" He shouted.

I bit my tongue on the retort that threatened to burst from my lips. Something about where he could shove his wand. Instead I picked up the pace on my sit-ups. 477, 478, 479... Did I mention that I hate sit-ups? Well I absolutely hate sit-ups. Or actually, I hate Donovan screaming at me that I'm a slacker. I have played Quidditch for years and have always been put through strenuous exercise. Yet somehow I can never keep up with him.

Donovan made exercising look easy. In fact, I might say he enjoyed it. He certainly had no problem leaving me in the dust every morning when we ran two miles around the arena. Or when we practiced hand to hand combat and he's constantly throwing me on my backside. I mean, those practice mats only help so much! My butt feels like it's probably covered in bruises!

I feel like I'm at boot camp and Donovan is my drill sergeant. Well, it's not that bad... But it is hard. We've been here a month already, but it feels like much longer.

"Alright, that's enough for today. I've had news, and we'll be going to Germany soon." He said.

"So we _will_be based in Germany?" I asked.

He gave me one of those 'don't ask questions' looks.

"Yes." He said.

"No sparring today, go practice your daggers." He hurried out of the room.

I sighed as I pulled myself from the floor and walked down the hall to another room. I grabbed my belt and buckled it loosely on my hips. I reached for some extra daggers off the weapons wall and put them in sheathes on the belt. I decided early in our training that I liked them, even preferred them to the rest of the weapons I've trained on. They were easily concealed under cloaks and robes but what I liked most about them is that they were lightweight.

Donovan wanted to teach me the basics of sword work, 'just in case'. What would I need a sword for when I had a wand? Besides, it's not like you still see people walking around with short swords and long swords at their hips. And I'm no assassin, for crying out loud. It wasn't until a few weeks into the training that I noticed my wand dueling improved. I never would have thought they correlated. But as Donovan always screamed about my atrocious footwork, I eventually noticed that it actually helped me move in my wand dueling and therefore making myself a harder target to hit. And I learned to 'parry' spells faster and even read my opponents body language to my favor. I can see my opponent's slight lean in direction and anticipate where they are aiming. I'll never admit it to Donovan, but it's helped me immensely. It still wasn't much fun lugging those heavy swords around though.

That's why I liked the daggers. Donovan taught me how to throw them properly and hold them just right. My aim is amazing compared to my first day. On my first throw the hilt thumped the target and the dagger bounced away. That was embarrassing to say the least.

I squared up in front of the target widening my stance, bending my knees just slightly. I pulled back and flicked my wrist forward as I exhaled. Bulls eye.

"You're getting better at that." Donovan walked back in the room.

"Where did you go?" I asked.

"I went to get this for you." He said.

He tossed a huge leather-bound hand written tomb at me.

"What is this?" I asked.

"It's your homework. I hope it helps, because I can't help you with that. You remember the written language, right?" Donovan asked.

I looked down at the German manuscript. Donovan had taken to speaking to me in German since we'd been training. He wanted to make sure I got used to speaking it again. I thought it might have something to do with Germany, but he never answers any of my questions about our mission.

"Of course I know how to read it." I said.

I opened the cover and flipped through the first pages.

_The Findings of Damien Donohough_

Is he kidding me?! Donohough was a famous Potions Master! He'd written all kinds of books on potions and had invented quite a few amazing ones. He was basically a potions prodigy since he was a kid! But he had to be well in his late ninety's now though.

"Where did you get this?" I gasped.

Donovan smiled.

"That excited about potions?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Do you even know who Damien Donohough is?!" I exclaimed.

He chuckled.

"Yes, actually, I do. He was a family friend. He was my godfather, to be exact. And he left this to you." he said.

He left it to me. As in he had passed away. Poor Donovan.

"What?" I asked.

"He left it for you, among a few other personal things." He said.

"But, why, he doesn't even know me." I said.

"You were his protégé. And because you're my wife." He said.

Did he just say wife?!

I almost fainted. The book slipped from my hands with a loud thump on the ground.

"What?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes.

"It's the mission, Evans. You're going to be my wife who studied under Damien Donohough. You were born in France where you were trained from home and then you moved to Germany to study when Donohough agreed to take you on as his assistant. That's your back story." He said.

I stared at him.

"We have to get married?!" I felt sick.

He rolled his eyes.

"It's just pretend, Evans. Calm down." He said.

Oh great, another pretend relationship. It sounds just as exhausting. Yet, I felt a pang at my heart thinking of James.

"Nobody would ever believe Donohough was my Potions Master." I said sadly.

The sadness I felt for James was clinging to my emotions.

"Well they better. That's your job now, Evans. Horace Slughorn had nothing but positive things to say about you. And Donohough is the only one with a reputable reputation that we can use to pull this off. That's why being my wife is important. It's the only way he would have taken you on, as a family favor. And the only way I can keep an eye on you and have you around all the time without raising suspicion among the Death Eaters." He said.

I shot him a disgruntled look. Did he not think I was any good at anything? He sure made me feel that way a lot of the time.

"This book should help you learn Donohough's methods. So study it like your life depends on it. Which it does, actually." He said.

"You think someone will question my background that thoroughly?" I asked.

"Evans, the Dark Lord needs a Potions Master. I've offered you up." He said.

My eyes widened.

"I'll be working for him directly?!" I gasped.

"Well, you'll be working on whatever it is he wants a Potions Master for. He already has one Death Eater and you'll be assisting him. You'll also be reporting to me what you're doing and what you're working on. I doubt Voldemort will make any appearances. You'll just be at some random location working. Voldemort likes to keep his little side projects secret to his followers. Only his closest know of them, so you won't even see much of the other Death Eaters. And that will also help keep you safe." He said.

"His closest Death Eaters are the only ones who know?" I gave him an imploring look.

"Yes. Coincidently how I learned about his search. How quickly liquor loosens the tongue." He chuckled to himself.

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach.

"And when do we start?" I asked.

"Well, I'll be returning home from some business in France in a week. And then I'll be taking you in." He said.

I gulped.

"So soon?" I asked.

"You'll be fine. All you're doing is making potions. It should be quite harmless." He said.

"Harmless? Yea, pretty harmless when you're making complex potions where one too many ounces of an ingredient can cause an explosion big enough to kill you." I said.

"Don't be so dramatic Cassandra."

"Cassandra? Really? That's the name you're going with?" I asked.

"It's a nice name! I'm quite fond of it actually." He said as he walked forward and yanked a dagger from my belt and flung it at the target.

"I hate it." I whined.

"That's too bad, because that's your name now. Get used to it." He said.

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Here, this is yours too. Study this, facts about me and facts about the new you. I'm quizzing you tomorrow." He tossed me a file.

"This mission sucks." I mumbled.

"Come on, did you really expect that we'd be locating safe houses and hijacking them or something?" He asked.

That's exactly something like what I imagined, extreme battles and urgent secrets. Not melting in a hot room full of potion smoke. Donovan seemed to catch the blush on my face as he rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'playing the hero'.

"Oh and the most important thing we need to talk about…"

I looked up at him.

"More?" I asked.

"Being muggleborn, I don't expect you to understand this. You don't have to like it, but it is vitally important that you do it..." He started.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Most pure blood marriages aren't fairy tales. In fact, most of the time pureblood marriages are arranged. Like this one was. But also, the wife is treated more like a servant than a spouse. And no, I don't personally agree with it, but that's just the way it is, especially with old blood families. A wife is there only to please her husband and do whatever is demanded of her. She's better seen and not heard if you know what I mean." He said.

"That's barbaric!" I exclaimed.

He nodded.

"I agree. But I think it will work to our advantage. As my wife, you're my property. That gives me an excuse to check in on you any time I want. And it will help because you won't be questioned. A good wife does not answer for her husband and all that. You'll keep your head down and go mostly unnoticed and so you will appear harmless. But you'll be listening and reporting everything back to me."

"Just remember that the headstrong girl you were is Lily. Remember that's not who you are right now. It will help you to not feel so lost in Cassandra." He said.

I nodded.

"I'll start practicing." I said.

"That's a good idea." He said.

He started to walk away but stopped in the doorway and turned back around.

"You're ready for this." He said.

And then he was gone.

I sighed and flopped down on the floor. What was the point of all this? Maybe I should have just been an Auror like Charlie. At least he's getting to duel some Death Eaters. The only duels I get are against Donovan, and he always wins! He's made me learn so many new spells, and how to fire them off reflexively and consecutively. Sometimes when we duel I don't even know what I'm firing! It just comes to me, and I suppose that's what Donovan wanted. I'm like a dueling robot. But I have to admit Donovan knows what he's talking about. He's taught me how to predict spells based on wand movements and to watch body language.

Still, as much as Donovan has taught me, I still sometimes feel like it's all for nothing. I guess I felt like I'd be making more of a difference... Not helping them out! Maybe I just needed to know this was going to be worth what I gave up...Who I gave up.

Yet I find myself disappointed.

Or maybe I'm just home sick. I closed my eyes and lay back on the mat. My mind's eye went to Charlie.

* * *

"Oh come on, Sirius. It's not that bad." Charlie said.

"Yea, well you try being on Moody's bad side and see how much you like it!" Sirius said.

Charlie chuckled.

"I think everyone is on his bad side, actually. Have you seen him? Personally I don't think any side is his good side, so many scars." Charlie said.

"But he hates me! He's nothing but an old smarmy codger." Sirius said.

"Well maybe he'd hate you less if he didn't overhear you calling him names like that and then whack you on the back of the head before you know it was coming." Charlie said.

Sirius scrunched up his nose and his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"What are you talking about? He never hit me on the he- Hey!" Sirius spun around as Moody's hand connected with the back of his head.

"Black! You want to sit here and whine like a baby I'll call your mummy to come get you! You'll be adding 25 extra laps today." Moody said.

Sirius shot Charlie a dirty look.

"What? Don't say I didn't warn you." Charlie held up his hands in defense.

Sirius slugged his arm and started grumbling as Charlie laughed.

"So what time are we all going tonight?" Charlie asked.

"I think around 10. Boys only! Hogsmeade won't know what hit it!" Sirius grinned.

"James coming out?" He asked.

Sirius frowned.

"It's one of his best friends' birthday. He's coming out with us whether he likes it or not!" Sirius said.

"Well good luck. He's been quite elusive. But I guess I can't say that I blame him." Charlie said.

"Have you heard from her?" Sirius asked.

Charlie shook his head.

"Are you going to look for her?" Sirius asked.

"She told us not to. You know it's important we don't." Charlie said.

"We're almost done with this training. Don't you think you'd be able to help her?" Sirius asked.

Charlie just shrugged,

"Honestly, I have no idea where to even look. I don't even think she's in the country. I haven't sensed her at all."

"Oh great, that's just what we need, Voldemort abroad." Sirius whispered glancing around at the people filing the tables surrounding him.

Charlie nodded.

"You said Dumbledore started her on this?" Sirius asked.

Charlie narrowed his eyes.

"No. I said that she told me Dumbledore told her it was ok to tell me about it." Charlie said.

"Same thing." Sirius said as he looked off thoughtfully.

"Sirius, you're not going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?" Charlie asked.

Sirius shrugged.

"I guess we better get outside and get these laps out of the way." Sirius stood up and left the table and Charlie sighed loudly.

"I hope you know what you're doing Lily." Charlie said to himself.

* * *

I opened my eyes and looked up straight into Donovan's. I squeaked in surprise and rolled away.

"What were you doing?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just fell asleep I guess." I lied.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Your eyes were moving under your eyelids like a million miles a minute. You weren't asleep." He said.

I shrugged.

"Well I came to tell you I got a letter from Dumbledore just now. We're going to Hogwarts tonight." He said.

Oh, just wonderful.

"Are you ready?" Donovan asked.

I nodded and placed my hand on the Portkey.

We landed on the very outskirts of Hogsmeade village.

"Put this on." Donovan said.

He handed me a brown cloak and hood. I frowned but I pulled it on over my jeans and shirt.

"Tuck in your hair."

I huffed.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I didn't go to school here. Nobody in this town will recognize me." He said.

I rolled my eyes as we set off through the village to get to Hogwarts castle gates. The sun had just set and though it was summer there was a nice cool breeze blowing through the streets. We walked in silence, Donovan was just a little bit ahead of me and looked completely relaxed, but I could see his eyes shifting around, watching everything around us for any signs of danger.

We made it to the castle gates with little trouble. Donovan tapped his wand on it several times in some secret pattern and it opened for us. We walked up the hill to the Great Entrance where the care taker stood waiting for us.

"This way." He croaked.

We followed him up to Dumbledore's office. I wondered why we didn't just floo here or apparate to the gates. But just as well, because Donovan probably wouldn't tell me if I asked. I don't even know why we are here.

"Come in!"

We walked into the office as Dumbledore was at his desk.

"Lily, Donovan, it's good to see you." He said.

I smiled.

"And you, Professor." I said.

"Did you hear about the incident in Knockturn?" Donovan asked him.

"Indeed, my sources have mentioned it. I'm not sure it's much to worry about at the moment." Dumbledore said.

Donovan looked like he wanted to say more but looked at me and decided against it.

"So did you talk to Filius?" Donovan asked.

Dumbledore nodded.

"Yes, I think we should try it." Dumbledore said.

They both looked at me.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We need to change your appearance for your disguise while you and Donovan are undercover. The problem that we were working on was that anyone could cast a spell and wipe away any charms that modify your appearance. This would be extremely dangerous for you both. Professor Flitwick has been assisting me with this problem and we think we've found a way to solve it." Dumbledore said.

"Oh, right, of course. What is it?" I pretended I knew what he was talking about.

"We'll use normal charms to modify your appearance and then we are going to essentially apply a stick charm to a different and more complex spell. This spell is very difficult to perform, and Professor Flitwick has graciously offered to do so. When he is finished, nobody will be able to remove your appearance charms. However, if you reveal who you truly are to anyone, they will see you as you truly look." He said.

I sat thinking this reminded me of something I read about once.

"Wait, are you trying to modify the Fidelius charm?!" I asked.

Dumbledore smiled.

"Excellent, Lily. And yes, Flitwick is confident he can manage it." Dumbledore said.

I was stunned.

I mean, that spell alone is based in warding and warding spells are extremely complex. Well, a good one anyways. And then you have to establish the ward to attach to a person's soul! Not to mention it's supposed to be used on a location. The complexity of hiding something is enormous, but hiding a living and _moving_thing is just unheard of. All kinds of things can go wrong, including the death of the person you're trying to place the charm on. I briefly thought about working in warding for Gringotts before graduation. It's just so fascinating.

"We'll modify your appearance now, and then we'll send for Flitwick. He doesn't know who he is performing this on." Dumbledore said.

Donovan reached into his robes and pulled out a picture and handed it to Dumbledore.

"If you're ready Lily, I'll begin." Dumbledore said as he pulled out his wand from his grass green robes.

I nodded and stood up, closing my eyes. I could hear footsteps approach, and then the small tingle of magic in the air around me.

"Finished." Dumbledore said.

Donovan was standing next to Dumbledore as he fire called Flitwick.

I didn't feel any different, but the looks Donovan kept giving me were starting to make me feel uncomfortable. Was I that strange looking?

"Evening, Dumbledore! Ah, is this the girl then?" Flitwick walked out of the fire and straight towards me.

"Yes, I've explained the general idea but she knew what the Fidelius was." Dumbledore said with a smile.

"Indeed?" Flitwick asked me with surprise.

I nodded.

"I read about it once. I once thought of going into warding, I'm very proficient with Charms magic." I said kindly.

"Oh, wonderful! Have you any practice in warding?" He asked.

"Well, some. But it's nothing special." I said.

Donovan cleared his throat loudly.

"We best be on." Dumbledore interpreted.

Flitwick nodded and started whispering incantations while walking around me and waving his wand in big sweeping circles. He then started going around me counter-clockwise give his wand a swish and jab in my direction. Dumbledore then proceeded to join him and they walked circles around me waving around their wands as sweat formed beads on their foreheads. They did this for a few minutes longer before a white blue light flashed so brightly we were all momentarily blinded and as it disappeared, Flitwick fell to the floor, drained of energy.

Dumbledore didn't seem surprised though. He simply bent over the small Professor and helped lift him back to his feet slipping him a potion.

They both looked at me and smiled.

"Did it work?" I asked.

"Test it out, my dear." Dumbledore said.

I glanced at all of them before slowly slipping forward and whispering my true name to Dumbledore. He smiled even wider.

"Perfect." He said.

Flitwick sighed in relief.

"Who is the secret keeper?" I asked.

"You are, my dear."Flitwick said.

I nodded.

"Thank you, Professor Flitwick. You are truly gifted in charms." I said.

He smiled and nodded.

"Filius, the hospital wing is expecting you." Dumbledore said.

He nodded and hobbled out of the room.

I looked back toward Donovan and happened to see the mirror behind him. I stepped past him toward the mirror, staring at a girl who resembled me, but looked nothing like me.

My red hair was gone. I knew that one was a given. But my eye color was now blue, my hair a dark brown, and even my freckles were gone. I glanced down at my arms and noticed the pale unblemished skin. It was so strange to see me like this.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and saw Donovan standing behind me.

"We need to go, Cassandra." He said quietly.

I nodded silently.

Dumbledore walked back to his desk as we left. Donovan led me out of the castle quietly. When we reached the grounds he stopped me and pointed his wand at me. My clothes changed into something very aristocratic and expensive looking. He handed me a beautiful chocolate traveling cloak.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

I nodded.

"Just shocked, I think." I said.

"Well, now you're Cassandra. Are you prepared for that?" He asked.

I nodded again.

"Ok, this will be a good opportunity for you to practice. Keep in mind your mannerisms as well." He said.

"Yes, Donovan." I lowered my head.

I fastened my silk cloak around my shoulders and followed Donovan down to Hogsmeade.

We were walking past an old dingy pub called the Hogs Head. Why anyone would want to go in there is beyond me. And suddenly a group of people burst through the doors, following one guy that ran out first. Charlie.

He almost collided into me.

"Watch where you're going!" Donovan shouted at him.

Charlie stared at me unblinkingly. He must have sensed me. Even with the charm he knew it was me.

"Sorry about that mate. My comrade here is a zealous drinker." Sirius explained to Donovan as he clapped Charlie on the shoulder.

"Charlie mate, where's the fire?" Remus asked as he drunkenly slumped against another guy.

A rather quiet guy, that looked out of place with his cheerful friends.

Charlie just kept staring at me.

I smiled at him and turned toward Donovan as he extended his arm for me to take.

"Gentleman, have a nice evening." I said.

My voice was the same.

Charlie smiled and winked at me, a promise of a mental conversation to come.

And James Potter's head snapped up as he looked at me with the fiercest gaze I had ever seen.

As Donovan led me down the sidewalk like the proper escort a husband should be, I glanced back. Sirius was laughing with a drunken Remus, Charlie was smiling, and James Potter's eyes were staring back at me.


	30. For Good Measure

**Chapter 30- For Good Measure**

Donovan apparated us straight to his estate. As I looked around the marble floors and walls adorned with sconces and portraits, I realized he probably hadn't been here in a long time. The house was big, but it gave me that same empty feeling that I got anytime I stepped foot into these types of places. These places always belonged to someone who was wealthy and probably powerful so I had to always be 'proper Lily' the whole time. But this was different. I'm not Lily at all anymore. I'm Cassandra Mihailov and this is my home where I live with my husband, Donovan.

Three House Elves popped into the foyer with us and Donovan was giving them instructions for arrangements and dinner. Two popped away just as suddenly as they appeared but the third and oldest looking elf stayed behind. Donovan led him up to me, introducing me as his wife Cassandra.

"You need to add Cassandra to the wards so that she may come and go as she pleases." He instructed the elf.

The House Elf hobbled toward me and extended his hand. I stared at him with confusion until Donovan sighed with impatience saying,

"He needs your hand."

I reached my hand toward the elf and it grabbed it quickly with a sharp prick. I yelped and looked down to see the blood in my hand.

The elf, however, gave me a strange look and turned to Donovan.

"Master, this is..." But Donovan cut him off.

"I'm aware. But she is the one I told you about. You will protect her and grant her access." Donovan said.

The elf nodded and bowed to Donovan. Then it came back toward me, reaching for my hand once more. I hesitated, but placed my hand in his expecting another stab of pain. But this time, the elf held my hand tightly and a warm sensation spread over my hand as it glowed blue for only a few seconds before the elf released me. I looked down at my hand and was surprised to see it healed and perfectly normal.

"Will there be anything else Master?" The little elf asked.

"That will be all." Donovan said.

The elf bowed to both of us before disappearing.

"Well, since you're now set up through the wards, I'll show you around so you don't get lost or wander into places you don't need to be." He said.

I rolled my eyes behind his back.

We went to the kitchen, the dining hall, the ballroom, the music room, the drawing-room, the different sitting rooms, the gallery, the huge library, the many bedrooms and bathrooms, the several different offices, one of which was Donovan's private office I was forbidden to enter, the greenhouses, the gardens, and finally my room. I was also warned from entering the attic and basement and a few locked bedrooms. In fact, I got the feeling that the real point of his little tour was just to tell me where I wasn't allowed.

After the 'tour' Donovan walked me to my room and left me at the door. I walked in and threw myself on the bed. I lie there for a moment before I chuckled as I thought, if only my mother could see me now. Cassandra has the life she wanted for me. Married to a rich guy with an old popular family. My room was nice, certainly large and luxurious, but it was just a room. I'm used to large and lavish and luxurious. Unfortunately, I'm also used to the loneliness that usually comes with it. And on that note, I couldn't help thinking about seeing James in Hogsmeade.

The way James looked at me, it's like he knew it was me. And while I knew it was James the second that I saw him, I also knew it wasn't the James I remembered. The guy I saw in Hogsmeade was just a shell of the person that I knew James Potter to be. Sirius and Remus and Peter had all stumbled out of the pub laughing. James, however, looked somber. The James I knew, he was always laughing with his friends especially when they were all together. So I wondered, what had happened? Was there something going on back at home? Or was it simply that I had left him the way that I had? I hated myself for hurting him, and seeing him just made the guilt that much worse. Charlie had sensed me and ran out to the street, the others had no clue what was going on and that was also in part to their obvious consumption of alcohol. But James looked right at me as soon as I spoke, as if he recognized me. Then again, would you really know someone based on their voice alone? But I just couldn't shake that look. It was like he was looking through me, in that way that only James Potter can do.

I sat up and looked at the clock, 30 minutes until dinner. I walked to a set of doors and pulled them open. A large bathroom was inside. I walked over to the next set and found the closet. Beautiful and expensive gowns lined down one side. Expensive robes of all kinds of fabrics and colors lined the other. It was truly set up for someone who lived a glamorous and rich lifestyle. I walked past the ball gowns and saw cocktail dresses and day dresses and further back there were trousers and button down shirts. A knock at the door signaled Donovan was here to escort me downstairs for dinner.

Dinner was a quiet affair. We ate some wonderful food, though Donovan wasn't one for making conversation or small talk. The house elves were pouring us tea when he decided to debrief me on my schedule.

"Tomorrow I'll be taking you to the house where you'll be working. This operation was set up here in Germany, but the Death Eater in charge is British. I can't say I like the guy, but fortunately he doesn't take part in any of the Death Eaters' attacks. At least I don't have to worry about leaving you alone, even you could take him out... most likely. I'll apparate you to the site tomorrow morning."

I nodded.

Just when you think he's paying you a compliment, he follows with an insult.

* * *

The house we apparated to wasn't much of a house at all. It was an old house, a couple of floors with windows boarded up and hedges overgrown. The roof was missing in some spots and the front porch looked as if it would collapse any minute. The whole house looked dangerous and I had no clue why anyone would want to go in there, it was basically a death trap. It looked like it had once been a nice house, but now it looked abandoned and forgotten. Not to mention the creepy woods backed up to it a little too closely for my liking. We walked closer through the old iron gates that were missing bars and only hanging on by half the hinges. Once we stepped through, I came to a sudden stop. The house had changed! It must have had a glamor on it to anyone outside of the gates. The house was in pristine condition. Hedges were nicely trimmed, the fountain had lost its green mold and weeds and was running with clear water. The windows were clean and none missing or broken. It's times like this you can appreciate magic.

"It's enchanted so muggles and magical alike won't want to step foot near the place. The only people who can get in are those that have been here before. You can come through on your own now that you've entered with me." He said.

I nodded.

"Who's house is this?" I asked.

"There's a small possibility that someone donated it the Dark Lord's cause. But most likely he had some muggles killed for it." He said.

I decided I should just stop asking questions.

We walked into the house and through the first floor. There was a kitchen and bathroom but it looked like the other rooms were converted to storage and workrooms.

In the back of the house there was a large room with several tables and cauldrons set up. And in the middle of it, a man dressed in black robes turned around to face us.

I tried to mask my features as much as possible to hide my surprise. I never expected the person I was going to be working with to be someone who I knew. But here he was, Severus Snape stood scowling before me.

"Snape, this is my wife Cassandra." Donovan said.

Snape nodded in my direction.

"I have to go meet with my supplier today to restock, we can start tomorrow." He said.

And Snape quickly left the room.

I turned toward Donovan, and being sarcastic I said,

"Well he seems like loads of fun."

* * *

"James, will you stop already? I told you, I don't know who she is. It was a total coincidence, I just needed some air." Charlie said with great irritation.

Sirius said nothing but rubbed his chin as if he were deep in thought.

"Charlie, you ran out of that bar like you were on fire. You knew it was her, you sensed her, didn't you? And don't think I didn't catch that wink you gave her. Besides, I'd recognize her voice. It _is_ Lily, isn't it? Come on, it's the only thing that makes sense. Every time I've asked the Ministry about that program they have no idea what I'm talking about. She's doing something undercover. I _know _Lily! Nothing else makes sense." James said, clearly proud of himself for figuring it out.

Charlie sighed.

"_If _Lily did happen to be undercover and disguised as a different person, what are the odds that she would just be strolling through Hogsmeade at night with her husband? If Lily went undercover as some spy she would probably be out doing something, not walking through Hogsmeade! Let's face it, you want Lily to be reachable to you. I don't blame you. But I don't know where she is any more than you do." Charlie said.

"Right. I'll believe that load of dung when Merlin appears riding a flying unicorn wearing nothing but his starkers." James said.

"Now you see, this is the creative side of you that I've missed." Sirius finally joined in sarcastically.

He was clearly bored with the entire thing.

"Don't you start. I know you're hiding something Sirius. And if I find out you know where Lily is, it'll be the last thing you've ever lied to me about." James said.

"Resorting to threatening the innocent? Is it really that hard for you to take a hit to that ego of yours?" Sirius asked.

"What? Are you actually insinuating I'm upset because Lily left me and how it would make me look? You aren't really that daft are you?" James said.

Sirius shrugged.

"Well you're acting like a buffoon, I'll have you know. She left you and she very obviously doesn't want to be found. Why do you insist on going around like a kicked puppy trailing after her? It almost makes me ashamed to be associated with you." Sirius said.

James looked shocked. He had never seen Sirius act with such malice! Sirius was his best friend, he was supposed to be the most understanding at least. The most sympathetic had always been Remus, but Sirius had always been his silent support.

"When did you become so much of a-" James started.

"Oh do finish what I'm sure is going to be a witty insult." Sirius said.

James shook his head.

"I was going to say, when did you become such a Black?!" James said.

Sirius looked as if he wanted to snarl before he composed his features into a blank mask.

"I've always been a Black. Maybe you would do well to remember that." He said.

"So this is what Harpor was talking about. What has gotten into you, Sirius?" James asked.

"Running around gossiping with my exes now?" Sirius asked with distaste.

"She came to me and said it was like you were a completely different person. She was worried about you." James said.

"I should apologize for not meeting everyone's standard then?" Sirius asked.

"You're a fool, Sirius. And once you've pushed away everyone that ever cared about you maybe then you'll see it." James said.

And then James was gone, slamming the door behind him.

Charlie shook his head and slumped onto Sirius' couch.

"He's never going to give up until he finds her." Charlie said.

Sirius pulled out a bottle of Firewhiskey and poured two small glasses, handing Charlie one.

"I hate having to do this to him. When he finds out, he'll never forgive me." Sirius muttered, swallowing the contents of his glass in one go.

"And what about when he finds out about the other thing?" Charlie asked.

"What other thing?" Sirius asked.

"Sirius, you quit the Auror academy just a couple of weeks away from finishing. And coincidentally, right when a string of Knockturn alley dealers we were watching go missing. One wonders who would go through the trouble of taking them all out." Charlie said.

"You're accusing me? You think me a Martyr?" Sirius said.

"Moody thinks whoever did it wants to be the only trader in those parts. So now all the Death Eaters have to go through him, seeing as everyone else is in jail now. A lucrative business person or an idiot fancying he'll have a go as spy." Charlie said.

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Not to mention you've apparently broken up with your girlfriend and have now got your best friend pissed at you. Looks like someone's trying to cut connections." Charlie said.

Sirius huffed.

"I admit to nothing." He said.

Charlie shook his head.

"I just hope you know what you're getting into, mate." Charlie said.

"Oh haven't you heard? I'm a Black. I was bred for this." Sirius said with disdain.

And with that I woke up, looking up at my ceiling in Donovan's house. Now my subconscious was just slipping into Charlie's mind without me even trying. It was very strange.

* * *

"I expect everything to be kept in order here. All ingredients need to be put up when you're finished. I expect you to clean all of your cauldrons and utensils when you are finished as well."He said.

"Of course, Master Snape. I worked with Master Donohough, he wouldn't accept anything less than perfection." I said.

"Good. Then maybe you won't turn out to be too much of a disappointment." He said with snide as he walked to the cupboard he kept ingredients in.

"Make the list of potions on the table." He called.

I looked down and rolled my eyes. Seriously? Healing droughts, burn salves, abrasion lotions... Oh and look, ambrosia, Drought of the Living Death, and then a few I had never heard of.

I walked to the closet where the cauldrons were kept and started pulling out a bunch of different ones.

This was going to be miserable here, I could already tell. I decided to brew two at a time just to show him I'm better then he thinks.

And I don't know why I expected anything more, but every time he walked by he was making some comment.

'It says slice not hack!' and then there was, 'Mihailov! Don't be pompous, two potions at once is just asking to be improperly brewed!"

And of course after all of them were finished he merely looked at them and walked away.

I bottled them just so they weren't wasted. At least my time felt somewhat productive. He spent his time over cauldrons and notes making sure I couldn't see what he was doing.

Though I could have sworn I saw him grab Mandrake and Datura. I definitely am not drinking anything from him. Those will have you out of your mind or dead in seconds depending how you prepare them. But maybe that's what the Death Eaters were slipping people these days? I knew I needed to find out. But I'll have to get on Snape's good side, or at least have him trust me.

I left when Donovan arrived that evening and couldn't be more happier to. Snape was just as snarky as I remembered him to be from Hogwarts. But I hadn't forgotten his warnings to me either. A Death Eater trying to keep a muggleborn safe? There was more to Severus Snape than meets the eye. And I intended to find out.

* * *

"How would you have me help you today?" I asked, though I was already looking for a list of beginners potions he wanted me to brew today.

We had been on the same routine for weeks now. Every day I do useless brewing while he secretively pours over cauldrons and making notes.

I had also learned to just ignore his rude and snide remarks. Those too had become routine.

"Well, I suppose since you've actually proved adept at potions I can actually trust you to do something other than a basic healing drought." He said.

I grinned at the prospect of doing something exciting. All I've been doing are healing droughts and occasionally he asks me to make some of the most complex potions I've ever seen and then as soon as they're done he looks at them and vanishes them. Just like that, no commentary whatsoever, no explanation. Of course I realized they were all tests, but how many times was he going to test me on caldron thickness, brass or aluminum stirrer, making me check my scales a million times, and then treating me like I'm just a first year potions student. It's like training with Donovan. Except I haven't even seen Donovan in over a week. Donovan wants me to tell him every single detail of my day, but like always, he tells me nothing of what he's up to. I'm just stuck living in his manor all by myself with the exception of a few house elves. Even when he isn't away, he's always in his study or shut up in his bedroom. And that's fine with me, it's annoying enough to play Donovan's docile wife every day.

"Mihailov! Are you listening?" Snape asked.

Jeez he can sure startle someone right out of their day dreams. He ought to be a professor.

"I'm sorry, what did you ask?" I said nicely.

He frowned.

"I asked if you knew anything about  
Monkshood?" He said.

"It's highly poisonous." I said.

He stared at me for a second longer.

"So what would you say to drinking a potion with Monkshood in it?" He asked.

"I wouldn't. It would kill me almost instantly. What kind of test it this? This is basic potions knowledge." I said.

He sighed.

"I've experimented with it. And I suppose I might accept your opinions on its uses." He said.

"So you don't know what else to do?" I translated.

He shot me a dirty look.

"I mean, exactly why are you experimenting? Are you trying to produce a potion with a specific effect?" I asked.

"Yes. A controlling effect." He said.

So this is what Voldemort wants to make? A potion to control people? It's like a potion form of the Imperious curse. My mind started jumping to all conclusions.

"Why are you using Monkshood then? It's a poison, at the very least a strong hallucinogenic." I said.

He hesitated.

"The Dark Lord wishes to posses control of the werewolves." He said.

"What?!" I said.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I mean, that would certainly be difficult." I said.

More like impossible.

"Are you being deliberately infuriating or does it come natural?" He asked.

"My apologies, Severus. Do you have notes I could perhaps look over? Otherwise I won't really know how to help much." I said.

He nodded.

"Of course. I'm very thorough when documenting my experiments." He said.

He waved his wand and several scrolls came flying toward him.

"Read these. We'll meet here again at 8am on Thursday. A few days should be plenty of time for you." Snape said.

I nodded.

"I'll read them and make notes of my own, if you'd like." I said.

He gave a short nod.

The basement door creaked open and Donovan strolled in.

"Snape, I hope you're finished. I've just gotten back from some very important and very secret business of the Dark Lords and you see, I've dreadfully missed my lovely wife. I'll be taking her home now." He said.

Snape simply turned away.

I looked at Donovan like he was crazy as his hand went around my wrist pulling me along.

We left the manor grounds and he apparated us to the countryside. Out in the middle of nowhere.

"What are we doing h-"

"What did he give you?" Donovan demanded.

"Huh? Oh, scrolls. On potions experiments." I said.

"Hand them over." He said.

I pulled them from my robes pockets.

"Why are we out in the middle of nowhere?" I asked.

Donovan waved his wand and one of the scrolls burst into bright blue flames.

"Hey! I have to read those!" I said.

"Not that one, you don't. It was a fake with a tracking charm on it." He said.

"A what?" I asked

"Come on, let's go." He grabbed my hand and we apparated to 5 other random locations before we finally were back at Donovan's manor.

"What are you doing? What's going on?" I asked.

"Someone slipped you a tracking charm. Probably wanting to know where I live. Foolish of them, really. But anyways, from now on, you apparate at least 5 different random places before you come here. Understood?" he said.

"But why are they trying to find where you live?" I asked.

"Cassandra, do you understand me?" He repeated.

I huffed and rolled my eyes.

"Yes! Ok! I will!" I said.

"Good." He said.

And he walked out of the room.

Well, who says I'm finished talking yet? I made to follow him when a house elf popped in front of me.

"Would Mistress like tea?" It squeaked.

"Oh, um, not now." I said.

It looked so sad not to be able to do something for me.

"Actually, tea would be nice. Thank you." I said.

With a 'pop' it was gone and I continued my way upstairs to find Donovan.

I followed Donovan up to his office and swung open the door, ready to have a row if that's what it took for him to actually tell me something.

He was standing shirtless looking into a full length mirror. His back was covered in bruises, some old and some new. I gasped at the horrific scene.

Donovan must have heard me but he didn't turn around to acknowledge me. I pulled out my wand and did a summoning spell. A silver canister appeared in seconds and I walked forward towards Donovan. I opened the lid and looked at the salve inside, sticking my hand in to scoop some out. I could see Donovan watching me in the mirror, but he didn't say anything or move to stop me. I walked up behind him and gently rubbed the salve on his back. He sighed in relief as the cooling sensation took effect.

"You're lucky Snape made me prove my worthiness and make all kinds of random potions as a test, this being one of them." I said.

He chuckled.

"Right. I'll be sure to thank him." But we both knew that wouldn't happen.

"What was with that little show today?" I asked.

I really wanted to ask where he got these bruises, but that was bound to make him just clam up again.

"I don't like the way he looks at you." He said.

"What, like I'm a blithering idiot who has no idea what she's doing? You're right, those looks are reserved for you to give me." I said.

He very suddenly grabbed my wrist and turned me to stand in front of him.

"That's not true. I don't look at you that way. Well, I suppose in training maybe. But only because it seems to motivate you." He said.

"Hmm. Motivation. Right." I mumbled a reply.

I felt a little embarrassed now.

"You're doing amazing Cassandra." He whispered.

I looked up.

"Amazing? I'm doing nothing! I sit and try to convince a Death Eater that I know how to brew! How helpful is that to The Order? I only just found out what we are really working on!" I said.

"Are you still there? Yes. Did you convince him you know what you're doing? Yes. Are you still successfully fooling him from your true identity and the fact that you're a spy? Yes. So I call that a very good accomplishment." He said.

I sighed.

"Any chance you're going to tell me where you got these bruises?" I asked.

"What bruises?" He asked.

He turned to look at them in the mirror and they had all faded to barely visible.

"How about I start telling you what you tell me. Nothing." I said.

I slammed the lid on the canister and turned to the door.

"Vampires." He said.

I turned around. Donovan gestured to a chair by the fireplace and I sat down as he walked over buttoning up his shirt. It was then I noticed the tea-tray. Oh, those elves are good.

"The Dark Lord wants the Vampires on his side. Only, the Vampires don't very well like having anyone tell them what to do and give them commands. They're very aristocratic that way. Anyways, I've met with a few trying to discover the clan leaders. They also happen to like their privacy and get very upset at being followed." He said gesturing to his back.

I nodded.

"So Vampires and Werewolves?" I asked.

"Werewolves?" He questioned.

" I thought maybe you heard us talking earlier since you knew about the scrolls, but that's why Voldemort wants potions masters. He wants a potion to control the werewolves." I said.

Donovan ran a hand through his hair.

"So that's what Barnabas was talking about..." He muttered.

"Barnabas?" I asked.

What an odd name.

"Yes, he's one of my Vampire contacts. He's pretty connected to all the different clans, I guess he's a drifter of sorts. He said the clans weren't interested in being commanded like dogs." He said.

"How do they know?" I asked.

Donovan shrugged.

"Vampires don't live so long by being stupid. They know things and they know people who tell them things." Donovan said.

I nodded.

"And what about the tracking charm?" I asked.

"I really don't know. I don't think that Snape would be that foolish, but someone could have slipped it in his possessions. But were they trying to track him or hoping he would give them to you? And whoever did it now knows the vague vicinity of your lab. It is unplottable, but that doesn't mean they don't have a better clue." He said.

"But who would want to find out about it? You think that it's the vampires as well?" I asked.

"It's my first guess. I don't think any of the Death Eaters would be foolish enough to try that knowing the Dark Lord would retaliate. It could be Order members, Dumbledore knows you're stationed there but I doubt he's told anyone about it. We only just found out what you're working on, he wouldn't really have a reason to. So that leaves the vampires. Or, someone else entirely. And that I hate to think about." He said.

I just nodded.

"Just be careful." He said.

Someone should take their own advice.

* * *

That night my subconscious once again took me to Charlie's mind.

"I hate stinking patrols! Why do we have to walk around Diagon Alley all night anyways? Nobody is out here!" The girl next to Charlie complained loudly.

"Shhh. Alice, keep it down alright? And you know why we have to be here." Charlie said.

"This is so stupid though. Why would anyone want to partake in any exciting and illegal activities with us walking around dressed in our Auror robes? Like any D.E. would be here." She said.

"Moody said it wasn't about that at all. It's to boost the morale of the people so that they feel safer and so they won't go through with that stupid movement Crouch is trying to push on the Ministry." Charlie said.

The girl, Alice, shook her head.

"I don't know where in the world the M.L.E get off thinking they need to use the unforgiveables. The Aurors don't use them and we are against it! Besides, the Aurors are the front line of the war anyways so you'd think the Ministry would take us into consideration. What arrests have the M.L.E. made lately anyways? Yet they are the first to take credit for our work! Oh, that pompous Barty Crouch better hope I never come across him." She said.

Charlie shook his head.

"Yea, you and me both. The guys just as bad as the D.E. stooping to that level. " Charlie said.

Alice looked at him appraisingly.

"I like you. I think we'll make great partners." She said matter of fact.

"Yea, Alice, as long as those two older brothers of yours don't kill me for speaking to you." He said.

"Gideon and Fabian are harmless!" she said.

"Yeah, say that to the six D.E. they arrested a couple of days ago." He said.

She laughed.

Charlie grinned as she walked ahead with her hands in her pockets whistling loudly.

I woke up in my dark bedroom, staring up at the ceiling and blinking away sleep.

So, the Ministry of Magic is considering using the Unforgiveables?

* * *

"So, I read your work and based off what you've tried I thought we could go a slightly different route. I have scrolls here of several different potions we could try. Of course, they all include Monkshood as well and you can only harvest on full moons." I said.

"I have plenty already harvested. Did you make notes on mine?" Snape asked.

I nodded, handing over all the scrolls after returning them from their pocket-size form.

He took his and looked through them.

"Silver utensils?" He asked.

"Well, yes. And a silver cauldron. Silver is bad for werewolves, maybe it will make the Monkshood drinkable."

He nodded.

"Interesting theory." He looked through some of mine.

"We'll set up cauldrons. Starting today." He said.

He showed me into a locked room where the gold and silver and bronze and platinum cauldrons were. And I wondered how they got all of these because they sure aren't cheap to come by. Who was supplying this? And how did he have so much harvested Monkshood on hand? Any ingredient I named, he had. And some of these were quite rare and pricy. I just hope nobody died for this.

We went through the potions and he debated me on several quantities for some of them, but eventually we worked out the most effective amounts of ingredients to use and set up.

"We have enough Monkshood for all of these, but I'll have to visit my supplier before we can have any other trials. So don't botch them up." He said.

I rolled my eyes behind his back.

"Some of these need to be checked over night." I said.

He nodded.

I left a list of which potions that needed to be checked, wrote down exact times, and which way to stir with which utensil. I handed them to Snape silently as I left at the end of our usual work time.

"Donovan?! Are you here?" I yelled into the manor.

I wasn't surprised when their was no response. Donovan was always gone doing something. I walked up the stairs to my room to shower. I didn't matter how great you were at freshening charms, nothing beat that clean filling like hot water and soap. Especially when you've stood over brews all day while vapors soak into your hair and clothes. It had become a part of my routine. I stopped, however, when I noticed the house elves had collected some owls today. The usual newspapers were there but also some letters.. One specifically caught my eye. It looked like an invitation. It was addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Donovan Mihailov. That means I could open it.. But I'd better not. Besides, it was probably some social function Donovan had been invited to based on his family's money. And Donovan did not seem like the type to go to these sorts of things.

"So it came then."

I jumped and turned to see Donovan standing behind me looking at the envelope. I handed it to him and he opened it.

"What is it?" I asked.

"A party we're going to." Donovan said.

He handed it to me.

It was written in the fanciest calligraphy I'd ever seen. Extremely formal, probably going to be really awkward.

"We're going to this?" I asked.

"Unfortunately. It's a Pureblood gathering. A lot of Death Eaters will be there. Don't expect any hoods though, they'll be flaunting about like the rich fools they are. " He said.

"So why do we have to go?" I asked.

"To make appearances. The host invited me personally. And seeing as I need him, I can't very well turn him down. He especially wants to meet you." Donovan didn't look happy about it though.

I looked back at the letter.

"Barnabas is hosting it? I thought you said he was a vampire drifter? How is he hosting this?" I asked.

"How indeed. He spends half his time being the most elusive man I know and the other half flaunting around with the best of the best. I'm not quite sure what game he's playing." Donovan said.

"But he's a vampire." I said.

"Yes. But you wouldn't know if I hadn't of told you. So don't let on to anything different. I'm guessing you've never been aware of meeting a vampire before?" He asked.

"I haven't!" I said.

"I'm sure you have and didn't even know it. Most of them blend right in with other people." Donovan said.

"But why does he want to meet me?" I asked.

"That part I'm not too sure about. I can only imagine that he knows about the manor and wants to size you up. He is not so socialite as to simply want to see my new pretty wife. There is always an ulterior motive with him." Donovan said.

"Is the operation in danger?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"The Dark Lord has many protection charms on the place. Nobody would be stupid enough to step foot there. But that doesn't mean they wouldn't try to get the brewers to talk." He said.

I nodded.

"When is it?" I asked.

"We have a few days yet. It's Friday night." He said.

I nodded.

"I suppose we'll need to go have a dress made for you." He said.

"Why? There are tons upstairs." I complained.

"You know as well as I do it's more about being seen and picking up the gossip at those shops then anything else. Nobody has really met you. Might as well make a show of it. I'll chaperone you and get them all talking. You'll be swept into their circle in no time." He said.

"Oh how wonderful." I said sarcastically.

He gave me one of those, 'don't even start with me' looks.

I stomped up the stairs as loudly as possible, just for good measure.


	31. Nowhere To Run

**Chapter 31- Nowhere To Run:**

"I just want you to know how much I hate you." I said.

Donovan rolled his eyes.

"It's not the end of the world, and don't forget your role. You're Cassandra, not Lily. And Cassandra loves getting new dresses." He said sarcastically.

"No, you're the one who wants to go." I said.

"Yes, because I know who will be there. You will behave and be the perfect socialite. We want them to like you, don't forget that." He said.

I stuck out my tongue as he held out his arm to side-along apparate us. I realize it's completely immature and childish, but socialite isn't what I thought I was signing up for. It's exactly what I thought I was getting away from.

"Come on, we need to go." He hurried me.

I was dragging my feet as slowly as possible, just to irritate him further.

"Cassandra." He warned.

The second I touched his arm we were gone. He had apparated us into the back alley behind the shop.

"Nice place." I said as I looked at the large trash bins against the back of the building.

He shot me a pointed look.

"Let's go." He whispered.

I said nothing as I took his arm and walked with my head down. He led us to the front of the building where people were milling down the street going in and out of the different shops.

When he opened the door an invisible bell tinkled overhead. The shop wasn't set up with rows of dresses or anything like that. In fact, it looked more like a business office. There weren't any dresses anywhere. When you first walked in, there was a small booth with a woman waiting to take our names and a small waiting room type area with some chairs and magazines. Apparently you could only get in if you were on the list.

The woman was around my age, her name badge said 'Anna' and she was eyeing Donovan appreciatively as she checked off our name. No doubt he was exactly the type of guy she would hope for. He was attractive in a charmingly handsome way. His looks could definitely be pictured in Witch Weekly for girls to drool over, but he put on this debonair act when he was among society that made you want to swoon. And then there was the fact that he was obviously rich. Donovan and I were both dressed expensively, for it made the right impression on these types of people. But really, must she stare at him so openly? His wife is right next to him. Well, I'm his pretend wife... but she doesn't know it's pretend.

"Right this way, Mr. Mihalov." She said.

Donovan grinned but turned to me instead.

"Actually, the appointment is for my wife. I do hope you can satisfy her, she has exquisite taste." He said.

The woman, Anna, did not look pleased. She actually scowled at me.

Donovan dropped his arm and put his hand on my back giving me a subtle push forward.

Anna led me further into the shop that opened into a large room with chandeliers hanging from the ceilings and small tables and chairs scattered around it. There were also a few couches in the room. And most of them were full of different women of varying ages, all dressed up like they were already at a ball.

I was glad when Anna turned and left me here, but not glad when I was standing alone with everyone staring at me.

I took a deep breath and prepared my socialite side. I plastered a smile on my face as a beautiful girl not much older than me with blonde hair and blue eyes walked up to me.

"You're the elusive Mrs. Mihalov we've all been hearing about!" She welcomed me.

What has she heard about me?

"My name is Victoria Richter." She smiled.

Richter? As in Barnabus Richter, the host of the ball? This woman looked like she was in her early twenties, I had imagined Barnabus as some 40-year-old grungy man the way Donovan spoke about him being some vampire drifter.

"Oh, you are Barnabus' wife?" I asked politely.

She laughed.

"Oh no, I'm his only sister." She said.

I smiled shyly.

"I'm so glad you could make it today, Cassandra. Come, you'll sit with me." She hooked her arm in mine and pulled me to her table in the center of the room.

Everyone stared at me with calculating eyes as I was led to the seat of honor, right next to the host's sister.  
And then a thought occurred to me, Donovan said Barnabus was a vampire.. Then his sister was as well, right? Or were all of these women vampires? Surely Donovan wouldn't just leave me with a bunch of vampires...would he?

"So, Donovan tells me you've never been aware of meeting a vampire before?" She said to me as everyone went back to their drinks and their own conversations.

I guess that answers that. Merlin's beard, I'm surrounded too. Good one, Lily, walk right into a nest of them and get yourself completely surrounded.

Victoria chuckled.

"Cassandra, your heart is racing. Calm down, I assure you we aren't what you probably think. We aren't about to attack you." She said.

"That's good, because I would have worn a different dress." I said as I wished my daggers were a bit more accessible.

But she burst out laughing as a man in a tailored suit appeared with a tray of drinks. I was afraid of seeing a cup full of blood, but he gave us both champagne.

"Let's be friends." She said as though it were a proclamation instead of a suggestion.

Only, I didn't know why she would want to. I didn't know anything about these people, other than they knew Donovan. Why would she want to befriend me other than her own amusement apparently. Like I'm just a big joke. She doesn't know me whatsoever. Unless she's playing her own game, there's really not a reason for her to talk to me. And Donovan is no help, he tells me nothing and throws me into situations where I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost in all of this. It isn't anything like school, there I knew how to control most situations. Here I'm just a pawn in someone else's game. And the worst part is knowing it and having nothing to do about it. Though it might help to know who's game I'm really playing.

I smiled at Victoria.

"I am sorry though, I guess I was expecting Dracula." I said.

She was still smiling.

"Oh pet, you are a delight. It's refreshing to have someone speak freely. Most everyone is afraid of me. But I suppose that's due to my brother..." She said as she sipped her champagne with elegance.

There was such an aristocratic air to everyone, was I messing this up?

"Now, I'm going to design you the most magnificent dress you've ever worn." She said.

"You're the designer?" I asked with surprise.

"Of course." She smiled as Anna came back in and waited by a side door.

"Come, I know exactly what to do." Victoria said as she led me past Anna into the side room that had a huge platform surrounded by mirrors.

Anna walked in behind me and Victoria turned to her.

"Wand. I'll do this one myself." She said.

The girl pulled out her wand and handed it to Victoria.

That was odd, why wouldn't Victoria use her own wand?

"Now Cassandra, step up and I'll measure you." She said.

I stepped on the platform and measuring tapes started going all around me as she circled me, writing down numbers and measurements. She summoned some black fabrics and they zoomed into the room. She started muttering charms as the black fabrics unrolled themselves and we're magically cut out. They floated to me and were wrapping around different parts of me. She kept swishing the wand around and the fabrics were layering and forming into the shape of a dress. It only took her about ten minutes.

She poked me in several spots to make adjustments and embroider the thin lace that went over my chest barely concealing the top of my breast that the low-cut front revealed. The back of the dress plunged far down, and as I looked into the mirror I saw the skin of my back. Too much skin then I would ever normally show. But I had to admit, the dress was sophisticated and sexy. I felt sexy just standing in it. As Lily, I would never wear something like this. But as Cassandra, I didn't need to be embarrassed because nobody knew who I really was. The dress had satin swoops just over the tops of my shoulders and arms, barely qualifying as sleeves. The satin shined and the top glittered with beautiful bead work.

"Victoria, this is amazing..." I whispered.

She grinned.

"A new dress for my new friend. My gift to you." She said smoothly.

Anna stood in the corner silently, watching us. I had to remember to ask Donovan about her. Something seemed.. Off.

I spent a couple more hours with Victoria drinking champagne and eating off of the many trays the staff brought out to us. Victoria introduced me to some of the other women but they didn't say much. They all watched me, but were cordial enough. I got the feeling it was only because of Victoria. She seemed to be someone they respected. It were as if she were a princess or something. She seemed to do and say whatever she wanted and nobody said anything to counter her. But behind her back they stared at me with distaste, like I didn't belong here and I was below them.

When Donovan brought me home the first thing he asked me was how it went.

"Well, you know, pretty good I think." I said.

"Explain." He said.

"Well, I'm still alive considering you left me in a building filled with vampires!" I said.

I hadn't forgotten that he had lied to me again and figuratively thrown me to the wolves.

"Come now, you would have given everything away if I had of told you. You were too afraid of them." He said.

"Of course I'm afraid! They're vampires! They could kill me!" I said.

"Don't overreact. I thought today would be good for you to get over your fear." He said.

"You should have told me! I was unprepared!" I said.

"Cassandra, if I had told you then you would have refused to go." He said.

"Oh right, and my life isn't as important as your plans." I said.

"You're being hysterical." He said calmly but a slight edge of irritation laced his voice.

"I have a right to be!" I yelled.

"No, you don't. You accepted this mission, now stop acting like a child and pull yourself together. You knew it was going to be dangerous. And while you think I don't do my job of preparing you, you're wrong. Not every situation is going to go like you plan. You need to learn how to keep up with whatever is thrown at you without blowing your cover." He said.

"So this was just a test?" I said.

"I wasn't about to let you blow it at the gala." He said.

"Why did you even agree to me doing this? You obviously don't think I can do anything." I screamed.

He didn't say anything, just kept his calm demeanor that infuriated me even more.

I stormed out of the room. One minute Donovan is finally telling me things and opening up and dare say it complimenting me, the next minute he is closed off again and making me feel smaller than a child.

* * *

The next day I was still in a bad mood when I walked in to the old manor. Severus was already there, as usual, and writing away in the leather book he always kept with him.

He looked up when I walked in and as always, put his book up out of my view. I wonder what he wrote in there.

"Any changes last night?" I asked.

"No, they remained stable. They are finished and ready for testing." He said.

"Testing? How are we supposed to test them?" I asked.

"On werewolves, of course." He said.

"But, we have no idea what the effects of any of these potions will be. You can't just test them on live subjects, it could kill someone." I said.

Was he serious?

"Well, it's a good thing they're only werewolves." He said.

I was astonished. Severus must have seen the look on my face because he stopped walking towards the cauldrons and stared at me.

"The Dark Lord will not wait patiently forever. He expects results of some kind. If we fail to produce progress he'll have us killed. How did you think we were going to test these?" He said.

I just shook my head. I hadn't thought about that. At least, not on live subjects.

"How are you planning to test them on werewolves? I doubt any volunteered." I said, dreading what I knew he would say.

"It's already arranged. They're waiting for us." He said.

"What? As in, right now?" I asked.

He nodded.

I stood there in shock as he walked out to get several trays of glass viles. He brought them back in and I tried to compose myself. He handed me some and we started to fill them with the potions labeling which was which. We took a couple viles of each one, and Severus placed a charm on them to prevent them from breaking should they be accidentally dropped. He then shrunk them into his robes and turned to me.

"I'll apparate us to the site." He held out his arm for me.

I wanted to refuse. I wanted to tell him werewolves were people too. I wanted to just blow up the whole lab and get as far away as possible. These were our first potions, there was no way to know what would happen if they were consumed. We were lucky none of them exploded this time, as Severus had experienced before I started. I knew I was working for the Dark Lord, but I suppose I never thought I'd do this. Everything in me was screaming how wrong this was, that I needed to stop it. I'd ruin everything now if I did though. It would jeopardize Donovan and probably get myself killed. And I was willing to sacrifice my life, but I knew they would just find someone else. I could still do good by being here, though it wasn't my place to judge who's lives had to be sacrificed for the greater good.

And so, I resolved myself with the fate that would now surely await me after this life. I put my hand on Severus' arm and he apparated us away.

* * *

We arrived at another building in ruin, like it was once a stone castle but now destroyed. But this time there were no illusions. This depressing place was as real as it ever was. We walked through a stone entrance, no door left on it, and Severus led us through the halls. There were pieces of stone rubble littering the stone ground, parts of the ceilings were gone letting the light from the sun through along with the rain that poured outside. We walked in silence, and we arrived at a staircase that descended into the ground. In this lower chamber the floors were dirt, the walls a thick stone, and we were greeted by three men. All of them were wearing black cloaks with hoods over their heads. Two of them were at a table playing cards by candlelight. The third stood in the shadows, barely in view.

"It's about time." One of the men said as he threw down his cards.

Severus frowned at him with distaste.

"Let's get on with it." The portly man said.

He reached in his robes and pulled out a key, walking toward the dungeon-like door.

"Mind if we watch?" The other man at the table said.

Severus gave the man an irritated look before saying,

"If you stay silent, we need to see the effects without distraction."

The man held his hands up in surrender as he smiled and quickly got to his feet. The third man in the corner moved forward as well, but still in the shadows.

"Who's he?" Severus said.

"He's new, pay him no mind." The second guy said.

The portly man finally got the door unlocked and it opened with an eerie creek.

Severus walked forward and I followed silently.

The room smelled ghastly. It assaulted my nose and made bile rise up my throat. It was the smell of deification and urine that must have been trapped in here for days.

The two men pulled out their wands and lit the torches on the walls. My eyes were assaulted with the most gruesome thing I had ever seen. Five men were chained to the back wall, all looked like they had been starved and beaten for days or maybe even weeks. Their clothes were stained with mud and blood and their own feces. Their faces were sunken in and bruised. Their was a sixth man at the end slumped over, unmoving. The stench of his death permeated around us. The two Death Eaters had stepped forward and offered out their hands.

"We can give it to 'em, wouldn't want the misses to get her robes dirty." The portly one said.

"Indeed." Severus said.

He pulled out his wand a produced two chairs. As I sat down the third man slipped into the room, and I caught a glimpse of his face when he passed through the torch-light before slipping back into the shadows. I looked away quickly and Severus handed me a journal and a never dry quill.

I was to take notes on how the potions effected each subject.

Severus handed the portly man a vile and whispered #1 to me.

The portly man went to the first chained man who looked at him miserably. The werewolf was probably about 30 years old or so, and all of them were men.

The portly Death Eater grabbed the mans throat and told him to drink. He made no fight and swallowed the vile. It only took about a minute before he slumped over. The Death Eater checked his pulse before pronouncing him dead.

Potion #2 had the same effect, although it took about five minutes before it claimed the mans life.

Potion #3 was administered to an older man who looked to be in his late forties. He tried to resist and was beaten before he finally took the potion. He started convulsing before he,too, died.

Potion #4 was administered and nothing happened. The werewolf stood silently, refusing to look at us. We sat and watched him for twenty minutes before he fell asleep only to never wake up again.

When the portly Death Eater walked to the last werewolf I noticed that he was only in his early twenties or so. He resisted and both Death Eaters started to beat him violently. My hands squeezed my journal tightly as I tried to stay quiet.

The boy screamed in pain.

"You're the ones who are monsters! You're all going to burn in hell for this! We're victims! We didn't do anything wrong!" He screamed hoarsely.

"You exist. That's your crime." The second Death Eater said as he forced the vile down the boys throat.

The boy started convulsing and white foam bubbled out of his mouth as his eyes rolled back in his head. I couldn't look anymore. As I looked away, I noticed the third and silent Death Eater was watching me. But I didn't care, I didn't care about any of it anymore.

I felt Severus' hand on my arm and looked at him.

"It's finished. We're leaving." He said.

I looked back at the dead boy and tried to hold back my tears.

God forgive me.

* * *

I hadn't made a single note in the journal. I didn't need to. I wouldn't be forgetting anything about this day any time soon. As soon as we arrived back at the old manor I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Luckily my back was to Severus, but I think he knew. He said nothing as he walked upstairs to the bedroom he had stayed in. I apparated away as quickly as possible.

That night my dreams were plagued with screams of the boy. The figures of the slumped men started rising with dead eyes but coming after me to take me to hell. I don't know when the boys screams became my own, but it was enough for Donovan to come in and shake me awake.

"Lily?" He questioned cautiously.

I couldn't speak, I ran to the bathroom to release the sick that had bubbled up my throat. Donovan came in after me and crouched next to me, waiting for my explanation I suppose. He just stared at me as I started sobbing, offering me a towel.

"It's my fault. They're dead because I didn't stop it. Because I failed." I said.

"They were dead anyways. They were never going to be released." He said.

I looked up at him, not in the least surprised that he knew what had happened.

"Severus sent me an owl. He said you looked sick after today, that you were probably coming down with something and to keep you here until you recovered so that he wasn't exposed." Donovan said.

I gave him a strange look.

"I think you may have a new friend, or he just feels sorry for you." Donovan said.

I shook my head. Severus wasn't the type to make excuses or cover for anyone. And he definitely didn't see me as a friend or admire me in the least. Most of the time he treats me as if I were a pest he had to put up with.

"The best thing you can do isn't necessarily to forget what happened, but you do need to move on. It happened and it won't be the last time. Let that be your motivation to keep going, knowing one day this will all be over." He said.

He touched my shoulder briefly before he left me alone.

It wasn't that he was being unkind, it's just how Donovan was. He didn't seem to dwell on things that could not be changed, but looked ahead to drive on and keep going. It's probably the only way to live like this and still stay sane. I said a quick prayer for those men before I climbed back to bed, willing myself forgiveness that I didn't deserve. I had failed. And the cost of my failure were their lives.

There were no nightmares this time, but I was pulled into Charlie's mind again. I had taken to thinking of them as Charlie Dreams. Although I was quite sure they were all very real...

* * *

"Fucking hell, Alice!" Charlie whispered urgently.

"What?! We can't just stay back and not know what's going on! Death Eaters are in Knockturn alley on our shift! We actually have a chance to do something!" Alice whispered excitedly, her blonde hair flying in the breeze as her blue eyes shined with excitement.

"We need some backup! We're out numbered." Charlie whispered furiously as he glanced around.

The streets were dark and the shops closed for the night. The only light came from the street lamps, but even they stopped before Knockturn alley. The alley was already dark in the day, only dim and eery green light illuminated it now. Charlie and Alice were on a roof of one of the shops that overlooked Knockturn alley. Alice peered over the edge slowly and ever so slightly before leaning back and turning to Charlie.

"We need to move further down, I can't hear anything and I can only make out outlines of them." Alice whispered.

"Alice, if we get much closer they'll hear us. We need to keep out of view and just make sure nothing happens." Charlie said.

Alice frowned at him.

"Are you an Auror or not? This is our job, and we finally have a chance to do something and you want to sit back here and observe quietly while waiting for Moody? Well, not me." Alice whispered.

She slowly started crawling on the roof toward the other end of the street, careful to keep far enough away from the edge of the roof so that the Death Eaters below would not see her or her shadow. Charlie felt obligated to stick with her though he knew the consequences Moody would give them for not doing exactly what he told Alice they should do. He imagined a harsh tongue lashing from Moody while being moved to the most docile part of wizarding England to patrol, or perhaps be demoted to paper work and strictly desk time. But still, Charlie couldn't shake the feeling that something important was happening just below him. Why else would the Death Eaters be here? It wasn't a secret that the Aurors patrol the streets at all times. It was quite stupid of them, Charlie thought. And though his first instinct was to check it out just as Alice wanted, he still felt the charge to keep Alice out of danger. Except that Alice seemed to crave danger, and she refused to be held back.

They crawled as slowly and quietly as possible, until they could start to make out voices. Charlie waved a stop to Alice and they flattened themselves against the roof to ease a bit closer to the edge.

"Are you sure those Aurors aren't around?" One of the Death Eaters asked.

"I checked. I saw them duck into the pub, never came back out." Another replied.

That much was true, they had went into the Pub to get to the top floor in order to climb onto the roof of the building next to it.

The first Death Eater chuckled.

"I want their job, sitting in a pub all night." He said.

Charlie and Alice glanced at each other. They had no idea that they were even being watched at that time.

"Now don't tell me the big bad Death Eaters are afraid of the little Aurors." A familiar voice said.

Charlie froze as he realized who that voice belonged to, but he hoped that Alice hadn't known Sirius Black long enough to recognize it was him. Alice hadn't been in their training program, having been an Auror for about a year now. But Charlie feared she might remember Sirius from Hogwarts. They still couldn't risk looking over the edge, but they could hear quite clearly from their vantage point right above the three men.

"Shut it or we'll give you a reason to be afraid of us." The second Death Eater threatened.

"Now gentleman, you are the ones that asked for this meeting. What can I do for you?" Sirius' smooth voice asked.

The Death Eaters hesitated before the first one replied.

"You're aware of the recent bans the Ministry has put in place on class D and class E potions ingredients?" He asked.

"Indeed." Sirius replied.

"Well, we heard you're the only one who's got em' now." The second Death Eater said.

"That would be correct." Sirius said.

"Then we need to place an order with you." The first Death Eater responded.

"Really? You two fine gentleman don't really look the type for potioneers." Sirius said sarcastically.

"It's not for us, we're just deliverin' the list." The second responded.

"Ah. Well you see, I don't deal with go-between's. Easiest way to get caught. I'm sure you understand." Sirius said.

There were footsteps as if someone was leaving and then a rustle of cloaks.

"Would you dare defy the Dark Lord?!" The first man hissed.

"I greatly doubt that the Dark Lord himself sent the two of you." Sirius said.

"It's like I said, I don't do go-between's. So either you tell me what it's really for and where it's going or you send someone who can. I'm a businessman, I'm not stupid enough to get some undercover MLE getting their hands on my label." Sirius said.

"Fine. If I send the person in charge will you bring this list?" The first one asked.

"And who should I be expecting than?" Sirius asked.

"Severus Snape." The second man said.

There was a pause.

"Give me the list. And tell him to meet me here tomorrow night." Sirius said.

"Well he can't, can he? He's in Germany, that'll be at least two days to get authorized for international travel wouldn't it?" Said the second Death Eater.

"Shut up, you idiot." The first Death Eater hissed.

"I happen to have a family residence in Berlin. Perhaps I could make the trip myself?" Sirius said.

"Fine. We'll have him contact you in three days." The first Death Eater said.

"I look forward to it." Sirius said.

Two pops signaled Apparation. After a few seconds, a third one sounded and all was quiet again. Alice chanced a look over the edge before pulling back and saying,

"They're gone."

Charlie checked his watch and looked back at Alice.

"Our shift is over, we need to report back in." He said.

"Right. At least we have one name to give Moody now." Alice said.

Charlie looked at her. Had she recognized Sirius' voice?

"Severus Snape is working for the Dark Lord. I can't say I'm surprised though." Alice said.

Right, Severus Snape. Of course, until now only he and Sirius had known that Voldemort was working abroad. Even if Alice tells Moody, the Aurors have no jurisdiction outside of England. But they would start to watch everyone and everything coming in and out that looked remotely suspicious from now on. But he didn't see that as a bad thing at all.

After the debrief, Charlie left the Ministry and went straight to Sirius' flat. He wasn't there, but Charlie knew he'd be back sooner or later. Sirius wasn't stupid, although he often liked to play the part. It was the best trick card Sirius had, he was always underestimated. But Charlie knew that Sirius had met the Death Eaters on his patrol for a reason. And he'd wait on the couch all night until Sirius returned to find out what it was.

* * *

I sat up quickly, jarred awake and pulled out of Charlie's mind by my realization.

Sirius was coming to Germany. He was the illegal supplier working with the Death Eaters? It didn't make sense, unless he too was playing double agent. That would also explain why Sirius was pushing James away and not talking to him. I knew Sirius came from a Dark Arts supporting family, but he'd always renounced those ways. But the fact was, he was meeting with Snape in just three days.

Snape wasn't letting me stay home because he knew I was upset or felt sorry for me. He was using it to get me out of the way so he could meet with the supplier, with Sirius, in secret. Well, I've had about enough of being kept in the dark.

I needed to find out what game Sirius was up to. Because I didn't believe he had switched sides. I had heard a lot of things about the Black family and how crazy and evil they all were, but I knew Sirius was different. Using his family's reputation would make an excellent cover for him, but I don't know what his motivation is to do this. Unless Dumbledore had secretly recruited him as well, it's not like I had ever been to an official Order of the Phoenix meeting or knew any other members besides Donovan. But this was something I needed to find out, if Sirius ever recognized me, it could blow everything.

* * *

The next morning I arrived at the old manor at my usual time. Severus looked quite surprised to see me though.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I always arrive at this time." I said.

"I thought you'd be staying home." He said.

"I appreciate your concern for my health, but I assure you I'm fine." I said.

He didn't say anything more so I walked closer.

"What are you working on?" I asked.

"Going over yesterday's test results. Trying to come up with something new." He said.

I nodded and sat across from him.

"I noticed that the potion with Nightshade took longer to... before we saw any changes. But it was also the potion I put Wolfberry in. I was also thinking about-" but he cut me off.

"You don't have to be here." He said finally.

"Of course I do." I said.

He studied me for a moment before saying,

"I think the Wolfberry was a rather unusual choice." He said.

I paused.

"It's proven to show they're very nutritious and I thought the high protein levels could help counter the nightshade's poison effect, especially since they're both alkaloids." I said.

He studied me for a moment before he started scratching on the parchment with his quill.

"We can do another trial with a higher amount of Wolfberry." He said.

"Also, Datura may be a bit too strong. We could try Mandragora. It's in the same tropane alkaloid family, yet it's toxicity is much less." I said.

But I really couldn't see Severus pulling up Mandrakes with pink fluffy earmuffs on anytime soon.

"I'll see if I can get some from my supplier." Severus said.

He made some more notes and we discussed more changes to the potions.

"We can't start anything yet, but I'll contact you when I have the ingredients." Severus said.

"I can go with you, to help." I volunteered.

"It's not necessary." Severus dismissed.

He swept out of the room with a flutter of his cloaks and he was gone. Now I didn't know of anything else but to keep coming every day and hope I can catch him or the supplier here. I doubt Severus would bring anyone here but it's worth a shot to think he might take me with him anyways. I'll just keep showing up. I still have three days left. But in the mean time, I have a ball to get ready for.

* * *

Victoria had sent my dress by owl, and it was just as beautiful as I remembered. Donovan hadn't seen it yet, but he said I'd made myself known throughout the clans. Victoria's acceptance of me had unsettled some of the other members of the clans enough to be curious about me. It put even more pressure on me to make a good impression at the ball. I just hoped I didn't end up dead at the end of all this. Apparently the clans are selective on the outsiders that can fraternize with them. They seem very aristocratic that way.

When I pulled on my dress, it fit snugly. I still couldn't believe I was wearing this. Lily Evans would never wear something so revealing and sexy. But Cassandra wore it like she was the sexiest person alive. I grabbed my wand and cast a charm on my hair to put it in an elegant up do. I had actually put on make up for this and Victoria had made a black cloak to go with the dress that she had sent over as well. I put on some lipstick and pulled on my black glittering heels before walking down to meet Donovan.

As I walked down the stairs Donovan had his back to me looking in a mirror and fixing the collar of his white shirt under his tux.

"It's about time, we're going to be late. I thought maybe you'd died and I was going to have to-"

He stopped talking as he turned around and watched me walk down the rest of the stairs.

"Sorry I took so long." I said.

He just stared at me.

"You look-" he stuttered.

I think I was blushing. Donovan had never looked at me with interest before. His eyes went up and down the dress and finally settled on my face.

"Here, let me help you with your cloak." He said.

I handed it to him and turned my back to him so he could put it over my shoulders.

I could hear his quick intake of breath as he saw the back of my dress.

"You're stunning." He said.

Now I was glad my back was to him, I felt really awkward and embarrassed now.

"Thanks." I whispered.

I turned around and he was still giving me an odd look, but he held out his arm for me to take and he apparated us.

We arrived outside the doors of a huge Victorian style mansion. Donovan pulled out the invitation from his coat and pushed it against the door. It magically disintegrated and the door swung open. We were greeted by several people waiting to take our cloaks and coats. We handed them over and I felt suddenly stupid for wearing this dress. There were tons of people in the ballroom I could already make out just from the foyer. Donovan held his arm out for me again and he led us into the ball room and towards the right side of the room. People around us stared as they held their drink glasses. Servers walked around carrying silver trays and an orchestra in the back was playing loudly. There were many people dancing together, everyone dressed exquisitely.

"Where are we going?" I whispered.

"To the host." He said under his breath.

People parted for us, some with curious looks, others with barely masked scowls. I wondered how many of them were vampires. I know Donovan mentioned Death Eaters being here. I was glad I'd brought my daggers hidden under my dress. And my wand was transfigured into a sparkling hair piece, there wasn't anywhere I could put it in this dress.

There was a small line of people talking among themselves, waiting to thank the host. We stopped at the end when Victoria suddenly appeared by my side.

"Cassandra! I knew it must be you, everyone has been whispering about you since you arrived. You look absolutely delicious." She smiled.

I hoped she didn't mean that in the food sense of the word.

Victoria herself was dressed in a crimson red dress. And if I felt weary about the amount of skin showing with my dress, it was nothing compared to her dress. She had a plunging neckline that went down to just above her naval. The back of the dress went down equally far. It was simple but brilliant. She looked absolutely beautiful, and I felt like an idiot standing next to her. There was no way I could compare to her and even be half as sexy.

"The credit goes to the dress, but I'm nothing compared to you." I said to her.

She smiled and winked at Donovan.

"Donovan, Barnabus has been most anxious for your arrival. Come, I'll take you both straight to him. He's just dying to meet Cassandra." Victoria chuckled.

Donovan gave her his other arm and the three of us walked past the group of people pretending not to stare at us.

"Dear brother! I have a most delicious guest for you." Victorias voice rang.

She really needed to stop calling me that before I make a run for it. I sound like dinner! It's definitely not something you want to hear a vampire say to you.

A man with blondish brown hair turned around and found my eyes immediately. And I almost gasped out loud. It wasn't because he was achingly handsome and looked to be in his early twenties though he was probably closer to 100. It was because I'd seen him before. I didn't know it at the time, but Barnabus was the third Death Eater that kept to the shadows the day of the potion trials. I only saw his face once as he slipped under the torch light, but I would not forget it.

Now here he was, staring me down with an intensity that made me want to look away. He reached out his hand for mine and as he kissed it, a shiver ran down my spine. This was more dangerous than I thought, not because he was a vampire, but because he knew what I was doing and what I'd been involved with. And no matter how much training I'd had, nothing can quite compare you for this. My blood must have been surging through my veins the way my heart was beating out of control. The epitome of danger was just before me, and I had nowhere to run.


	32. All I've Got

**Chapter 32- All I've Got:**

"The illustrious Cassandra Mihalov... It's a pleasure to meet you." Barnabus smiled.

I gave him a shy smile and hoped my racing heart would be mistaken for nerves.

"Mr. Richter, you are too kind. I'm undeserving of such praise from you and your sister." I said.

I held out my hand and he took it in his own, leaning over and kissing it like a perfect gentleman. Though really, he was the perfect fraud. He stood back up, but he did not release my hand. He pulled it around his arm as if to escort me somewhere.

"Come, Victoria speaks so highly of you... We must get better acquainted. I'd love to give you a private tour of the gardens. They are quite magnificent." He said.

I turned towards Donovan, but he and Victoria were gone. My eyes searched the room quickly and found them on the dance floor in the middle of a waltz.

"Your husband seems to be occupied, I'm sure he wouldn't mind a friend stealing you away for a bit." Barnabus said.

I smiled and nodded as he grinned and started to lead me away. The line of people waiting to greet Barnabus dispersed with a casual wave of his hand as we walked past them. My eyes went back to Donovan and watched him dance with Victoria like he hadn't a care in the world. It was like he was in a dream. I'd certainly never seen that look on his face before. I wouldn't have thought it possible for him to look so content. Not once did he even look for me, making it impossible for me to send him any sort of signal. But Victoria looked right at me and offering a smile, she winked.

"Victoria is quite smitten with you. Is that one of her creations you're wearing?" He asked pleasantly.

"Oh yes, she is very talented. I'm quite honored for her company." I said.

"She usually only designs for royalty, but it seems that you have made quite the impression on her. But Victoria does love to be entertained. Our lifestyle can become quite boring after the first 100 years." He said.

Servants opened the back doors to the garden for us, bowing as we passed. Barnabus waved his hand and they shut the doors, blocking them from inside. And I assumed we were now outside and alone, and that signal was to guarantee it stayed that way.

We walked further into the garden and behind large hedges that were meticulously trimmed at 8 ft. tall. Perfectly able to hide us from view of the house, I realized. Though the garden really was beautiful, filled with fountains and sparkling ferry lights, I was so nervous I couldn't really appreciate it. Magical plants were fascinating, but my hands kept wanting to inch towards my daggers and Barnabus still had my arm wrapped around his, making it difficult. I wondered when Donovan would realize that I was even missing. We went around another hedge, far from the house at this point, and then he acted.

Before I could even realize he was attacking, he had slammed me against a tree so hard he knocked the air out of me so that I was left breathless and pinned with his hand squeezing my neck. His whole upper body was pinning mine against the tree so that I couldn't move my arms or legs. I couldn't reach for my daggers or my hair piece disguised wand.

"Who are you?" He asked, his face an inch from my own.

I was coughing and gagging from lack of oxygen so he loosened his grip minimally, enough that I could gasp out that my name was Cassandra. He pulled my throat towards him and slammed my head back against the tree. My vision momentarily blurred from the impact and I could feel the bark of the tree digging into my bare back. I groaned.

"The real Cassandra is dead. So I'll ask you one more time, who are you?" He said angrily.

Dead? What is he talking about? Cassandra is an alias we made up. How could he think I'm dead? But now I couldn't breathe. I was getting dizzy from lack of oxygen. And suddenly he let go of my throat and stepped away so that I dropped to the ground coughing and trying to suck oxygen through my bruised and almost crushed windpipe. He crouched down next to me.

"You're playing a dangerous game... Did you imperious Donovan?" He said.

I shook my head.

"I haven't imperioused anyone." I gasped out.

He grabbed my hair and yanked me up to his face.

"I know Cassandra is dead, I'm the one who killed her. So stop playing games with me." He said cruelly.

I slid my hand behind my back and grabbed a dagger. In one swift movement, I stabbed it into his side. He fell over with the force of the stab and I got up and ran, using his momentary surprise of my counter attack to my advantage. Except these high heeled shoes weren't making it easy, I broke a heel and kicked them off.

I'd made it 50ft before I was tackled to the ground, my face slammed onto the gravel path. I spit blood from my busted lip and rolled over and punched Barnabus in the nose. But it didn't deter him. He grabbed my arm stopping me from hitting him. He was straddling me, so I pulled myself forward and slammed my head into his face, using my momentum to throw him back. Now that I was on top I slammed my knee into his crotch, hearing my dress rip. But that was the least of my problems. My hair was hanging down from Barnabus grabbing it earlier, which meant my sparkly hair piece disguised wand was gone. It could be anywhere on the dark ground.

I made to get up again but Barnabus caught me around the waist and pulled me back to the ground. He slammed me down and pinned me.

"Who are you working for?" He said.

I struggled to get out from underneath him, but he was making it impossible.

"Get off of me!" I spit.

He slammed my head on the ground again. I groaned from the pain, my head was killing me. He keeps hitting me in the head and I'm likely to black out. It's all I can do to stay conscious.

"I know you're not really a Death Eater. Who are you and who are you working for?" He said.

I spit at him and focusing on what I wanted to happen, I screamed,

"Rictusempra!"

And like the night of my parents' Easter ball, my attacker was blasted backwards by an invisible force. I scrambled to my feet when one of the servants that had been guarding the garden doors came running at me. I grabbed another dagger and threw it straight, impaling his heart. He fell to the ground.

I looked around for my wand.

"Lumos!" I screamed.

It lit up beside the tree. I ran for it. As soon as I grabbed it though, I was yanked back by my hair into a hard chest. My own dagger held against my throat.

"Drop it." Barnabus said.

I dropped my wand to the ground, its light extinguishing as it left my hand.

"I won't hesitate to kill you. So tell me now, did you imperious Donovan?" He asked.

The sharp dagger was cutting into my throat slightly, I could feel the sting from the cut.

"No." I said.

"So he's in on it then." He said.

I said nothing.

He pulled me close and leaned down to my ear.

"I saw you crying, that day you tested those potions on those werewolf bastards. Death Eaters don't cry when they torture and kill people. So who are you really working for?" He said.

"Maybe it was the wretched smell making my eyes water. It was disgusting." I spat.

Everything we did that day was disgusting.

Barnabus laughed.

"You're loyal to someone, I'll give you that. But I know you're still lying. Death Eaters revel in torturing others. You couldn't even stand to watch though, could you? You were biting those beautiful lips so hard to stop from calling out and stopping it, weren't you? I could smell that small drop of your blood all the way across the room. And your heart was racing then, just like it is now. _I_ _know_ you're not a Death Eater... And that's why I'm not going to kill you." He said.

He dropped his hold on me and in my shock, I fell to the ground. He stooped down and picked up my wand. I looked up at him, standing over me holding my wand.

"You're going to help me." He said.

"Are you fucking mental?" I asked, spitting more blood from my mouth.

He chuckled.

"Victoria was right about you, you have a fire." He said.

He crouched down in front of me so that we were eye level.

"I'm no Death Eater. I know you saw me there that day, but I think we were both there for similar reasons. Voldemort seeks to control the dark creatures for his army. He's here in Germany for more reasons than that, though. I'm the leader of the clans here, and it hasn't escaped my ears that vampire clans in Britain have joined him. I believe he's here to recruit us. Even one vampire sympathetic to his plight is enough to start an uprising against me, because I have no interests in joining Voldemort. He cannot offer me anything I do not already have. And I have no time or patience to deal with an uprising. Nor do I need to be on guard for constant assassination attempts. I want Voldemort's efforts in Germany stopped. So I've been spying on the Death Eaters, with a particular interest in the potions you're working on. I've been following that Snape fellow as much as I can but it's difficult because he's living in an unplottable location. If you manage to find a way to create such an abomination of a potion, it's only a matter of time before he'll have you make one for my clans. " He said.

Well that would explain that tracking scroll Donovan found. But wait a second-

"You're the clan leader? Then why would Donovan say you're some sort of lofty vampire lord that drifts around the different clans? He's been trying to find the clan leader." I said.

"I don't announce that fact to everyone. Posing as a drifter suits me. It allows me to move about so that I may collect intelligence on the goings on in my territory. Besides, only vampires know that I am clan leader and they can never reveal my identity to an outsider. Only I can do that. Donovan doesn't need to know who I really am, and that's how it will stay." He said.

So why was he telling me?

"How wonderful for you. Your only concern is that some of the vampires may actually want to join Voldemort and stray from you? Selfish bastard. You sound like a Death Eater to me." I said.

"My personality flaws aren't really your concern. What is, though, is your little secret I can expose. Like I said, I killed the real Cassandra. But you must have something to offer, otherwise Donovan would not bother with you. I also know that though you've proven yourself as a potions mistress, you're being kept at a need to know basis. It's how Donovan operates. You want a way around that? I can help you. You don't remain a clan leader for as long as I have unless you have my talents." He said.

"Why do you keep insisting on saying Cassandra is dead? It's an alias for crying out loud." I said.

I was pretty sure this night was going to end with one of us dying anyways. Might as well tell him so he knows he's a crazy fool.

"Alias? Donovan hasn't told you?" He asked.

"Told me what?" I asked.

"Cassandra was a real person." He said.

"What? No, that's, that's impossible." I said.

"Is it? Donovan tells you everything, does he? Then he told you where he was a few nights ago?" He asked.

I said nothing. Donovan barely tells me anything, actually.

"I thought so. Well, I'll tell you whatever you want to know. And you're going to be telling me about the potions. Like I said, I want Voldemort gone and you're going to help me do it." He said.

"So what, you want me to waltz up to Voldemort and ask him to leave your little clan alone? What's the matter, afraid to do it yourself?" I taunted.

What if he was lying? Just baiting me to think there was more going on with Donovan than there really is. Only, I have no way to know the truth. And Barnabus has to have more of a reason for wanting to stop Voldemort, why else would he go through so much trouble? And if he is the clan leader then he probably could kill me in seconds. And then, what is Donovan's role in all of this? If Barbabus knows Donovan is trying to discover the clan leader why is he keeping it from him? Unless he suspects Donovan would betray that information. But that would mean he suspects Donovan is a true Death Eater. Yet he knows I'm not and am working with Donovan? This isn't adding up. Something more is going on here and maybe Barnabus is the key to finding it out. Donovan sure isn't telling me much.

I looked up to see Barnabus studying me. He stared directly at me for a moment before he reached forward slowly and wiped the blood from my lip with his thumb. Then he stared at his thumb before slowly lifting it to his mouth and sucking my blood from it.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

"You're exactly what I need... Lily." He said.

I gasped. He was staring at me with interest.

"I told you, I have talents. I was once a powerful wizard before I became a vampire. Though magic rejects us now, there are still things I can do that the other vampires cannot. I know you do not trust me, but you will. I can promise you that." He said.

"That your way of trying to gain someone's trust? Beating the shit out of them?" I asked.

He laughed again.

"I needed to make sure you were worth keeping alive. Can't have you spilling my secrets under pain of death. But I will regress, I only meant to strangle you until you faltered. I never expected you to put up so much of a fight." He said.

"Oh, you only wanted to strangle me? You vampires have a funny way of trying to make friends." I said.

Like calling me delicious all the time. I'm not a dessert for Merlin's sake.

He smiled.

"I do apologize. I'm afraid this conversation couldn't be had under any pleasant circumstances. You did stab me though, if it's any consolation to you." He said.

"Oh, it is. How's the nose, by the way?" I asked.

I started inching for my other dagger. But he noticed, and in a flash he was holding my arm in place, his face an inch from mine.

"Enough. I said I'm not going to kill you. You have no reason to attack me now. If you try to go for those daggers you have hidden back there again, I _will_ kill you. And that would be a shame." He said.

"Right, because you're under the delusion you're going to use me and that I'm going to be ok with it. Let go of me." I said.

I spit more blood on the ground, it was pooling in my mouth and the taste was disgusting.

He looked away from my eyes, back down to my busted lip. Still gripping my arms, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I tried to push him away, but he sucked my lower lip into his mouth and I couldn't move. Literally. His hands dropped my arms and he cradled my head with one hand, the other hand brushed down the side of my neck. His tongue ran across the broken skin of my lip and then he leaned back.

It was like a haze lifted and I blinked into focus. He was looking into my eyes.

"What a brilliant green." He whispered.

I punched him in his broken nose.

He fell backwards in surprise.

"Don't kiss me." I said.

"I healed your lip. I wasn't kissing you." He said as he pushed his nose back into place with a crack.

I touched my lip and felt it was completely healed. And how did he immobilize me? Some sort of vampire thing? That would explain the dazed look on Donovan's face earlier when he was dancing.

"I do apologize for injuring you before, but I was trying to help just now. Vampires can release coagulants, to heal our puncture wounds after we feed." He said.

"How do you know my eyes are green?" I asked.

"Because I can see them." He reached out and touched my hair but I smacked his hand away.

"Just as I can see your red hair. Vampires have excellent night vision." He said.

"Shit!" I murmured.

Had something happened to my disguise? That spell was supposed to last until Dumbledore removed it or died. Or if I told someone my true identity..

"How did you know my name?" I remembered.

"Because I tasted your blood. I can read your memories through your blood. Another one of my talents." He said.

"You read my memories?!" I asked.

"Not with that small an amount. I just wanted to know who you really were, so I got your real name. You changed immediately after." He said.

"But you shouldn't be able to see me. I didn't tell you, the spell.. That's not how it works.." I was panicking.

Was there a fault in the spell? Could other people see me now? The real me? Unless it was because of my blood... I know there are really powerful spells from blood magic. Maybe my blood was just as good as me telling him my identity?

Barnabus looked over his shoulder.

"Someone's coming, probably just one of my servants. Here, fix your appearance. You look as though you've just been attacked. Your dress is a mess." He said.

"That's because you attacked me!" I shrieked.

My head throbbed violently at my shriek and I squinted my eyes in pain. That was a bad idea.

He shoved my wand in my hand. Was he so confident I wouldn't wipe his memory and run? He had gotten up to stop whoever was coming our way, but seemed to realize exactly what I'd been thinking and he eyed my wand.

"Don't do anything foolish."

And he turned his back on me and walked off.

I quickly stood up, muttering repairing charms and cleaning charms to my dress. Then my hair and makeup, accio'd my broken shoes and fixed them. I was going as fast as I could and then Barnabus returned alone.

"You look just as you did, except you don't look like Cassandra anymore." He said.

I nodded.

"I suppose it was my blood. The spell breaks if I divulge my true identity." I said straightening the front of my dress.

He watched me and smirked.

"So we have an understanding then?" He asked.

"Well, you know who I am. I can either obliviate you, or you can make me your best offer. Exactly what can you do for me? And why should I do anything for you? I'm not going to be another one of your servants." I said, crossing my arms.

I was trying to do my best Donovan impression.

Barnabus cocked his head to the side, smirk still on his face.

"Do you really have no fear of me? I could kill you where you stand before you even realized I'd moved. How about you do what I say or I kill you?" He said.

I couldn't let him intimidate me, even though I was pretty sure he wasn't bluffing.

"How about _you_ do what I say or I kill you?" I said.

He laughed.

"I'll be in contact with you. And just so we are clear, you will not tell anyone anything that happened here tonight or anything I've told you. And you will not contact me, I'll contact you." He offered his arm and I narrowed my eyes, partly with distrust and partly because I was getting dizzier by the second.

My head was pounding harder now.

I walked past him and over to the servant I'd thrown my dagger at. He was alive, but immobile as long as his heart was impaled. That much I did know about vampires. How to kill them or take them down. I looked into it after Donovan had thrust me into a building full of them.

I leaned down and yanked out my dagger. The vampire moaned and started squirming. I pulled out my wand and obliviated him, then cleaned my dagger and slid it back into place under my dress.

"That one actually was useful, now you've gone and ruined his memory. He'll be nothing but a nuance now." Barnabus said.

I turned back to him.

"I didn't erase his whole memory. I only erased what I didn't want him to know. I'm quite good with memory modification. One of_ my_ many talents." I said.

I walked up to him and held out my hand. He returned my dagger that I'd stabbed him with. Too bad I couldn't have gotten it in his heart.

As soon as I'd put it away he reached out and pressed his hand on the back of my head where I vaguely realized I'd been bleeding from. He pressed into it and pain shot through me so intensely that my vision blacked out and the last thing I remember was my knees giving out as his arms went around me and me slumping into him before I completely blacked out.

* * *

"James, we need to talk." I said.

"What do you want Charlie?" James said as he walked away from the front door, allowing me in.

"Haven't you and Sirius been spending all of your time together these days? I'm surprised he's not with you." He said bitterly.

We'd walked to the Potter's kitchen and James was pouring himself coffee, not the usual tea. Very much like Lily, I thought.

"I'm not here about your fight with Sirius. This is something more important." I said.

James turned around quickly.

"Is it Lily? Is she ok? Have you found her?" He asked quickly.

I shook my head.

"No. It's, well, you know my partner Alice Prewitt? Her best friend works in the Ministry, in the legislation records.. Anyways, they've passed a new law. All werewolves, vampires, and half breeds are required to be registered."

"Shit." James said.

"Exactly. It's coming into effect by the end of the week. Remus- I thought you should be the one to tell him. Tell him before it comes out." I said.

James shook his head.

"This is ridiculous. Who proposed it?" He asked.

"I don't know. The details are vague, they're keeping it quiet so that those effected don't try to go into hiding before it's law." I said.

"I can't believe the Minister signed off on this. This is bullshit!" James raged.

"That's not the worse part. The way they're wanting to register them, it isn't just on paper. They want to brand them with a trace, so that they know where they are at all times and so they can always be easily identifiable to everyone." I said.

"What?! That's against human rights!" James started.

"They don't see them as humans. That's the problem. We think the Minister is afraid they'll join You Know Who. That's why he wants to trace them." I said.

James shook his head.

"We've got to tell Moony. This will destroy him." He said.

"He can't get the trace, James. The Death Eater spies in the Ministry will know exactly where he is. This whole registration will fuel prejudices about them and people will be afraid. Some might even go as far as trying to kill them. I think You Know Who is behind this so that he can find them and make them join him. What do they have to lose now? It's not like they can have jobs or go to school after this. Remus has to go into hiding, now." I said.

"Shit, he's at academy. He's dreamed of being a healer for as long as I've known him." James said.

He punched the wall in his frustration.

"Staying alive is more important now. Listen, I've got to get back. I have patrols, and Moody will have my arse if I'm late. I'll come by when I'm done in the morning and I'll go with you to get Remus. Try to figure out where he can go into hiding at, and it's gotta be somewhere nobody can find him." I said.

James nodded.

"I'll wake up my parents, see what we can come up with." He said.

* * *

"Lily? Wake up."

I opened my eyes to see Donovan standing over me. I looked around quickly and noticed I was in my bedroom in his house. How did I get here? Last I remembered I was in the gardens talking to Barnabus. Was that a dream?

"What happened?" I asked sitting up, acutely aware of my pounding headache.

"That's what I'd like you to tell me. Last night two of Barnabus' servants came and got me and when I got outside Barnabus was holding you and claiming you slipped and fell backwards hitting your head on a stone bench? He said it knocked you out." Donovan said.

"Oh. Yeah, my head is killing me." I rubbed the back tenderly.

Donovan looked as if he didn't believe me.

"And what were you two doing out there in the first place?" He asked.

"He was showing me the gardens." I said.

"What did you talk about? Why did he take you out there to begin with?" He asked.

I sighed and rubbed my temples.

"Can you not drill me with questions right now? I have a terrible headache. Besides, you're the one who introduced us then waltzed off with Victoria." I said.

"Do you know how stupid it was of you to go outside with him? Alone." He asked.

"I thought he was your precious vampire contact. Why else would you go to that stupid ball?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"He is my contact, but he's not someone you mess with. He's a vampire lord. They're dangerous. Get on their bad side and you'll be dead before you know it. Besides, there were a lot of prominent Death Eaters there. If I want to be in the inner circle I have to actually be apart of what they do." He said.

Oh, that's right.. Donovan said there would be Death Eaters there when we got the invitation. But if Barnabus knows that Voldemort is trying to recruit the vampires, why would he have invited Death Eaters? Surely he knew who they were. Or was this one of those, 'keep your enemies close' things?

"Still doesn't explain why you wanted me to meet him." I said.

"I didn't. He's dangerous. But he wanted to meet you. Because of Victoria, I suppose." He said.

"And why exactly did you push me on Victoria?" I asked.

He sighed.

"Do I need to explain everything I do, to you? You know I'm trying to find the vampires leader. You saw how I got beaten for it. They don't want me poking around. So I figured you seemed innocent enough to them. And if Victoria liked you, you'd be around a lot. Which gives me a reason to." He said.

"And why do you need to find the leader?" I asked.

"It's not a simple answer." Was all he would say.

I sighed. More secrets from Donovan.

"I need you to tell me, was Barnabus asking questions about me? Did he ask where we live or what I've been doing or anything hinting to that?" He said.

"No. Not at all." I said.

Donovan frowned but asked me nothing else, and thankfully left me in peace.

I still wasn't sure how I felt about Barnabus and Donovan, but now I had even more to worry about. I saw into Charlie's mind again. And I'm almost 100% positive that Charlie is right. Voldemort is behind the registration law. But why try so hard for the werewolves and the vampires? It's one thing to recruit for your army, but to put so much effort into it? Why does Voldemort want the dark creatures so badly? Werewolves can be vicious I suppose. But why the Vampires? What do they have that he wants? The only thing that's ever been appealing to anybody about becoming a vampire is...

Immortality. Shit.

* * *

"Here again?" Snape asked.

I turned around and pretended I hadn't heard him walking down the stairs.

"Hello." I said over my shoulder.

I turned back to my parchment, feeling him step closer and looking over my shoulder.

"What are you doing, exactly?" He asked.

"Taking a completely different approach. It was your idea originally to use a poison, but how about a plant with healing effects? Go the complete opposite direction." I said as I scribbled down notes.

"Possibly. I suppose it is worth a try." He said offhandedly.

But I knew he was actually interested by the way he lingered behind me. He was obviously reading all of my notes over my shoulder.

"If you'll be staying here, I'm actually required elsewhere..." He said.

"Oh? Well I do hope you stay safe." I said turning to look at him.

He gave me a puzzled look before apparating away. Of course I realize he's going to meet his supplier (Sirius) and now I have no idea where.. But I figured maybe I could snoop around upstairs where Snape stays. See if I find anything. And I'm going to make an effort to talk to him more so he actually might trust me to bring me along next time. He can be very quiet and rather droll, but there's gotta be some way for him to trust me. I don't want to rely on Barnabus for anything if I don't have to. And right now, he's all I've got.


End file.
